Bipolar check-in # 66

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I'm not sure. I know my therapist has said dissociation would be expected with the degree of PTSD I have had but I also have little PTSD left generally after some intense therapy. Mostly what I've done has been while asleep or recently soon after anesthesia that I had a hard time kicking. So maybe but I really don't know. On the other hand my therapist and I had a disagreement last week and I shut down to the point I didn't remember the rest of the session. So there's that kind of thing too. My pdoc has never mentioned it that I remember.

After anesthesia is understandable for anyone. My nephew is a surgical assistant and he says people say and do everything imaginable while coming out of anesthesia.

Sleepwalking itself is a form of dissociation & doing any activity while asleep is dissociation. I'm not sure about not remembering the rest of your session, but it sounds like you may have dissociated in order to protect yourself.

I'm having some panic waves because it's the evening, then the night will come, then bedtime, and I do not want to dream about Mary again tonight. Oddly, I never dreamt about her at all, until this. I don't want any bad dreams.

When I was younger grief felt like sadness. Then along about my late 40's grief began to feel like anxiety/panic.


I do have an appt. with Dr. B. tomorrow; that will be the 1st of our last 4 sessions. I'm trying not to ruminate about what on earth will happen when he's gone and I'm left with all of this. The sense of frantic is unbearable to think about.

I've been skating, so that's a good thing.

Sounds like I need to ask some more questions about sleepwalking and activities. I'm sure I've brought it up at some point with my therapist but not sure about my pdoc. I'm interested in what they say. Thank you. I need something to talk about.


I had a really hard time getting the anesthesia out of my system this time. It took until last week (from April 25) for my mom to say she saw my energy back to normal. And I still sleep more than usual some days. My mom says it even took me a long time to wake up from the anesthesia this time. I remember a nurse telling me that if I would take deep breaths the beeping would stop; apparently I was preferring sleep over breathing.

I had ankle surgery 8 years ago and woke up with a 10 inch dressing/cast thing. The nurse was holding my hands to keep me from trying to tear it off. Apparently my not-awake mind did not want that thing on me. That time anesthesia was much easier to handle. I wish they'd used the same drugs this time. If I ever have surgery again I'm going to talk to them about that surgery as the one that I tolerated best.

I'm getting so frustrated and overwhelmed with our trip right now. I don't have it in me to describe all why. I'm going to try to just breathe in and out a bit and hope something will soon change, which it could. I can easily do 180s. During the course of all this at some points I thought of leaving Hubby (momentary ridicousness), quitting the locations we were staying in, quitting the idea of France and just concentrate on Czech Republic, go live in a shed, etc.

It's all been too much these past couple months. Too much for my wellbeing.

We'll say 3 with no sleep 💤. Promised to get back on meds

Just dropped Mustachio off at the vet! She's also getting microchipped in addition to her spay surgery, shots, nail trim, flea treatment, etc and she'll have pain meds to bring home too.

I got a $100 discount because of being on public assistance so my total for everything came to $83

She was not happy to be in her carrier, at all. She was yelling. She eventually calmed down after her anxiety med kicked in (she's on Gabapentin for vet visits to help calm her down because she gets really anxious) I felt like such a meanie for putting her in her carrier. she was so upset, I felt bad for her. But I know ultimately it's good for her and she'll be home at 4pm today with everything done and taken care of.

I got zero sleep last night, didn't even bother going to sleep because I was so nervous about the possibility of sleeping too late and missing her appointment (it took 3 months to get this appointment and I definitely did not want to wait another 3 months for another one). So I'm really tired now

Anyway, I hope you all have a peaceful day

Yeah that’s my question too!

My body and mind are so tired that I’m just barely moving along. My respiratory illness is worse. I’m glad I’m on a strong antibiotic for something else. Yes @*Beth* I do believe my body, mind and spirit are telling me to slow down. I’m resting where I can. I didn’t have enough energy this morning to get the trash out to the can and to the road. I just didn’t have it in me. This morning I’m in the recliner watching The Mummy and I’m going to go to the pool in a minute for a brief time. We still have much to do estate wise. I’m just so fatigued and under the weather.

I’m not depressed but I’m not happy go lucky or upbeat either with everything that is going on. I guess no depression is a blessing under the circumstances. Hopefully I’ll have some upbeat news to report sooner rather than later.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Hugs to all

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Sounds like I need to ask some more questions about sleepwalking and activities. I'm sure I've brought it up at some point with my therapist but not sure about my pdoc. I'm interested in what they say. Thank you. I need something to talk about. I had a really hard time getting the anesthesia out of my system this time. It took until last week (from April 25) for my mom to say she saw my energy back to normal. And I still sleep more than usual some days. My mom says it even took me a long time to wake up from the anesthesia this time. I remember a nurse telling me that if I would take deep breaths the beeping would stop; apparently I was preferring sleep over breathing. I had ankle surgery 8 years ago and woke up with a 10 inch dressing/cast thing. The nurse was holding my hands to keep me from trying to tear it off. Apparently my not-awake mind did not want that thing on me. That time anesthesia was much easier to handle. I wish they'd used the same drugs this time. If I ever have surgery again I'm going to talk to them about that surgery as the one that I tolerated best.

