Bipolar check-in #65

Rainbow 🌈 what a cool dream! I love it.

@christina That really sucks about your Prednisone.

@BeyondtheRainbow What a cool dream!

@*Beth* I remember the first time I saw a doctor younger than me. I was pregnant with N 3 and in the ER because I was having contractions. I think I was 23 weeks and the young doctor just said that they wouldn't send me up to labor and delivery. Now of course they will attempt to save a 23 weeker.

I live in the Ohio Valley and allergies here are brutal. My eyes are killing me. Maybe I need to get some eye drops? Because Allegra doesnt help with my eyes much

I am having great anxiety over my sister who is a rabid, hostile, bully. I take up for myself and my mother and brother but the toll it takes on me is enormous. I am filled with anxiety and fear whenever she is involved because I know it will always get ugly with screaming and name calling. It’s bad when the abusive person is in your own circle. There is no getting away from it. I’m not sure what to do. I try to stand up to her and it gets worse. It helps to talk about it here. I guess I need to realize that she has no power over me and that screaming and name calling can’t hurt me. Forget her.

I'm sorry if I didn't catch this previously, but is there any way that you can avoid your sister? Or if she goes into a rage, tell her to "take a time out" and rather than argue/fight, state her behavior is unacceptable so won't be responded to (ignore her). I can't help but wonder if she needs some psychiatric medications. Maybe some antipsychotic, plus anger management classes.

I wouldn't say that my brother is quite to the degree of your sister, but he is very prone to extreme anger outbursts when anyone says something he disagrees with (especially if it is political). I've simply had to leave the premises those times and take a break from him. Sadly, he is not the type to ever apologize, but as I'm very good at letting people's offenses go, if the next time I see him he is calm and civil, I just do. My brother should really be in therapy and likely take medications. My sister agrees. But it can be hard. He lives alone, so by not having people with him a lot he just persists with that behavior. He is very lonely, but that's not quite enough yet to convince him to get the help.

I so feel for you that you have a very unwell dependent brother and an ailing scared mom. I know it is hard to know what's best to do or it can be frustrating when people won't take steps to make things easier for all. A few years ago, my family was in a similar situation with my dad whose behavior became reckless and he ended up in the ICU for over a week. It was sad that it ended in such a way. He has been in assisted living since. It is a relief, though. My siblings and I had to be tough in demanding he get help.

I know alcohol is not involved in your family's case, but I'll share that in Al-Anon, it is very emphasized that family members MUST take care of themselves first. Too often family members enable their loved ones with addiction. It becomes hard for any progress to take place. Ideally it is helpful for an intervention to happen, but if that's not possible (i.e. if all family members are in some form of crisis), stepping away may be needed. Yes, that sometimes causes resentment, but it can be for the best. It's not up to you to "save" your family IF they have no desire/intention of working with you to make positive changes.

I try to have as limited contact with her as I can. It’s hard when she bursts in screaming and name calling. I appreciate your thorough response, great advise and perspective. Thank you. I will do what you do with your brother.

Hope your Zoom meeting was good. I am not feeling so well, so I looked into the forum and found your post. You wrote one sentence that made me want to answer you instead of writing about my own problems. That sentence is this one:

"I do understand that stress can kill as surely as anything and I need to get it under control. "

May be I misread you, but you cannot control stress. The best way you can relate to stress is to take a good look at your life and see what has to change. After making a decision about changes, you have to sit down and make a plan for how to make those changes, step by step. You so often talk about moving out. How do you actively do that (if that is what you still want)?

The next is to learn relaxation techniques that you can use when a stressful event occurs. Then get enough sleep, physical exercise, healthy food and some good and healthy relations with other people.

In short: You have to give up one sort of life style to build another ... How will you do that? (And Jennifer, for God's sake, please stop using Ritalin. Ritalin is for ADHD and not for people with bipolar disorder. Google it).

I feel a bit down. Many things to "think" about. I will go out for a meal. Hope that helps my general stability. I mean to sit down to eat a well prepared meal can help one to relax. Hope to start afresh to morrow!

Good wishes to all!

