Bipolar check-in # 66

Thanks, Beth. Yes, definitely it's all been too much with too much pressure.

I did just talk with Hubby and we decided to cancel the location stay further east. It was never on my radar and there's nothing there except vineyards, chateaus and castles. The latter sounds nice, but they don't contribute to the average man/woman's life. We're not into them, anyway. Plus, that location is supposed to reach 106 F (41 C) tomorrow and no houses and most businesses have no AC. The joint we're in now doesn't even have a frigin fan. We actually brought a mini one ourself. At this moment it's 99 F and sunny and the mini fan is on Hubby. Hell on earth! I cannot take these temps. I'm prone to heat-related maladies (Seroquel doesn't help) and rashes. I can't stay out long without SPF 50 all over my body, which I easily sweat off, profusely. Sun becomes an enemy.

The new plan is to finally do what I wanted in the first place. Bretagne, along the coastline. Temps are much milder there.

Good to know. Very helpful. Thanks for sharing that. Really struggling today.

I'm for certain in a mixed episode. I know it may seem not because of the substances but I think the substances are a result of the underlaying mood. I've been very irresponsible with meds (Klonopin mostly) and other forms of self harm. Yesterday I destroyed the **** out of my room and threw out my back in the process but I'm still going with some help of advil and biofreeze (in the cleaning up process now). Fortunately my mom has my keys so I can't do any of the things I want to do (I really want to drop off half of the shyt in my room at Goodwill but I guess that will wait for the weekend when my mom can take me). Also there's a free little library nearby and I want to drop of Naked Lunch and a bunch of other books there to make a statement to at least one person about opiate addiction. This guy I hate gave me a grumpy cat calendar planner for christmas and I think I'm going to drop that off too just because I hate him (he makes "jokes" about hurting the president and VP and although I think things could be better I never made threats to the former president when things were very off in my opinion) and I don't want to look at grumpy things every day.

I had a cup of coffee so I don't seem too drunk if my ACT team calls today. They said they'd either call today or Tuesday. I hope it's today because I've been having a lot of anxiety about it and I just want to get it over with. First cup of coffee in over a week. I hear mumbling. The same kind of mumbling I hear before the hallucinatory threats and random statements come. But sometimes they don't come so hopefully that's that.

They said maybe a stray thunderstorm today. That would be nice.

Hugs and love all around

I woke up around noon. my leg is still shaking but I'm calmer. don't want to self harm as much. I'm tired haven't taken the prn yet today. This suck. I don't want this. I was harsh with H last night basically told him to shut up but not that nicely. He was telling me all the not good things meds take away but he doesn't understand I WANT those things. Just because it's socially unacceptable and hospitalize-able doesn't mean I agree they're bad. I just wish more things were socially acceptable. I can't use any of outlets because it's not acceptable and that pisses me off. I'm trying to be calm about this but I'm not. I feel like they're trying to kill an important part of me.

You actually can OD on fennel seeds. And it has estrogen in it and can cause breast development. Uh...

I messaged my doctor who did my biopsy and he said everything is ok I just need to repeat the ultrasound in a year and then to work with an endocronologist. Who I do already. My trans doctor. I then messaged the trans doctor and told him that I felt like a complete lethargic mess and this seemed to get really bad yesterday. I had gotten my shot on Wednesdsy night. I told him about my tiredness and the lightheadness and asked if he had any suggestions. Often times my doctors can pull strings so maybe he can get me into see the sleep doctor sooner. I said I didn't want to go off my injections forever but if I had to for a bit until I saw the sleep doctor I'd be willing to. Since not being able to get out of bed is not something I want. I got my nausea and stomach pain under control with a zofran and an advil and I just now pulled myself to a sitting postioton in bed to eat a pack of Planters peanuts and to drink an iced tea and my stomach seems to be acting funny with the peanuts.

But it seems like theres 3 issues going on. One of which is already taken care of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Thanks, Beth. Yes, definitely it's all been too much with too much pressure. I did just talk with Hubby and we decided to cancel the location stay further east. It was never on my radar and there's nothing there except vineyards, chateaus and castles. The latter sounds nice, but they don't contribute to the average man/woman's life. We're not into them, anyway. Plus, that location is supposed to reach 106 F (41 C) tomorrow and no houses and most businesses have no AC. The joint we're in now doesn't even have a frigin fan. We actually brought a mini one ourself. At this moment it's 99 F and sunny and the mini fan is on Hubby. Hell on earth! I cannot take these temps. I'm prone to heat-related maladies (Seroquel doesn't help) and rashes. I can't stay out long without SPF 50 all over my body, which I easily sweat off, profusely. Sun becomes an enemy. The new plan is to finally do what I wanted in the first place. Bretagne, along the coastline. Temps are much milder there.

