Bipolar check-in #67

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Today's big stressor is that a photographer and his assistant were in our rented house taking photos and videos of the rooms. The assisted was sort of staging by moving many of our items out of sight so there was no clutter. By clutter, I don't mean mess, though. Very invasive, but she tried putting most things back. We're did our landlady a huge favor by our cooperation. We already did by drastically sprucing up the house since moving in. Sure would be nice if we received some gesture of appreciation before we move out. The extreme stress made me sweat, as usual. Also brought on clumsiness. Today I broke a valuable vase that meant a lot to Hubby. Afterwards I just laid in bed sad and shedding some tears. I'll start my increased med dose tonight, as I don't have to get up early tomorrow.

Ssssss...whoa, that IS stressful. A gesture of appreciation - um, yes!

I'm sorry about the vase.

How are you feeling today?

Yesterday's interview went south, mainly because the company started looking more and more like an MLM the more I read their promotional materials. They were promising bonuses right off the bat, explaining those bonuses with acronyms I couldn't make heads or tails of. They had testimonials of people who "changed their life" working for them with little real explanation of the actual job beyond "Sell! Sell! Sell!" Sell what, for instance? The promo materials wouldn't explain what insurance I was selling and the actual recruiters wouldn't either. Maybe it was, and I swear this is a real thing, alien abduction insurance? Actually, I would love to try and sell that to people, just to see their reaction!

On Planet Earth, I've got my doctor's appointment in two hours! I am excited! Well, as excited as you can be to go to the doctor. But still, proper medical care!

No she likes to send emails as she pleases but doesn't respond to mine even when I am asking legit questions.

Thanks, @Jennifer 1967 and @*Beth*. And sorry for all of the typos in my post. My brain is not operating well. Sometimes I start to type the first version that comes to my head, then turn to a second mid-way. Also, when I first wrote it it was present tense. Then I updated and didn't change all to past.

My husband was kind in not showing any extreme reaction when I broke the vase. He fully understood what caused it. He said he'll try to see if he can get some money from our homeowners insurance. I kinda doubt that will work, though.

So few people on bipolar forums write about clumsiness as a result of bipolar disorder and/or the medications. I feel a bit alone in having this side effect. I only recall Kay Redfield Jamison mentioning something similar in her memoir.

Beth, I feel overwhelmed. I'm overeating to self medicate. I've had to push myself to do some basic things. I fear that pushing will have a limit. Nothing I do seems to be as good as usual.

I’ve had in the past meds, lithium is one I remember that caused fine motor tremors and I had trouble with dropping things. But not now, I can sympathize though.

Yum! Lunch was BBQ and all that comes with it. Good stuff.

The church called today. They will continue bringing meals for Wednesday night dinner for us although the program typically follows the school year. Very nice. They also wanted to make sure I’ll be home tonight. Someone has knitted me a prayer shawl with attached cross for helping brother as I did. Very touching and unexpected.

I have surgery on that lesion on my tongue Tuesday afternoon. Fingers crossed that it’s benign.

A good day so far.

I managed to finish my two early summer terms classes with two As!!!!! On to the next class!

I feel like I have bad acne and my facial hair is really bothering me. I also have acne on my chest. The only thing that is different is the new stomach med I started Friday. Also I got my weekly injection a couple hours ago and I feel super sick to my stomach and lightheaded right now. I mean the doctors and pharamcists are aware of med interactions arent they? Or maybe not. I can't get my valium refilled until Saturday and I'm leaving Saturday morning and the pharamacy is so behind and its just a mess so my mom is going to bring it in on Friday morning and explain we need it Saturday morning by 10. Either way I'll be out of it by Friday afternoon. Also our car is being looked at tommrow morning and if its too dangerous to drive we won't bother getting a rental car we'll just cancel the trip. I'm personally ok with cancelling it. 3 years ago I would have been totally pissed. Now with the transition and post covid I just don't feel like traveling as much. I don't know how my mom feels but I don't think she'd be particularly devastated either. We still have our family lake trip in August.

Congratulations!!!!

