Bipolar check-in #69

There are days my job seems to go great and there are others where I feel undermined. Case in point: I had a customer want his money back for a phone card he purchased a month and a half ago, used, had some technical issues, and ended up leaving the phone carrier. He did have technical difficulties, yes, but he's trying to return a (non-refundable) phone card for a service he doesn't use anymore forty-five days after the fact. Hard no from me, but I don't have the authority and he knows it. So, I go looking for the manager I "know" will back me up. Customer finds him first and... the manager gives them their money back.

Annoying, but ultimately out of my control. Not my problem. At least that what people tell me. The reality of my experience is that people will make it my problem. I even have a phrase for it: "Men (and Women) of Convenience and Spite." If I inconvenience people in any way, they go out of their way to spite me. No matter how much I try to avoid catasrophizing the situation, I still see all of the sing-song "Ha! Ha!" smirks on everyone's face when they get what they want, often at my expense. I mean, one of my experiences: I had a boss at a previous who made my life hell. To get back at me for inconveniencing them, management decided to make the boss's boyfriend my direct supervisor. That way, if I dared complain, he would be a necessary part of the process as my new immediate boss.

I like my job. I like problem solving, making recommendations and even the decision making a little bit. I would just rather not have this lingering fear of being . In the proverbial sense, at least.

Between the two of us, we do - thank you. It was not something I had planned for out of either budget so I finagled some things around. I’m restarting ADT - I only discontinued it because brother was a chain smoker and was outside smoking 24/7 and it made no sense to have it (he could neither figure out how nor remember to set it), a ring tone doorbell, security cameras placed out of reach in both the front and back of the house, motion activated spot lights, a P.O. Box for the mail for a while (I’m going to talk to the Postmaster Monday) and that’s all I can think of for now. That really ought to do it.

Brilliant move on your mom’s part!

I really appreciate your concern.

Prayers for you and your family

Good morning friends, I'm going to my friends house today. We're gonna play some TCGs (trading card games) and RPG (role-playing game) board games, should be fun

The cats are doing well, they're good kitties, I love them so much. Maybelle has gotten so much more comfortable since I got her in March. She now comes in my bed and lays in there with me a lot. She also lays on me and purrs sometimes. She's just the friendliest cuddliest little love bug ever. She is 13 years old so I wasn't sure how she'd adjust moving here with me and Mustachio but she's doing well. They still get into little spats every now and then but they mostly leave eachother alone. It's always Mustachio instigating things, she's only a year old and is still very hyper, where Maybelle just likes to lay around and relax because she's an old cat.

I'm excited for Halloween. I'm planning on watching the original/1st Hocus Pocus movie in the next couple days, plus a lot of horror movies.The weather has been very nice and cool

I hope you all have a peaceful Sunday

Mom is a friendly soul and I am a peacemaker who goes out of her way not to make enemies so I only KNOW of 1 person that could potentially be upset or obsessed with me. We did part on unfortunate terms. The good news is that he lives 800 miles away and I think he would have come down here, already presented himself, taken care of business and be gone if it were him. One sincerely hopes that’s the case. You never really know.

The day brother passed, there were several fire engines, cop cars, an ambulance, and a hearse outside in broad daylight and I believe many of the neighbors witnessed his departure thus notifying them that there were now two women alone in the house….one very old and frail. I happen to think that because some of this is occurring in broad daylight that it’s a neighbor who has line of sight of the house. I don’t think it’s a random stranger from outside the circle either.

The pics of your cats always make me smile. I hope you have a great time and lots of fun today.

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. If you do travel back to the US, I hope you remain strong enough to be the support you want to be. Thinking of you.

I'm glad they make you smile Thank you, my friend ended up cancelling so we're gonna hang out next weekend instead

Thank you, @Blue_Bird and @Sunflower123.

Blue_Bird, Maybelle looks like she enjoys to kick back with a good book or newspaper/magazine and a cup of tea. That's a pleasant kind of leisure. I'm glad she's so affectionate. I yearn for a sweet pet again. Maybe a kitty or perhaps a parrot again. Today at our new temporary home we heard the sound of parrots in the distance. Seemed strange here in Czech Republic . Hubby soon after chatted with the Airbnb owner who said he issued a complaint about their loudness in the morning. Hubby didn't tell him that we love their calls. Perhaps we'll meet the Zoo worker neighbor who owns them, and become friends. Apparently she's a breeder. There will be no complaints from us.

