[Matty5000]

I am new here, but not new to bipolar. I was diagnosed 5 years ago. I have spent a lot of that time fairly stable, making small adjustments from time to time to balance feeling medicated with feeling normal. Once my son was born a bit over a year ago things have gotten substantially rockier. I have gone through some pretty intense episodes and some long stretches of what might be rapid cycles or mixed states. I have had some periods of calm, but my therapist and I have struggled to regain longer lasting stability.

Apart from the strain of having a new baby, my illness has put probably put even greater strain on my relationship with my wife. I am just curious what others have done in this respect? I try, but there are times when I am very out of control, and times when I am just purely not enjoyable to be around. I try to be kind to myself and remind myself I am ill, but I can't help but feel some sense of guilt and shame while I am not doing well, but also once I return to closer to "normal", too. I apologize when my head is clearer, but I worry the magic of apologies may wear out. Added to that is the anxiety that she may one day get fed up with dealing with this, and want to end things with me.

Any insight would be much appreciated, thanks.

[Soupe du jour]

@Matty5000, welcome to the Bipolar forum! I don't have insight into all of your experience, as I never had children. I have been married for a long time and had many relationships go sour or strained because of my bipolar disorder. I totally get how hard it is to have to apologize for being ill and how others tire of those apologies.

When I read your post, frankly what went through my mind is that you've been working hard and doing a fairly good job at the task, despite. It flat out isn't easy for us folks with bipolar disorder! When stress is involved (job, relationship, new stuff like a baby), that effort grows tougher. We must recognize our efforts. Those that love us must, too. If your wife isn't fully aware of that, it might be good to invite her to your therapy. She may actually have some concerns or needs that you do need to know about. Sometimes it's hard to communicate. Sometimes it's hard to find a middle ground. There are times when one has a heavier load for the family than another. Spouses need to work together, compromise, tolerate and communicate even without a third (or more) person involved. There sometimes needs to be a negotiation of what the "can gives" and cant's must be.

@Matty5000:

Sorry i don't have anything to offer re your problem as my life circumstances are totally different but i did want to drop in and say: "Welcome aboard!"

[~Christina]

I’m low on words today.

Welcome to the forum and as always Soupe has amazing useful advice

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Werewoman]

30 years together with two now adult children and I struggle with bipolar as well as other mental illnesses.
Stay in treatment, have her join you when times get rough, leave the guilt and shame outside the door. You didn't ask for this. It also helps if she educates herself about what to expect I'm guessing the stress of having a new baby may be contributing.

Congratulations!!

[Matty5000]

Thanks for the welcomes everyone. It took a while of searching to find a forum I felt like I would be comfortable with.

I had been doing well but I had another mood swing last night and wasn't nice again. I think at least this time I'm not being triggered into a full tailspin (so far, but work has been very difficult today because of this), but it just sucks. I'll think I might be over it because I feel fine for a week or two and then it comes back. It taints when I am feeling well because after a year of this instability I am always nervous now if another swing is waiting around the corner. I do my best to not be too hard on myself, but it still hurts to know my illness causes pain to those I love, too.

Thanks for the responses. It's nice having found a group of kindhearted people.

[*Beth*]

I've been with my husband for 40 years and we have two adult children, a daughter and a son. For the first 20 years of our relationship our marriage was very rocky. (Ultimately, we did end up separating for some years once the kids were grown, but then returned to our marriage). I was in therapy for a part of those years, and in many ways that therapy was helpful for me, personally. But I really needed to be in therapy with someone who specialized in marriage and family issues. Someone who could have taught my husband and I how to more effectively communicate without blame and all the pain that results.

Are you in therapy? Also, what is your medication situation?

btw - welcome to the forum

[Matty5000]

Thanks Beth

I am on 120mg latuda, 2000mg depakote, 200mg bupropion, and 100mg modafinil (fights the brain fog from the other ones). I hadn't been so highly dosed on the latuda or depakote until last year. My mood has just been very resistant to the meds ever since this prolonged rough patch started a bit over a year ago. It's rare to feel normal, as I often fluctuate a little over the day or week, but then there are times like last night where I had a load of stressful emotions and family problems dumped on me and it triggered me. Then later in the evening I had one of my outbursts at my wife when it was really my problem to begin with. Luckily I think the latuda has helped (I had tried stepping down to 60 mg for a while and went back up as it seemed I needed it), as I am not feeling great, but not as bad as situations like this in the past, so hopefully I'll be better soon.

I am transitioning from latuda to lamotrigine, but that's a slow process I am still a ways from completing. I have always stayed compliant, and want to keep it that way, but when latuda is high enough dose to work, I feel pretty flat and medicated, so hopefully the lamotrigine will help with that.

I have been in therapy for close to 2 years, and my wife started about 8 months ago. It has helped me greatly in many ways, but it's like when my bipolar demon descends on me I just lose all control and I have yet to find a technique or anything to deal with that. It's like I get too close and fall into a black hole and before I know what's happened everything's gone sideways.

Stress and situations with high emotions seem to trigger my bipolar the most, and unfortunately those things are an unavoidable part of life, especially with children around... and my insane family...

[*Beth*]

Upon reading your first paragraph I was going to ask if you've ever tried Lamictal. I'm glad to see that you are in the process of transitioning. Lamictal seldom has side effects and it seems most people find the mood stabilizing effect very helpful.

[Fuzzybear]

I ''ruined'' my mother's life

It doesn't make a lot of sense though, that the person who told me this was my father, who had multiple affairs since they had married, married the queen of the *****es and said ''why are you crying'' to my mother when they got divorced.

His ''pet name'' for her was Pack horse. How mean

He was pathologically mean with money.

But I was ''always'' mean...

Sorry, I guess this is off topic

I try not to harm Papa bear. I think mostly I manage ok.

[Matty5000]

Fuzzybear, its cool, not off topic. I was hoping to hear about other people's experiences. I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation.

Beth, I am happy to hear you say Lamictal might be a good change. I thought latuda was good for me, as I was pretty stable and ok for quite a while, but I guess the stress of my new phase in life showed that I might need something different. I think even though things have been rough, my meds have worked to some extent. I'm not totally better, but my moderate depression over the last few days seems to have eased up. Without the meds, situations like this would last a much longer time.

[*Beth*]

That is wonderful! Hopefully, the Lamictal is already helping you.

[Fuzzybear]

Lamictal is one med I haven't tried (I'm scared to try it because of the rash, I'm guessing I would be more susceptible to this than most)

I hope the Lamictal helps you!

[Victoria'smom]

So both my husband and I have BP. We try to treat each other like best friends. When were in bad moods we treat each other like best friends who have ****** significant others. It's the little things that help. I love you cards, favorite little snack, little things. It's good you both have therapists.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So both my husband and I have BP. We try to treat each other like best friends. When were in bad moods we treat each other like best friends who have ****** significant others. It's the little things that help. I love you cards, favorite little snack, little things. It's good you both have therapists.

My husband doesn't have BP but we do treat each other like best friends. (even best friends ''make mistakes'' and aren't perfect, obviously)...I agree that it's the little things that help, I love you cards, other things. Good impartial therapists are golden.