Bipolar check-in # 66

I know right? I sure will.

David had to go to the VA today so needed some gas to make the 60 mile round trip. He owns a little Honda. He had $13 to put gas in - and gas is now $6.39 a gallon here. To fill my Saturn SUV it would take right about $135, So I'm keeping it at 1/4 tank for now. Not good for an old car, but it is what it is.
If the roller skating works out I'll sure save on gas.

I’m not feeling well all the way around. My chest hurts where I fell the other day and I feel yucky emotionally. That’s the best way I can describe it. I’m aggravated at my med provider big time. When I called Tuesday, she knew I was already in a depression, was planning to go IP and brother had died. I don’t care how busy she is, that’s something you jump on pronto. Geez. Thankfully, I have therapy today and I’ll be going down to the pool to float. Trying to get on better footing.

Everything is planned now. I’m wishing it wasn’t so far away - Sunday and Monday. I’d like to get this over with. It’s excruciating. My daughter and I have plans to float and go by a cafe that has phenomenal hummingbird cake and coffee when she comes in. I’m building on things to look forward to.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all

Jennifer, I so admire your strength during such difficult days and circumstances. You also seem to be doing the very best that one could possibly do. Sunday and Monday are at least not several days away, nor is your "floating" or that hummingbird cake. Do enjoy a big piece (or even two) with zero guilt.

What do you mean you feel like you’re going to have a heart attack and you’ve gotta calm your heart? You really should get this stuff checked out!

Today my husband and I had the "coffee visit" with our landlady and her partner. We did indeed get served coffee and they were extremely nice and friendly. We were correct on one and a half things we speculated about before the visit. The one is that we will need to move elsewhere in about three or so months. The "half" is that someone is separating, but it's their friend and her husband, not my landlady and her partner. She said that they plan to buy a house from that friend in Austria, but in order to afford it they need to sell the house we are currently renting. She kindly offered us some options given this, but none are likely of interest to us. We stated that we need time to think on a few things. She seemed OK with that. When we travel to France next week, we might just be looking for an apartment to rent, as well. It's hard to know now if we will sign any contracts on the spot, but it's possible.

I've had a bit of a headache since the above visit. It feels like a sinus headache, but it may be partially stress-induced. In any case, I'm not really feeling anxious. Rather I feel a certain peacefulness. I know we need to find a more long-term or even "final" home. It's time!

Hubby is meeting his friend downtown and then going to dinner with him. I will FINALLY have a chance to be by myself. I'm going to make myself a stir fry for dinner and then do whatever I want...or even nothing at all. I've always savored alone time and independence. I'm hoping if we move to France, I'll get more of it and quicker.

How stressful soup. I hope you luck into a place you love while you’re in France.

Called the auto place and they are coming to pick it up. Oy. I have a yawning pit in my stomach over this. I really can’t afford this but we need a car. New used cars are so expensive thanks to inflation.

Thanks, Nammu! My husband has likely already told his friend about our situation and I just wrote to my sister. Hubby will likely tell his closest sister today or tomorrow.

I'm feeling quite under the weather right now and almost wish to go to bed, but it's not even yet 7 pm. Again, it seems like a horrible sudden onset of sinusitis, but it could mostly be the stress. Sometimes it shows in ways other than the obvious. Right?

Tomorrow at 8 am I have a hair appointment, which is a time that's way earlier than my usual willingness to go out. Then the next day we have to drive to my s-i-l's house up near Prague. What I wouldn't give to not have to go there! I think I will go to bed now.

An early night might be just the ticket. Yeah stress has it’s. Way. Of being felt in hundreds of ways.

I may check in several times a day until I get a little traction on healing. I had an excellent therapy session that helped tremendously. I called the front desk at my med provider’s and said brother died Monday and here it is Thursday and I have no additional support. It was called in with a quickness! Zoloft. Someone in my family already takes it and has extra so it’s already working it’s way into my system.

I’m doing some things around the house and then going out with sister and mother to find something to wear to funeral. I’m home alone and I feel safe but it’s a shaky kind of safe. I think I’ll not put myself in this position again. I’ll be around people for awhile.

My therapist really helped me with the emotional wound left from ending things with my “best friend”. I think I’ll be better able to put this behind me now. In the end, he was a virus. I’ll remember that.

As always, I wish everyone a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Nammu- I hope this gets resolved painlessly and inexpensively. I’m sending good vibes.