Sunflower, it is hard to understand the world of today, sometimes. I could see someone targeting a lone woman (or women) for sordid reasons. My SIL lives alone, when her adult sons aren't visiting. I think that's one of the reasons she's so excited that we will soon live so nearby. At one time in the past, my husband bought her a fake security camera.
Obviously not as good as the real thing, but it is an alternative for people who can't afford one. Perhaps an intimidating security measure will do the trick of deterring future mischief, if accurate calling it that.

@Soupe du jour oh I’m so sorry to hear that. May things work out. Sending those sparkling ✨ purple vibes your way!

Thanks, Nammu. My family will have additional info early this week.

@Blue Bird I so love your pics of the furry ones!

She really does look like that doesn’t she, she enjoys lounging around the house

I hope you’re able to get another pet at some point; they’re wonderful companions. I know you loved your parrot a lot my nieces grandmother (my brother in-laws mother) had some birds , I forget what they’re called but they had the red cheeks. They were really cute.

Also there was a a parrot my moms friend had. His name was Harley, he loved my mom, he used to sit on her shoulder and talk, he was a very sweet and funny bird I was a little kid then, it was cool getting to see one and interact with him often.

having the kitties has helped my mental health a lot too, they always make me smile and laugh and they are really relaxing to be around especially when one is laying on me purring while I read. Plus they’re fun to play with, Maybelle still likes to play a bit even though she’s 13 years old. She has some favorite catnip toys that I throw and she runs to them and rolls over on them. Mustachio is super super energetic so they kind of are the opposites of eachother

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Something doesn't feel right with me. I'm light headed and dizzy and very tired. My arms and legs keep going warm and numb and my vision is kinda blurry. My blood pressure is a bit high and I have some chest pains. I have an off and on cough. I just feel exhausted mainly. I've put on Drag Race and I've been binge watching that since 5:30 this morning. When I binge watch reality TV, especially stuff I've already seen, I'm normally not feeling very well.

I'm no "teen basher" @Sunflower, but what's happening around your house sounds like the antics of a teenager. I mean, basically it seems like there are two possibilities - a teen or a real creepster psycho. My guess, statistically speaking, is that it's a teen who is taunting you.

@Blue_Bird, thank you for sharing your pictures. I love to see your kitties. They make me smile, too.

@Soupe du jour, your situation sounds serious. If you want to/need to share specifics with us - we're here for you.

I’m still creeped out and discombobulated by last nights dream. It was an intense vivid dream of ending up in a hospital. I knew the events leading up to it but had amnesia on how exactly I ended up in there and was terrified. They told me my injection was due and I was like no one has talked to me, told me what medication I’m getting. The girl then said come with me then and set out to go across a lake. I said I can’t do that. I can’t walk that far. Then she led me into a locked hospital where I couldn’t talk. I just wondered lost. Finally one lady saw me, held out her hand and said she would help me. I woke up, it was only 4 am! Still feeling mute and vulnerable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I’m still creeped out and discombobulated by last nights dream. It was an intense vivid dream of ending up in a hospital. I knew the events leading up to it but had amnesia on how exactly I ended up in there and was terrified. They told me my injection was due and I was like no one has talked to me, told me what medication I’m getting. The girl then said come with me then and set out to go across a lake. I said I can’t do that. I can’t walk that far. Then she led me into a locked hospital where I couldn’t talk. I just wondered lost. Finally one lady saw me, held out her hand and said she would help me. I woke up, it was only 4 am! Still feeling mute and vulnerable.

I'm sorry you had one of those dreams that haunt your mind. I've been having weeks of disturbing dreams and I'm really fed up with it. I suppose it's because of having been so sick for so many weeks, but really...it's enough.

Hey, I like that idea. I do have a person in mind. He is an adult but he is not very tall or muscular. I think my odds are better than average were it to come to a confrontation. Even with S here last night there was a light blue polo type shirt left in my chair on the deck in the middle of the night. I’m having a hard time believing this is really serious and I am dragging my feet as a result. That has left me in hot water today with my loved ones. They believe I’m being recalcitrant. Maybe I am. I will at least request the police to come to the house with lights and sirens after dark when it would be very noticeable. That may be enough to stop it. I will hand over the latex glove, cigarette butts and now the shirt to the cops along with the pictures of everything else just in case. I will also go with all of the security items mentioned in my previous post.

About to message you.

