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  #976  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 04:48 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post


I hope it's not the Gaba, too. If it is I've found that taking 1/2 a tablet of Less-Drowsy Dramamine stops the nausea side-effect until it eases up on its own. Also, sipping on ginger tea is amazingly helpful - IF the problem is med related.
Wow that’s helpful info. I don’t eat breakfast or lunch until I’ve been up 5-6 hours because of nausea. I wonder if I should replace my morning chai with ginger tea? It sounds delicious
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  #977  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 04:49 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
Unfortunately I have been on benzos for22 years. We keep trying to taper down and then every time something happens and I have to go back up. First my bio father and then my non-bio father died about 18 months apart. Then I got down to 1.25 and was doing well on that and about to lower to 1.0 and all this breast crap happened and I had to increase my daily dose to 1.5 and PRNs were encouraged instead of trying to not use them. So after this is over I have to begin the taper process again.

Thanks for sharing my countdown!

Of course I'm counting down with you.


Ohhh...I'm exactly the same with Klonopin. Right about 22 years, every time I attempt a taper something happens and I have to go back up, etc., etc. The whole benzo thing is really, really difficult.
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  #978  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 04:51 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
Tbh in our 3.5 years together he has never been anything less than supportive and loving, but I guess he’s really feeling the stress. He definitely shouldn’t have said it because I am already feeling too dependent on him and something like that just kind of sealed the deal for me - now I won’t be telling him anything unless my clinician is going to tell him first. It’s going to tip our relationship into an unhealthy stage. But hopefully I might be able to work it out with my clinician the reason for my hyper independence anyway.

Working on it with your clinician is a great idea, I think. I haven't told my husband many things for years and years.

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  #979  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 05:51 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I feel a ton better after starting my new pain med antacid thing. I can eat but it doesnt make me ravenous. I can just go back to my normal dieting. I went out to the grocery store this morning. I got the last 2 chicken dunk lunchables they had and a few other things. I also managed to go into the library by myself to pickup 2 Stephen King books I put on hold for my mom that I know she hasn't read. She was just reading the same ones and claiming she hadn't read them. But I knew of 2 she hadn't read which she also said she hadn't read. Then we also stopped at the gas station and I got the new flamin hot Mountain Dew. I am not totally sure drinking spicy Mountain Dew is a good idea so thats why I'm not getting any cases. Just two 20oz bottles. There was some big guy in there. Like 6'3 230 pounds or something. He wasn't paying me any attention really but man did I feel puny with my 5'5 157 pound self. He just glanced at me because I looked at him first but that was all that happened. The encounter actually made me feel good because I could tell I was passing. In a bit we have to take the cats to the vet but now I'm just relaxing.

Yay, it's terrific that your new med is helping. A few years ago I was having trouble swallowing, it was painful, and I was scared I had something seriously wrong. I finally got so scared I went to my GP. She prescribed a stomach medication and I was better after just 1 dose. After the 2-week course I was normal.

It must have felt really good to pass. At some point I believe that you'll feel so comfortable that you won't even think twice about it. But, no rush.
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  #980  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 05:59 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
Hi Beth. I'm a little late in responding to this post, but that day I wasn't nearly as aware of my mood state as now. Gosh yea this is clearly affecting me! Today I'm about as irritable hypo as I've been for a long time. Hubby deliberately dropped me off at the Airbnb to get rid of me...well, to let me cool off. I wanted away from him, too. He and I were debating fiercely about who is more domineering. I know he is, but I do get the official raspberries prize for most complaints. When irritable hypo I can belt out A LOT. That's not my norm, so it is "dysfunctional". I took an Ativan and am now resting after tidying up and doing minor cleaning of the Airbnb apartment. Dad, Sis, and nephew will come here for birthday cake after a dinner at a pizzeria.

As I wrote yesterday, I almost wish we could go straight home on Saturday instead of another week near NYC. But that's not gonna happen, so I'd better get my ssht in order. I'll take a little extra Seroquel if necessary, but I don't have much extra to spare. Just Ativan. I am sleeping just fine, so that's not an issue. Only daytime stuff. It is stressful and also depressing. Boy how I sometimes wish I could take a vacation all by myself and leave him home. No, I don't want to leave him, just have a break from him to do 100% of what I want, how I want, when and where I want.

Okay, the sleep is such a good thing. I love NYC, it's where my family comes from. But a week of being there, but not wanting to is...daunting. The good part I think is that it being NYC the time will go by quickly. Which ballet are you seeing? Seeing a ballet does sound divine.

I a vacation by yourself possible? The 2 of you are together almost constantly...after about the first year of marriage I think being together so much would try anyone's nerves. If you were to go alone, where would you like to go?
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  #981  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 06:03 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
I need to take a shower tonight but I might wait until tomorrow morning just so my hair is tidy.

