Bipolar check-in #69

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Originally Posted by Nammu Yeah, I grew up in a house with wood floors too. They look so nice.

Did you have to wax/polish them?

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I slept a lot. Not sure what happened, set my alarm for 6am, woke up, fell right back asleep till 12 in the afternoon. Something about having the heat on makes me more tired and able to sleep more (it's been getting cold especially at night it goes into the low 40's recently) I woke up to both the cats in my bed next to me. I had a lot of plans I wanted to do today but now it's already 12:30pm and I'm not feeling very productive lol I've been practicing ukulele and doing a lot of art lately, trying to stick with them for a long time and track my progress over time

You needed the extra sleep, no doubt. Your creativity, musical and artistic, are inspiring!

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I went to my 6 year old nephews soccor game this morning. It was kind of a waste of time. My nephews don't respond to me very well unless prompted by their parents or my mom. I asked my nephew if he wanted the rest of my popcorn. He said no. Then half an hour later my mom asked him if he wanted the rest of her popcorn and he said sure. They are coming over in a bit for the night. Today my stomach feels off and I have bad heartburn thats making me feel like I want to throw up and I just feel unsupported by everyone except my therapist right now. I'm either being a bigot, being unfriendly, being an asshole, not reading the room, promoting anorexia, or just not contributing to the conversation. Or people are just unsure what to say to me so they ignore me. But when I talk about my med situation on here I get reported yet other people can talk about their meds and struggling with taking too much and its perfectly acceptable to the other members. Can someone please tell me what it is that I am doing wrong on here?

You're not doing anything wrong, Md. If people are unsure of what to say to you the time for them to look inside their minds is long overdue. And bigotry is alive and well.

If you ever get to San Francisco be sure to visit Bernal Heights and the Castro. I so see you being happy in San Francisco.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I'm scared. I feel like the demons are starting to take control of my actions. I'll try to sit down and focus on something like writing or eating but somehow I abandon that and just end up pacing and I don't even remember what I was doing, I just know I was supposed to be doing something else. I'm worried they're going to take total control and make me really hurt myself or someone else.

Never, I mean NEVER share with a rando, Boots. That sh-it could be anything. You should know better.

No. If mum ever did it was while I was at school. Mum never worked outside the home. My chores were to keep my room clean and outside stuff like mowing and shoveling and taking care of my animals. I never did much in the house.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I do feel very supported here and with ACT but there's only so much support can do.

Ha, I knew this guy once, he was always saying, "We come alone and we go alone." Haunts me to this day.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I just find really detailed posts overwhelming and hard to respond to tbh.

Only quick fixes for you, chickie.

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Originally Posted by Nammu No. If mum ever did it was while I was at school. Mum never worked outside the home. My chores were to keep my room clean and outside stuff like mowing and shoveling and taking care of my animals. I never did much in the house.

My mother used to stand over me with a whip cracking - "Keep polishing! KEEP POLISHING!"

Oh that sucks Beth.

Just because one knows better doesn't mean one acts better

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Originally Posted by Sunflower123 My appointment is November 3rd for my elbow injection. November 3rd?!? The darn thing could fall off by then! I jest but the longer this injury goes on, the longer I have to stay away from weight lifting. It seems ENDLESS to me. Yesterday, it felt like something was stabbing me in the stomach. ALL.DAY.LONG. That will wear you out and down for sure. Nothing helped. I was also in a really foul mood. I get in a bad mood only 2-3 times a year. I don’t exactly turn into a werewolf but I do hate the world and everybody disgusts me. I purposely keep to myself. Mucho attractive huh? It’s quite painful to me as I’m usually optimistic and sunny. SO happy to wake up back to normal today. Going out with sister and family tomorrow to celebrate her birthday. I don’t quite understand but we’re going to a food truck that has the best lobster rolls around? I’m confused I admit. Apparently, you have to get there early to avoid the long lines. I’ll stick with the clam chowder. Lobster rolls, no thanks. I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Hugs and love

November 3rd. WTH? You know, they wait so long and the issue may worsen, which ends up costing everybody in so many ways. I'm sorry, Sunflower. That kind of wait is just wrong.

Ugh. I am so very sorry about your stomach problem. I hope we both feel much better, very soon.

On a less painful note, I hope you enjoy your sister's birthday. I've never partaken of a lobster roll, but I love clam chowder.

I have the most beautiful memory of about 5 years ago. My daughter and I were sitting on a log near a dock, looking out over a part of the ocean called the San Francisco Bay, where the Golden Gate Bridge stretches across the water. The night was very dark and very cold and windy, but that fresh coastal wind, not a dirty wind. We were sitting on the log eating sourdough bread bowls of freshly made clam chowder soup. She and I were huddled up together, inside that cold night, hearing the boats rocking in the water, the way they make little splashy sounds as they rock on the waves.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Just because one knows better doesn't mean one acts better

Right! But then is it honest to complain when it all goes wrong?

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oh that sucks Beth.

It did, but those floors were gorgeous

@Sunflower123, sending healing wishes to you so you feel better soon. I have some stomach issues, too, but clearly not to the degree you have. I think I will be calling my GP tomorrow after six days struggling to stop it, to no avail. I now wonder if I have IBS, a bacterial or parasite issue, or something else. I'm struggling to pack, make dinner, or do much anything at all. And soon I won't have a GP. I'm worrying about my kidneys. I've taken everything under the sun to stop it and resorted to eating just white bread and white rice. I think I'll have lost over 2 kg (4 to 5 lbs) this week.

