Bipolar check-in #68

Awww! I love the little bowtie!

My Sophie chilling with me on the bed... and ready to play with the sheets when I start making the bed!

I think i might have diabetes. I have this dramatic reaction to food. I feel high and alright with the world immediately after eating but then i get tired and topple over and have a rest for several hours. Today i actually napped, actually fell asleep at 8:00pm, which is absurd. I had eaten some sugary snacks. It could be a sugar high and a sugar crash. I'm fat and don't exercise consistently and my blood sugar numbers have been borderline for years. I haven't had my blood sugar tested for several years due to COVID. I gained weight during COVID so that might have pushed me over into genuine diabetes. I have a requisition and a blood test appointment for September 12th.

It somewhat doesn't matter tho because i doubt i could overhaul my lifestyle, even for something as serious as diabetes. Anyways, Wikipedia says the effectiveness of lifestyle changes re diabetes among the severely mentally ill has not been studied sufficiently and evidence is inconclusive.

The risk factor of death is actually an incentive as i am sick and tired of my bipolar. I think of this Summer when i was a raging sexpot, chewing everyone's ear off about how i was dating a man young enough to be my son and wanted to have sex with him. I didn't have sex with him because something seemed off about him and because he was poor and disrespectful. All he had to offer was sex and that's not enough. I'm just so ashamed of how i couldn't shut-up about how i wanted to have sex with him. I'm especially ashamed of this one time my neighbor had me and another woman over for coffee and i went on and on about my sexual desires. These two women know i have struggles, but still there was no excuse for being so tiresome about my horniness. Embarrassing.

And what do i have to look forward to, but a repeat of the same shameful behavior? Next manic episode the topic might be different... Or it might be the same. I just hate myself for being such a horndog. I'm sure no one wants to hear about the sexual feelings of a fat 56 year old woman in menopause.

So H went to bed. Me I’m staring at my computer screen using it as a mirror so no one can sneak up on me. I feel bugs, my leg is shaking and feel like there’s someone behind me, with music on, I really wish I hadn't slept today Everythings all ****ed up. But my phone hasn’t “rang” today. I don’t think I’m having (hypo)mania but it’s really uncomfortable. I don’t have time for this ****. It’s bad enough that I’m being obnoxious to you guys but I couldn’t even pick up the call from pdoc because I thought I was “imagining” it. I don’t want to call again. I see T tuesday So I’ll have her deal with getting a hold of pdoc. I’m so shut down too. I’m taking my meds. One day when I missed my night meds I took it that morning. I hate this. I don't want to bother anyone.

I'm sorry you may have diabetes. Maybe you can get help overhauling your life if that's what it'll take? Just because your X doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel sexual. I'm sorry your mania embarrassed you.

I set up a doctors appointment for early Monday morning. I'm hoping he can easily put in an order for a food and allergy test. I'm not sure really how easy those are to do. If they are simple blood tests that can be done on the same visit or what. I also called Social Secuirty and they said that yeah they were the first place to start with since the DMV will take my old ID. So I have to set up an appointment with them. My endocrongolist said to bring over the gender change paperwork when I see my primary and he'll fill it out right then and there. So I can also give that to SS when I see them. So again its just a bit of a headache but its working out.

Thanks for volunteering, Blue_Bird! And cute kitty moment. I assume they get along well. Is one an alpha cat?

@JaneRedux, I hope you don't have diabetes. Please do get tested for it. Many in my family got it and were able to get it under control and lived long lives. Only my paternal grandmother, who also lived into her 80s, got so far as to need dialysis. She was really laissez faire about it, though. I worry I may someday get it. My last tests showed me as pre-diabetic. I had had that result years before, too, and fully normalized it for all that time.

Mania and disinhibition and hypersexuality are so common together. You're not alone in embarrassing behavior. I had so many doozies I can't remember. I put them in the past and move on. No benefit in beating yourself up over them. A few, I can even laugh at, which is classic Grandma (paternal), who also had bp1. A good approach, sometimes. Just do your best to stay stable and if hypo/mania slips through again, work to end it and move on again. I am married and wish I got "more", too. A lot of us do and perhaps even one or both of those friends of yours secretly relate.

