Bipolar check-in #69

Whew my new job is exhausting! There’s three non verbal kids, one of whom is a runner, so that’s fun. And then the three other kids need high support still but are verbal. One is on level academically with his peers and might be able to make it in an inclusion classroom but he’s with us for now. He’s so cute, he has an identical twin and they where the same clothes and hairstyles so it’s near impossible to tell them apart! Another has violent meltdowns, however, mostly when he’s not allowed to do what he wants immediately. I don’t think he has a sense of time so he can’t tell the difference between “right now” and “later”, thinking later means never. He got very destructive today, we had to evacuate the rest of the class so he wouldn’t hurt any of them.

But still, it doesn’t upset me (except I don’t want to hurt my back if he turns on me) because it’s autism, not just a ****** attitude. I dunno, there’s just a difference in my head, even though there were plenty of autistic kids at my old school. My mindset is just different.

I exercised today after work. 15 mins on elliptical and 15 on the treadmill. I can’t do much more on the elliptical right now, got to slowly work back into it and always end with a short walk on the treadmill to loosen my back.

My hip is giving me trouble as well I’m thinking I should make an orthopedic appt but it would have to be on Saturday because I definitely can’t take off yet with my job. Going to try to make it 90 days because that’s what my probation period is.

I woke up with a nightmare at midnight that I can’t figure out. It’s not one of my usual ones, but it upset me.

Ah well hopefully I’ll sleep through tonight.

@wildflowerchild25 fascinating about your job! I bet you are so good at it. I hope your hip feels better and you do sleep tonight.

@*Beth* totally understandable. Take good care of yourself. See you in a few.

Sure thing. I’ll be sending you those snazzy purple healing vibes

@*Beth*

Thought you might appreciate this, especially with the sad news. When then Princess Elizabeth did her service in WWII, she was taught how to look under the hood and maintain the vehicles.

It may be the romantic in me, but I like to think she kept up the skill, snuck out of the palace on occasion and helped do an oil change or two while giving the mechanics a hard time!

In all seriousness, it's fascinating footage.

I nearly fell asleep three times on my way home. I made it, and I hope exhaustion will finally get me to sleep for a good length of time, because my sleep deprivation was conspicuous at work.

Hopefully sweet dreams and sound sleep for me!

I'm so far behind reading posts here, so I'll simply send hugs to everyone. My husband and I have been so busy with all of our packing projects, and the business end of our upcoming move/property buy is intensifying. Hubby does all of the business stuff, for obvious reasons, but I'm a good strategist for the other things I have some control over.

Early this afternoon, I took a productive break and did some hand sewing projects. I find it very relaxing and enjoyable, and I've grown acceptably well at it over the years. A good mindfulness activity. I also hate to throw away pieces of clothing that can be "saved". I'm frugal, so this makes me happy. Plus, both Hubby and I have our favorite pieces of clothing and want them to last. I just got done sewing denim patches on one of my pairs of jeans. Also reinforced a deteriorating seam on a blouse and sewed on some buttons.

Last thing I remember before falling asleep was posting on here, so sleep came quickly! And it was a pretty sound sleep too! I got a full 8 hours without interruptions. It was well needed too, considering I left my wallet in the town I work in. Just strolled out of the coffee shop with it not in my pocket! Someone found it, thank goodness, but proof positive that sleep was sorely needed!

My boss is supposed to be coming in today (She wanted to come by before the end of the week.). If she's delayed or unable to, I'm not going to complain, especially after the past few days!

Sending to all and to all a great day!

I fell asleep last night before 5:30 without melatonin. I woke up at 1:30 with no stomach pain and no anxiety. I actually felt pretty good for once. I didn't gorge myself with tic tacs or mentos. I think that may be one of my big issues for why my stomach gets upset. Especially when I mix them with soda. I just get this weird craving for tic tacs and then I end up eating an entire container in one sitting. So I didn't eat any of those and I didn't drink any protein shakes either, and I've been feeling fine both physically and anxiety wise since I woke up.

