Bipolar check-in #68

I say do it! Fantasy colors are actually not uncommon these days. When I was a teenager I was able to be a “rebel” with my wild colored hair but now people don’t even give it another look. I’ve seen older women with fully gray hair color it with purple or pink and it looks beautiful! Not that you’re old and gray lol, I just mean it’s not just for teenagers!

I actually have the lower three inches of my hair dyed purple with the rest my natural dark brown. I would have done the front strands but it would have been too much upkeep, you know having to re color the roots.

Let your hair be cut whatever way you like it, but don't forget to keep your feet on the ground! A haircut, a new dress or something else can brighten up your days and be good crutches to lean upon now that you have to find out how to use your time without taking care of your brother. May he rest in peace.

Best wishes for you in this period of your life!

@*Beth*

I hope Lithium will help you; that it is possible to find the right doze that fits the unique person that is you..

Send my best wishes for some quiet days for you and your husband! (As I have become older, the balance between "quiet time" and" togheter time" has become more and more important).

To all not mentioned: I remember you all, but I don't have the energy to write a personal message to everyone. Please forgive me for that!

My very best wishes for each one of you!

I got up 4 hours earlier than usual before my alarm went off or any of the people I asked to call me did. Took a shower. Drove to the hospital for my annual liver doctor appointment. Got there at 7:15 and made it to the clinic by 7:30. My appointment was at 8. They took me back around 7:40. My vitals were good- I used to have issues with high blood pressure. The Dr visit was quick. By 8:25 I was leaving the blood draw place around the corner from the liver doctor's office. N3 called me just as I was driving away from the hospital. Did I want to go out to breakfast? Spent the next 3 hours with him. Book store etc. I had to get my prescriptions today too. We drove to my regular doctor's to get some paperwork that never existed! I wrote my doctor a portal message asking about Saxenda. She'd prescribed it nearly a month ago and I wanted to know what the status is. Apparently there was some movement in that area today. Then a bit later I got a message from the liver doctor that said all my liver tests were normal! She said I didn't need to take the vitamin E she suggested, but I'd already bought it. Wonder if I can take it back. I got it at my little pharmacy - it's a tiny pharmacy. Then I drove to my mom's to water her plants.
I got home around 3:15. I was gone for 8 hours today! Anyway, now it's quarter to 9 and I'm still up. Time to take my night meds.

Well, the phone job (Plan A) is on life support. I waited until thirty minutes before the deadline to call it a defeat. I called in ready to withdraw my consideration, but to her credit, my supervisor said (essentially) "Don't be too hasty." She was willing to give me extra time to get my information in, but the final decision was up to corporate who I have to call in the morning. So, life support.

My money still hasn't made it through the financial pipeline, so that's a problem. Besides the water issue, my internet bill is coming due, which may not seem like a pressing matter, but if I want to get anything done in the job hunting, email, and/or document scanning realms without going elsewhere or typing out cover letters on my phone, it's a good resource to have.

Speaking of phones, my phone service ends tomorrow, which will definitely make applying for employment just that much harder.

Finally, food. Specifically milk, juice, bread, rice, soup, fresh fruit and veg and generally anything that's not cuts of meat. I need some carbs in my diet!

I can solve many of the problems if I just had the means and the people with the means to help either just tell me "That sucks." and walk away or, if you're my father, feel like they've fulfilled their obligation to help by funding the (at the moment) irrelevant "What if?" Car insurance trumps job search apparently.

It's enough to make you believe in vengeful gods punishing wayward souls for some unknown transgressions.

It's like I'm this poor guy!

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Originally Posted by bizi Beth can you take generic benadryl? It helps a lot of folks get to sleep. 1-2, 25-50mg pills. Just a suggestion. sorry sleep is so hard. I take klonipin to sleep and it usually holds me a good 8 hours. I really cut back my fluid intake this evening, stopped at 7pm to try to limit the number of times that I wake up to go to the bathroom. sorry you ache all over. do you know why? bizi

Thank you @bizi -

Interestingly, I have tried ZzzQuil (sometimes helps), Unisom (useless), Tylenol PM (pretty good), Tylenol Simply Sleep (useless), and I'm sure there are others - but I've never tried plain Benadryl. For whatever reason not all diphenhydramines are the same. Benadryl could be helpful.

Ache all over, I don't know why. Whenever I don't get enough solid sleep my body aches. Nothing new, though; it's happened since I was a child. I suspect it's some kind of immune response.

