Bipolar check-in #70

I'm up quite early, but I'm actually "up" up considering I fell asleep before 8pm and had minimal interruptions through the night. It's not too bad, as I'm taking care of some logistical stuff related to both work and my personal life that I never can take care of on any given "normal" day.

The doctor looking at my pinched nerve decided to reschedule again. I now see him Dec. 12, which on the plus side, is one of my days off. No coordinating with my boss to make the visit happen. On the minus, this is the third appointment scheduled by this doctor's office.

I'm reminded of that neurologist back in July/August who got so indignant about me not being able to make his appointment after he refused to see me for six months that he officially (certified letter and all) dropped me as a patient. The stringing along has already started with this new guy.

I'm tempted to call the office and ask for another doc if this guy is going to be indisposed so much, but I have a feeling I'll have to wait another six months for the privilege. The pain isn't going away anytime soon.

Work seems to be going all right. I've got a guy to watch out for. He's a good guy, but he is very effective competition. He matched me for sales yesterday which was a definite jolt. Should be fine. Just got to be on my A game.

Sending love to all, especially Rainbow, Beth, and MM

Much love to you Beth

Yes, when needed meds arrive it is such a huge relief. The Canadian pharmacies - I've had terrific experiences with the one I've used, Mike's Marine Pharmacy in Vancouver. It's a family-owned "brick and mortar" pharmacy & the staff is so friendly. They ship medication very carefully - and it's 1/2 (or less) the price!

Does your social anxiety tend to occur along with depression?

I’m desperately missing my Sirius

Ohhh, my God, sweetie. My heart hurts for you. That pain is so sharp. I'm sending love

Your weather sounds fab.

Your hair is lovely. How lucky that you've found a great stylist! You know, years ago I had hair down to the bottom of my butt. It would get so difficult to manage, but I found that doing things like layering it helped give it kind-of a new life and made it not so hard to live with. So sometimes hair doesn't need to be shortened, just structured.

Holiday decorations. You know, I was looking at winter wreaths on Amazon, and I was trying to feel it, but just couldn't. I decorated so intensely for Halloween/Dia de los Muertos that I felt dragged down by the time the actual days arrived. I guess i need a break. I like the wreaths with fairy lights on them (battery operated), but those cheap-azzed lights don't last for more than about 3 weeks and they crap out. *sigh* I dunno...the ideas are percolating, lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear Much love to you Beth

I saw rainbow Teddy first thing this morning on my page and Fuzzy, it made my day start HAPPY. Thank you, thank you soooo much! Love, love

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Me too, not until after thanksgiving. I put away Halloween stuff and just have pumpkins and fall themed stuff now. Very windy today but warm. I don’t think we hit record temps but it was in the 70’s. The average around this time of year is 50’s, so we’ll above average. Mum wanted to walk around the house and we stopped to chat with the neighbors. That was my big day. Tomorrow I ferry mum to a couple of appointments. Meanwhile I took my hearing aids out so I don’t have to listen to yet another hallmark Christmas movie. Ugh they start before Halloween now, but mum likes them. I’m reading and on here.

Yes, I do believe I'm with you on the decorating thing. Those Hallmark Christmas movies seem so depressing to me. But hey, if your mom likes them that is terrific! Plenty of people do.

I got signed up for the wreath making at the nature center. I believe I’ll go check hobby lobby to see if they have those tiny battery operated strings of lights to add to my wreath! Thanks for the idea Beth! I did it last year for the first time and it was fun, I got a great looking wreath out of it too!

Yikes, I see was really down last night. So far today I'm feeling more optimistic. Thank you for the support; it means the world to me.

This darn early dark. Ugh. I did find a movie to watch tonight, maybe it'll be good. "Father Stu."

I went to bed at 10 and slept and slept. Restorative, for sure.

I'm considering increasing my Lamictal from 200 to 250. See if I feel more resilient, less depressed. Med dude won't care, or even know. He asks me "What medication are you on now?" I tell him whatever and he says "Sounds good." Sends refills to the pharmacy. End of appointment. He's nice, but sure has turned out to be a disappointment with regard to experience with psych meds. It's on my list to look for some one else.

The temperature is cold and windy! 61 degrees, feels like ice here. 39 tonight...that's some serious cold.

Time to take a shower. I have to take Sadie to a routine vet tech appointment today; she has gland issues and has to have them dealt with every 6 weeks. I have a true, terrible phobia of vet's offices. I'm terrified of them. I so wish David would step up and take Sadie, but it'll be more hassle than it's worth.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I got signed up for the wreath making at the nature center. I believe I’ll go check hobby lobby to see if they have those tiny battery operated strings of lights to add to my wreath! Thanks for the idea Beth! I did it last year for the first time and it was fun, I got a great looking wreath out of it too!

Wow! Nammu, that sounds amazing! Gosh, we have a Michael's here & I'll bet they have a wreath making class. There's also a JoAnne's, but it's a dreary place with no classes.

