Bipolar check-in #69

I haven’t been on much because my job is so exhausting but I have read everything and I am thinking of all of you who are struggling

A cold ran through our classroom and thus, us last week. We have patient zero in mind haha. She is adorable, one of the nonverbal children (at times, sometimes she repeats). I had the cold over the weekend. I slept all Saturday until it was time for work at my second job. But the cold was very minor, I felt better by Sunday. Now I just have a scratchy throat and a bit of a cough. And I’m sneezing a lot.

I got slapped in the face four times today by one of the other nonverbal students who was frustrated because I wouldn’t let him hoard the puzzles. He’s very particular, if he can’t have all of one type of matching object he gets upset. I don’t mind getting slapped (though boy it hurt, he wound up for them!) only because he can’t express himself any other way. That’s the difference with this job. It is way less triggering. I really do enjoy it.

I went to the gym today even though I was so tired. RS went with me. I’m very focused on losing weight right now as it will help take the strain off my back and the pressure off my knee that also hurts. I start PT on October fourth. I’m hesitant to say but I didn’t not wake up in pain this morning. Sometimes I get a thought it my head and manifest the symptoms so if I just go to the dr and find out nothing is wrong the symptoms go away. I bet if I did that with my knee it would feel better too!

I go for an eval at my pdoc’s office tomorrow at 5. I should have asked if my regular pdoc is still there because I don’t want to pay out of pocket for a new one. I’ll just find someone in network.

I was wondering where you were. I’m glad to hear you’re ok.

Thanks Beth. I am so glad to have the high risk program. I will be glad to get into the routines of scans every 6 months. It will feel safer than I do now. I just read the PA's report and the numbers are a little different than Iknew. I have a 1:3 risk in the next 25 years but a 43% risk in my lifetime. Scary.



But I need to stop thinking about it. I really need sleep tonight. I have to drive to the (closer) city for therapy tomorrow. I was up until 5 with all my PRNs last night so I really need to sleep tonight.

I'm sure I'll have more to say later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123 I opened the door to the front porch to grab a food delivery and gently placed against the door step was my opened Amazon package that went missing from my mailbox. Of course it included eye drops and specific vitamins so I’d be afraid to use them but somebody had a conscience. Good to know. That just beats all!

How exceedingly weird. I guess that person doesn't have either dry eyes or need vitamins. Hmmm. A thief with a conscience? Could it be a neighbor who accidentally received your package?

Yesterday I found an Amazon delivery for another apartment at my door. I had opened it before I realized it wasn't the package I was expecting (it was a cable). I taped it up and left it at the apartment it was supposed to go to. In the evening there was a knock at my door and, yep, my neighbor had the package that I was expecting (cat litter). Musical chairs, only it's musical Amazon packages

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely I find that warm lines can sometimes be more helpful than crisis lines if you just want someone to talk to. Problem is they don't operate 24/7. Here is a list: Warmline Directory

Thanks for that link. I had no idea there was a difference.

Lol 😂
…

I was right. I really didn't want to be, but here we are. My dad paid to fill my propane tank for the winter, something that was news to me when my mom told me, but because I (I repeat, I) didn't thank him vigorously enough, she needs to pay him $2500 to spite me.

It's not all of her money, but it's a large chunk. I begged her not to do it, advising her that paying my dad off like this will make him expect payment in the future anytime his feelings get hurt, but there was no convincing her. She paid him the equivalent of three months of her Social Security check to keep a temporary peace. And it will be temporary. I can only hope she gets her money's worth.

I know why my dad did it. He despises me, much like he despises everyone, but because I'm "family" (not that he ever acted the part with me), he feels obligated to help me despite his contempt for me. If he screws over my mom (his wife, mind you) to get to me and I cut my losses... Well, ungrateful kids. What can you do? He feels absolved of any guilt.

My dad is already in the proverbial pit. It's heartbreaking to see my mother being dragged in with him.

I have a jack russell - she’s an amazing dog

Also I used to do weights and I never gained weight from it. It did change my shape and give me muscle / tone but I lost weight so I’m not sure how that works. I think you’d have to do full on high intensity weights for it to make you gain… maybe?

Yesterday would of been my wife's 45th birthday if she was still alive. I went on a nice motorcycle ride instead of just sitting at home being depressed. I really miss my wife but the days are getting a little better I don't cry all day long anymore and that is really nice.

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I’m awake now! I came close to going back to bed this morning, but I preserved and went to aqua fitness. Boy was it a work out today! So I’m awake and refreshed now.

