Bipolar check-in #65

Speaking of the weather, yesterday was 70 and sunny. I sat outside in shorts and a Tshirt half in the sun because it was nice and warm and half in the shade. Well wouldn't you know it, my left thigh and left forearm got burned! I guess I'll really have to wait until after the first to get my tattoo as my left forearm is where I want to get it. It's going to be my kids' names. Oh well. I just paid one of my credit cards off early- it's not due till Monday. I always pay them in full every month and if I can do it a little early, "they" like that, I think.

Pdoc called for my phone appointment this morning. Until Monday, I thought it was supposed to be an in-office appointment when the lady at the check-in desk reminded me of today's appointment and mentioned that it was a phone appointment. Someone must've changed it from office to phone after I made the appointment.

Today it is 50 and raining! Yay! Overcast and not hot! I have some aloe on my burn and a sweatshirt on so I shouldn't get burned any further. Plus, I won't be sitting outside. It's 67 in my apartment without the heat or a/c on! I like warm weather but I'll definitely take this today! Sometimes it has gotten to 100° plus here in previous years and that feels like walking into an oven when you step outside.

I should charge my phone and go watch "The Competition". It's an early-80s movie with Richard Dreyfuss and Amy Irving. They are in a piano competition together but against each other and the become involved romantically.

I was tired this morning so I just went on a whack through open woods to a local pond. About 4.5 miles in total. Weather was beautiful but windy.
Some pics from today's walk: IMG_2904.jpegIMG_2899.jpg

I always loved that movie and have watched it maybe six times, throughout my life. I'm a huge fan of Richard Dreyfuss. The Amy Irving character did an amazing job playing Prokofiev's 3rd. Did you know that Dreyfuss has bipolar disorder? He's discussed it several times. The last role I saw him play was as Bernie Madoff. As usual, he was great.

That's terrible that they misled you about the form of your appointment. I would have been annoyed.

Think I’m getting sick, after 3 years of nothing. Last night my throat was tickled and I was coughing. This morning it was still there plus my eyes are blurry and itchy. So I canceled fitness and went back to bed and actually slept! It’s not bad so I can’t tell. I need to to a couple of errands, so I’ll wear a mask and get them done. The trick is how to keep mum from getting this?

Chickened out, back to writing

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I’ve been having chest pain and shortness of breath. I haven’t always taken good care of myself. I just hope and pray that everything is in good order and they don’t tell me that something is X% blocked and needs immediate surgery. Being a worrywart I guess.

No, it's understandable that if you have shortness of breath and chest pain that you'd be concerned. That said, Those are classic stress symptoms (as you know). Both of my parents had cardiac problems in their 50's that resulted in surgery (which was, however, back in the '70's and may well be treated with medication nowadays) and for both the outstanding symptom was a feeling of tremendous pressure on their chests - not pain.

Check in if you have the chance & let us know how it went today.

How sweet, to have a chipmunk pal! Berry tea sounds divine and the beach...OMG, paradise!

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I was tired this morning so I just went on a whack through open woods to a local pond. About 4.5 miles in total. Weather was beautiful but windy. Some pics from today's walk: Attachment 12583Attachment 12584

How wonderful! That's a good distance hike.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed The test results were bad. Much worse then we thought actually. I am currently sitting in the recliner trying not to panic. My mom contacted my aunt. My mom hasn't contacted my sister because she is pregnant and we don't want to stress her out. I'm just waiting for the ENT doctor to call. Hopefully I can get in today. I feel like I've been training my whole life for this. Even my mom said it might be cancer and she is always the one who says I'm being a hypocrondiac and an over thinker. She is just telling me not to panic right now since we don't know anything.

The thing is, even if it is cancer, cancerous thyroid nodules are an easy removal. Also, I answered you on your thread

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I always loved that movie and have watched it maybe six times, throughout my life. I'm a huge fan of Richard Dreyfuss. The Amy Irving character did an amazing job playing Prokofiev's 3rd. Did you know that Dreyfuss has bipolar disorder? He's discussed it several times. The last role I saw him play was as Bernie Madoff. As usual, he was great. That's terrible that they misled you about the form of your appointment. I would have been annoyed.

Had no idea that Richard Dreyfuss has BD. I'll read about it.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Think I’m getting sick, after 3 years of nothing. Last night my throat was tickled and I was coughing. This morning it was still there plus my eyes are blurry and itchy. So I canceled fitness and went back to bed and actually slept! It’s not bad so I can’t tell. I need to to a couple of errands, so I’ll wear a mask and get them done. The trick is how to keep mum from getting this?

Oh, I'm sorry. You need to call a midwife! (Sorry, couldn't resist ) But seriously - could it be allergies?

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Chickened out, back to writing

Do you mean you didn't openly talk with her?

We talked about Miguel moving out. How that's effected mine and h's relationship. I did tell her I'm smoking and that it's helping. She wants to work on me feeling loved. She asked if I was lied to a lot when I was younger. Which I don't think I was but it was unsafe but I didn't tell her that I didn't think of that. I think I have to sit down and write a bunch. I guess I'm going to have to go through my history.

I hear you gain a crap ton of weight when your thyroid is removed. I don't know if thats true or not I heard it on one HGTV show. I just want this bump thing when I swallow to be removed regardless if its cancer or not.