I think it could be helpful to ask questions about your sleepwalking/activities.

Anesthesia is such strange stuff. A couple of years ago I had surgery on my achilles tendon. I was so embarrassed, because when I awoke the nurse laughed and asked me if I remembered sitting up and yelling, "I'm hot! I'm hot!" and trying to tear my hospital gown off . Nope, no memory of it, but I know I do feel overheated easily.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I got zero sleep last night, didn't even bother going to sleep because I was so nervous about the possibility of sleeping too late and missing her appointment (it took 3 months to get this appointment and I definitely did not want to wait another 3 months for another one). So I'm really tired now Anyway, I hope you all have a peaceful day

Oh, sweetie. Yeah...been there. I'll be waiting to hear how Miss M. is doing later today.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I'm getting so frustrated and overwhelmed with our trip right now. I don't have it in me to describe all why. I'm going to try to just breathe in and out a bit and hope something will soon change, which it could. I can easily do 180s. During the course of all this at some points I thought of leaving Hubby (momentary ridicousness), quitting the locations we were staying in, quitting the idea of France and just concentrate on Czech Republic, go live in a shed, etc. It's all been too much these past couple months. Too much for my wellbeing.

Oh, no. I am so sorry to hear this, Soupe. You have been on the move, intensely so, for the past couple of months. I hope today is being less stressful. Keep us posted.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 My body and mind are so tired that I’m just barely moving along. My respiratory illness is worse. I’m glad I’m on a strong antibiotic for something else. Yes @*Beth* I do believe my body, mind and spirit are telling me to slow down. I’m resting where I can. I didn’t have enough energy this morning to get the trash out to the can and to the road. I just didn’t have it in me. This morning I’m in the recliner watching The Mummy and I’m going to go to the pool in a minute for a brief time. We still have much to do estate wise. I’m just so fatigued and under the weather. I’m not depressed but I’m not happy go lucky or upbeat either with everything that is going on. I guess no depression is a blessing under the circumstances. Hopefully I’ll have some upbeat news to report sooner rather than later. I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Hugs to all

(((((HUG)))))

I'm still "agitated" and "not in my right mind" according to my mom (who I went back to after IP). I keep blacking out.

Absolutely fuming this morning! Called in a prescription a week ago and... radio silence. No call, no text, no email, no message through their online portal. This free clinic is affiliated with a local hospital system. They have the ability to set up some kind of "Your prescription is ready." message. They just don't. I called them, quite irritated at the lack of response, and they matched my energy, saying we're too busy to call you with ANY (will be important in a sec) information on your meds and you should call the pharmacy. The pharmacy is open three hours a day, Monday to Friday, at seemingly different times each day. Annoying, right?

I would have tolerated all of that if they told me there were issues with the prescription. They couldn't fill it, or fill an appropriate substitute, knew right away they couldn't and decided to sit on that information, not telling anyone, least of all me. They tried to pull the "It's my responsibility to call" card. No, it's not. Not this case. How is it my responsibility to call in case something MIGHT go wrong?

Of all the medicines they could have screwed with, they pick the one that keeps me immediately functional. If I stop taking it, you know quick!

Oh, sorry Soupe. You’ve been on the go for so long without any proper down time to just relax. I hope the next area you find something perfect. Better weather and people. Yeah it’s a lot to have to go though again, with all the paperwork and red tape moving countries again, I can see why you’d just want to stay in Czech.

I slept decently last night. I was still up from 11-3 but I then got back to sleep from 3-6:15. Yesterday my therapist and I made a healthy food log so I went out this morning to a few stores and got a bunch of health foods and I also got some European chocolate bars. Man was that an expensive trip. Inflation on top of healthy eating. Now I'm at home and I am tired but not tired enough to take a nap. I'm hoping my sleep is headed in the right direction. I haven't heard back yet about my thyroid but I do have my gallbladder test set up for next week. I can't eat again after midnight and it involves an IV but it still won't be as stressful as the biopsy except I'll be there for 2 hours while they take pictures to see how well it is functioning.

Overall my stress and anxiety level is pretty low today. Despite still not knowing everything regarding my thryoid, it is a relief knowing I don't have cancer. I also got my weekly shot last night which as normal boosts my mood the next day.

I bet it is.