They came to pick it up, but it’s not safe to drive so they left to get a tow truck

Ugh. I’m still overwhelmed but at least I did concede and delegate the trumpet problem to RS. I probably didn’t even mention that. My son came home from band practice and said his trumpet broke. He has his last concert of the year on Monday!!! He put in all this work for honors band and even though I know he doesn’t really want to do it it’s the end, and likely his last concert ever because he is doing art in sixth grade instead of band. So I asked RS to call the music store where I rented it and they said just bring it in and if it’s not a quick fix they will swap it out. Thank goodness! It’s probably just that he didn’t oil it properly. Like I said I pushed him into this, I wanted him to try SOMETHING. I said he had to do it in 4/5 grade and if he didn’t like it he could quit and do another elective in middle school. I’m disappointed bc I was in orchestra for years but what can I do, if I continue to force him he’ll just resent me. At least he’s doing art, maybe he’ll like that better. He’s liked art since he was little and he’s pretty decent.

I have to get our marriage certificate to get on RS’s insurance. Should have done it months ago because tbh I’m not sure we’ll get it in time. But it is what it is. I have everything I need it’s just a matter of getting my computer and editing the doc to add my credit card info.

My wrist and knee both hurt like hell. I’m waiting to see what the X-ray says for my wrist but I should have brought up my knee as well. It’s so hard to tease out what’s psychosomatic and what’s real. At least I have the endoscopy on June 27th so I can begin to figure out my digestive problems.

I think that’s it. I’m over life today for real. Not in a sui way just in a stop with all the stress way.

I thought I'd have to go to the ER last night when I woke up at 1AM. I was so nauseated and in stomach pain. It passed with a zofran and I got back to sleep and when I woke up at 5 I felt a lot better. I saw my pdoc in person for the first time since October 2020. Man those gas prices. The session went really good. He was happy to see me and said I looked good from my surgeries and my weight loss. I was much more talkacitve with him then I normally am. I told him everything basically that was going on with my health. And he agreed I should stay on the tesetreone or my depression would spiral again. He asked about my current therapist and I told him a bit about her and then I asked him about my transference T, if she was ever around, and he said she was still mostly remote and only came in to do paperwork. He didn't change any of my meds because he knows my meds are stable where they are and that my current issues are physical and they don't involve him or needing my meds fooled around with. I didn't even have to tell him that, he just knew. We are really intuned with each other. So yeah the session went good. I do feel alot better after my procedure yesterday but my stomach is still kinda queasy so I stayed back from dinner. I did get to the good thirft store and got a crap ton of T shirts, polo shirts, shorts, jeans, and a hat. I spent $119. At a thrift store. Tommorow I do plan on going out to breakfast and then to the good grocery store to get a few things but basically this trip was just a simple one focused around seeing my doctor.

I'm not starting a new diet but right now I am working on eating not so much sugar and trying to get down my intake. I have switched today to sugar free drinks then I realized I would not be able to drink Strawberry or Chocolate milk. I just realized I can get Chocolate almond milk that is low in sugars.

Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

Your son can always take up band after a year off. He may miss it, you never know. Or maybe he'll switch to choir in middle school like I did. I didn't want to take a shower after first hour gym class because I would've already taken one before school. So I put history in first hour and choir in 5th hour. This launched my choir career- our high school choirs won every competition they entered- including The Pride of Vienna, a worldwide competition for non-professional choirs of all sorts. Anyway, you never know. He could really get into art and do really well.

@*Beth* Currently he's on Medicaid but as soon as he officially moves out or gets a job he looses it because my state didn't expand Medicaid. So as an adult he's not eligible neither is my husband when covid is over. So we're really stuck. He's considered an Able-Body adult So his only assistance he can get when he officially moves out is food for 3 months if he does a work program. He's to scared to leave the house as "someone will break in" So that's not going to work. He won't even go into the bedroom or anywhere were there is big mirrors. He's trying to get a remote job so he doesn't have to leave his house. He's currently sleeping on his couch in clothes from Wednesday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I’m not feeling well all the way around. My chest hurts where I fell the other day and I feel yucky emotionally. That’s the best way I can describe it. I’m aggravated at my med provider big time. When I called Tuesday, she knew I was already in a depression, was planning to go IP and brother had died. I don’t care how busy she is, that’s something you jump on pronto. Geez. Thankfully, I have therapy today and I’ll be going down to the pool to float. Trying to get on better footing. I 100% agree about your med provider. Sounds like she has a major case of no empathy - not to mention professional neglect. Floating sounds divine. Everything is planned now. I’m wishing it wasn’t so far away - Sunday and Monday. I’d like to get this over with. It’s excruciating. My daughter and I have plans to float and go by a cafe that has phenomenal hummingbird cake and coffee when she comes in. I’m building on things to look forward to. It's so hard to have to wait for the closure that comes with a funeral or memorial service. Jews do a body washing, wrap the body in linen, no embalming, and the service and burial take place within 1 to 2 days of death. Then they "sit shivah" for a week after the burial. So people go to the bereaved's home (or someone's home), pray, eat, talk. When people in David's family died, the wait was at least a week. I found that stressful. BUT- it's really good that everything is planned for your brother's service. The cafe sounds just lovely. What is hummingbird cake? I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all \ A big, gentle hug for you, Jennifer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I may check in several times a day until I get a little traction on healing. I had an excellent therapy session that helped tremendously. I called the front desk at my med provider’s and said brother died Monday and here it is Thursday and I have no additional support. It was called in with a quickness! Zoloft. Someone in my family already takes it and has extra so it’s already working it’s way into my system. I’m doing some things around the house and then going out with sister and mother to find something to wear to funeral. I’m home alone and I feel safe but it’s a shaky kind of safe. I think I’ll not put myself in this position again. I’ll be around people for awhile. My therapist really helped me with the emotional wound left from ending things with my “best friend”. I think I’ll be better able to put this behind me now. In the end, he was a virus. I’ll remember that. As always, I wish everyone a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Oh, gosh! Check in as much as you need to. You know we're here for you

