Bipolar check-in # 66

Yeah soupe, hope everything turns out ok.

Sunday is my day off. I don’t do anything and I don’t get dressed. Well my nephew and his wife stopped by. They weren’t sure we were home because my cars not here. But we had a nice visit. Of course I excused myself to go get dressed. So if I had a car I’d go pick something up for supper.

I went to the phone store yesterday- Metro by T-Mobile. I went in looking for a new phone as mine has been lagging and dropping the audio on my end of calls sometimes. I asked the guy helping me a question which I can't now remember but he said he could clean up my phone a bit and hopefully that would help. So he did that and so far I haven't had any problems with it. Then he offered to set me up with the Affordable Connectivity Program. It's for low income people where they credit your account by $30 a month- basically one free line. I have 3 lines- N 2 and N 3 also have their phones on my plan. It's cheaper that way. So he begins to fill out the information online on his work computer. He asked what my last 4 of my social security number is. I said "Do I have to give that info?" And he said "That's how we identify you". I gave him the info but I still feel bad about it. I did look up Metro by T-Mobile and the name of he program and came up with a page about it on their website so that made me feel better. You can also do the same thing with the local cable company which were most of the hits I got when I did my Google search on the program. So I hope I haven't done something stupid giving the store guy my info- including my address. If it matters, apparently I was accepted immediately for the program and the guy said he would "apply the coupon" to my account so that I can get the discounted rate. I guess we'll see if my text from them confirming my payment and amount is lowered by $30 next month.

It was a beautiful service for my brother. Having said that, it’s been a long day and we still have folks here at the house. While I appreciate it, I’d like to have some time to relax and prepare myself for the internment tomorrow. My daughter has been a huge support and help today. I’m presently ensconced in my bedroom because I can’t handle these folks anymore. I’ve paid my respects to my brother and said my goodbyes and played a good hostess but I am DONE for the day. I’m glad my sister is an extreme extrovert. She’s handling everybody that’s left just fine.

I hope everybody has a peaceful evening. Hugs to all.

Jennifer, I really understand your need for some alone time. It’s exhausting to be with lots of people even if they mean well.

I find that often people don’t really know how to react to shifts we often have up , down or sideways.

As you know I generally don’t let Steve knows how I’m doing unless I really am struggling. I just don’t show it. When I have gotten auditory hallucinations especially back in September he tried to kinda laugh it off in hopes that it could somehow help me to know they can’t hurt me. Well that didn’t help anything.

Do you think your Mom could become more supportive in a way that actually helps you ?!

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Oh no ! I hope he recovers quickly and you don’t catch it !

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Jennifer I’m glad the service for your brother was beautiful and went well. I would have to also drop out of being around all the people. I hope tomorrow goes well also.

Beth ! So glad you got rain. Much needed. I always love after it rains things just smell fresh.

Nammu any news on your car ? I do hope it’s something minor. I have to laugh when you say Sunday you don’t get dressed. lol I live in T-shirt and shorts unless I have to physically leave my home 24/7 haha

Blue bird Hope Ms M’s surgery goes well.

Moose I hear you on worries about giving out personal info but I’m sure it’s 100% safe to do with the company.

Hugs to anyone I missed

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Oh dear I really am becoming concerned about how I’m feeling.

I haven’t cleaned a single thing and for dinner it’s going to just be cereal. Yes I feel this bad.

My pain is lousy of course but I think it’s more of feeling like I have a soaking wet heavy quilt over my head that’s more likely.

I truly don’t want to increase my Geodon at this point because I don’t want to eventually tap out on dose even tho I only take 40mg BID. I’m going to give myself one more week.

He’s been staring at me all day



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@~Christina Thanks. That makes me feel better.

I hope you feel better Christina! And your doggie is adorable

Thank you for the well wishes for Mustachio's surgery. I'm nervous about it. It's gonna be the first time she's gonna be away from me/from the apartment for most of the day since she was a tiny kitten. I'm gonna miss/worry about her a lot but I know it should be okay.

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I enjoyed the new Doctor Strange movie tonight. My friend and I saw the previews for the new Jurassic movie while we were there so we decided we're gonna go see that next week

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Christina, and sparkling purple vibes.

Just want to reassure you. When I volunteered at the shelter one of the things I volunteered for was the mass neutering and spaying jobs they did in the spring. I volunteered for 4-5 of them and they operated on 100s of kitties and we didn’t have any problems with any of them. Tiny kittens to big toms. It was quick and painless for the kitties. They keep them to observe the anesthesia wear off and that they are eating and drinking normally. After the surgery they were put on heating pads to keep them warm until the woke up, then moved to a crate with wet food and water. Some took longer to shake the drug but all of them were fine.

Thank you so much! That makes me feel better about it. I'm glad to hear that

Christina please do just give it one week! You don’t need your mood to totally rank for a long time again. I know it didn’t work out so well

Jennifer, I’m glad the service was nice! It is exhausting having people at your house though. I hope you get some good rest before the interment.

Nammu, I truly hope your car is affordable, though I know they tend not to be unfortunately!

Blue bird, good luck to me mustachio! I’m sure she’ll do great!

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour After we got home, Hubby took an at home covid test and it showed negative. We'll go with that for now. Regardless, he's in bed sleeping at 1 pm and wouldn't eat more than a yogurt for lunch, and in bed. I had reheated a frozen taco soup and made freshly fried tortillas for the two of us. My own nerves led me to eat all of the latter. Hopefully Hubby will recover in a day or two. I asked him if he is psychologically up for the big trip. He said yes. I suppose I am, and yet I feel slightly numb. Last night, I had a talk about Hubby, and myself, with my husband's nephew. Hubby was already in bed at that time. I feel I may have said too much and too personal of things, but what's said is said. Perhaps I needed to get it out to someone other than my therapist. However, that nephew has a history of gossiping/talking behind backs, sometimes in critical ways. Oh well! I'll have to just trust that he cares enough to treat my opening up with respect. If not, it's my mistake. I think a trigger voiced by another nephew (brother of one I mentioned) is what made me open up so much. I needed a release.

