Bipolar check-in #69

Dear @wildflowerchild25 ,
I am sorry you are having to deal with a totaling out of control child.I would go to your boss and say that you can not control the class get him his own one on one aide to deal with just him.He is ruining it for everyone.
I am sorry....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

The aquarium was fun. I found out when I got there it's a whole wildlife... museum? Complex? All I know is that it was massive! I feel like I rushed and I was in there three and a half hours! I didn't get to see what I wanted to see (the giant octopus), but the penguins were a nice substitute. Now, you know a penguin when you see one, but seeing these guys conjured up images of Danny Devito with Michael Phelps' swimming ability. Just add black and white down to Mr. Devito. The other highlight was half a dozen stingrays coming up to me asking for pets. I wouldn't mind going back!

My PsychNP was running late, so I was able to get my neurosurgery consult scheduled for the meanwhile. First of November. Once he was free, we were able to talk and make a game plan for the fall and winter. Like a lot of people, I imagine, my moods go south during these months. I've been doing good. I want to keep doing good.

Fixed myself some ramen. Had to budget a little bit, so the chicken is canned and the ramen is pulled from those college kid ramen packs, but the ginger, garlic and soy sauce are all still there. I don't think there will be much change.

First day of my five day week starts tomorrow!

My DBT therapist has definitively ruled out BPD. That’s two now. I like her a lot. We’re working on ruling in or out BD. There is a lot of laughter (which is important to me), a good flow to the sessions and much synergy. She always gives me homework and says I way overdeliver. She is an overachiever. She thinks I take it to a whole new level. Yep. Story of my life.

She used to be a social worker and knows about a bunch of cool clubs around my area. She’d like me to start building support systems and tribes in my own local area and not as much online. I turned down the birdwatchers group (not my thing) but I do like the ladies who do art while drinking wine. I told her I’ve got a coed book club, coed grief class, 2 ladies who lunch groups, a bible study with 240 women in it, a coed drum circle and the red tent already plus going to the movies once a week and the gym 5 times a week. I don’t know how I could comfortably fit in more but try I will.

She’s warned me that it will all have to be put on a back burner if I pursue my PhD. I’m weighing my options. I do like my various tribes. I figured out through these interactions that I’m not an introvert after all but rather an ambivert. I sit right on the line. Interesting progression as I used to be a very reclusive introvert with social anxiety. I’ve evolved.

I’m slightly ham strung with some of the things I can do because at this time I need to be locked in tight in the house before dark and stay there until it is light in the morning. It restricts your sense of freedom and is quite frustrating. It will become even more restrictive as the days grow short. ADT is in place as are the motion activated spot lights and the ring tone doorbell camera. S is living here now and that is of great comfort to both mom and I. He is a very kind soul to give up his man cave and various other accouterments for as long as it takes to help us out. Two independent Taurus women. My daughter makes a third independent Taurus woman. Poor guy. I’m surprised he doesn’t run out of the house screaming.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day ahead. Much love.

I agree with you on dreams, Nammu. Though I rarely remember them, and find some of mine without much meaning, I have had some that were enlightening and restorative. Once I had one that pulled me out of a deep long depression. It was kind of amazing!

Scranton (PA) is among the city names that I've found coolest. It's up there with Poughkeepsie, NY. One time my husband and I were in Poughkeepsie and asked a waitress if people there often "pick their feet". She had no idea what we were talking about. That is a famous line from the movie The French Connection, a favorite movie of Hubby.

Once when I was inpatient getting ECT, I had a bully-like roommate (I'm not calling your mom one, though). She kept ordering me to clean the shower stall of my "ECT gel" (a gel that's put on one's head when getting the treatment). There was no such gel there, but I figured I might as well just pretend to clean it. Wasn't in any mood to be fighting over it.

My husband and I have taken a couple days off after our move. We took a walk yesterday to see what's around. It's very rural here. Beautiful but isolated. I'm undecided if that'll be good for us or not. We encountered an elderly lady yesterday who was quite gabby. At one point she was talking only to me, when Hubby's back was turned. I had to say, in Czech, that I was sorry that I only understood some of what she said. That I'm an American and still studying her language. She later declared to Hubby that I looked like a Czech, so was surprised I wasn't. Not sure what she thinks Americans should look like. It's safe to say that few here see many foreigners, especially from America.

I've been quite down in the dumps (though not bipolar depression), so suggested Hubby and I start thinking about the kitchen for our new house. We may go to a showroom. Plus, the friend renovating it has pressured us to make some decisions. Not sure where the nearest is. Possibly all the way in Prague. The sky has been mostly gray for days now.

Nice autumn leaves view of a hill out the bedroom window. Nope, haven't been on the trampoline.

@Sunflower123, I hope your mom's choking eases soon. Can they give her anything for the acid reflux? I wonder if softer foods may help (lentils, purees, and the like)?

