Bipolar check-in #69

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Well, my sister had a girl. I had a feeling she would after having the part of the Eagles song Take It Easy that goes "Its a girl!" Stuck in my head for a few weeks. I'm not totally sold on the name. Its an old fashioned family name. If it was a boy they would have named him Arthur. But yeah everyone is super happy. I have to quarantine because of this cold I have. I just took some tylenol and a cepacol half an hour ago so my throat isn't hurting and I'm not coughing but I'm still tired and a bit congested. I do wonder if there will be any favortism going on with an almost 9 year old, and a 6 year old boy. And now a newborn girl. I mean it almost seems set up that way in my opinion. But my nephews are super excited. They wanted a sister. My brother in law just wanted the baby to be healthy. I know my sister wanted a girl though. I wonder if the being ornery and overly sensitive the other day was because I was about to get sick. I'm wondering if its worth taking a covid test. My head is killing me and I'm so congested and tired and I'm freezing under 2 heavy blankets.

CONGRATULATIONS, Uncle Md!

A niece. Wow. Yeah, the Eagles were sending you a message

I hope you feel well soon, so you can meet your new niece.

You'd be suprised at some of the kooky and sometimes scary visions and weird intutions I've had that have come true

I think I'm starting to feel a bit better. My therapist sent me an email asking me a question she had already asked twice. I think she just wanted to pry for news about the baby. I can sense some countertransference with her at times.

Woops I accidently posted an update to the wrong thread!

I went to Chicago with my family during this past weekend. We went for a wedding. We had the daytime to ourselves so we all slept late and then explored the city. Chicago is a nice place! Lots of great architecture and great food! We visited the Bean and were amazed by it. Visited museums too.

It was nice being together as a family.

My depression is still heavy over me as is the anxiety. I have to take Klonopin every day now and I can tell when it stops working - it works for about 6 hours for me.

My pdoc increased my Prozac to 60mg but says it could be 6 weeks before I know if it does anything.

I feel so incredibly low and anxious at the same time. I'm nervous about everything. I think ahead to everything including bruising my teeth, to my shower, to work, I think about what I'm going to say next etc. It's exhausting. I'm glad when it's time for my evening meds because they make me very drowsy and sleep soon follows. Sometimes I wake up at night and start thinking anxious thoughts. I use my earbuds a lot to help calm down during the night but I can't do that during the day because I need to talk to others during meetings.

I'm going on and on. Thanks for reading.

My appointment went well. He raised my ambien to 10 mg. I plan to take 5 mg on most nights but the days I need to get up for aqua fitness I’ll take the 10. I see him in 6 months. I talked to him about mum and he told me what to watch for,, in people her age she needs to eat regularly and watch for falls. Trying to get her to eat super has been hard but he said the AD might increase her appetite now. Been fixing lots of soup and sandwiches cause she’ll eat that. Plus sandwiches are easy to sneak in healthy things like avocado lettuce and tomato.

GreT news about Cheeto ! I bet he looks cute ! I’m sorry Ash has a problem now. But I understand your situation about expensive care. I worry about my guys too if they need vet care. Ugh

Stay strong

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So sorry for your loss How’s your Mum holding up ?

I really really wish you could sleep more

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Good for you going back and doing something so wonderful. Helping others is heartwarming.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Mum’s doing pretty good. I think his being in icu and then taken off of everything kind of prepared her. It will hit her more when there’s the funeral. Don’t know when that’s going to be as he left his body to a Parkinson’s research center. So I don’t know how that will work. Thanks for asking.

Ian might hit a bit south if Amanda which would make me a bit relieved but things will still be bad. I hate that anyone will be effected by this monster storm.

Well I woke up in a really nasty mood. My pain is high and I just want to be left alone. So I put off going to apply at the gas station today. I see my T and NP tomorrow so I might go before then. If not I’ll go Thursday.

Our weather is again beautiful. 70’s and sunny. 50 ish for the lows. So nice having all the windows open.