Back to the phone bill troubles... I was supposed to get $30 off my bill for that Affordable Connectivity Program. But today I got my usual reminder of the amount that will be deducted and it was for the usual amount not a discounted rate. Now I'm paranoid again.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Thanks, @Jennifer 1967 and @*Beth*. And sorry for all of the typos in my post. My brain is not operating well. Sometimes I start to type the first version that comes to my head, then turn to a second mid-way. Also, when I first wrote it it was present tense. Then I updated and didn't change all to past. My husband was kind in not showing any extreme reaction when I broke the vase. He fully understood what caused it. He said he'll try to see if he can get some money from our homeowners insurance. I kinda doubt that will work, though. So few people on bipolar forums write about clumsiness as a result of bipolar disorder and/or the medications. I feel a bit alone in having this side effect. I only recall Kay Redfield Jamison mentioning something similar in her memoir. Beth, I feel overwhelmed. I'm overeating to self medicate. I've had to push myself to do some basic things. I fear that pushing will have a limit. Nothing I do seems to be as good as usual.

I so appreciate that you've brought up the word "clumsiness." That is a much more accurate word than the phrase I've always used, which is "off-balance." I absolutely have that side effect from most psych meds - AP's for sure, but also antidepressants. I don't know about the mood stabilizers, because I've never been on one by itself. But it wouldn't surprise me if they also cause clumsiness.

That terrible clumsiness is the worst side effect (besides weight gain) that I find so difficult with psych meds. Normally, my balance is excellent - hence, dancing, etc. But with AP's and AD's (specifically SSRI's) I feel anxious about walking (falling) and so on. I can't trust my own body. It's so discouraging - especially when doctors say exercise! -and I'm afraid to walk around the block!

I'm so excited about skating because somehow my muscle memory has kicked in, perhaps because I began skating when I was a small child. That awful med Caplyta caused such a clumsy sensation that I didn't feel safe to skate (or drive, which also involves a sense of balance).

Oh, no. You are by no means alone in that. Perhaps with our backgrounds in dance we feel especially conscious of the clumsiness? Just a thought.

Now, onto your feeling overwhelmed. Do you have a sense that the increase in Seroquel will help after a few days? And that side effects (such as clumsiness) will subside?

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’ve had in the past meds, lithium is one I remember that caused fine motor tremors and I had trouble with dropping things. But not now, I can sympathize though.

Oh, yes - those, too. The tremor and dropping things. Such med side effects are always difficult for me to explain to doctors. A support group like the one we have on this forum helps clarify...so very, very helpful.

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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I managed to finish my two early summer terms classes with two As!!!!! On to the next class!

Congratulations, Halliebeth

I'm concerned about MuddyBoots and about Miguelsmom... If you see this, please check in. I hate worrying

I agree! Check in, please.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Back to the phone bill troubles... I was supposed to get $30 off my bill for that Affordable Connectivity Program. But today I got my usual reminder of the amount that will be deducted and it was for the usual amount not a discounted rate. Now I'm paranoid again.

Have you called your phone company?

No. I always go into the store if there's a problem but now that's the problem! Do I just search up my phone company's phone number? Do they even have a customer service line? This is all so complicated.

I'm sorry *Beth* haven't been on lately because So much is going on here. Miguel's not doing well. It looks like we have to move to the NE. I'm wracking my brain to see how we can do this. I'm so overwhelmed that I missed my hud paperwork day. Haven't even started it. I don't know what we are doing. I hate this I'm so scattered. H is no help with paperwork. I can't seem to start anything. I found an apartment. Miguel will be moving back in. Everything is so ****ed up. I no longer feel safe as a family where we live for many different reasons. My teeth wont make it till next year if we don't move now. They're giving miguel a hard time about changing T's/pdocs. My family is stressing me out because they don't want me to move. My anxiety is really high. I feel like my life is exploding. Miguel's rent came in really high. So high H no longer wants to pay. I don't know how we're going to do everything. I have to shower and cut my hair before therapy tomorrow. I haven't brushed my hair in weeks and I can't even guess when the last time I showered is. Everything is just to much I don't even know where to start. this whole thing sucks. I'm trying to convince Miguel to go back to school until we get up there and he gets into PHP. We can't hospitalize him yet it takes days of planning and encouragement to get him out of the house. He wants us over every day. I went from planning on on breading and training dogs to needing a letter to keep my 12 year old dog. With everything I haven't been on. I want to be normal, I want off assistance, this is to much to take. I'm apparently eating less then normal. It's just all snowballing. And my house is a disaster.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 No. I always go into the store if there's a problem but now that's the problem! Do I just search up my phone company's phone number? Do they even have a customer service line? This is all so complicated.