Were you able to find something to wear to the funeral?

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 ..... My wrist and knee both hurt like hell. I’m waiting to see what the X-ray says for my wrist but I should have brought up my knee as well. It’s so hard to tease out what’s psychosomatic and what’s real. At least I have the endoscopy on June 27th so I can begin to figure out my digestive problems. I think that’s it. I’m over life today for real. Not in a sui way just in a stop with all the stress way.

When will you get the x-ray result?

My knee pads and hand/wrist protectors arrived today and my skates will come tomorrow! I am so excited! I'll give it a try around my apartment since there are no carpets or rugs. If I am still able to skate, I'll venture out to the cement corridor. Meanwhile, I'm continuing to do stretches and yoga.

So the word on (T) Mary is that she could be back on Wednesday (I really doubt it). On Friday she'll have a CT scan to "rule anything out." She had breast cancer many years ago and I'm thinking that anything's possible at this point. Her lungs just don't get better. Seems her doctor would have done a scan weeks ago, I dunno. But then, she's sick so frequently.

I sent more tea to T Mary. Lavender, she loves lavender. She may be annoyed about me leaving the bells on her porch, then sending 2 teas to her house, but I could care less if she is. I'm sending the gifts with primarily good intentions, despite my extreme frustration. Besides, I am amused with myself for sending presents to my therapist's house (See Md - I have a touch of the badass in me, too! It has to be my moon in Aquarius, right? )

I made several appointments with Dr. B. for this month. It's very hard knowing he'll be leaving, but I'm thinking I'll jam in as many sessions as I can before he does.

In early July I'll be meeting my other Mary for lunch. That Mary is my (literally) life-long friend of 59 years as of this month. It'll be great to spend some time with her.

Sweet med dude called in Seroquel for me to take for sleep. I suggested to him 25mg., but I'm realizing that I've been taking more like 37mg. most nights. I'll see how the sleep goes and talk with him at my appt. next week.

I'm also in search of a new primary care doctor. I've had it with the one I've had for 5 years, or maybe 6 years. I've never felt comfortable with her and that clinic is falling apart. It's supposed to serve the Native American population in this county (but you don't have to be Native to go there). It was in the same location since 1972, it had a very spiritual feeling to it, but since the clinic moved something is vibrantly messed up. When I called this morning to make an appt. I learned that 2 more GP's have left (unfortunately, not mine)! Jerk admins had better get their priorities straight or they're gwanna sink like the Titanic.

Ug, it is hot. I have the a/c & 2 fans blowing. Feels so nice. It's just noisy and isolating, not having the windows opened.

I bleached & toned my hair and it is pure white. Truly platinum. I'm very pleased with it, except that I have some mean bleach burns on my scalp. Youch

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I send to you vibrations of love, peace, and beautiful music because ~**~**~**~**~****~**~*

I found a dressy black shirt that I bought but am not crazy about. I’m going to return it tomorrow. I have a very nice black jacket that I love and I’ll wear a black and white shirt under it with black pants. Thanks for asking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom @*Beth* Currently he's on Medicaid but as soon as he officially moves out or gets a job he looses it because my state didn't expand Medicaid. So as an adult he's not eligible neither is my husband when covid is over. So we're really stuck. He's considered an Able-Body adult So his only assistance he can get when he officially moves out is food for 3 months if he does a work program. He's to scared to leave the house as "someone will break in" So that's not going to work. He won't even go into the bedroom or anywhere were there is big mirrors. He's trying to get a remote job so he doesn't have to leave his house. He's currently sleeping on his couch in clothes from Wednesday.

What a load of horseshite, not to be able to get medical care. Infuriates me!!!!

What about disability?

Oh Nammu - I’m sorry you’re having this problem. That’s upsetting.