Bipolar check-in #65

Just finished with the doctor 👨*⚕️ all stable and fine to go for another year. My kidneys are stable and no heart sounds. Got a shot in each arm, covid booster and shingles vac. Had to make an appointment for mammogram and 2nd shingles shot but that’s not until July.

I had my pdoc appointment today. We increased Trintellix to 40mg to find out if it'll help with the anxiety.

I'm taking Klonopin about every 5-6 days now, whenever the anxiety is stronger. That's an improvement over taking it daily so the Trintellix is doing something.

Well I am doing a little better today, but I still haven’t been able to get much done. I don’t know if that’s mental illness or just laziness. At least I’m not despairing as much today

Howdy box of rain, welcome to the check in thread.

Got home from my trip today. I left here 3 weeks ago today. I rode over 5700 miles in those three weeks. It was great to see my dogs but I miss being on the rode. I am feeling pretty depressed tonight hoping I can turn that around. It will be the first time I have slept in my own bed Tonight for the first time in 3 weeks.

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Hope your world starts blooming into Spring

I sure hope you don’t need any kind of surgery.

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Thanks! Hopefully it helps to check in

Glad you got your oil change done it is a great feeling knowing your taking care of maintenance. Steve did a lot to my car in the last few weeks.

I’m really glad you got that Pedi done. We truly need to do self care!

I’m sure Sidney understands what your doing does make her feel better. Animals truly understand more than we think they do.

I picked up my dogs food yesterday. I always feel better when I know we have plenty. They are so spoiled lol

Here’s hoping your T won’t cancel again. I’m sure she has trouble keeping clients if she’s having to cancel and reschedule so often. I think that would be really hard for me to deal with.

Take good care of you hun

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So happy that things are going well

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Oh yes stopping Benzos abruptly can cause all kinds of mood shifts. I fully agree that you much actively put your self FIRST !

Continue good stepped up self care. When is the pool going to open? Days of floating will certainly help you

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Maybelle is wearing her collar, she doesn’t mind it at all

Aw, Maybelle looks very pretty. I'm so happy you have her.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Awww Maybelle looks adorable. So chilled. Beth my apartment in Texas had a big picture window in the living area and I attached Sir’s hammock bed to it so he could look directly out into the tree where the birds were. I also had a small dish of kibble there for him. One summer a huge black bird(raven?) sat on the ledge and teased him. Pretending to eat the kibble. Sir would get all worked up, I swear the bird was laughing at him. They say raven s are intelligent. We saw all kinds of birds even parakeets. That tree was sir’s favorite place to sit.

Oh, I'll bet Sir loved that! Yes, Ravens are smarties, for sure. The first time I saw a Cardinal was in Texas. I thought I was hallucinating! It was such a brilliant red, it looked like jewelry. Which reminds me....I have a very dear friend, she's Bulgarian, and the word for hummingbird in Cyrillic languages is "kalibray," which means "jewelry."

Yay - great news on your medical exam!

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Originally Posted by BoxOfRain Well I am doing a little better today, but I still haven’t been able to get much done. I don’t know if that’s mental illness or just laziness. At least I’m not despairing as much today

I don't believe in laziness. If something doesn't get done there's a reason. You're not lazy. btw - Welcome!

Wow, I had the most excellent therapy session today that I've had in the 3 years I've been seeing M. I feel like I am finally, finally waking up and allowing myself to be vulnerable. It was an all of a sudden whoosh! I'll have 2 sessions next week.

For a long time I've been thinking about going off Lamictal. I'm on only 150mg. That would leave Gabapentin, Klonopin, and the (sometimes) tiny dose of Seroquel for sleep. I think the time has come to work on a lot of things in therapy and not depend quite as much on meds and med providers.

Yay! 😁 I’m glad your therapy went so well Beth. That’s great news!

I forced myself out with mom today to run errands. It was a sunny, beautiful day and I had cut some beautiful roses from our bush and made a nice bouquet in my room. It helped me to get out of the house. My best friend also had me in stitches all day. I believe I’m starting to get back on my feet. I plan to work my schedule in a mindful way tomorrow while putting self care first. Things seem to be looking up.

