Bipolar check-in #69

I must have made some kind of impression on my bosses because I recieved a phone call from them (not 24 hours after) offering me an extra day with extra covering a second store (same driving distance, but different direction). I jumped on the offer, because, well, extra hours doing a job I enjoy! It feels like I'm getting back into form!

One issue I'm starting to get annoyed with is the muscle relaxers I was prescribed to help with the pinched nerve pain and complications. They work, but also knock me out so thoroughly, I could sleep through a tornado. Also, I seem to get some sort of rebound effect through the day when I don't take it. My arm and my back will start aching and give me grief trying move properly. More so than usual. My leg acts about the same keeping me just this side of on balance. I left a message with the Primary Doc about my new symptoms. Just waiting on a response.

It seems I can never get enough sleep. I can sleep til 2pm after having gone to bed at 10:30! It’s 10 am and I’m at work dreaming of a nap!

I was having a frustrating dream when the alarm went off, wanted to change the direction of the dream but I got up and went off to aqua fitness. I haven’t been to Fridays for some time because of the instructor. She’s even worse than she used to be. She just stands in the deep end reading off a sheet of paper. Very few people know what’s she doing. Everyone is looking around and several of us left early. We have one instructor who stands on the side and demonstrates what to do. She is everybody’s favorite. Then there the go- getter who gets in the shallow end and does it with us. Whenever she does hard to see moves she hopes out and demonstrates on the side. This one just stands there and reads off a paper. Guess I’ll stick to Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

I'm kind of anxious today. I'm not sure why. I havent had any coffee and I slept decently. My mom claims I'm living off Lunchables and soda. I've been eating other stuff too, but yeah its mostly been Lunchables, soda, protein shakes and bars, and pumpkin spice flavored yogurt. I put 4 cases of soda in the fridge this morning. I ate my last Lunchable for an early lunch. I ate 15 of them over the course of a few weeks. My mom had to go to Walmart this morning to pickup some onesies for my niece. I don't know why they don't have these things for her already? Maybe its her size or something that they werent prepared for. Although they had 9 months to prepare. Anyways my mom picked me up about 10 Lunchables. So I should be ok for about a week. Both my mom and my niece should be coming home tonight. Her blood sugars have remained steady for 24 hours and I think she got out of the nicu last night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed They kinda work but they don't evaporate very well. I find the Vicks patches you stick to your shirt to work really good and they are long lasting. Their bath beads are good too.

Thanks, Md. I always have a jar of Vick's. I love the stuff. I've heard that rubbing it onto the soles of your feet at bedtime (then wearing socks) can help draw out toxins and if you have a cold it can help soothe your cold symptoms.

@Nammu How is the instructor standing in the deep end and keeping the paper dry?

I feel a lot better after taking my afternoon meds and eating some snacks. I stood up to get a bottle of water and as I was getting my meds I got super dizzy and light headed and my heart was pounding. I had to sit down. That hasn't happened in a few months. I didn't do or take anything unusual so I'm wondering what my blood work will look like in a couple weeks. I didn't even have coffee today.

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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 It seems I can never get enough sleep. I can sleep til 2pm after having gone to bed at 10:30! It’s 10 am and I’m at work dreaming of a nap!

Yeah, I'm the same way.

I've tried doing that but then my feet felt sloppy in my socks after. Theres a Vicks rub on stick I may buy the next time I feel sick that I can use on my feet that won't make a mess.

I seem to need 12 hours of sleep out of every 24. Last night I took my Ativan dose at 6:45 and by 9 p.m. I was extremely sleepy and I woke up at some point in the middle of the night. I got back to sleep and got up at 9 a.m. when my alarm went off. I usually wake up around the same time even without an alarm.

Anyway that's funny: Dreaming of a nap! I know the feeling when I don't sleep enough.

Another day of running the a/c. Fu*k this.

I drank a lychee bobo tea and it's delicious. My daughter and I used to stop in for boba a lot.

Speaking of Nastassya (my N1). So she's in the process of (amicably) divorcing her husband (no regrets from me; of course, I won't say that). She's going for her PhD at a university in NYC, and will be teaching her first univ class this summer! Interesting topic...the class is about the long-term effects of social media on people's lives.

Nastassya has not communicated with me - it will be 4 years in November. I still have no reason as to why she has cut off communication. Anyway, all this - and 2 weeks ago she was diagnosed with bipolar 1. Pretty much pure mania. Her anxiety, since she was a child, has been severe. Extreme. Honestly, I've never known anyone with such vicious anxiety. And it's definitely an "energized" anxiety. Therapy (from ages 4 to high school) was helpful, but not astoundingly so.

When she was 11 her pediatrician prescribed an SSRI. She remained on that SSRI for 25 years. Now I'm thinking that it may have caused her mania to be worse. Unfortunately, she had a pdoc that was a di*k and negligent. Her pdoc in NY sounds like a good one; the diagnosis he's given her makes so much sense to me.