@Soupe du jour thank you for the excellent suggestion! Yes, softer foods may be the way to go. They are trying to treat the acid reflux with omeperazole. I must admit I have engaged in catastrophic thinking with this new challenge and it has made me quite worried.

I love, love, love the view out your window! Thank you for sharing that pretty pic with us. I own a trampoline which I love to jump on almost daily. I do wonder what the neighbors think of a woman of my age doing back flips and front flips like some kind of senseless teenager. So much fun.

@Sunflower123 I hope your moms acid reflux improves, I have acid reflux and used to experience similar issues with the choking on food, I’m on omeprazole and have been on it for over a year and it has been a huge help, I don’t experience those issues anymore. I hope her treatment helps

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That aquarium sounds awesome! I would love to see a giant Octopus. I love Octopi, they’re very intelligent creatures. Glad you got to see some penguins

Ramen is delicious , I hope you have a good week

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Soupe, that view is amazing! I love mountains

I hope your mood improves

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I’m up early doing some laundry and listening to music.

My mood is pretty good today. I’m a little nervous because I’m volunteering tomorrow. Hoping it goes well again. It will be okay.

I’m doing well on the meds I’m on for the most part, my moods are a lot more stable and I haven’t had psychosis or mania in quite some time thankfully. Now I just have really bad anxiety and some occasional paranoia. I’m mostly able to use my coping skills to deal with it. Though sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Anyway my plans for today are to go to the store because I need to buy some cat food and cat litter and some food for myself. Then I’m getting on the treadmill and exercising. Then I’m cleaning my apartment.

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That view is really something. Beautiful. How exciting to get to design a kitchen from the start.

How cool about the dream that helped.

About the roommate, yeah sometimes it’s just easier to go with the flow and play along.

I’m on omeperazole too. I was having major issues keeping food down and chocking, it was very painful. I recently went off metformen because it wasn’t doing anything and my issues started after that med. so I tried going off the omeperazole too. Nothing doing! The issues started up again. It’s quite the good med.

Oh you are in so many groups, good for you. I’d find that many quite overwhelming. More power to you. Ha ha on the guy living with two strong women! That gave me quite the laugh 😂

Yay! It’s great to hear things are going so great.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I’m up early doing some laundry and listening to music. My mood is pretty good today. I’m a little nervous because I’m volunteering tomorrow. Hoping it goes well again. It will be okay. I’m doing well on the meds I’m on for the most part, my moods are a lot more stable and I haven’t had psychosis or mania in quite some time thankfully. Now I just have really bad anxiety and some occasional paranoia. I’m mostly able to use my coping skills to deal with it. Though sometimes it can be overwhelming. Anyway my plans for today are to go to the store because I need to buy some cat food and cat litter and some food for myself. Then I’m getting on the treadmill and exercising. Then I’m cleaning my apartment. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I bet that you'll do just fine tomorrow. I am profoundly inspired by your commitment to your volunteer work, Birdie.

Have you ever purchased litter on Amazon? Sometimes it can be a bit less expensive than the litter in the store; usually it's comparable in price, at least for me. But the huge advantage is that you don't have to carry the litter, since it comes straight to your door.

My mom got a call from my sister at 6:30 and my sister was bleeding and needed to go the ER. Everything is ok I guess. They did an ultrasound and bloodwork to make sure nothing was leftover from her c section and they and are prescribing her something to help ease the bleeding. It was kinda scary though hearing my mom get a call at 6:30 from her.

I'm wondering if I need to go to the doctors myself. My ingrown hair on my stomach I thought wasn't a big deal yesterday looks a bit infected today and the area around it is red. I'd just go to immediate care though.

Overerall I'm back to my positive attitude type mood and I'm not crabby today. My anxiety is kinda high today and my stomach feels off but only on the right side where that thing is.

Kinda looks a bit like I have cellulitis for the 3rd time. At least its not a weekend so if I end up going to immediate care it won't be much of a hassle. I last had celluitis in 2019 and man those antibiotics made me so sick.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 @*Beth* I tried to reply to your pm but I got a message that said you've turned off PMs.

You can send a message now.

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear Beth

Thank you, precious Fuzzy. I'm always so happy to run into you on the forum. Gentle bear (((((HUGS)))))