Thank you for your post. I use Ritalin as prescribed by my med provider. I have stopped the Ritalin as of the time of the chest pain. I do want to move out and I do believe that would be in my best interest. Yes, you misunderstood my statement about stress. I was in fact referring to stress management techniques which I could better utilize. I am stuck emotionally in moving out versus staying. If I move, I will feel responsible for sending brother and mother to nursing homes. I haven’t worked through that guilt at this time. At the same time, I realize something must change. It’s a very tough decision for me. I plan to strengthen my stress management techniques, exercise better self care and limit contact with my sister along with setting better boundaries. I appreciate your concern.

Not doing so hot today. My life has very little meaning and I'm realizing more and more that it's not working towards anything better. I don't want to feel any more pain and there is no path forward without it. I really was starting to feel something special for this person in my life who begged to be there -- who left me because my situation makes a relationship "unsustainable". It's not that I think that's wrong -- it's just makes me wonder what am I trying to do ? I don't have a job, I cant get out from under my situation with my mother, I think a relationship is well out of the question -- no one wants someone like me in this situation. I just don't know what to do about my life.

I've been yelled at, called a piece of crap for my situation, I've been poked and prodded to try to change it, I've been gently coddled and told it will change in time... but nothing changes. I can't make the change. I hate what my life is, I have who I am, I hate everything. It's just a really rough place to be.

I slept fitfully last night. I was up from about 12-4 dealing with the swallowing thing. I got it under control with tylenol and a valium and my AM geodon and then I ate something since I skipped dinner. Then I was able to get back to sleep for a couple more hours. I asked my mom if I was more likely to die right now then she was. And she said there was a chance. I mean you can't just go your whole life saying you want your mom to outlive you and then be upset when theres a possibilty it could happen. Anyways, I got my weekly shot this morning so I'm starting to calm down mental health wise about everything and I'm starting to think more clearly. The day before my injection I can get very anxious and moody regardless of what is going on.

Glad I misunderstood, but I cannot understand why they give Ritalin to a person with bipolar disorder.

Here is a link about it: Ritalin: Uses, Dosage, Side Effects & Warnings - Drugs.com

Work with your therapist against the guilt.

You know the first commandment says that you shall love God first. Yes, I know about the other commandment that says that one shall honor one's father and mother. Personally I think that part of loving God is to take care of our health, both emotional and physical . That is a way of honoring God. Your mother and brother are obliged to put God first as well. To cling to an exhausted daughter and sister is to misuse her. It is not about love. They can have good care at a nursing home. To give you the freedom to develop is part of loving you. Of course they don't understand that when they are frightened. May be you should use a lot of time to prepare them about that a nursing home is the best for them in this stage of their life. You can tell them that you love them, but that neither of you benefit from you falling apart because it is too much for you. The longer you stay with them, the worse it will become to to be on your own. Take your time and go in your own tact.

Hope that it may help you to take a decision on this topic when you try to see it from a Christian point of view (I know you believe in God). What do you owe God as your Creator and Father? What interferes with your obligations to God alone?

It has helped me to think through these questions when I have had hard choices to make. I even used it right now in a over-thinking process.

I wish you good luck with fining good relaxation techniques that really work for you!

Best wishes!

I went to a Turkish restaurant and got real Turkish food, lense soup and sish kebab. It tasted so good and it helped my thoughts to calm down.

Best wishes to all!

@GoGo2 Thank you for an excellent response and good food for thought. I appreciate you. Your response really made me stop and think.

Sounds yummy! I like Turkish food, too. It's actually widely available where I am in Czech Republic. A lot of people from Turkey come to Czech Republic, Germany, and Austria and open up restaurants or at least takeout joints or wagons. Tonight my husband and I got takeout Indian food from our favorite Indian restaurant. That was yummy, too. Butter chicken and lamb korma curry with basmati rice and naan. I added some steamed cauliflower for a vegetable.