Its still tough knowing what the exact cause of my physical issues is without the results of my allergy test. I know I seem to feel more anxious after I drink a protein shake for some reason though

It feels like Labor Day didn't happen yet but I guess its just because my normal BBQ turned into a small Labor Day toaster oven dinner this year. We're not traveling for Thanksgiving which I am glad for. I'll be happy to spend a quite one with my mom and my brother and my sister and her family with the new baby. Thanksgivings are always so stressful for me.

I just came back from the grocery store and walmart. I got a bit of the creeps and got overheated, but I made it out of my house at least. I was looking for the Halloween Mountain Dew. I had bought a mini case on Amazon and I liked it but they were sold out when I tried ordering another one this morning. So I tried the grocery store first and they didn't have any. Then I tried Walmart and got one of the last 3 cases. Halloween stuff has been selling out like crazy. I went to Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte and a cheese protein box, then I came home and took my prestiq. Overall I guess it was the heat bothering me more then the crowds. It seems I need it to be cooler out for my mental and physical health. I've been getting overheated more easily then normal. Once I started drinking the iced latte I started feeling better. I messaged my doctor when I got home about when my results would be ready.

According to my doctors nurse my results are pending and allergy testing normally takes up to 4 weeks. Ugh I just want answers.... I don't want to wait more then 2 more weeks.

**** did my stomach just really start hurting suddenly. I don't give 2 shits about nuking my kidneys, I just took 2 advil because I refuse to be in this much pain the rest of the day.

I finally did laundry today. I was fast running out of clothes. I also took a shower and felt better. I left my bedroom window open because I like sleeping in the 60ish air but then in the morning the sun comes in and heats things up. Guess I should at least set an alarm before the sun comes up to shut the window and shades if I'm going to sleep with it open. Or, just set an alarm period and get up early.

I’m just gotten home from an Alan Jackson concert. It was everything I’d hoped it’s be!!!

I woke up at 3 and closed the window and shades. I did go back to sleep. Now I'm at Starbucks wishing that N1 would wake up and see my message to meet me here. It probably won't happen. Edit:. She is meeting me! Yay!

Last night, I had the coolest dream! In it I was pregnant- about 5 or 6 months. And I could feel the baby moving inside me! That's a feeling I hadn't felt since I was pregnant with N3 21 years ago. It was just really cool!

I was released from the hospital today. It feels heavenly to be in my favorite recliner with my favorite soft blanket and my favorite sparkling water. I’m feeling so much better but will follow instructions to rest as much as possible over the next several days.

I had a lot of time to think while I was there and gained much clarity. I’ve put some family members on notice and set some very firm boundaries. There was immediate blowback. That’s too bad. It’s not negotiable anymore. This gal is done. I’m taking the next 9-12 months for myself to become stronger mentally and physically and to figure out what would make me happy. Don’t get me wrong…I love my mom dearly and will still take good care of her but sister will be stepping in a whole lot more. So will hired help. My priority for now is me.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful day. Much love

@Sunflower123, I am happy you're home and feeling empowered after your time in the hospital. I apologize in writing that I didn't know you went in. I've been so busy that I've not kept up here as much as I like. Wishing you relaxation and peace.

Good for you @Sunflower123 ! You deserve to feel good, mentally and physically you’ve been under stress for a very long time and the loss of your brother just compounded everything. I’m glad you set those boundaries. People always push boundaries, especially when the boundaries are new and they are used to being able to walk all over you. Stick to your guns. You need the time to heal!

I was on ftm (female to male) Reddit last night and it was mostly people worrying about their weight issues and insurance issues. I worry about not fitting into the LGBTQ community. I am what they these people call a "twink" a skinny dude. These people seemed almost angry at the skinny trans guys. I've also not dealt with trouble getting my surgerys covered and I have my families support. I just am not sure what it will be like if I were to go to one of these support groups. I was in a treatment center in 2010 and most of the kids were wards of the states. I got treated very badly by both the staff and the kids because I came from such a different background. The staff expected me to be perfect 100% of the time and when I messed up they became abusive. The kids were jealous that I had what they never had and were mean. I just like wonder if its even worth it as an adult or if I should just start working and keep to myself and my family. I know one trans guy on my facebook but he doesn't seem interested in talking to me much and I know he hasn't had the same expirences I've had. So I feel like he resents me a bit. I've tried starting a conversation with him a couple times but it goes nowhere.