I am so glad you've cancelled that accommodation. My God, being overheated while on meds can be darn dangerous! I've experienced a few times of that - the most recent of which I wrote about on this thread - and the feeling is not right at all, and is clearly dangerous.

Oui, oui - Bretagne, s'il vous plait

It's not bad, just boring. You get an IV and they inject a radioactive dye through that so they can take pictures of your gall bladder to see how it's working. You just lay there with nothing to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots .... but I think the substances are a result of the underlaying mood. ...Also there's a free little library nearby and I want to drop of Naked Lunch and a bunch of other books there to make a statement to at least one person about opiate addiction. ... ...

I agree about your substance use.

I love the idea of putting Naked Lunch and other books, and the calendar, into the little library.

Big hugs to you, Boots

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom ...all the not good things meds take away but he doesn't understand I WANT those things. Just because it's socially unacceptable and hospitalize-able doesn't mean I agree they're bad. I just wish more things were socially acceptable. I can't use any of outlets because it's not acceptable and that pisses me off. I'm trying to be calm about this but I'm not. I feel like they're trying to kill an important part of me.

I so well understand that!

I think you are ok. Fennel shares a compound with licorice that makes it taste similar but it is not licorice.

So I took the first dose of Caplyta last night. My sleep was excellent and my mind is slightly less noisy. Hopefully, the "less noisy" will decrease with more doses. The only downsides are a dizzy, off-balance sensation and sleepiness. The dizziness is upsetting because I need to skate. The hangover sleepiness is annoying. I might just lie down and sleep for another hour, then take a shower to help myself wake up and refresh.

Daisy happies to each of you

I googled it and it says the seeds you can OD on. But I dont know if the seeds are in the bulbs.

Somethings just making me feel super sick though.

I don’t doubt that Mary loves you because there is history there

Dr B saying that ? I’d feel very odd about that to be honest since you haven’t been seeing him long.

I hope the new medication kicks right in and if nothing else allows you to get consistent sleep ! I just read you sleep well !!! Yay! I’m sure as you adjust the dizziness will ease.

Hugs cutie

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Feeling very off today ! A ache into my bones kinda of “ off” meh !

This heat is likely the cause. Near 100 hella humid and heat index 105-110

On a happy note my husband picked us up a pizza albeit Lil Caesar but hey I don’t have to cook tonight. What a huge treat for me.

Anyone have plans for the weekend ???

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I picked up salad fixings since it hot, but not nearly that hot. But yay! Pizza 🍕

I went to my mom's today and watered her outside plants. Then I walked for half an hour around her neighborhood, TRYing to not sweat but that was impossible especially with sunblock on. So I had to shower when I got home.

I called N 3 this afternoon because I hadn't heard from him for several days. He's fine. Said his work is changing his hours around but every couple weeks he will get Friday through Monday off. He'll still have 40 hours though.

I watched the rest of the Netflix show that I started yesterday. There were only 8 episodes. My sister's birthday is today. I called her and she said she's been watching "God's Favorite Idiot" too. I hope there's a second season. It seemed to leave the storyline up in the air when the season ended. Now I'm watching some show with Michael Douglas in it- also has Elliot Gould and Danny Devito in it. Also the lady that played House's boss on "House" is playing a 45-year-old drug addicted daughter to one of the main characters. So weird to see her in that roll. And Danny Devito is a urologist who is taking care of Michael Douglas's character.

At any rate it was much cooler today, especially in the shade with a light breeze.

Well last nail in the coffin with H. Now to figure out details. We're both hurt. We just had to get passed our current hurdle. Hopefully he doesn't move before he can get into his therapist or me into mine. Truth has consequences. I just didn't think it'd be this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed You actually can OD on fennel seeds. And it has estrogen in it and can cause breast development. Uh... I messaged my doctor who did my biopsy and he said everything is ok I just need to repeat the ultrasound in a year and then to work with an endocronologist. Who I do already. My trans doctor. I then messaged the trans doctor and told him that I felt like a complete lethargic mess and this seemed to get really bad yesterday. I had gotten my shot on Wednesdsy night. I told him about my tiredness and the lightheadness and asked if he had any suggestions. Often times my doctors can pull strings so maybe he can get me into see the sleep doctor sooner. I said I didn't want to go off my injections forever but if I had to for a bit until I saw the sleep doctor I'd be willing to. Since not being able to get out of bed is not something I want. I got my nausea and stomach pain under control with a zofran and an advil and I just now pulled myself to a sitting postioton in bed to eat a pack of Planters peanuts and to drink an iced tea and my stomach seems to be acting funny with the peanuts. But it seems like theres 3 issues going on. One of which is already taken care of.