On a funny and not at all related to anything note, I had some Kool Aid before work and the red coloring stained my lips essentially rouge. I didn't realize until about three hours into my shift. Now, to each their own, but ruby red lips didn't fit the work uniform! Ha ha! It did explain some rather "traditional" individuals running away from me after I walked up to them. Less amusing, but still amusing in that they were threatened by what they thought was lipstick.

Now about work. My bosses seem dead set on creating tension and an awkward dynamic between me and the Walmart bosses who, while I don't work for them, I have to be able to work with. Mr. La la la wanted me to be able to work the registers. My bosses shot it down quickly and forcefully, making me the messenger, and made sure I knew it was a specific part of the contract that I don't give the appearance of being anything other than a phone salesman.

I get that. If I am given more Walmart roles (register numbers, keys, etc.), that company would take full advantage I wouldn't be able to do the job I was hired to do. On the other, the Walmart boss had a relevant point in that it makes it harder for me to sell a phone when I can't actually sell the phone at the register. In principle, I can just work closely with the Walmart associates to have them complete the sale, but in practice, I have to shadow them to ensure they remember me, not necessarily out of malice, but because they're so busy. I still get my commission, but it makes it harder to finish the process.

As far as the normal aspects of my job go, I think I had a good week! One day I got involved with a dozen phone sales. I kept to people with my company by solving problems and brought two people into the fold. They can't say I'm not doing my job.

I had to deal with scrip logistics today. First off, my PsychNP accidentally sent me the wrong dosage of one of my meds (Lamictal). I take 150 and he sent 200. Easy enough correction, but the man went the path of most resistance. Didn't send a revised scrip, but a second Lamictal scrip at 25 strength. I'm supposed to split the 200 in half and take 2 25s to make 150. At this point, I would be willing to up the dose and take 200, but I don't know what the side effects would be with a such a jump. Nausea, vomiting? Something worse?

Also, everything came due today med wise! If I didn't have Medicaid, I would be freaking out, but at the moment, I can get them filled and get out of there! Had to switch pharmacies to be closer to work, but one perk of Wally World pharmacies is that they can talk to each other easy. So, minor inconvenience.

Work is an hour later starting this morning, so I can maybe be slightly more rested! Fingers crossed!

One thing I did think of in this whole situation was an old college friend who worked in a bakery that sold cupcakes. She would recommend a hot pink frosted buttercream cupcake to guys who asked her "What's good?" Most would either take it or politely decline. Some, however, would react like you handed them a live snake and get angry. I saw this a few times when I stopped by to say hi to her. And to be clear, it was a good cupcake and an honest recommendation. It was just pink. Apparently that was threatening to them, like red stained lips. Fun times.

Thanks

Yeah, they mostly tolerate each other. Lol Mustachio is still a kitten and has a ton of energy so she likes to bother Maybelle all the time. Maybelle is 13 years old and doesn’t like Mustachio bothering her all the time, she gets frustrated with her sometimes lol. But they are mostly fine together, Maybelle sometimes puts Mustachio in her place, when she doesn’t want to be bothered and she chases her away.

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Sophie is so cute! they do love playing in sheets when you’re trying to make the bed, it takes me like 15-20 minutes to make my bed because Mustachio is always jumping back up in the sheets lol

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I’m classed as having a severe mental illness and was diagnosed with diabetes at the end of last year - due to huge weight gain from 10yrs of high dose Seroquel and just the use of seroquel itself can cause diabetes.

Anyway I’ve made lifestyle changes and lost 49.7kgs (109.5lbs) since then and my diabetes is under control and blood tests are in the non diabetic range now. It’s definitely possible. And I’m saying this coming from a place where I have difficulty doing things like showering and leaving the house and I have psychotic symptoms and bad anxiety and still have mood issues. I’m just trying to say that even with a mental illness you can still control diabetes relatively easily by taking medication and making a few changes. Don’t give up before you have to! I hope you don’t have it but if you do, good luck!

I know quite a few people who were on diabetes and needed insulin and were able to reverse it so that they don't need any diabetes meds anymore. I have managed to get my a1c to drop just with dietary changes.

I just talked with N2 for 15 minutes on the phone. I just wanted to check up with her as I hadn't talked with her in ages. It was an ok conversation but she has kind of a soft voice and I was sitting at Starbucks where it's always loud. I felt bad that I kept having to ask her to repeat herself.