I’m feeling better now that I’ve had lunch. Something that I’m sure has a name but I don’t know what. My meals are often mysterious to me. I was a vegetarian most of my life so the absolute midwestern middle of the road food they send is unknown to me, especially their meat selections. They’re meals on wheels and a bit dull. I keep spices to put on them. Todays was longesh ridged noodles in a tomato sauce with two little meatballs and corn on the side.

Last night it was too cold for the AC to come on so it got hot in the house. Hot means I don’t sleep. Lack of sleep means I’m grouchy and irritable 😡. Wish I could take naps but I can’t sleep once the sun comes up, not even in a dark room.

It’s a good day to be crabby. I have nothing I have to do. I do need to pick up a library book but can do it tomorrow after fitness. If my eyes weren’t so gritty I’d read. So I guess I’ll just watch the Jan 6th hearing

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I'm still "agitated" and "not in my right mind" according to my mom (who I went back to after IP). Possible trigger: Yesterday I mixed two meds that shouldn't be mixed but I obviously didn't die just got sleepy and shallow breathing for a bit. I keep blacking out.

Oh, babes. (((((BIG HUG)))))

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Originally Posted by Aurelius710 Absolutely fuming this morning! Called in a prescription a week ago and... radio silence. No call, no text, no email, no message through their online portal. This free clinic is affiliated with a local hospital system. They have the ability to set up some kind of "Your prescription is ready." message. They just don't. I called them, quite irritated at the lack of response, and they matched my energy, saying we're too busy to call you with ANY (will be important in a sec) information on your meds and you should call the pharmacy. The pharmacy is open three hours a day, Monday to Friday, at seemingly different times each day. Annoying, right? I would have tolerated all of that if they told me there were issues with the prescription. They couldn't fill it, or fill an appropriate substitute, knew right away they couldn't and decided to sit on that information, not telling anyone, least of all me. They tried to pull the "It's my responsibility to call" card. No, it's not. Not this case. How is it my responsibility to call in case something MIGHT go wrong? Of all the medicines they could have screwed with, they pick the one that keeps me immediately functional. If I stop taking it, you know quick!

This makes me so angry. Can you go over to that pharmacy in person and ask them WTH?

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’m feeling better now that I’ve had lunch. Something that I’m sure has a name but I don’t know what. My meals are often mysterious to me. I was a vegetarian most of my life so the absolute midwestern middle of the road food they send is unknown to me, especially their meat selections. They’re meals on wheels and a bit dull. I keep spices to put on them. Todays was longesh ridged noodles in a tomato sauce with two little meatballs and corn on the side. Last night it was too cold for the AC to come on so it got hot in the house. Hot means I don’t sleep. Lack of sleep means I’m grouchy and irritable 😡. Wish I could take naps but I can’t sleep once the sun comes up, not even in a dark room. It’s a good day to be crabby. I have nothing I have to do. I do need to pick up a library book but can do it tomorrow after fitness. If my eyes weren’t so gritty I’d read. So I guess I’ll just watch the Jan 6th hearing

Nammu, do you have a fan you can use to offset when the house is too warm?

The worst thing to me about lack of sleep is having gritty eyes.

I have the hearings on, too. I am grateful that they are happening. Imagine an attempted coup with no culpability.

Decent sleep, no unpleasant dreams.

I've had a mild, annoying nausea going on for many months. I drink La Croix, which is carbonated water with fruit essence (no sweetener, no other ingredients). It helps some, peppermint tea in cold water helps some. My concern is that the cause is the Gabapentin. I usually have an odd stomach reaction to gel caps and I really wish Gabapentin came in tablet form. It helps with severe anxiety so much, but I'm tired of the queasiness.

This town has a bowling alley, but no skating rink, which is unfortunate. I'm checking to find out if there's a rink in a town about 15 miles away - unless it was closed during covid. The only other rinks are around 30 miles away. My stylist wants to go skating with me and she's someone I could hang out with and have a blast! I need a really wide space to skate in.

Went to the pharmacy yesterday to pick up the Caplyta, but they had to order it. It's supposed to be in today. I go to an independent family owned pharmacy that's been here since the late 1800's. There are hardly any indie pharmacies left. The staff is so friendly and helpful, the pharmacy delivers at no cost. And they have the coolest display of antique pharmacy items...bottles, old prescriptions, medical supplies. It's fascinating. Only issue is that the pharmacy is small & they often have to order medications.

Well, kids, I'm off to take care of Miss Sidney, take a shower, and go to my Dr. B. appointment.

Mucho love vibes, all around

Yeah, I have a fan in my bedroom that’s always on at night, even in the winter.

I know, the gritty eyes make me even more irritable.

Yes, but I’d be even more grateful if they would start arresting those higher up and the head of the snake too.

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Originally Posted by Nammu .... Yes, but I’d be even more grateful if they would start arresting those higher up and the head of the snake too.

Yes, yes, YES!!!