Yes, my initial impression was that it was stress and anxiety but I had so many people pushing me to get it checked out that I got scared and did. I had a bad headache and the machine broke down and I was in an uncomfortable position for 40 minutes while they fixed it but overall it was good to get it over with. I’m done with testing. The doctor should call tomorrow with the diagnosis.

It’s hard going without caffeine, food and drink for over 14 hours. When I got home I went directly for caffeine then food then sparkling water. Hopefully things turn out okay. If this is stress - I need to make some definite lifestyle changes.

It’s a beautiful day. I think I’ll take some berry tea outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Hugs to all.

Okay. 99 degrees. Yes, 99 freakin' damn degrees. And there's a wind blowing, but it's sure not cool and off the ocean, it's hot and dry so I guess it's coming out of hell.

Even with the a/c and fans blowing the cats are pancakes. I do love to drink water and I have some La Croix, which is stomach settling in the heat. Sometimes I mix it with orange juice. I also drink water made with a little bit of peppermint and ginger teas, just to flavor it. I learned from Laura Ingalls Wilder that drinking ginger water in the heat keeps your stomach settled.


I bit the bullet and made an appointment for Friday with another therapist at my regular T's clinic. I don't even know why. Just to de-stress, I guess. The therapist is a psychologist, but she's "around 30." That's younger than my kids. *sigh* Maybe youthful optimism will pick up my mood. I just miss Mary.

And I made an appt. for Monday to get a hair cut. Sure don't have the money, so much stuff needs to be paid. Utilities. But I'll push those out. David will have a fit. Too bad for him. I haven't had my hair cut since February and it's crawling all over me. I sure hope the stylist doesn't chop it off, though. I just want a trim.

Beth I hear you about young therapists. I’ve been lucky with my Ts to usually have older or my own age. The ones I clicked with were mostly free flowing hippie types. I just related better. There’s not much choice now and I’m glad I can function fine without one, cause man, starting all over!

Prednisone is already killing me. I am literally burning up, nausea and just want to climb out of my skin. Sleep for 33 seconds then wide awake. Headache blah blah blah blah.

I’m not sure I can deal with all the side effects this time.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh that sounds horrendous :grouphug

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Originally Posted by Nammu Beth I hear you about young therapists. I’ve been lucky with my Ts to usually have older or my own age. The ones I clicked with were mostly free flowing hippie types. I just related better. There’s not much choice now and I’m glad I can function fine without one, cause man, starting all over!

Yes, exactly - Mary is a free spirit hippie type, very much so. And so warm and affectionate.

It'll be interesting to see the other therapist, I just hope I don't waste gas driving over there to talk with a child, lol.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Prednisone is already killing me. I am literally burning up, nausea and just want to climb out of my skin. Sleep for 33 seconds then wide awake. Headache blah blah blah blah. I’m not sure I can deal with all the side effects this time. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ohhh, Christina. That sounds horrid. I dunno, kiddo....maybe not worth it?

Thinking of you and sending gentle hugs and soothing vibes.

My regular doctor was out of the office when I was sick so I saw a Dr. Smith. Man, is he on the ball! I had a urine sample for diabetes check and by the time I was in line at Sonic 5 minutes later, they had called and said I had a UTI and had called in Cipro. He’s been like this with every test. He read my stress test at 5:18 and passed on the results. Every test looks good. I’m healthy. I’m so relieved. That leaves stress/anxiety but I’ll let him tell me tomorrow what his diagnosis is. I’d like to change doctors. I do understand that stress can kill as surely as anything and I need to get it under control. This was eye opening for me. Doing a happy dance that I’m healthy.

About to go into a Zoom meeting.

Hugs to all.

Good news Jennifer

Oooh my god my mom texted me telling me she filled out an intake form for a therapist!!!! Unbelievable! Who knows if she’ll stick with it and actually go but that she even took the first step is amazing. I am so happy for her, and so excited to tell my brother tomorrow at dinner! Which he confirmed so barring any unforeseen circumstances (of which there tend to be) we will see them to plan. If not I’ll FaceTime with them, we need to get this moving before she changes her mind.

As for me, I’m getting super frustrated with my inability to remember anything, distractibility, inability to concentrate, and other cognitive impairments and executive function problems. I can’t focus on anything, my mind wanders all the time, I can’t even focus on conversations with RS and my son. I’m going to bring a notebook with me to the dinner tomorrow because I WILL NOT remember it. I don’t know what’s going on and it scares me. I’m wondering if one of my medications has messed up my brain function. I asked RS if he’d ever been to a specific park and he said yes, WE went there together. No recollection. All I can say is I’m VERY glad I didn’t give in to pressure and have ECT again, it would have made thins a thousand times worse.

I had a weird dream last night. I was IP at my usual place but they had divided it up to be 2 halls, one for men and one for women. I was really upset because there wasn't space to pace until I realized that the hospital had merged with the zoo and so you could sit in your room and watch zebras and gorillas outside the windows. I was so happy to have that to watch that I didn't want to leave my room and missed meals.


I have no idea what that was about but it sure would be nice if IP were at a zoo instead of a fairly grubby part of the city.