It's 60 and sunny out right now. I hope it's nice tomorrow but I think it will rain for the recital. We'll have to see what the hourly weather is for tomorrow, tomorrow.

I've lost the CD I had made of N3 singing when he was 9 for an assembly at school. I lost it when I moved a year and a half ago. It's like the box it and a bunch of other CDs were in just disappeared. I do have these recordings on YouTube but I can't "keep" those- they are inside YouTube, know what I mean? I have looked everywhere for those CDs and I even had decided at one point that the movers stole that box. Would've been easy to do: keep one box while all the rest were piled up on one another in my apartment. How could I tell that one was missing. But now it's been a year and a half and I don't think anybody remembers the name of the moving company we used nevermind the movers themselves. It's just one of those things that comes up and bothers me every so often again. I got up and changed the CD in my CD player and had a look through those CDs which I THOUGHT the one of N3 were with.

Tomorrow Caleb shows up. I hope the smoking isn't a big issue but I just know it will be. I'm starting to wonder why I invited him in the first place. I know why- he likes music and I thought he'd enjoy N1's folk music. She's even playing something by Bach on the guitar which I think is difficult. They've been practicing for months and months for this! Anyway, I've been thinking I just want to uninvite Caleb. I can't deal with the attitude he has about smoking.

The recital sounds like it'll be so nice - I hope Caleb's smoking habit doesn't make it crummy for you. Will N1 playing Bach be available on YouTube? I'd love to hear that. I wish I was going with you to the recital! I don't smoke!
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  #982  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 06:12 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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I'm a bit annoyed at my mom. I know I say that all the time but I feel like I kind of have a right to be. She's sick. She is coughing and sneezing and her eyes are watering and it seems real bad. But she won't stay home or wear a mask let alone get tested for covid. We were at the vet today and it was real bad. She was coughing and blowing her nose and she sounded really sick. We shouldn't have been there. The cats werent sick they just needed a check up that could have waited a few days. Then I have been telling my mom for a long time that the cats are getting too heavy. She won't believe me. She says they don't need weight loss food. Its just their fur. They don't eat all their food at one time. The vet weighed them and they both weigh 16 pounds. That is huge. She kinda chewed us out about obesity and long term health problems down the road. And said we should be measuring their food out so they weigh 12 pounds. It is just so frustrating that my mom seems to only listen when a proffesional tells her somethings a problem. I just wish she would believe in me a bit more.
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  #983  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 06:33 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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God, what a life. I sent my therapist a long email last night with some violent videos attached, because that's how I was feeling. I wanted to put on my roller skates and stomp that psychiatrist until (violence) and David was being selfish in a way that he excels at. I have always given him so much emotional support, to say it's not returned is putting it mildly. But he absorbs exquisitely well.

I knew I had to sleep or else. So I took 50mg of Seroquel and did sleep and did awaken feeling substantially calmer. Kinda checked-out, but calmer. Less hyped up and my thoughts are not as chaotic and swirly. I need to be on an AP, even if only a fairly low dose. That stupid woman - what kind of psychiatrist doesn't prescribe AP's?! But - you know. I can be slow...I just thought of something. She's not truly a psychiatrist - she's a D.O. who specializes in psychiatry. I wonder if that's in great part why she was so ignorant about treating mental illness?

So this afternoon my therapist called, she said she is concerned about, well, the obvious. Talked with her for a long time and it was soothing. She wants me to go in for a session on Tuesday, so I will, despite my fear of that place. She said she absolutely promises me that that woman won't be on the premises, that she is definitely up in Washington.

I'm feeling afraid and fairly depressed, and now here comes the icky time of evening when the light is creepy. I'm not sure of what to do tonight. Take another 50mg of Seroquel? I also have a little bit of Zyprexa from months back, so I'm thinking of taking that? Then what, I don't know. Guess I'll take it half-day by half-day.


***Happy Birthday to HM the Queen, who is 96 today!***
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  #984  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 06:53 PM
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Cool I didn’t know it was the queen’s birthday. I know yesterday on tv I saw she got her own Barbie doll which didn’t look like her at all. She’s pretty chill for 96.
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  #985  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 07:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post


The recital sounds like it'll be so nice - I hope Caleb's smoking habit doesn't make it crummy for you. Will N1 playing Bach be available on YouTube? I'd love to hear that. I wish I was going with you to the recital! I don't smoke!
They are live streaming it. I'll find out how that works and let you know. And it's being recorded and put on YouTube after.
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  #986  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 07:58 PM
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My dad's 80th b-day celebration was quite nice. Hubby and I picked him up and took him to meet my sister at a nearby Italian restaurant/pizzeria for dinner. To Dad's and my delight, not only was my nephew also there, but my brother, fresh out of the hospital. We all had a nice dinner, except my brother, who can still only eat limited solids.