I totally get why a food truck would be an untraditional celebration spot, but will say that I reminisce fondly about the ones at my old alma mater. I even once convinced my brother and nephew to take the 55 minute drive there once, just the experience one with me. The ones there were mostly operated by Lebanese, so had outstanding Lebanese street food. I also found the owners to be among the friendliest people, as well.

Honest? Yeah. Does it make sense? No... I'm not really complaining about being sick though. Took a covid test and it was negative. Thought about it and it's probably just from turning the heat on for the first time in forever (it's been in the low 40s/upper 30s at night lately!).

F**king sick of everyone suggesting the hospital. It will NOT be a safe place. They said they were going to put me back on Seroquel so I could sleep. I don't WANT to sleep.

Fk it. I'm giving in.

@Soupe du jour thank you for your healing wishes. You are very kind. I hope your stomach issues clear up pronto. This is exactly the wrong time for you to be having that challenge. Healing wishes to you as well.

I also appreciated your reminiscence about food trucks.

I have no pain this morning. I’m not going to eat, take meds or anything else that might upset the balance until I see my doc Monday.

I’ve got events and appointments and sometimes multiples daily stretching out until October 10th including two trips out of town. I’ll be on to check my private messages but not on the forum most likely or if so very briefly. Reaching me through pm is the best bet for awhile.

@Soupe du jour I’m wishing you a fantastic, smooth move. I can’t wait to hear about it when I get back to it.

I thank you for the support you’ve given me. Best wishes.

Have a good couple of weeks @Sunflower123 hopefully everything will work out smoothly

Zero sleep for me. I decided to take a break from the ambien and of course just tossed and turned. Binge watched Face Off from 2014. And played games on here. Tried again to sleep around 5am but no dice. Oh well. One night of no sleep won’t hurt me. But man! It does suck. Thank goodness it’s Sunday so it doesn’t matter.

@Soup du jour; I forgot to say congratulations hope the moving of your stuff goes smoothly and that the final paperwork is swift

Last night was decent. My sleep was interuppted but I still slept ok. I do wonder if my hematrcrit is up since stopping the Advil. I'm kind of being overly sensitive and a bit ornery and tense. Not normal behaviors for me unless something is up. Plus the hot and cold flashes came back. Today I feel ok though. My nephews came over at 6:30 last night while I was asleep. They have been well behaved but I think they are trying to ask my mom to take them somewhere for Pokemon cards. I ordered a lot of hygine products on Amazon this morning and a big box of Tostito chips. Amazon has great prices for bulk hygiene products. All my hygiene stuff runs out at one time. Just under 2 days until the baby gets here now. I'm kinda hoping for a girl now. My sister thinks it can go either way. She can't tell the way some women claim they can. My mom has had some dreams where its a boy and some dreams where its a girl. I've had the song Take It Easy by the Eagles stuck in my head for awhile but only the part that goes "Its a girl!"

So who knows.

My new insurance cards came in the mail the other day. So I can give them to my doctors office and not have to be on edge about them calling me by my old name anymore.

Hi hi hi !!

My guilty overbearing self hate has eased a bit so I’m forever grateful. It’s like trying to fight through a dark thick heavy cloud

Our weather has been much better I think
Snotty hot summer has ended for the year.

I’m worried about Steve. He’s been very tired lately. He does something daily but it wipes him out and he falls asleep practically as soon as he sits down. I am keeping a close eye on him.

The job search is just driving me crazy ! There’s a gas station in town that is needing help. Not an ideal job but I’m desperate af to bring in some money. I have to get bills caught up. My absolute last option is fast food. I worked at a fast food place in my teens and it just disgusts me. Just food everywhere. I know I’d slip back into anorexia. Anyway I’ll take most anything and if it sucks I can continue to look for something better.

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Soupe ! I’m so sorry your struggle with such a horrible issue. Ugh it’s so hard to do anything. I hope it eases soon. White bread and rice are definitely the way to go.. feel better soon

Bluebird ! I’m very envious of your music and drawing I honestly have no useful hobbies LOL . Hope your getting decent sleep

Sunflower I’m so sorry your dealing with pain, glad it eased… as your doing just take good care of yourself. Enjoy your upcoming trip with M and all the things you have on your schedule.

Nammu. Stop flip flopping and sleep LOL how’s your Mum ? Feeling any better ?

Wild how are you doing ? How’s your back ?

Muddy Im sorry your struggling so hard. Keep putting one foot in front of the other

Beth ????! Is your weather more tolerable ?! What has your Med Doctor been doing to help you ? Are you still seeing Mary ?

I gave Gus a bath and this is how he feelings toward me right now



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Lol 😂 Gus is a character! Give him a scratch from me.

Took Sir in for his shots and they recommended dental exam but he’s eating fine and I don’t have hundreds of dollars for general anesthesia and not sure if at his age I should. He isn’t in any pain.

To be honest the car loan and the shrinkage of my savings has me in knots. Without the ambien my thoughts turn worried.

I know what you mean about keeping a close eye out. Mum’s got me worried. Between the depression, her eyes and her brother she’s pretty down. Just took her first Zoloft this morning so it will be awhile to see results.

You hang in there on the job front. If those people can’t see you’d be an asset they don’t deserve ya. But I hope it’s not in food service. Yuk.

I bought the kids birthday cards today. I tried the store where my mom shops first because I could walk there. Their selection of cards was thin and frustrating - and I was in there searching for over half an hour- but I left with three cards I thought would do- not excited just would do. Then I left there and thought I'll just stop into my usual grocery store and see what they have. Well wouldn't you know? Three perfect cards right off the bat! I took them home and wrote in them and signed them and now they wait to be given to the kids.