Although she has always excelled academically, her emotional life has never been healthy. Ragged. It has crossed my mind that her unwillingness to contact me/receive contact from me may have, maybe, to do with paranoia of some sort. Just a thought I have.

😂 she lamented the paper. She just stands there constantly talking and then randomly saying things like jump back and forth, jump side to side, do the frog. I missed Monday and Tuesday this week from terrible sleep and thought I’d make it up. Bah. It was nice to chat with the others before class though.

Did I mention my daughter came over to go though boxes with me. I’ve been here 5 years now and not opened a single box in the basement. Definitely I can do without all the Stuff, but then we opened a few. My gong, my drum, my silk flowers! Ohh I can’t get rid of that! I did donate my clothes though and found things to sell. One box was all food stuff and went in the garbage. Sadly as there was a new unopened bottle of olive oil. But the date was 2015! All my rice, black, red, jasmine all gone.

Did find my box of coins. Have a silver dollar from 1921 and a half dollar from my birth year. Have random coins from Canada and Mexico too. But not worth much, just memories plus a bunch of tourist coins from places that might not exist anymore.

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Originally Posted by Nammu ... Did find my box of coins. Have a silver dollar from 1921 and a half dollar from my birth year. Have random coins from Canada and Mexico too. But not worth much, just memories plus a bunch of tourist coins from places that might not exist anymore.

Oooh, how spectacular!

I came to a realization today. I spend my life fighting off and fending off and trying to prevent bad things happening. Almost every second of every day- I'd say except when I'm asleep but I'm not positive that's true. I check if my doors are locked before I can leave and I've even gone back up the three flights of stairs to my apartment to turn my doorknob to make sure the door is locked. I've been in bed almost asleep when it occurs to me that possibly my car is unlocked so I go down in pajamas and check the door worried that someone saw me do this. Sometimes I get paranoid and anxious. These days I'm on Ativan so you'd think I wouldn't be anxious but my thoughts still can be thoughts. I just feel way way less bad. I guess this is a happy side effect of a med that's stopping my akathisia.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 ....

It seems to me that it is the burden of humankind that we spend our lives attempting to fend off the things we fear.

That said, is it possible that you have OCD?

So because of the storm I didn't get my t the last time. I have to cancel my Monday appointment with my pdoc because I'm out of county. Hopefully Monday they transfer us. The two apartments we're looking at is in walking distance from a medical center. I'm so antsy to get a place this move has been one problem after another. I'm so worried we'll loose housing. I hate moving.

Miguel was doing horrible on his own he doesn't want to "ever" move out again. Which we'll see how that goes. We're planning to give him the master bedroom. We are trying to convince him to get on medication.

I mentioned that to a- not sure if it's the current one but maybe?- pdoc once. I told her I was counting the tiles in a public bathroom and was doing it a lot . She said "Can you leave before you're finished counting?". "Yes". " Then you don't have it".

So go figure. I did meet this person at Starbucks a couple days ago and she shook my hand twice. Each time I immediately excused myself and went and washed my hands.

Oh yeah- I crack my knuckles obsessively and my neck and back. I HAVE to do it.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom So because of the storm I didn't get my t the last time. I have to cancel my Monday appointment with my pdoc because I'm out of county. Hopefully Monday they transfer us. The two apartments we're looking at is in walking distance from a medical center. I'm so antsy to get a place this move has been one problem after another. I'm so worried we'll loose housing. I hate moving. Miguel was doing horrible on his own he doesn't want to "ever" move out again. Which we'll see how that goes. We're planning to give him the master bedroom. We are trying to convince him to get on medication.

I'm hoping so hard for you, Mm.

I count too. Every day. I have to feel satisfied with my counting before I can stop or I feel panicked. I also count categories of things like colors, patterns, shapes, words/letters, sounds and other things. My dr upped my citalopram (celexa) and it’s gotten easier to deal with. I’ve done it since I was a kid developing anxiety

*~**~*Welcome October!*~**~*

Autumn definitely is in the air. My SIL and I went out this morning and picked some wild mushrooms (called "kozáky" or formally, leccinium aurantiacum) from her property. See attached. The grass is still wet from the morning dew. Today Hubby and I move into the temporary place we're renting. We had the majority of our stuff moved into a building on the property we bought.

Soupe, those are the cutest little mushrooms. They look like they belong in a fairytale!

Indeed it is. I agree with Beyond - cutest mushrooms. Thanks for the pic. Sounds like fun picking them as well.

It must be a good feeling to have the majority of your stuff moved. How is the temporary place? When will you move into the permanent? How are you holding up?

As you know, I think your daughter’s name is beautiful. You must be so proud of her! Working on her PhD and teaching a university class! Wow! Huge! I hope that sometime soon communication will start up again between the two of you.

I hope things work out for you…quickly and smoothly. Fingers crossed.