And my sister called to give me an update on our dad. Amongst them fighting, she also said that she found pictures of me and letters I'd written him with a drawing of a violin at age 10! Awww! He played violin and so did my sister and I starting at ages 7 and 9.

I dunno what I'm doing today. Finishing my coffee and calling my mom I guess.

I slept for 13 hours and I’ll have to go back to sleep soon but I have a better outlook on it today. My doctor’s appointment is Tuesday. That’s not far away. I’ll get things straightened out then. Too tired to float today although it’s beautiful outside. I’ll try again tomorrow.

My aunt invited mom and I up for a visit. It’s in a town about four hours away. The route takes us through the town where my daughter lives. Bonus. She didn’t so much invite as tell us we were coming up Thursday the 1st - September 8 and she has the whole visit planned. That’s her way. I appreciate the invite and I really want to visit but it will have to be a bit later in September when I’m on back on my feet and after the pool closes.

Looking forward to a call from my daughter today. Off to bed until she calls.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful day.

Ooooh that sounds good! Where did you get them? Never heard of that one. What brand are they, maybe I can look for them in my local store.

They are small containers by Blue Diamond Almonds. I found them in my regular grocery store by the peanuts. But I think Walgreens carry’s them too. The container has a lime green background. I hope you find them they are delicious!

I think I tore something in a place you don't want to do any damage to. I think I may have a bladder prolapse or something similar. All I know is I've been dealing with the walnut issue since Thursday at 1PM and everything that went along with it. Then this morning around 8:30 I felt this heavy feeling and then I felt this odd sensation like something had dropped. Now I am feeling a type of pain/discomfort I haven't felt since I had my surgery last October. I'll talk to my primary when I see him on Monday although I'm hoping it fixes itself. All this because of a stupid bag of walnuts.

Christina says thanks for all the well wishes. She’s a bit under it all and not sure what they are going to do.

Sending her more sparkling ✨ purple good vibes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu They are small containers by Blue Diamond Almonds. I found them in my regular grocery store by the peanuts. But I think Walgreens carry’s them too. The container has a lime green background. I hope you find them they are delicious!

I used to live a block over from the Blue Diamond Almond Factory. It's huge.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123 ...

As always, I am amazed at and inspired by your strength of spirit, and your healthy will.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Thought I'd share a pic of Maybelle and Mustachio I took today. I took the day off volunteering (I had originally planned to go in today but 3 days in one week was too much for me, especially after the stressful 2nd day) I did 4 hours total this week, which I'm proud of. So I'm going back to doing it around the week of the 5th of September, I'm just taking some time to get things done, and get mentally prepared to start again.

Ha, they're so cute, Birdie. They must love having each others' company.

All the pet pics are a joy. I have a "Jack" cat, too. He's black with a few white markings and literally the tallest, longest cat I've ever seen. He looks like a little panther. His coat is so beautiful and shiny that in the light I can truly see my reflection in his fur, like a black mirror. The funny thing is, Jack is terribly shy. There he is, this enormously tall, long cat who runs and hides at every noise. He's extremely gentle, too.

Anyway. I want to reply to each of you, I miss you all!, but I'm so sick that using my hands is painful. And my eyes are all gritty and blurry. It seemed I was improving, then I awoke with a sore throat and the terrible fatigue.

I ordered free covid tests, but I'm sure they won't come for a while. All the pharmacies in town are closed now. Does anyone know what happens if I go to the ER and tell them I have covid symptoms? Will they lock me in a room? Is there any point, as far as is there any type of outpatient treatment? If anyone has any info, let me know. I'm kind-of a sick mess, lol.

Oh, I remembered to google it. So there's no outpatient covid treatment. If I have it they might force me to go inpatient. So never mind the ER.

Jack sounds lovely. I had a huge, soft black cat named Carlos when I was a preschooler. He was the most loving guy. He taught my sister how to crawl.

I don't know about ERs but I know that there's at least one urgent care here that you can go to for a test. You call from your car and I think they bring the test to you (not sure about that, just guessing from the sign saying you are to call before entering if you are there for a test). You may be able to get a free test from a pharamcy; I know I've done that but it was a while ago and I don't remember the details. If you call one they can tell you details. CVS here has a whole extension for COVID related issues.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Feeling terrible for so long is awful.