Yes, there's always the chance that confidentiality will be breached when talking with anyone except a therapist or a priest . I hope that, as you say, your husband's nephew is honored that you trusted him and will keep his mouth shut.

One of my nieces and I have always been close. The first time we met "as adults" (she's 14 years younger than I am) I told her that I would never betray her confidence; what she and I discuss stays between us. To this day she knows she can trust me. It's good for both of us.

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Originally Posted by unlived Australia. We only have 6 states and 2 territories but apparently we are the “largest island and smallest continent” in the world. I know they’ve done maps where they’ve fit tonnes of other countries into ours from Europe and other places… we don’t have many people but we’re not a small country. Edit I just found that Australia is approximately 7,741,220 sq km and the US is approximately 9,833,517 sq km but you have 307.2million more people living there. I can’t imagine that many people! Sorry going off on a tangent here I just find it interesting.

Wow, I had no idea that Australia was so large. Does the climate vary in different places or is it pretty much the same all over the island?

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 It was a beautiful service for my brother. Having said that, it’s been a long day and we still have folks here at the house. While I appreciate it, I’d like to have some time to relax and prepare myself for the internment tomorrow. My daughter has been a huge support and help today. I’m presently ensconced in my bedroom because I can’t handle these folks anymore. I’ve paid my respects to my brother and said my goodbyes and played a good hostess but I am DONE for the day. I’m glad my sister is an extreme extrovert. She’s handling everybody that’s left just fine. I hope everybody has a peaceful evening. Hugs to all.

Oh, I am so, so happy to hear you say that the service was beautiful. I was thinking of you today. You have handled an enormous situation so very wonderfully, Jennifer. You know...give yourself a loving hug, and I hope you'll treat yourself to whatever feels nice after everything is completed.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Oh dear I really am becoming concerned about how I’m feeling. I haven’t cleaned a single thing and for dinner it’s going to just be cereal. Yes I feel this bad. My pain is lousy of course but I think it’s more of feeling like I have a soaking wet heavy quilt over my head that’s more likely. I truly don’t want to increase my Geodon at this point because I don’t want to eventually tap out on dose even tho I only take 40mg BID. I’m going to give myself one more week. He’s been staring at me all day Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Gus is likely picking up on how you're feeling.

I'm worrying about you, Christina. Frankly, I'm in favor of increasing your Geodon a bit and see if it helps.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Thank you so much! That makes me feel better about it. I'm glad to hear that

I've had most of my cats spayed/neutered at the SPCA and everything always went perfectly well. Miss M. will be just fine and both of you will be happier to have her spayed.

I was sitting on my couch scrolling back on my FB home page looking for a grief letting had written. I started looking through all my posts the pictures and the things I wrote. It was crazy and it hit me hard I don't remember when I cried that hard in my life I just started sobbing and I could not control it. I cried so hard it actually felt good to cry that hard I finally finished off after a bit. My depression is bad and I need a dosage increase.

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Yes, yes, we had rain overnight! What a blessing! People were outside yelling with happiness. We need a good soaking of 2 or 3 days, but that no longer occurs. Rain means less chance of devastating wildfires, a chance for more trees to survive, better circumstances for wildlife, etc. Cleaner air and earth - and I got a free car wash . Falling asleep to the sound of the falling rain was divine. So it wasn't much, but it was something.

The weather was just gorgeous all day, with a lovely evening to follow. I began to feel something...grief? Maybe? this evening. I think it has to do with possibly seeing Mary this week (I have a feeling she'll be back). The grief is about making the decision and telling her about how exceedingly devastating her absences are to me. There's no continuity of my therapy with her.

I'll be seeing Dr. B. several times this month, but then he'll be gone. The psychologist I messaged never responded to me, and I don't feel good about a therapist who is neglectful in such a way. I am truly, truly stuck.

Skating is going ecstatically! So freeing! I spent 4 hours on wheels yesterday, so today my muscles are pretty sore. I took a break from skating, but did some good stretching.

Ah. I'm going to read my tarot, then climb into my soft bamboo-sheeted bed - after taking a 25mg Seroquel pill. *sigh*

Many loving vibes, dear ones. See you tomorrow.
bizi, how are you?

Sending you hugs that today will bring at least a wee bit of relief, @~Christina! Please don't be hard on yourself about the cleaning. I hope if you served cereal that it hit the spot. Nothing lowly about cereal. Breakfast for dinner is good sometimes. Breakfast is actually my favorite meal.

I took 160 mg of Geodon per day (80/80) for years, with many of them good years. If you need a med adjustment, you need one.

My husband feels a little better today, but I suggested he take it easy through at least tomorrow morning. I finished our packing lists and most of the itinerary for our trip. I'm doing some laundry, but not too much is dirty. I hope to do most of my packing today. Hubby has also done a teeny bit. The temps will be mild where we're going (lower 80s high/60s low in Bordeaux and 70s/50s in Bretagne), so no need for bulky clothes. Rain is in the forecast, though. We fly Thursday night, so no rush.

I'm currently sipping a nice cup of Earl Grey tea with milk and sweetener. I feel good at this moment.

I'm glad you finally got some rain Beth! Those wildfires you get over there are scary and devastating