Ooo weeks of those dreams! How horrible and discerning. Most of the time I believe dreams are messages but sometimes they are just processing trauma. But boy o boy weeks! I hope you get a break soon.

The depression is pretty bad today not sure what the deal is.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123 Hey, I like that idea. I do have a person in mind. He is an adult but he is not very tall or muscular. I think my odds are better than average were it to come to a confrontation. Even with S here last night there was a light blue polo type shirt left in my chair on the deck in the middle of the night. I’m having a hard time believing this is really serious and I am dragging my feet as a result. That has left me in hot water today with my loved ones. They believe I’m being recalcitrant. Maybe I am. I will at least request the police to come to the house with lights and sirens after dark when it would be very noticeable. That may be enough to stop it. I will hand over the latex glove, cigarette butts and now the shirt to the cops along with the pictures of everything else just in case. I will also go with all of the security items mentioned in my previous post. About to message you.

Police presence may very well be enough to scare him off.

The scary person who did the vandalism so many years ago at my mom's house - and shot the arrow through my window - when I was a teen turned out to be a boy who lived around the corner from us. Decades later, at a high school reunion, he admitted to the "crimes." He sheepishly said that he'd had a crush on me, but was afraid to ask me out. !!!! Shooting an arrow through glass? I wondered if he ever truly owned the horrible danger of it. Really weird.

I was able to get a little sleep, which helped with the intrusive thoughts quite a bit. I was even able to muster enough energy to meet my mom at Sunday services (albeit in my sweatpants). Unfortunately, meeting my mom means I have to say hello to my dad.

I'll spare you the complete play by play, but he spent five minutes trashing my job (that I enjoy), telling me to quit and apply for his handpicked job for me as a trucker... or working for the trucking company. He went back and forth. Goes without saying, but I will not touch that job with a ten foot pole while my dad continues to push for it. I don't want to owe my livelihood to him. Principle.

Apart from a Zoom call with my PsychNP, my Monday is free. So, I'm going to the aquarium! Among other creatures, they have a Giant Pacific Octopus that I really want to see!

Tonight, I'll power up my PS4 and waste an evening playing video games. I managed to fix my broken controller, so I'm taking full advantage of the distraction.

These symptoms at least warrant a call to your primary doctor if not the ER. Call your primary doctor's normal phone number tonight and ask to speak to whoever is on call and run your symptoms by them. They will be able to tell you if you need to go to the Emergency Department.In my opinion these could be serious symptoms. I'm worried about you.

I’m having trouble at my second job. I’m so slow. And my mind is not where it needs to be. I can’t count money very well anymore, which really only affects me when counting out my drawer at the end of my shift, but still. I guess I’m just having so many bad side effects from the haldol I’m getting upset. I still feel like I have that blank stare, and my tongue is still vibrating which I know could become permanent. I have bad tremors in the morning and I’m beginning to have sexual dysfunction which I’m sorry but it’s honestly a dealbreaker. All these side effects are, it makes me feel like soon I won’t be able to work full time anymore. I’m going to try to get through this school year month by month. It’s already October.

I think part of my anxiety is I didn’t expect a BD kid in the autism class. He’s so out of control and the teacher is in this power struggle with him that won’t help. I think I should say something to her but I don’t know how she’ll take it.

Like honestly I don’t care about being slapped by the nonverbal kid, I don’t care about being kicked at, I do care about being bit lol but I always wear a sweatshirt so though it would hurt it wouldn’t hurt as much. All those things I don’t care about. But the screaming and property destruction reminds me too much of my old school.

I think I’m going to try to get up early and maybe go to the gym in the AM to work out the anxiety a bit. It’s just annoying to put on workout clothes and then changing again. But it will probably be good. Then I can go again with RS after dinner. I’ll see if I can.

Today it was raining like crazy with high winds, remnants of hurricane Ian that made it up to NJ. Stupidly we decided to take my son to the arcade down at the shore. But he loves the arcade! He has so much fun and honestly I have fun watching him have fun. He is part of the VIP club at this arcade and he was so excited because he moved up a level to gold. They also have gift cards as prizes so we don’t have to go home with a bunch of stupid junk.

I don’t know when he’s gonna stop wanting to be with us. So I’m gonna soak up every minute of family time we’ve got left. He’ll be twelve in six weeks. CR is just growing up and it makes me a bit wistful.

Enjoy the aquarium @Aurelius! That sounds awesome! Will you be going by yourself?

Hey, if spending the evening playing video games is relaxing for you it isn't a waste of time.