Yes, they should have a customer service number. Try googling it.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I'm sorry *Beth* haven't been on lately because So much is going on here. Miguel's not doing well. It looks like we have to move to the NE. I'm wracking my brain to see how we can do this. I'm so overwhelmed that I missed my hud paperwork day. Haven't even started it. I don't know what we are doing. I hate this I'm so scattered. H is no help with paperwork. I can't seem to start anything. I found an apartment. Miguel will be moving back in. Everything is so ****ed up. I no longer feel safe as a family where we live for many different reasons. My teeth wont make it till next year if we don't move now. They're giving miguel a hard time about changing T's/pdocs. My family is stressing me out because they don't want me to move. My anxiety is really high. I feel like my life is exploding. Miguel's rent came in really high. So high H no longer wants to pay. I don't know how we're going to do everything. I have to shower and cut my hair before therapy tomorrow. I haven't brushed my hair in weeks and I can't even guess when the last time I showered is. Everything is just to much I don't even know where to start. this whole thing sucks. I'm trying to convince Miguel to go back to school until we get up there and he gets into PHP. We can't hospitalize him yet it takes days of planning and encouragement to get him out of the house. He wants us over every day. I went from planning on on breading and training dogs to needing a letter to keep my 12 year old dog. With everything I haven't been on. I want to be normal, I want off assistance, this is to much to take. I'm apparently eating less then normal. It's just all snowballing. And my house is a disaster.

You're not on medication right now?

@*Beth* I am on my medication and T wants it adjusted but if we're leaving in a couple of months then I don't want it adjusted Because I don't want to be in a bigger mess when starting with a new team. This whole thing is a mess. I was flat last week and now this week I'm a mess and overwhelmed. My whole family is counting on me. I put us in massive debt. and now I have to find a couple of thousand of dollars to move cross country. That's even if they allow us to keep HUD If not I have no idea what we'll do. everythings a mess I don't even know where to start. Probably a shower.

I found a number. What if it's put on the web by that guy I gave info to at the store?

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom @*Beth* I am on my medication and T wants it adjusted but if we're leaving in a couple of months then I don't want it adjusted Because I don't want to be in a bigger mess when starting with a new team. This whole thing is a mess. I was flat last week and now this week I'm a mess and overwhelmed. My whole family is counting on me. I put us in massive debt. and now I have to find a couple of thousand of dollars to move cross country. That's even if they allow us to keep HUD If not I have no idea what we'll do. everythings a mess I don't even know where to start. Probably a shower.

Yes. Step one is a shower. Remember, you can do only 1 step at a time. Plus, a shower will naturally refresh you.

This is true. Showers do refresh you!

First, I'm sorry I've not been very good at giving hugs or thanks on posts lately. I'm reading but having trouble doing more than skimming through right now.

I'm having serious anxiety problems. As I said a few days ago I'm house/pet/chicken sitting for the next 7 days (5 days down). And it seems that every day has had issues messing with my head.

I am chicken sitting despite being scared of birds. I'm actually doing ok with them although I've not had to go into the coop yet. My BIL left tons of food and water for them which was so nice. I'll probably go in tomorrow or the next day.

The other thing I really struggle with is dead stuff. So of course my first morning the cat had brought a mole to the porch. I disposed of that. Then I had to empty the pool filter. I could not get it open and after my BIL came up with a long-distance trick I got it opened and there was a dead bird floating in there. At this point I was pretty well panicking. I called my mom when my sister wasn't helpful enough (I think she thought I could lift it out with gloves on. Not happening). My mom suggested fish nets and I was able to scoop it out and away with those. So now every night when I check the filter I get on the phone with my mom in case some horror awaits.

Yesterday I don't think I was as anxious until I heard a huge noise in the evening. I thought was someone pounding hard on the door but nobody was there. Later I saw a tow truck hauling a car go by so I think I heard an accident. So that got me calmed down again.

This morning I got up early and let the dog out and turn on the pool filter (I had no idea a pool was so much work). The cat had already caught a mouse which she later ran off with and I hope to never see it again.

I wound Up making a mistake that could be really bad or nothing at all. I've been fighting hard to stick to nothing at all. But everything here is stressing me out. Not knowing a door doesn't latch easily could have turned into a HUGE mistake with consequences. I don't know how long it will be before I can quit worrying about that one. (Don't want to be too specific unless someone finds this).

I just am overwhelmed being on my own in a strange place with strange responsibilities.


I miss my cat. My mom is taking great care of her and sends me pictures but I miss her.

I can't wait to go home. I've done this before and have never had such a hard time. I have no idea what my problem is but I really can't settle down.