We all then went to my nearby Airbnb apartment for cake and beverages, and gift opening. Also nice. Dad fell asleep sitting up wearing the new jacket we gave him. That eventually triggered the end of the soirée. I'm relieved it was all went well. Also happy he enjoyed a vanilla cream filled donut I bought him. They've always been his favorite. He showed the most enthusiasm of all eating that messy sucker.
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I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia.

Last edited by Soupe du jour; Apr 21, 2022 at 08:14 PM.
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  #987  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 08:03 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
My dad's 80th b-day celebration was quite nice. Hubby and I picked him up and took him to meet my sister at a nearby Italian restaurant/pizzeria for dinner. To Dad's and my delight, not only was my nephew also there, but my brother, fresh out of the hospital. We all had a nice dinner, except my brother, who can still only eat limited solids.

We all then went to my nearby Airbnb apartment for cake and beverages, and gift opening. That turned out nice, as well. Dad fell asleep sitting up wearing the new jacket we gave him. That triggered the end of the soirée. I'm relieved it was all nice. I'm happy he enjoyed a vanilla cream filled donut I bought him. They've always been his favorite. He showed the most enthusiasm of all eating that messy sucker.
Aw that sounds so nice. I’m glad it turned out so well
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  #988  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 08:29 PM
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I started the Wellbutrin today and had a more pleasant day overall. I got back to playing Scrabble. It's good exercise for my brain.

@Soupe du jour:

Glad to hear your trip is going well save for the friction with your husband. Do you think you could spend some time apart while in New York? It might be a good opportunity with you being somewhere where you speak the language. Even a few hours might make a difference. It's a strain being with someone constantly.

@BethRags:

Sorry to hear you're struggling and David is not supportive. Glad your therapist is being attentive. I'm on 100mg of Seroquel and have been for years and i sleep fine except when hypomanic.

@Moose72:

Smoking is so gross, a real turn-off. Hope the recital is nice! Bach on the guitar -- how unusual!
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  #989  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 10:40 PM
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HALLIEBETH87 HALLIEBETH87 is offline
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Monday night I didn’t sleep. Like at All. I saw every hour. I gave up at 8am. The the people came to replace out roof so there was no sleeping. By about hour 30 awake I managed to sleep about 30 minutes or so. Not sleeping makes me very vulnerable. I was crying at the noise and home work. Lol
They came back yesterday again to finish the job (100+ yr old two story house and bad roof) and I was a wreck!
Everything was making me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t catch my breath for all the panic I was experiencing. I have t felt that wound up
I’m two years!
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  #990  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 11:45 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
Cool I didn’t know it was the queen’s birthday. I know yesterday on tv I saw she got her own Barbie doll which didn’t look like her at all. She’s pretty chill for 96.

How funny about the Barbie doll! Yes, Queen E. is one heckuva fabulous woman.
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  #991  
Old Apr 21, 2022, 11:48 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
I started the Wellbutrin today and had a more pleasant day overall. I got back to playing Scrabble. It's good exercise for my brain.
....
Hurray! Now I hope I don't have to worry about you as much
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  #992  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 12:03 AM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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So I have an hour to figure out what to do. Take some Seroquel? Some Zyprexa? Maybe 2 Doxepin would work (one didn't)? My therapist is concerned about my paranoia, as am I. I'm having a list of damned manic symptoms all mixed in with PTSD crap...anger/rage, violent revenge thoughts, triggering myself by looking at porn (I despise porn, all it looks like to me is people in emotional pain, but that's why I'm looking at it - because I can relate to their pain), oh the list goes on. Bottom line, I need an AP and I'm stuck for the week-end. At least I have my "home pharmacy." *shakes head*

That bi*ch's supervisor sent a letter to me, which I received tonight. He was kind, of course pretty neutral, I did intuit...a sense of frustration from him regarding his clinic not yet having hired an on-site psychiatrist. He wished me well with my new provider. Said he's taking my complaint very seriously and that I should know that. Anyway, I appreciate that the dude replied to me very promptly. He's been kind in the past.

I'm sending love all around ~ each one of you is amazing! I feel so fortunate to know you.