I'm feeling suprisinly good otherwise today. I think its because I didn't wake up at 11PM and its day 2 of not inhaling tons of tic tacs and other mints. I had a couple Ensures and a couple yogurts and I had a Diet Coke but no coffee or Mountain Dew. I got to the library when they opened and got a few books. My family is coming over for my brothers birthday so my mom got the makings for sandwhiches. My stomach has stayed calm, so far all I've needed is half a zofran. I didn't have any apple sauce either and I'm wondering if that has been causing issues. Hopefully I'll know in a couple weeks.

My sister and my nephews are here but my brother in law had to run some errand. Honestly he has been acting so frazzled lately. The last time I saw someone I was close to acting so incredibly out of character was when my ex uncle was having an affair with his personal trainor. I highly doubt anything like that is going on with my brother in law, but he has been acting very odd lately.

After days of packing tasks, Hubby and I decided to get out a little late this afternoon. For the last three days there's been a kind of fair, of sorts, in the nearby village, called a "hody". Hody sort of refers to the fair having music, but there are various things happening, including rides for kids, food and a beer garden. After all, it's Czech Republic. When we got there, there was a formal dance performance with young people in traditional Czech costumes. Then a popular band played. We wanted to buy hotdogs for dinner, but the grease truck was sold out of them. Instead, we bought burgers, and they were some pretty extreme ones. Double burgers with fried onions and a messy gooey sauce. Despite being on a diet, we ate them all up.

Here are a few photos from the event this afternoon. The pastries are the well-known Czech kolache.

Way cool. Looks like a good time. I hope you thoroughly enjoyed it.

@Soupe du jour how cool, what a nice break from packing.

Buncha gossips! That's who I'm working with! Good news: I'm losing weight (At least 20lbs and possibly up to 40lbs.). Bad news: clothes. I don't have much in the next size down, so I've had to work with what I've got. Apparently, even with a belt, they are starting to ride down to the extent someone complained. Not to me. To the Walmart boss and/or Walmart workers.

If it's concerning enough to complain, it's concerning enough to tell me about it. If said someone isn't interested in telling me (Or gives me BS about how it's "not their place.), they're just gossiping about my appearance. I shouldn't have to hear this from my boss on her visit!

Sales wise, the day is going good. Four phones in the first two hours! May the rest of the day be as good!

Mum was driving me crazy this morning. She got a bee in her bonnet for cleaning an already clean house. So I put the western channel on and now she’s watching tv.

I had nothing to do yesterday or today so took no ambien and par for course I didn’t sleep at all Thursday night and last night I had just fallen asleep when I woke up sooo hot 🥵. But after I got up and cooled down I was able to go back to bed and sleep although the dreams were vivid apocalyptic dreams. So I’m dragging and not wanting to deal with anything more than reading. A cold front moved in during the night so it’s much cooler which is very nice. It will warm up again after tomorrow so I can still wear my wrap for aqua class. I’m dreading the cold days when I again have to dress for going to the Y. It’s so much nicer to wear the wrap and change at home.

Rest of my work day went by well. Solid sales and the weird wardrobe discussion aside, the visit from my boss's boss went well. Not a lot of notes from her, and she said she would be bringing stuff by to help make my sales go up and make the day more interesting. Stuff to make display tables, scripts for PA announcements that sort of thing.

Oh, and her boss would be paying me a surprise visit. This is somebody three levels above me, so... no pressure!

Tomorrow, I don't have work and my mother is feeling better, so we're going to try the excursion to my aunt and uncle's again. I'll drive my mom to their place, have lunch together and head back down while she spends the night! Haven't seen them in a while, so I'm excited!

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I take .5mg cogentin but it’s not really helping. But I can’t take more because my vision gets blurry. It already is but I’m hoping it can be corrected with a new glasses prescription. My mom’s office can’t get me in for another month though. I might just go to America’s best.

Yes, I understand. Cogentin is an odd drug. I've heard many people say it helps them. It didn't help me with med side-effects.

Have you tried gabapentin for the side effects? I can't take cogentin for some reason and they used gabapentin in the hospital and it worked well. Now I use a totally different (higher) dose for anxiety and sleep and I still like it. It worked fast too when I was IP.