Today Hubby and I went to a dermatologist. He asked about his roseacea, I asked for confirmation that an "age spot" was safe (there's skin cancer in my family) and how to lessen its appearance. In the end, it turned out she said it was actually a mole and not cancerous. Never saw a "mole" like what I had. I say "had" because she removed the thing with a laser...on the spot. As she was doing it, I smelled my burning flesh. Kinda unpleasant, but it didn't hurt. I just need to put a cream on it for a few days. I was flabbergasted that the whole thing only cost 500 czk, which equals US $22. In the US, my co-pay alone would have been at least $40. Plus, since this wasn't cancerous or in any way painful or medically necessary, it was really just a cosmetic procedure. Imagine a cosmetic laser treatment in the US costing as little as $22 total?

In a couple weeks, I get more done to my spruce up before my France trip. Hair trim, roots colored, hair styled. A couple days before that, I get a special facial. The same type I had and loved some months back. In addition to usual facial stuff, it includes eyebrow cleanup/shaping (and any other waxing on face), eyebrow and eyelash tinting, and light makeup. Probably where I used to live in New Jersey all of that (not the hair salon stuff) together would have likely cost $200 or more. Here the whole price will be 750 czk (US $32) plus a little tip. Even all of the hair services I've been getting here have been less than half of what I paid in New Jersey. Gotta confess that as a frugal woman, I'm now willing to do more physical upkeep. It feels good.

Ahh Soupe you're making me jealous. I'm trying to pay an overdue ambulance bill that's $1600. If it were up to me I would take an uber to get from the ER to the psych facility but that's not allowed because docs gotta make bank.

It's so hard to imagine why and how they think $1,600 for a ride is justified. It's not like they took you in a stretch limo with complimentary Dom Perignon champagne and Beluga caviar crudites.

Once I was transported to the ER from my home and was then admitted into a psych hospital (from the ER) the next day. Later down the line, my husband received a bill for that ambulance ride. However, our health insurance policy stated that the cost of the ambulance was covered as long as the ER visit resulted in a hospitalization. So, the bill was falsely sent. Hubby confirmed it and then called to make a complaint. The bill was then nullified. Not sure if this could have been a possibility for you, assuming you have health insurance. My ride from the ER to the psych hospital was covered, though I'll say they weren't too far from each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 My regular doctor was out of the office when I was sick so I saw a Dr. Smith. Man, is he on the ball! I had a urine sample for diabetes check and by the time I was in line at Sonic 5 minutes later, they had called and said I had a UTI and had called in Cipro. He’s been like this with every test. He read my stress test at 5:18 and passed on the results. Every test looks good. I’m healthy. I’m so relieved. That leaves stress/anxiety but I’ll let him tell me tomorrow what his diagnosis is. I’d like to change doctors. I do understand that stress can kill as surely as anything and I need to get it under control. This was eye opening for me. Doing a happy dance that I’m healthy. About to go into a Zoom meeting. Hugs to all.

Thank you for the update UTI's suck alright, but in general, it all sounds excellent! The Cipro should kick it right out. And drink lots of water!

Dr. Smith sounds like a gem. I have not had a good GP for many years. My current one is out on maternity leave - I couldn't be happier because it gives me the chance to switch to a different doc. I've seen him a couple of times and he was terrific.

I'm so glad you got checked out. Now, about that stress.........It will be interesting for you to see how you feel while in Florida.

I have to take Abbycat to the vet in a few minutes. She's been wheezing for about a week and I'm worried she has tried to swallow something that is stuck. I thought it might be allergies and have kept the AC on but that maybe helped a little but very far from solved it. She has had a day or two without symptoms and then other days are bad. I have a video of it for the vet to see since I'm sure we can't induce it.


I hate taking her to the vet. I hate putting her in her carrier so much. the ride is short but she hates it and then the wait (which will be long at this time of day) makes her upset and the vet experience isn't good. I'm sure this will involve labs and possibly x=rays which will also upset her.


30 more minutes until carrier time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Oooh my god my mom texted me telling me she filled out an intake form for a therapist!!!! Unbelievable! Who knows if she’ll stick with it and actually go but that she even took the first step is amazing. I am so happy for her, and so excited to tell my brother tomorrow at dinner! Which he confirmed so barring any unforeseen circumstances (of which there tend to be) we will see them to plan. If not I’ll FaceTime with them, we need to get this moving before she changes her mind. As for me, I’m getting super frustrated with my inability to remember anything, distractibility, inability to concentrate, and other cognitive impairments and executive function problems. I can’t focus on anything, my mind wanders all the time, I can’t even focus on conversations with RS and my son. I’m going to bring a notebook with me to the dinner tomorrow because I WILL NOT remember it. I don’t know what’s going on and it scares me. I’m wondering if one of my medications has messed up my brain function. I asked RS if he’d ever been to a specific park and he said yes, WE went there together. No recollection. All I can say is I’m VERY glad I didn’t give in to pressure and have ECT again, it would have made thins a thousand times worse.