Hugs to all

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Dinner with N3 went well. Except his first ever alcoholic drink from a restaurant was an Old Fashioned made with Makers Mark. Every time he took a sip he made a face that was a mix of shock and disgust! I took a very small sip but man that **** was STRONG! I told him that he should order something sweeter like a margarita but he refused. He ate the cherries and the orange slice and poured the last half into his Coke which he also ordered. He said that made it taste much better! We each had a ribeye steak with different sides. I am a little bit worried about him though. He said he had a headache and a stiff neck and said he was tired. We looked up meningitis and those are symptoms but it said you also had to have a fever and aversion to light which he did not have. I told him to monitor it and call me if it gets worse or new symptoms show up. He said he was going right to bed when he got home. (I drove him home from the restaurant.) I hope he wakes up in the morning feeling fine. Or that if he gets worse he will call me or 911.

I got the MRI done. They were looking to see if there was anything serious about a pinched nerve in my shoulder. Being in the machine in the position I was laying provoked the pain and numbness. That might work out in my favor though as the diagnostic people can see the issue very clearly. Still, it was a long and painful 30 minutes!

My boss called to offer me some extra hours. We talked, and I have an extra hour added to my shifts this week. I can work with that!

Talked with my dad today and he was in... typical form. His entitlement made me laugh out loud. I gave him and my mom a small Thermos with some of my Japanese ramen to try. They enjoyed it, but my dad apparently had trouble cleaning the Thermos. So, because he had trouble cleaning it, I needed to stop using it. For anything. Obviously, that isn't going to happen, but wow, the entitlement! I'm not hurt by this, or even angry. I'm just sadly amused. I do wonder if he has the capacity for self-reflection, because this certainly doesn't paint the picture of such a man.

Apart from that, pretty lazy day for today too! A little house cleaning, taking the garbage to the curb and just lazing about! Back into it tomorrow though!

Hope everyone is well

Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

I'm spent and so sick of packing. We're coming down the home stretch before our move and will make it. My husband seems so disorganized, though, so I've simply resolved not to care. I know what I need at the Airbnb instead of the other storage spot (our upcoming new property). I'll put my stuff in the car and not worry if his stuff goes to the right place, or not. I haven't even gone upstairs in days. That's his territory and I don't want to know its status. Tomorrow I'll simply pack my suitcases (for the Airbnb) and do some cleaning of things like the refrigerator and microwave, and the bathroom I always use. A friend will come tomorrow afternoon to help us with various things and then assist with the move the next day, when the moving company comes. A final little cleaning, and then north we go.

Congrats on becoming an uncle again

My niece was born one oz below 9 pounds. And she was 3 weeks early. She is fine but she spent the night in the nicu because her blood sugar was high or low because of her size. Shes got an old fashioned name but they gave her an ok nickname. My nephews are planning on staying until Friday. I had virtual therapy today. Virtual therapy is so productive. I wish I liked it more. Although I don't think she had a bra on. We talked about the baby and how I wasn't feeling good yesterday. Then I talked about getting my state ID and the transphobia I dealt with. We got onto the subject about my eating habits. I mentioned my transference therapist and we talked about her for the first time. I didn't mention the transference or the email situation. But I did tell her that I got bad post op depression after my surgery and that my eating habits got out of control. I told her my therapist didn't specialize in eating disorders and I was switched to her because the guy before her didn't speciliaze in autism. My therapist got super pissed at that and said you shouldn't be labeled as your diagnoisis and she doesn't get these therapists who only work in one area and know nothing about other issues.

My therapist was a bit confused when I was talking about the other T and I know its because I didn't tell her everything and I didn't mention the transference or the email situation, but this therapist is different then the others and I don't want her to say I can't email her or think that I'm having transference with her too.

Anyways today I feel better. I just had some 24 hour cold thing yesterday. I quarantined all day and then I used a Vicks shower steamer last night and slept about 12 hours and I woke up feeling fine.

