Bipolar check-in #67

Sorry I misread the post. I thought that what starts as small and neutral can develop over time. I didn't suggest that your husband was unfaithful to you, now. Sorry again!

You are doing great under the circumstances, Jennifer!

I am still tired. I almost fell asleep in the church.

Ripe tomato on dark pumpernickel, mmm one of life’s simple pleasures. Had one yesterday and one just now. Mmm Did all the work yesterday so have nothing today but TV and book. Struggling with reading though and nothing on basic tv. Have the mummy movie on but I’ve seen it umpteenth times. I’m antsy and want to go somewhere but still don’t have my car.

Our lovely temperatures in the 80's with chilly nights are au revoir. Today: 102 degrees. Tomorrow: 104 degrees. And so on for the rest of the week. Actually, all windows closed and a/c & fans on are rather comfortable because people have been so noisy lately - including continuing to set off illegal fireworks since the first week of June Enough already!!

Laundry today. 'Twill be a hot chore, but I love having clean laundry. Besides that, I am watching a movie, Vita & Virginia, that I'm enjoying. I will continue it this afternoon.

Sidney is eating only wet food and freeze-dried turkey, so high protein/almost zero carbs. Her glucose numbers are fantastic! She's happy, smiling, playful, herself. I am over the moon! It is amazing, what diet can do.

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I am really having a terrible time. My anxiety is out of control. We left the house once today to grab eggs since CR is all about the hard boiled eggs right now. I freaked out. I came home and I just felt panicked even though I’m now safe inside the house. I want to go outside and take a walk because I’m so anxious but I’m too afraid to go outside. I’ll be comfortable in my backyard but now it’s getting dark, I should have gone out earlier. I did get out some of my nervous energy by cleaning.

I’m kind of glad I don’t have to take CR to camp for a couple more days, I really don’t want to go anywhere by myself. But I really shouldn’t give in to this anxiety either or it will grow bigger than I can handle. It’s not paranoia yet but it’s headed there.

I am not really sure where to go med wise. I don’t want any AP. They all give me unacceptable side effects or just plain don’t work. I would be willing to use haldol in the short term just to clear this up so I can get a grip and better use my skills, but not in the long term.

I know ADs can sometimes be used for anxiety but I can’t take any. Wellbutrin is the only one that doesn’t send me into outer space. I dunno if it’s helpful for anxiety.

I’m trying to employ skills but It’s not going my way. I’ll keep trying though.

Haldol helped my anxiety and paranoia. I still take it. It's my only AP- unless Rexulti is an AP? I take that too. (See my signature.)

Yes haldol works but I do not like the side effects. It raises my prolactin which makes me gain weight, gives me tremors, and makes me drool. It also gave me a jaw spasm that reappears when I take other APs. That’s why I want to stay away from APs long term. But it does work for sure. That’s the unfortunate part.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Yes haldol works but I do not like the side effects. It raises my prolactin which makes me gain weight, gives me tremors, and makes me drool. It also gave me a jaw spasm that reappears when I take other APs. That’s why I want to stay away from APs long term. But it does work for sure. That’s the unfortunate part.

I have 2 thoughts. First, have you ever been on Gabapentin? I have extremely severe anxiety that turns delusional and have been on over 20 meds for it - the only one that has worked long-term has been Gabapentin. I've not noticed any side effects.

And this is probably a dumb question, but I assume you've tried the atypical (newer) AP's? Vraylar is *supposed* to be weight neutral and while I don't have much else to say for it one way or the other, I will say that I didn't feel hungry on it. I also have a big problem with tremors, but didn't notice the tremor worsening from Vraylar (I did with Haldol, right away).

Beth, my nephew was over tonight on their way home from camping. He had a collapsable pole that telescopes out with two different heads. One for standard lightbulbs and one for bigger bulbs. Had long plastic finger like prongs with a metal elastic band around it. It took him seconds to change the bulb! Was a breeze. So they had cookies and we talked a bit. I googled lightbulb changer for high ceilings and a picture came up. So cool.

Take care in the heat!

Hope your anxiety will become a bit better soon!

Since I was so tired yesterday, I decided to not put the alarm clock on for this morning. That did me good. I am sitting with the breakfast table. I will soon do my physical exercices, repeat my tool-box, do relexation exercises and instead of going for a walk as I usually do, I will try to continue the work in my home that
was far from finished at Saturday.