I hope and pray your mom will follow through. Oh, that would be outstanding.

I hear you on the cognitive issues. I am positive that psych meds cause memory problems. I can't even count the number of times I watch a show and I'm half-way through the season when suddenly one scene will trigger my vague, far away memory and I realize I've been watching a season I saw only a few months ago. Absolutely no recollection of any of it. It is an extremely unsettling feeling. Bringing a notebook is a smart idea.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoGo2 ...(And Jennifer, for God's sake, please stop using Ritalin. Ritalin is for ADHD and not for people with bipolar disorder. Google it).

That's not always the case. Sometimes Ritalin is used for bipolar depression, also for people who have BD and ADHD. In those cases, Ritalin can reduce stress.
An open study of methylphenidate in bipolar depression - PubMed


And, of course, there are situations in which Ritalin can set off mania.

If it were me I'd go with how much I trust my prescriber.

Oh Soupe the prices over there sound so reasonable. I do more self care if it was more reasonable here. For my 60th birthday I went to have the full works and that didn’t include a facial or massage but it was over two hundred. Can’t imagine what it is now post covid with inflation!

I hear y’all on the cost of health care. Once they took me from one cities hours away to a psych center in an ambulance but fortunately that was covered by my insurance. They really need an alternative transportation for psych hospitals. It was harrowing to have to lay on my back for the hours long ride.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Today Hubby and I went to a dermatologist. He asked about his roseacea, I asked for confirmation that an "age spot" was safe (there's skin cancer in my family) and how to lessen its appearance. In the end, it turned out she said it was actually a mole and not cancerous. Never saw a "mole" like what I had. I say "had" because she removed the thing with a laser...on the spot. As she was doing it, I smelled my burning flesh. Kinda unpleasant, but it didn't hurt. I just need to put a cream on it for a few days. I was flabbergasted that the whole thing only cost 500 czk, which equals US $22. In the US, my co-pay alone would have been at least $40. Plus, since this wasn't cancerous or in any way painful or medically necessary, it was really just a cosmetic procedure. Imagine a cosmetic laser treatment in the US costing as little as $22 total? In a couple weeks, I get more done to my spruce up before my France trip. Hair trim, roots colored, hair styled. A couple days before that, I get a special facial. The same type I had and loved some months back. In addition to usual facial stuff, it includes eyebrow cleanup/shaping (and any other waxing on face), eyebrow and eyelash tinting, and light makeup. Probably where I used to live in New Jersey all of that (not the hair salon stuff) together would have likely cost $200 or more. Here the whole price will be 750 czk (US $32) plus a little tip. Even all of the hair services I've been getting here have been less than half of what I paid in New Jersey. Gotta confess that as a frugal woman, I'm now willing to do more physical upkeep. It feels good.

It is shocking and it is shameful, the cost of things here. And the neglect of medical procedures. Good luck getting anything cosmetic done here, unless you pay $$$$$. It's good to know that you have had/will have self-care done that won't break the bank.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I have to take Abbycat to the vet in a few minutes. She's been wheezing for about a week and I'm worried she has tried to swallow something that is stuck. I thought it might be allergies and have kept the AC on but that maybe helped a little but very far from solved it. She has had a day or two without symptoms and then other days are bad. I have a video of it for the vet to see since I'm sure we can't induce it. I hate taking her to the vet. I hate putting her in her carrier so much. the ride is short but she hates it and then the wait (which will be long at this time of day) makes her upset and the vet experience isn't good. I'm sure this will involve labs and possibly x=rays which will also upset her. 30 more minutes until carrier time.

Oh, the vet. There is nothing and no place I dread more.

How's Abbycat?