I'm so glad the Kpin helps you with sleep. What a blessing. I could take ten of them (seriously) and be perfectly awake. It's ridiculous.

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Originally Posted by Nammu An another rocky night. I’m not sure I can make it without sleep meds.

I am so sorry, Nammu.

Rainbow, yes, sleepwalking is in itself a form of dissociation (I'm sorry, I may have already said that). A number of things can cause sleepwalking - extreme stress, trauma, medication, some neurological conditions, and who knows what else. It wouldn't surprise me at all if people with severe MI have more of a tendency toward sleepwalking than "neuronormals" do.

Whenever I've sleepwalked I was undergoing an extremely stressful/emotional event of some kind, in my waking life. But who knows, as usual, whether pure stress caused it or whether the combination of BD and stress caused it.

Beth you may want to try thoizine if med dude will let you.

I second bizi on this one. Antihistamines in general seem to knock me out better than anything else out there. Benadryl, Claritin, doesn't matter. That's just me, of course, but it might be worth a shot.

Hope you get a good night's sleep soon.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Hi @*Beth*. "When combined with lithium, NSAIDs can increase lithium levels in the blood resulting in an increased risk for serious adverse effects like confusion, tremor, slurred speech, and vomiting." - From NAMI website. I think Lithium working "quickly" might rather mean in 2 weeks, and not 2 days. The only meds I ever found worked in as little as 2 days were antipsychotics and benzos. And for me, sometimes antidepressants would already start a mood switch from depression to hypomania, mania or mixed states. In my youth, two weeks would seem like a lifetime. Now, it's like the flash of a lightning bolt. From drugs.com: "A reduction in manic symptoms should be noticed within 5 to 7 days [on Lithium] but the full therapeutic effect may require 10 to 21 days."

Thank you so much for the info, Soupe. Yikes, I take NSAIDS pretty regularly. And yes...time seems to go so fast!

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I've decided to stay in bed most of the day to try to ease a physical ailment that has gotten a bit out of control. Hubby contacted our friend, at my request, to skip today. She was suppose to help us with packing again, but I just can't have anyone in the house today, or preferably this weekend, either. My sister emailed me to say that our brother has a form of pneumonia and his heart issue has flared up a bit. It is worrying and I can't help but think he has major psychological stressors that exacerbate it. Sadly, I think he's influenced by (basically a victim of) some far-right crap on the internet that promotes hate and anger and misinformation. It's a hard evil to fight, unfortunately. Apparently my nephew is feeling unwell again after only a few days home from long stays in the psych hospital. He can't yet join an IOP because his COBRA hasn't kicked in. He lost his health insurance because his past employer fired him for being out too long/much. In other words, fired for being sick. COBRA is astronomically expensive. It's just a cold-hearted greedy medical healthcare system Americans deal with. Another evil that Americans live with despite there being a kinder gentler option for all. How sad many blindly inflict it all on themselves and fellow citizens. Ignorance and misinformation/propaganda from the "high powers" of the country reinforces it. Possible trigger: They would be happy if my nephew just...What?!?! They're happy if the hate some of them peddle kills my brother???? Enough with hate and lies and suppression! To think that so many people in history came to the US to escape such things. Now, people like me are leaving the US to escape from them. If I had the health and strength to better fight for improvements there, I would. But I am weak. Lady Liberty, you said: "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" So, what happened?!?! What happened? Why are you leaving us? I felt, and many remaining feel, almost abandoned. Your offerings were never perfect then, but they feel so much less so now. I feel so sad that I've lost my home. I don't want to lose more of my family.

Yes. Yes, to every thought you've so eloquently expressed.

Thank you very much @unlived. Yes, the therapeutic blood level makes sense. I'm having the first lab on Tuesday.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I saw the prettiest haircut and color last night. The model’s hair was black but for the front strands which were a beautiful shade of violet and curled around her face. It brought out her green eyes which I have. I was drawn to it. It’s the farthest thing from my image though. Back when I was a practicing CPA/MBA, my husband at the time surprised me with a brand new red Camaro. I drove it for a few days and thoroughly enjoyed it but it didn’t “fit” my image. We returned the car. I’d love to let go and get that hair style. Could be I care too much about sticking out in a crowd or about what people might think. Life is short though. Why not? It may give me a new lease on life. I’m having a fairly good day. I slept in until 9 and skipped the pool because I have much housework to do. I figured I’d do a marathon cleaning session today and then I’d enjoy the pool daily starting tomorrow until it closes. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Oh, goodness! Do the hair! I've always said that hair is the one part of our body we have that is all fun. Cut it, it grows back. Color it, great - what to change the color? No problem! Hair is a party.