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Thanks @*Beth* for your concern. I am upset about the haldol but I fear there is nowhere to turn honestly. Vraylar did the exact opposite to me as it’s supposed to do. I can’t remember any other second generation APs that I haven’t already tried. I can’t remember if I tried abilify but I think I did and I think it was bad for me. But that may have been latuda. It’s a shame Zyprexa made me gain so much weight because I did well on that. Geodon also gives me memory issues. The pdoc I met with for my evaluation mentioned the new drug caplyta. I don’t know if it’s worth a shot. I understand so well. I have had zero luck with the new AP's. Seroquel does help me sleep so I suppose it's okay in a very, very low dose - but the weight gain from the higher dose was devastating to my health. The older AP's were so much more effective for me. I was on Caplyta earlier this year. It didn't do anything for me one way or the other, but hey, it's worth a try. I don't think I'm a good judge of a lot of meds anymore; I've noticed that as I've gotten older meds don't have much effect on me - but then, my BD symptoms are not nearly as disturbing, either. I would just hate to have to go on SSDI. First of all I know it could take years to be approved. What am I supposed to do for money in those years? I would just feel like a failure, even though none of us who are on SSDI are failures in any way. I might try to get through this school year and then work part time in an office setting instead. Working directly with students anymore is just…so stressful! I really would love my class if the BD kid wasn’t in it. I left my school to get away from that. I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with screaming, destructive tantrums. With regard to SSDI, I wouldn't even take one step without a disability lawyer. Your current job just sounds sooo stressful. I know I’ll have to go on SSDI. I know that. I’m just trying to keep it away for as long as possible. I need to get off the haldol too, I really don’t want TD. Again, I understand, on both accounts. Thanks for everyone’s understanding, I appreciate it.

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Originally Posted by Aurelius710 The aquarium was fun. I found out when I got there it's a whole wildlife... museum? Complex? All I know is that it was massive! I feel like I rushed and I was in there three and a half hours! I didn't get to see what I wanted to see (the giant octopus), but the penguins were a nice substitute. Now, you know a penguin when you see one, but seeing these guys conjured up images of Danny Devito with Michael Phelps' swimming ability. Just add black and white down to Mr. Devito. The other highlight was half a dozen stingrays coming up to me asking for pets. I wouldn't mind going back! ...

I'm so glad you went! Wow, that aquarium sounds absolutely fabulous. I saw a flock (group?) of penguins once in a place in San Francisco. I was very surprised at how tall they are. They are hilarious!

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour ....That I'm an American and still studying her language. She later declared to Hubby that I looked like a Czech, so was surprised I wasn't. Not sure what she thinks Americans should look like. ...

This made me giggle. I am dying to know what she does picture as "American."

Hmmm...come to think of it, she may have been complimenting you, since (as you know, I'm sure) so many people have a not-so-great concept of Americans.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed My mom got a call from my sister at 6:30 and my sister was bleeding and needed to go the ER. Everything is ok I guess. They did an ultrasound and bloodwork to make sure nothing was leftover from her c section and they and are prescribing her something to help ease the bleeding. It was kinda scary though hearing my mom get a call at 6:30 from her. ... Kinda looks a bit like I have cellulitis for the 3rd time. At least its not a weekend so if I end up going to immediate care it won't be much of a hassle. I last had celluitis in 2019 and man those antibiotics made me so sick.

Yikes, I'm glad your sister is okay. It can be life-threatening if any part of the placenta remains, even a tiny bit.

Cellulitis! I understand about the awfulness that those strong antib's can cause, but cellulitis is very serious. Really, if you think you have it you need to get medical attention, Md. It's not worth it to end up hospitalized for treatment.

I called my N2 son yesterday for his 34th birthday. He's in NYC for work (and for a wedding). Fortunately, I caught him just after a meeting and before his birthday dinner. He and Kim had reservations at some famous Japanese restaurant that I cannot recall the name of.

Anyway, we had a wonderful talk. Noah is such an easy man to talk to. He's a terrific listener and a thinking responder. I wish I found every man throughout my life so easy to be with

I am very disturbed, however, because there he is in New York where my daughter, his sister, lives. They have always been close. He called her for a get-together, but she made some excuse. He took it well, but the entire families (both mine and David's) are so very hurt and deeply concerned about her avoidance of all of us. She was always absolutely adored by every one of us - a precious jewel to me. The confusion is...beyond comprehension.

Peace~

Thanks, I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and do more things socially. I figured volunteering would be a good thing to do in general and also could help me get out of my shell. So I can eventually go back to college and also get a part time job. As nervous as it makes me sometimes it really helps me overall, I feel better mentally after I’ve volunteered.

That’s a good idea about the cat litter, because I don’t have a car and have to walk everywhere so when I get litter and cat food I usually have to carry it home in a back pack and bags and take several trips and it’s really heavy. I may do that next time, thanks for the tip

How are you doing today?

I’m glad you had a good talk on the phone with your son

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My mom claims it looks fine. She gave me a big bandaid to put over it so my jeans wouldn't rub on it. I got my endocronlogist appointment moved up to the end of October. Its hard to tell if this is legit high hematrcrit type stuff I'm dealing with or just me freaking out about work and turning my anxiety subconsicously into physical issues. I swear yesterday some eerie voice told me to go to the doctor. But idk. Maybe I just made that up. I had a feeling this morning someone was going to die and then Loretta Lynn died and I was like "yeah, didn't see that coming."