Mum was up again when I came home! That was a surprise. But she went back to bed now. I’m worried about her. She talks often now about not being here for Christmas. I think her younger brother being in the hospital and the death of the queen has really done a number on her outlook. I remember from a class in college that it’s common for old people to talk of death, but this is different than usual and she’s so tired. She does have a diagnosis of major depression, but they didn’t treat it. No talk therapy or meds. At 94 meds might be dangerous but surely they could do talk therapy?

Get a chihuahua I have two that were both rescues at different times. I was thinking about getting a puppy a few months ago. I went to a store selling puppies and found this cute little mutt. I asked the guy how much and I kid you not he said $3200 so u laughed and left. I decided to go by the shelter to see if they had any yound dogs. I walked out with an 11 year old chihuahua lol. This is the day I adopted him.

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I’m glad you enjoyed a nice motorcycle ride and that you are not crying all day anymore. I’m happy for you. That is nice.

Yay for you!!!! Persistence paid off. I’ll have some of what you’re having.

I’m sorry to hear about your mom. Is she willing to do talk therapy? Is that doable? Thinking of you and your mom. I hope she feels better soon.

Your dog is precious!

Checking in. I’ve been up since 2 am due to some medicine I quit taking and I had some difficulty shaking off the fatigue. Since I got COVID in Florida, my body demands adequate rest whereas before I could wing it by a lot. Driving mom to another town for a doctor’s appointment soon. It is a beautiful day to travel. Dropping the car off by the dealership on the way home. Sister picking us up. Goal is polite distance. Taking money for an Uber just in case I get tossed out. Ha!

I’m a homebody by nature and I’ve been out and about since Saturday. I’m looking forward to being home for a few days while the car is being worked on. We have brother’s truck but I’m not to the point yet where I can use his truck, touch his stuff or enter his room. It will come I’m sure.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much light and love

Your little doggie looks so happy to have a home again! You're his hero.

I'm glad your motorcycle ride helped yesterday.

I woke up this morning feeling great. I slept great last night. I worked out at 5:30. I didn't do my abs though. Ignored the news. I went to Sonic. I had therapy and I froze. I don't know why. I know I can't take my Prestiq before the sessions. I didn't have my hat on for once. My hat is my secuirty and I felt super awkward without it and I wasn't able to concentrate very well. But I know I can't wear it if I'm working so I better start not wearing it in therapy first. I have trouble making eye contact with her now that she is pregnant and I'm not sure if she notices or not. I know she commented before that I had great eye contact. Then the second she told me she was pregnant my eye contact just evaporated. Idk. Today was just awkward and it was totally me and not her. It was like my selective mutisim from kindergarten had come back or something. When I came out of the office I realized I was quite nauseated. I came home and took my prestiq and gastro med and then emailed my doctor so he could tell me about the results from my allergy test. But yeah it was a weird session. I meant to tell her about my bad urinary retention. I'm still having trouble going. Thinking I need to go but can't. Wanting to go but not being able to go. Not being able to go all the way. Its been frustrating. I also meant to tell her about the advil and hematrcrit and kidney issues. Basically I had planned on spilling my guts but just ended up looking like boo boo the fool the entire session.

He is so adorable! He looks so happy to be going home with you

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I told you I'd check with my son, @Soupe du jour regarding the possibility of Georgia going to war with Russia. He's home now after having spent 2 1/2 weeks in Georgia. This is what he wrote to me:

Hi, yes, we are back now. Georgia will not go to war with Russia (again) because they would lose. Additionally, their government is entirely controlled by an oligarch friendly to Russia, so there is no political will at present.

But Georgians do not like Russia - they think Russinas are arrogant, and multiple people there said Russians come and expect Georgians to speak their language, expect very high quality for super low prices and are generally disrespectful people.

So cool you got a chihuahua, @otroo.. We have a 7 pound chihuahua, rat hound. While 11 is old for some breeds, chihuahuas are the longest living breed; living 15-20 years. You have a lot of years left with your rescue.

So yeah….was getting dressed to take mom to the doctor. Found out she randomly poured bleach on my best clothes and started the cycle again. ALL my favorite stuff. Hadn’t really budgeted for that but will order some new clothes online. Was miffed at first but I can see the amusement of it now. Still going to hide that bleach from now on though. Ha!

Oh dear! I don’t think I’d see the funny side quite so soon.

He is cute and I will be rescuing one, but I think chihuahuas and those mini dobermans are for sure off my moms list because she doesn't want what she considers a "yappy" dog. She doesn't want a beagle either because they howl.

They're hiding in the walls, trying to assimilate

Struggled with a horrible headache since last night. It finally is easing a bit.

Last day of summer and it’s 98 Tomorrow much cooler thankfully !! I think the worst of the heat is behind us ** Knock on wood**

Hugs friends

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