---------------------------------------------------

Okay. I would like to rely on the Doxepin tonight, but I admit that I need an AP right now, anyway. So I'm going to take 50mg. of Seroquel. And OMG, I just realized I have to do a fasting blood lab. My appointment is at noon. Okay. Driving is an issue because I keep thinking cops are following me and may even come to my door. If they take me to the hospital there is NO ONE to take care of Sidney. I absolutely must be safe at home to care for her. Sooo...if I have to change the blood lab until next week the world will not end. I'll just see how I'm feeling in the morning. I have got to pull myself together. Something good about taking the Seroquel last night is that finally the miserable migraine went away. The thing about my T is that while she's not absolutely fabulous for regular therapy - not terrible, just average - but during a crisis she is stellar. Grrrrr....I guess the sooner I take the meds, the better. Sorry I'm not shutting up here. Okay, okay, good-night. xoxo
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Last edited by *Beth*; Apr 22, 2022 at 12:25 AM.
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  #993  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 02:10 AM
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Hope you got some good sleep Beth. I have a feeling that if you just got a really good night of sleep the paranoia will go away. Can you contact your PA Monday for soe actually productive meds so you awarne't playing spin the med wheel every night?
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  #994  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 02:33 AM
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It's 3:30am, I haven't slept yet and don't anticipate getting any sleep because I'm feeling very hot, nauseous, and have a headache. I really feel like crap, I just took 2 ibuprofen and am waiting to see it those do anything, and I put on my air conditioning and have a Ziplock bag full of ice cubes I'm keeping on the back of my neck
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  #995  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 06:49 AM
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@BethRags
I hope you got some good sleep as well. Police paranoia is one of my lovely variations as well and it’s just as terrible as the rest of them. I do hope your new provider will help you much more than that previous old bag.
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  #996  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 07:14 AM
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I’m already hyped. I did not take the gabapentin and I was not/am not nauseous. However I fell asleep pretty immediately with melatonin and 50mg seroquel despite the obvious hypomania. So maybe melatonin is they key, or maybe the myriad of other meds I’m on makes me calm down as well. Either way I don’t care.

I slept without a pillow under my knees unfortunately so My back is stiff and sore. Not as bad as when I was on the old mattress but sore enough. I want to go to the gym before program but I’ve got to leave pretty soon if I do so I’m not sure I’ll get there. My son is with his grandma so I really want to go to the tattoo shop after program to get my tattoo looked at to finish it finally and maybe get a new ear piercing. Im just trying to find a less trafficky way back lol.

Enjoy your Friday everyone. Love and healing vibes to those who need it!
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
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That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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  #997  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 08:10 AM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Ohh Beth, I feel yah as police paranoid ness is a thing with me too despite never having a bad time with them. Hope you slept.

I didn’t get good sleep. I’m falling a sleep almost immediately but waking up after an hour or two. And intermittently sleeping or more accurately just dreaming bits and pieces. I’m a bit worried I might be snappy today and my daughter always takes that to heart. She’s in her 30’s with two kids but still very sensitive to my moods. Intellectually she knows it’s not about her, but… I’ve got to keep a lid on that so we can have a nice day out. Why oh why does sleep get to control me and not the other way around? I’m so envious of people who fall into bed and sleep until it’s time to get up.
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  #998  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 11:34 AM
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Moose72 Moose72 is online now
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post


How funny about the Barbie doll! Yes, Queen E. is one heckuva fabulous woman.
I didn't realize it was the Queen's birthday either! Good for her: 96!
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  #999  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 02:06 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
It's 3:30am, I haven't slept yet and don't anticipate getting any sleep because I'm feeling very hot, nauseous, and have a headache. I really feel like crap, I just took 2 ibuprofen and am waiting to see it those do anything, and I put on my air conditioning and have a Ziplock bag full of ice cubes I'm keeping on the back of my neck

That sounds miserable. How're you feeling today, Birdie?
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  #1000  
Old Apr 22, 2022, 02:13 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
Ohh Beth, I feel yah as police paranoid ness is a thing with me too despite never having a bad time with them. Hope you slept.

I didn’t get good sleep. I’m falling a sleep almost immediately but waking up after an hour or two. And intermittently sleeping or more accurately just dreaming bits and pieces. I’m a bit worried I might be snappy today and my daughter always takes that to heart. She’s in her 30’s with two kids but still very sensitive to my moods. Intellectually she knows it’s not about her, but… I’ve got to keep a lid on that so we can have a nice day out. Why oh why does sleep get to control me and not the other way around? I’m so envious of people who fall into bed and sleep until it’s time to get up.

Yes, the police thing, ugh. When I've become way into paranoia the police turn into Nazis, uniforms, boots, all of it. At that point I'm just plain in fight-or-flight mode.

Anyway, I'm very sorry about your sleep. Really - why do we have to be controlled by our sleep?! I know it's a symptom (or cause) of mental illness, but it seems especially mean, not being able to sleep.

I sure understand about your daughter being sensitive to your moods. Mine is the same, and has convinced herself that being around me is too stressful for her. It started when she was a little girl, despite my assurances that she did not need to caretake my moods, and that she certainly was not responsible for them.

I hope the time you spend with your daughter goes smoothly and well.
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Hugs from:
Nammu
Thanks for this!
Nammu, ~Christina
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