A good Monday to all!

Just wanted you to know that Wellbutrin helps both my depression and anxiety a lot.

I'm getting my haircut today since I don't think I should wear a hat to the lawyers. Then I have a nice pair of jeans that don't have rips in them and a black polo shirt. I wont be super dressed up but I won't look like a slob either. I didn't sleep the greatest last night and my agoraphobia is still bad, but I'm going to make it work today. I think getting my haircut will help me feel better even if I do feel weirded out while I'm there.

I can't stand this. I don't know how I'm going to make it through PAWS.

Can you go ip and get meds to help you though it?

I could, but the point of ACT is to not go IP. I talk to my NP on Wednesday so hopefully she'll prescribe naltrexone for the cravings (I've been on it before). I've been taking a ton of kpin to take the edge off (more than prescribed but I've never had a problem with benzos so I think it's ok short-term). I have a lot of support this week (case manager today, ffs tomorrow, NP wednesday, group Thursday).
I'm all but through the physical withdrawals so I don't think IP is really necessary as long as my NP helps me out.

Oh wow. That’s some good support.. I hope the np gets it.

Watch this post get pushed behind others too.

Anyways I got my haircut. I made it to one gas station before freaking out and coming home. The thing is no one is giving me any trouble let alone looking at me. I am just being paranoid. I was confused and I thought my consulation with the therapist was on Wednesday. But its on Friday. So I kinda made a mess and called the office and I was confused and stuff but anyways I succesfully cancelled my appointment tommrow and I asked them to tell her to email me to clear up the confusion if our sessions are Tuesdays or Wednesdays. Since I always thought they were on Wednesdays. Honestly I think I'm just stroking out because of my blood level. I even smelled something burning the other day. I never get so confused over appointments. I'm always really on track of everything. I don't know if I should see if my pdoc can see me sooner or just wait for my 2 medical appointments later this month. My mom can see my confusion about things but shes not noticing any other stroke like symptoms. I was calling her the confused one the other day when she said my appointments were on Friday because I swear the 15th was on Wednesday and I was really sure she was in the wrong about it. Like what is wrong with my head.

So I was able to talk to one of the other clinicians today (mine is on vacation) and she gave me a couple of skills to use. That was the problem, I couldn't figure out which ones would work. I've been drowning in catastrophizing. I've just been assuming someone is going to die, be it me or RS or CR, because people close to me HAVE died suddenly with no warning. I've also been feeling like no one cares or has even acknowledged what I'm going through (IRL), they're all just placating me with "it won't last forever" and "you're strong".

Anyway one of the other clinicians told me that when I catch myself catastrophizing and assuming the worst (that CR is going to die from complications) I need to stop saying to myself what could go wrong and flip the script to what could go right and focus on that. So the right thing to happen is CR makes a full recovery. The right thing for me is nothing is seriously wrong and I just have to make some diet adjustments.

As for the low level paranoia, she told me to use safety statements (which do work for me but went straight out of my head in the panic), and also take it one step at a time. Such as, look out my window before i go to my car and be aware of anyone that's there. Usually no one is and there's nowhere to hide in the front yards on our block. Then when I get where I'm going do the same thing and use a safety statement (The store is a few feet away, everyone is occupied loading their groceries), etc etc. I'm still afraid but I do feel better about CR. Especially because there has been no cause for alarm, he's doing brilliantly.

So hopefully I won't need to add more medication, although I will if it's needed for sure.

Hope the haircut helped!

It is a slow process to get my home in order. My apartment is not so big, but that is the reason it take such a long time to clean it up. Normally I don't have to use more than an hour a day on ordinary cleaning, but now when I have been sick 10 days and not put things on their right places at once, it takes time to "restore" my surroundings (much due to tiredness).

At least it is going forward ... I'll continue tomorrow ...

Send good wishes for your day and your evening!

I'm afraid to post now because i never know where i left off. maybe i should start up my own thread again. anyhoo. great. now i've forgotten what i wanted to say. *facepalms

It did help. I do look a bit like Pete Davidson when he was on SNL before he went blonde. It doesn't look bad but it would look better if I were wearing jeans and a hoodie instead of shorts and a T shirt. I did ask her to go majorly short on the top. I was looking a bit like Elliot Page. I want his abs not his hair.