I'm so happy to hear that nothing cancerous was found! That is so weird about fennel seeds. I can't stand the taste of fennel.

I love peanuts, but they can be hard on digestion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I went to my mom's today and watered her outside plants. Then I walked for half an hour around her neighborhood, TRYing to not sweat but that was impossible especially with sunblock on. So I had to shower when I got home. I called N 3 this afternoon because I hadn't heard from him for several days. He's fine. Said his work is changing his hours around but every couple weeks he will get Friday through Monday off. He'll still have 40 hours though. I watched the rest of the Netflix show that I started yesterday. There were only 8 episodes. My sister's birthday is today. I called her and she said she's been watching "God's Favorite Idiot" too. I hope there's a second season. It seemed to leave the storyline up in the air when the season ended. Now I'm watching some show with Michael Douglas in it- also has Elliot Gould and Danny Devito in it. Also the lady that played House's boss on "House" is playing a 45-year-old drug addicted daughter to one of the main characters. So weird to see her in that roll. And Danny Devito is a urologist who is taking care of Michael Douglas's character. At any rate it was much cooler today, especially in the shade with a light breeze.

There are a number of shows that I wish had at least one more season. The way viewers are left hanging is crap.

What's the name of the show with Michael Douglas in it?

Small mercies. I got the unemployment appeal in just under the wire! Did it online, yet they're gonna send me a letter to arrange a phone interview. So... yeah.

I got $10 from the bank today as well! I apparently signed up for a rewards program of sorts when I opened my account and didn't realize it. I got to buy a 12 pack of generic cherry cola and a 24 pack of bottled water. Anything that is not rancid city water. Noticeable off taste and my cat, who's not picky at all, turns her nose at it when offered. Small mercies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Feeling very off today ! A ache into my bones kinda of “ off” meh ! This heat is likely the cause. Near 100 hella humid and heat index 105-110 On a happy note my husband picked us up a pizza albeit Lil Caesar but hey I don’t have to cook tonight. What a huge treat for me. Anyone have plans for the weekend ??? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Whoa, that is some far too intense heat and vicious humidity. No wonder you don't feel well.

You and Nammu both having pizza tonight. That sounds so good.

Nah, no week-end plans. Especially not with the cost of gas I'm stressed about driving a mile to the grocery store and a mile back, because I'm below 1/4 tank.

Hmm, I'm feeling apprehensive about the Caplyta. Darn it. I laid down with the intention of sleeping for 1/2 an hour, maybe an hour at most. Fell sound asleep and slept most of the afternoon. Nothing got done except some dishes and of course, cat care. I could easily lie down and sleep for the rest of the night. And I have very low stamina, took a shower and blow-drying my hair was a huge effort. Moving at all is difficult. Also, Caplyta is not supposed to cause weight gain, but I have that "I must eat and eat" feeling. I'm not giving into it because I know better now (after Seroquel), but it's annoying and uncomfortable.

I'm going to call med dude and ask if Caplyta comes in a lower dose. I'd definitely be willing to try that. But being this sedated is not a way to live life. I won't take it tonight, so it's back to an otc sleep med because, most likely, I'll finally really wake up at 9 o'clock.

There's my Caplyta report, lol

Maybe it would get easier if you took it for a while? I know most APs have been like that for me- harder to tolerate initially and easier after some time on them.

Nope, no pizza here. I was just celebrating pizza and no cooking for Christina. I made sandwiches for tonight even though it’s not that hot yet. We each had half a chicken salad, tomato, lettuce, spicy spice mix on rye sandwich with a small portion of potato salad and a dipped macaroon cookie.

I again made all my classes today. Aqua fitness class has gotten easier to sign up for. They went back to 25 persons and a lot of people are gone so I got in all three days this week and next week. The regular fitness class has no limit as it’s not as popular. I think they could have aqua fitness twice a day all five days and it would be full! I’m feeling the stretches tonight. As usual making the classes do boost my mood.

Thanks to my car woes I can’t make it to my daughter’s and granddaughter’s birthday ( yeah, they have the same birthday &#127874 party. So they are coming here on their actual birthday and I’m taking them to pizza ranch. I’ve never been there before but apparently it’s my granddaughter’s favorite.

Coconut chocolate dipped macaroons to everybody!! Calorie free!!!!

I agree with 🌈 rainbow, most meds can have temporary side effects that go away with time. Why not give it a couple of weeks and be gentle with yourself about needing to get things done. A grace period. You’ve been though a lot Beth.