What a fantastic idea, to put your own fairy lights, instead of relying on the cheapo ones that come with Amazon wreaths. God, I've isolated so badly I've forgotten how to think of the world outside. Stores. People. I guess a lot of it happened during covid.

You are welcome, Nammu - and thank YOU

I really liked the wreath I made last year. They go into the. Woods and gather boughs from a variety of evergreen trees 🌲. They supply the frame, wire, boughs, pine cones and a huge bow. You bring anything extra. I bought a bag of holly berries and some pretty ornaments. Your hands get really dirty from the sap, but it’s easy to do. All that for only $35.

It's so quiet on here tonight.....

I am so tired I wasn't going to update about my tests today but it turns out I can't sleep despite being exhausted (too much stress this week) so I guess I'll tell my story.

I had mammogram imaging from a few angles and then with a magnifier. Apparently the first mammogram showed micro-calcifications which can be a no-no or can be the result of the surgery I had this year. So they recommended mammogram in 6 months which is already scheduled from the high risk clinic. They checked out all my lumps on both breasts with ultrasound. This is the part where I get a little confused but I think there was something that showed on the MRI that needs biopsied. So they made sure they could see it with the ultrasound and will do a "little biopsy" (my term after this year of biopsies. This will be # 4 little ones and one big one). Then I have to have a quick MRI check to be sure it's gone or be seen or something. (I'd had a lot of scans and a lot of information in a short time and just couldn't keep up with everything clearly by that point).

The surgery NP was pleased with my healing. She thinks the lump I've been feeling is just dense tissue which is why it didn't show up on the MRI or ultrasound. If they decide further biopsy is needed she'll call me and she's going to coordinate what they need in 6 months with what high risk needs in 6 months with my PA so I don't have to do a lot of waiting.

Biopsy in 3.5 weeks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I really liked the wreath I made last year. They go into the. Woods and gather boughs from a variety of evergreen trees 🌲. They supply the frame, wire, boughs, pine cones and a huge bow. You bring anything extra. I bought a bag of holly berries and some pretty ornaments. Your hands get really dirty from the sap, but it’s easy to do. All that for only $35.

That sounds just beautiful! And that price can't be beat, especially for a handcrafted one. Sheesh, wreaths can get far too expensive. I'll hang a winter wreath in December and January, but by February I'll want one that is Valentine's Day themed. Darned if I would spend $60 on a wreath I'll hang for 2 months.

If you want a cute wreath that is cheap you could try what we do (except at Christmas). I have a grapevine wreath frame I have seasonal things that go in there. It mostly goes in and gets zip-tied down. For examples I have daffolids for spring, geraniums for summer, scarecrows and pumpkins for fall. Then at winter I have a fake pine wreath my sister got me for Christmas a few years ago. It looks real until you try to smell it so it's nice for the hoildays.

I think the items to go on the wreath cost under $5 per season. I think the frame was $8-10.

Seventeen. That's the number of phone calls I have received from my cousin over the course of the past hour. I've (mercifully) had my phone on silent and not been quite awake this morning, so I didn't have to suffer through any incessant rimging. Still, this is stalker territory. This is "I'll win him back. Fifteenth time's the charm." The entitlement here is staggering! "You're obviously not sleeping or getting ready for work or working or having a life outside of me, so I'm going to clog up your phone line until you talk to me!" He might think he has something important to say or urgent to report. He doesn't. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, he says has ever objectively qualified as urgent, so if this is that one time, well, the Boy Who Cried Wolf is an excellent metaphor here.

As far as phone calls go, it's easy to block my cousin. The complication revolves around my family, particularly my mom. She's the entire reason he's here. Extended family on the West Coast got tired of dealing with him, so they passed the proverbial buck to my mom. Now that he's here and he's rubbing the rest of us the wrong way, my mom has developed a sunk costs/stick your head in the sand mentality in regards to the cousin. She spent all that time and effort getting him over here, so might as well keep helping him. Also, she cannot let any criticism of the man sink in, otherwise it becomes harder to justify her continued help (and involving me with said help).

Their incomprehension wouldn't be my problem if my dad and his mercurial mood swings weren't involved. As an aside, if bipolar disorder has a genetic component, I'm almost certain who I inherited it from. Anyhow, if my family can't comprehend any criticism of my cousin, it's easy for them to make me out to be a bully.

Well, one step at a time. First up, number block.

We posted at exactly the same minute, so I missed your post last night @BeyondtheRainbow.

Honestly, everything you've found out sounds good. Sucks to have the biopsy in 3 1/2 weeks, but then the 6 months is encouraging.

Thank you for the wreath idea! That's smart, and fun. Now I feel excited about making a wreath, instead of sinking money into buying another already made one.

Umm...17 phone calls within one hour @Aurelius710? Unless someone is trying to reach someone else in a dire emergency, that many phone calls is WEIRD. WTH?!

Thank you BeyondtheRainbow for this thread.