My sister and brother in law are coming home with the baby on Saturday. And they are sending the 8 year old to a sleepover that night. Idk. You'd think they would want to be all together for the first night with the baby.

I wonder if my sister had a boy if they'd name him Ian.

I wonder if Disney World will get destroyed or damaged?

I hope my uncle and aunt will be ok. I've never been close to them and my uncle is weird and my aunt is a loud mouth who is overly nice to me but unintenionally rude to everyone else so I am just uncomfortable around her. but they are my godparents and are supportive of me as well.

Sunflower asked me to let you all know she’s asked the Mods to suspend her account. She needs to take a break.

I’ll pop back on later. Hugs

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh Soupe ! I’m glad it’s coming to an end with packing and I do understand the frustration with your doing stuff and leaving your husband to do whatever he needs to tackle. But stressful for sure.

Take good care of YOU !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ian hit a bit south of Amanda. Oh the destruction. It’s going to be bad on her as it’s moving into her area late today.. All the water got sucked out of Tampa bay so it will come back and that’s one of the biggest worries. The wind is brutal. As of an hour ago she still had power. I hope for a miracle that her power won’t go out.

I feel like a long tailed cat in a room full of Rockers. So stressed.

I saw my psych NP today first thing she asked was how’s Amanda. They went to high school together.

I applied at that gas station today. I sure hope I get a call back. I desperately need a damn job !

Going to be a sleepless night as I wait for updates from Amanda.

Hope everyone is doing well !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hang in there.

Thanks Nammu !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Here I am again. I have been having trouble dealing with my daughter. This is nothing new. For several days she went out of her way to help me, which is shocking. I know things soon will be back to normal again.

She was supposed to take me to work. When waifing for her, she texted me that her boyfriend now has their car, helping his sister whose car broke down. This may be a lie. She does that allot. Taking me to work would of cost them 15 minutes. Maybe my daughter did not tell her boyfriend of having the car to take me to work. I do not know.

I am now tormenting myself about how bad its going to get between us. I almost broke it off with her for all the lying, cheating, and stealing she has done to me. I do not want to have this happen again.

@~Christina, I do hope your daughter's town is mostly spared any destruction from the hurricane. Good luck to you getting the job(s) you've applied for. And thanks for the update on Sunflower. I hope her time away is restorative.

At this time, I'm just focusing on what I need to do to get to the next point in my life. A very rough stressor has inflicted my close circle, during the course of this. Someone is very ill and scared. I feel a sadness not to be closer to them to provide more support, and yet the distance also serves as a buffer from the reality (and therefore pain), to a small degree. One thing that's always been particularly painful for me is knowing a loved one is frightened. I've seen this far too often these past 20 years, and will surely see it more than once again in the future.

The MRI yielded the results my doc and I were expecting. I have a pinched nerve running out of one of my vertebrae that causing my pain and numbness. What I wasn't quite prepared for was the referral to a neurosurgeon. I mean I get it, seeing as this kind of thing is what they went to med school for, but having the referral (and talk of "mild degeneration" in my vertebrae) bandied about is disconcerting to say the least.

As far as being up and about, I actually have the opposite problem of a lot of people. If I'm not completely flat on my back, no pillows at all, that's when my symptoms manifest. I've got muscle relaxers to help for the meanwhile, but I'd rather not have to rely on them for any kind of restful sleep. I've sent a message to my Primary Doc about maintenance recommendations until I see neurosurgery.

A mixed bag at work yesterday. I had an extra hour, but hardly any sales. My boss's boss and her boss paid a surprise visit. Wasn't too bad. They were nice and personable and gave me good tips for doing my job well. So, I have plans and ideas again for doing well. The question of the day is going to be reciprocity. Will the Walmart people engage with me or am I going to have a repeat of Mr. La La La when I try to move ahead?

I'm up early, even for me, but I fell asleep early, courtesy of the cyclobenzaprine. I might as well get my morning to-do list done fast! Basically, laundry, shower, breakfast and other daily activities. Should be fine!