The pool opens May 28. Yay! I’m headed to Florida May 29 with my daughter for a week. Looking forward to that.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day tomorrow. Hugs to all!

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I forced myself out with mom today to run errands. It was a sunny, beautiful day and I had cut some beautiful roses from our bush and made a nice bouquet in my room. It helped me to get out of the house. My best friend also had me in stitches all day. I believe I’m starting to get back on my feet. I plan to work my schedule in a mindful way tomorrow while putting self care first. Things seem to be looking up. The pool opens May 28. Yay! I’m headed to Florida May 29 with my daughter for a week. Looking forward to that. I hope everyone has a peaceful day tomorrow. Hugs to all!

The roses sound just beautiful. What colors are they?


When I was growing up I used to seek solace in my mother's rose garden. There were 32 rose bushes, each a different kind. It was a place where, when she was working in it, she was the calmest and seemed content. That garden was stunning. People would knock on our door in the summers and ask if they could cut a few roses.

Hurray for the pool opening! Divine.

You sound much lighter, Jennifer. I'm so glad

Ok, by Beth's request, my sort-of-funny surgery story.

I had to have a device placed before my surgery that marked the area that needed to come out; they remove it and it makes a noise when a machine touches it so they know it's gone. I'd had one done before and it was not much; just a shot of novicaine, a little tiny incision, a few minutes of pulling and no pain and that was it. Just a bandaid to go.

Well, this was already going to be worse in my head because I knew I'd be doing it on the medieval torture device (my pdoc called it that and it's accurate) which you like face down with your breast through a hole while they work from underneath you. So I'd had a biopsy with that machine and knew what to expect except that I knew climbing around on the table to get into place would be extra-fun with an IV bag. But I wasn't really worried.

Well, she poked and poked and just couldn't get it right. I was numb so I don't know how many times she tried but I have a lot of bumps and sore areas that I think are from multiple trials. Finally they took me into another room for another mammogram to be sure it was placed right. It wasn't. I have another benign tumor we weren't removing and she had repeatedly gotten that mass instead of what we were removing.


So they decided to use another machine and put in guide wires instead of the reflector. "The old fashioned way". So we went to yet another room (with my needing bathroom breaks whenever I was allowed because of the IV fluidis). This time the set-up was like my first hospital, where you sit in a chair for the procedure while it is still guided by mammogram. So they got me in the chair and positioned with my breast clamped down and started an inital scan and the thing that moves on the mammogram machine came down on my IV pole, knocking that over and doing something to the mammogram machine. They reset it but eventually decided it was faster to move yet again. So we moved to a 4th room where they finally got the wires in place, I think without too much prodding and poking.


Then I went to room 5 for a quick mammogram to be sure the wires were right. They were and I was taken to surgery 2 hours late.


So that is my longest surgery prep ever story. It was a day you had to laugh as everything went wrong, one after the other. I thought the tech might cry when the IV pole went over.


Crazy huh?

Oh, wowie, what an ordeal! Glad you could see the funny side to that. I’m sure the tech did want to cry. No wonder you were all bruised.