Boy I’ll tell ya it sure makes a difference if I eat before fitness class! I’m not a breakfast person. I have my morning glass of chai and then don’t eat until the meals on wheels gets here. But it doesn’t get here until after I leave for fitness class. So I’ve been having yogurt and toast. Today I didn’t and boy could I tell I needed energy. My back, man o man. The pain. I just plain didn’t have the energy. First thing I did when I got home was eat and I felt much better.

It is quiet around here

My day.

My internet goes down literally every 3 to 10 minutes. A tech is coming out on Tuesday, but I doubt the problem can be fixed. I maintain that the lines here are just too old and overloaded to hold the high-tech fiber optics providers use nowadays. Plus, I need to have my computer gone over and viruses and crap removed. The dear thing is a 9 year old pc and well...it's old.

My mother's toaster was older than I was. When I was 12 the toaster finally died. It was such a shock! We literally grieved the loss of it. But now my 9 year old pc is considered really, really old.

I'm about to wash my hair and apply some Malibu Crystals (some sort of gritty stuff that turns into a paste) to it. The gritty stuff is supposed to remove hard water gunk (our water here is very hard) and bring out the lovely highlights and sparkling tones of blonde hair Well, we shall see. Anyway, I love playing with my hair and doing fun stuff to it.

And then!

I have to go to a car parts store and buy a new battery for my key fob thingy. Right now, I can't open/lock my car and set the security system. I have to (God forbid!) lock the car and open it manually. I hardly remember how to do it! There's nothing in the car to steal (no one could possibly get the old dear to actually drive quickly enough to steal the car itself), except I do keep my skating protective gear in the back. Worth some bucks and I'd hate to have that stolen. So I do need the security system, which is actually a double system that my BIL (who gave the car to me) had installed.

Next, (cringe) gas $6 buckaroos/gallon. I will be able to put $15 in, which will bring the needle to a hair below 1/4 of a tank

Then the (God help me) grocery store. Price shock.

Nevertheless, despite the anxiety-producing cost of it all, I am looking forward to getting out a bit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Boy I’ll tell ya it sure makes a difference if I eat before fitness class! I’m not a breakfast person. I have my morning glass of chai and then don’t eat until the meals on wheels gets here. But it doesn’t get here until after I leave for fitness class. So I’ve been having yogurt and toast. Today I didn’t and boy could I tell I needed energy. My back, man o man. The pain. I just plain didn’t have the energy. First thing I did when I got home was eat and I felt much better.

I find that breakfast, even just a very light bit of something, makes such a difference. Something to drink is good, but solid food give energy and takes the edge off grogginess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloudnsunshine Thank you BeyondtheRainbow for this thread.

Hi Cloudnsunshine Welcome to the forum

Price shock, I know what you mean, Beth. Today on the news they were saying it will cost 13.5% more to make thanksgiving meal,…but going out to eat will only be 6% more! And gas! Evil OPEC.

I came back from my trip. It was tough physically. I got to the stores I wanted to go to and I found the stuff I needed. But I didn't make it to my aunts Wednesday night for dinner and I didn't make it out to lunch yesterday, or out to breakfast this morning. I seem to be now having this brain fog that comes on when I push myself too much. Yesterday I was lying down in the hotel room and my mom had to get me out of bed and drag me to the bank to take care of some important bussiness. It only took about 45 minutes but at the end I was so close to collasping my legs felt like jello. I asked if I was needed anymore. The bank teller said no and then looked at me and my face mask and looked concerned and then I went to the car and I was just totally out of breath and breathing heavily and I had to chug a Vitamin Water. It was an odd sensation feeling like passing out from something unrelated to food restriction. I hope this covid crap is not permanent. I found some cool stuff at the international grocery store including European orange tic tacs. The box is orange and the flavor is orange but the color is white because the dyed US version is banned in other countries. My anxiety was pretty low the entire time and my moods were decent. The brain fog and jello legs is freaky though.

But yeah I'm not feeling too good right now. My valium isn't helping but Advil and Vitamin water does. Gatoradelyte helps a ton. Its the adult version of pedialyte. I'm not very hungry either but I did eat some stuff today. I wore a mask to all the stores I went to but I did forget it a couple times in the hotel but I wasn't around anyone at that time.

My stomach hurts all day now. Saw GI dr. She gave me some bentyl yo take up to 4x a day as well as changing my
Meds.

I got back in two months

Well I got yet another alert on my Fitbit that my heart rate is too high. I’m already on medication for tachycardia so don’t know why it’s spiking.

All I have is the walk-in clinic right now as that’s where my medical records are. I need to find a regular Doctor because I doubt I’d get any kind of decent care at a walk-in as I went there for Bronchitis and I literally had to tell them what medication I need to get back on my feet. Oh well.

I called Tina today to schedule a time to take Gus in for a nail trim. She was so sad to hear we lost Sirius. I’m not sure we can get Dexter into this single cab truck we have. We will have to try. Dexter just isn’t as flexible at his age now.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend

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