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Originally Posted by Aurelius710 I second bizi on this one. Antihistamines in general seem to knock me out better than anything else out there. Benadryl, Claritin, doesn't matter. That's just me, of course, but it might be worth a shot. Hope you get a good night's sleep soon.

Thank you! Now I'm in the market for an antihistamine, for sure.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Beth you may want to try thoizine if med dude will let you.

That, madame, is a very smart idea. I will certainly bring it up with m. dude. Thank you

So. Here I am, finally. The day was blessedly cooler - not amazingly so, but summer weather that is tolerably decent. Tonight is breezy and lovely. I am waiting for the inevitable moment when I feel a very specific, supremely fresh, breeze and can say, with all truth, Ahhh...that breeze is coming to us as a blessing from the ocean!

One of these nights, kids, one of these nights.

It is sooo good to "see" you all.

I can't even exactly remember, but I think I took 50mg. of Seroquel last night...or maybe I took ZzzQuil?? Well, whatever I took, it didn't work. I went to bed at a decent time, laid there for a couple of hours, told the cats "I give up, really, I give up, my brain has broken" and got out of bed. I felt defeated, and the cats looked seriously disappointed about losing a warm human-sized body to sleep against.


I can't stand the taste of alcohol, but I do wonder if, say, a Guinness (which is the most tolerable of intolerable alcoholic drinks to me) would help me fall asleep - or would I just be up to pee every fifteen minutes for hours?

I'm so desperate that I may take 75mg of Seroquel tonight just to try for some real sleep. Or maybe 50mgs Seroquel and Tylenol PM.


Anyway. I may have felt a bit calmer today. I think I did. A bit depressed now and then, so who knows what's-what in this soup du jour (such a clever choice of user names @Soupe du jour ) - of bipolar disorder, meds, sleep/no sleep, etc., etc.

I just have my fingers crossed so hard for lithium to be the ticket that gets me off the rollercoaster.

Okay. Time to take meds and get ready for bed.

Love, to each of you. See you tomorrow.

I've been having some strange feeling in my lungs when I lie down and I don't know what it is. Last night I leaned over my bed to put my charger away and I threw up in my mouth the most disgusting I don't know what it was. But my lungs felt better though. I was so cold I had to put on my jeans instead of my shorts and get under my weighted blanket, my twin size burrito blanket, and a throw blanket. Then I was warm and slept pretty decently. This weekend I've just been reading. I read one small 100 something page book yesterday. Now I am almost finished with a book I started a month or so ago. This is only my 3rd book this year. Between November 2020 and November 2021 I read about 30 books. I'd like to think its the Prestiq helping my anxiety so I can concentrate again on reading.

I'm feeling a little better today, both physically and I think mentally. I won't overdo anything, though. The upcoming new owners of the house we've been renting called and asked to come "after lunch", which would mean two hours from now. Hubby told a white lie and said that we were entertaining American friends today. He told them to come tomorrow night. Truth is, we need to tidy up around here and do some nitty gritty stuff. They're coming to see if they will buy our refrigerator, washer/dryer, some living room furniture, gas grill, and select other things. All need to be as clean as possible before they see them. Some are obviously big tasks, as they are newish and should look meticulously good. Hubby will do most, sadly for him, but I'll try to help while still nursing my self a bit.

Hugs

I’m glad you are feeling a little bit better. I hope you continue to improve.

Thanks for the encouragement about the new hair cut and color! I’m going to do it! It’s giving me something to get excited about. The model had long, chestnut brown hair like I do before the change. They won’t look the same but it looks promising.

I’m down at the pool relaxing in the sun on a Saturday which I rarely do because it gets crowded. There are only a mother and son here now. I can live with that. I’m thankful for today as I’ll be traveling tomorrow to see M. Since we meet at Cracker Barrel, I get delicious wild Maine blueberry pancakes, great coffee and buttered popcorn jellybeans (my favorite). Yum!

I feel good today - mentally and physically. I had two passenger jets fly directly over me here at the pool at a lower altitude this morning. Unusual and a sign between me, God and the universe. Good things are happening.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Thorazine / Largactil is a good one for sleep but can be not so good for weight and movement type disorders. It also made me really stiff and I couldn’t walk properly. If it wasn’t for the weight gain and long qt risk I’d go back on it again in a heart beat because of the good sleep and it made me feel good otherwise too.