The procedure seems to have helped. I feel a lot better. I got the bamboo blanket and pillow cases from Amazon. They are coming tommorow. I also got a remote control tower fan and 2 cooling pillows from Target. My therapist suggested I get all this stuff. I'm hoping they help. I am down to one .5 valium which isn't a big deal because I can get it filled on Saturday. Its just the pharamacy having issues answering their phone. They are slow. If all else fails I'll just call my doctor.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Ok, by Beth's request, my sort-of-funny surgery story. I had to have a device placed before my surgery that marked the area that needed to come out; they remove it and it makes a noise when a machine touches it so they know it's gone. I'd had one done before and it was not much; just a shot of novicaine, a little tiny incision, a few minutes of pulling and no pain and that was it. Just a bandaid to go. Well, this was already going to be worse in my head because I knew I'd be doing it on the medieval torture device (my pdoc called it that and it's accurate) which you like face down with your breast through a hole while they work from underneath you. So I'd had a biopsy with that machine and knew what to expect except that I knew climbing around on the table to get into place would be extra-fun with an IV bag. But I wasn't really worried. Well, she poked and poked and just couldn't get it right. I was numb so I don't know how many times she tried but I have a lot of bumps and sore areas that I think are from multiple trials. Finally they took me into another room for another mammogram to be sure it was placed right. It wasn't. I have another benign tumor we weren't removing and she had repeatedly gotten that mass instead of what we were removing. So they decided to use another machine and put in guide wires instead of the reflector. "The old fashioned way". So we went to yet another room (with my needing bathroom breaks whenever I was allowed because of the IV fluidis). This time the set-up was like my first hospital, where you sit in a chair for the procedure while it is still guided by mammogram. So they got me in the chair and positioned with my breast clamped down and started an inital scan and the thing that moves on the mammogram machine came down on my IV pole, knocking that over and doing something to the mammogram machine. They reset it but eventually decided it was faster to move yet again. So we moved to a 4th room where they finally got the wires in place, I think without too much prodding and poking. Then I went to room 5 for a quick mammogram to be sure the wires were right. They were and I was taken to surgery 2 hours late. So that is my longest surgery prep ever story. It was a day you had to laugh as everything went wrong, one after the other. I thought the tech might cry when the IV pole went over. Crazy huh?

Oh, no! You poor thing...I think it was Shakespeare who said "A comedy of errors"

@BeyondtheRainbow, Nammu used the exact phrase that came to my mind. What an ordeal! I'm glad that part is over for you.

@Jennifer 1967, like Beth, I'm glad to read of your brightened mood after such a long hard period. I imagine you still have a little ways to go to get back to your normal self, but small pleasures like your roses add up to a lot. Hugs. @*Beth* your mom's rose garden sounds like it was a paradise. I just adore flowers. Always have. I should revisit a past hobby of flower arranging.

@Scooter9, I hope your anxiety eases soon and that your medication increase serves you well. It's good that some action has been taken.

@BoxOfRain, welcome to the bipolar forum here! It's always a good sign if you see a positive difference. I hope your motivation increases more soon. Maybe try to push yourself, lightly, and see how that works out. We do have the right to be a little lazy, though. I'm sure you'll figure out if it's residual depression or not.

With milder weather, I've been sweating a lot, and surely perimenopause contributing. I've also been quite physically active.

We're slowly planning our France trip. There's no way we could leave tomorrow, like originally thought. Now the beginning of June seems better. There are several things on our calendar in May we planned to skip. It's best we not, plus we need more time to plan the trip.

I just received an email from an estranged friend. It was friendly with several questions about my current life. Plus she asked that we have a "virtual lunch" to catch up. I'm reluctant to answer and would dread the latter. I asked Hubby his thoughts and he said to respond, but ignore the "virtual lunch". He always disliked her. She and I were close work friends for years, and continued after she was fired. She often talks behind people's backs and acts superior, which I dislike. I can't say we just visited the US. She lives nearby where we stayed. In her email she wrote that she misses me. Truthfully, I don't miss HER, but do the kind of friendship I perceived having, at one time. I'm generally not a grudge holder, but it ended painfully, during a terrible period of my life. Holding on just to have another friendship, is not healthy. Not having me in her life surely doesn't hurt her enough to warrant rekindling. I just want to start a new life.

@~Christina
Thank you for asking about my kitty! It’s so weird, Cheeto is perfectly fine these days except he sneezes and his eye gets gooky sometimes, but that’s always been. I thought he wasn’t doing well the one day but he’s fine. It was odd, he got so thin and sick and then just turned around. Thank goodness though. Unfortunately Ash is doing terribly with her leg and asthma and I just don’t have the money to help her. I’m avoiding bringing her to the vet because I feel like they’re going to say the only kind thing to do would be to let her go and I’m just not ready for that. But I need to start thinking of her instead of myself. that’s unfair on my part. Ugh. My poor baby.

I think Fahrenheit is different so -4 would be heaps colder than my -1….. 40 degrees Celsius is actually really hot (104 Fahrenheit) … We got up to 51 I think in a suburb in western Sydney last year which is 123 Fahrenheit…. So yeah more used to the heat!