Bipolar check-in #70

I had my last therapy session and I just feel numb kinda. It sort of feels like how I got cut out by my transference T right before Christmas 2020 and I had no one to get me through Christmas. I get that this is not the same thing at all. But like, it still hurts pretty badly. I start with my new therapist on December 5th. Ugh I can't tell if I'm in a lot of emotional pain or in a lot of physical pain from the workout I did this morning and the V8s I've been drinking. It started after therapy and it sucks whatever it is.

I am looking way too thin and I feel like things are getting out of control with this working out and food restriction stuff. I feel like I'm going crazy. I would for sure have been admitted to the ED unit if I were still living in my old state.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Beth, yes he will be twelve! We’re taking him to his favorite arcade down the shore. He loves arcades. I’d take him bowling the next day but unfortunately the carpal tunnel syndrome prevents me from even lifting my water bottle much less a bowling ball. The arcade will be enough. Then we’re taking him to longhorn steakhouse for his new favorite dinner, steak lol. He has expensive taste! I might also take him to five below to pick out a couple of cheap presents. Our main present was a new scooter which I bought a month ago so he could use it for a bit before the cold set in.

That sounds ***fabulous!***. What a fun day it will be. Gosh, my kids absolutely loved arcades, too - especially my daughter. Do they still have the Dance-Dance something...they step on lit-up squares while music plays...ugh, I can't remember. I tried it once and nearly fell off the machine. But the kids loved it! Yes, I remember when you gave him the scooter, I was imagining him "scootering" around.

I'm so sorry about the cts. When my kids were roughly CR's age I tore my rotator cuff (right shoulder) and what I could do was so limited. I felt like I missed out and it was frustrating.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ....

Last therapy session. No matter what, regardless of circumstances, I think any last therapy session is going to be flattening. Crushing, I mean. The good part is that it is done. Today will probably be the hardest day, maybe tomorrow. But it will be less and less and before you know it December 5th will be here.

I don't think I am dealing with just anxiety. I think I really over did the work out. I had to take the normal tylenol and pepto bismol capsules this afternoon. Then I sat up and threw up in my mouth and spit up on the floor a bit. Tommorow will be a rest day regarding my workout.

Some of you may remember last summer I was pet-sitting for my sister's family while they were on vacation and the cat took a liking to me and kept bringing me dead animals which I had to dispose of. On top of that a bird drowned in the pool filter which turned into a horrible clean-up issue.

Well, I'm pet-sitting again, although this time for my mom. I was supposed to feed the fish today and so I did that. One of her fish has been unwell and expected to die to when I didn't see him I checked the tank. Yep, laying on the bottom, folded up, not moving. I called her to find out how she handles dead fish, got the paper towels to wrap the body in, moved a chair so I'd have easy access and reached to move the lid so I could retrieve him. He was swimming all over! I didn't scream but I jumped back about 5 feet and squeaked. Back from the dead....I think I'm done petsitting. Too much death and pseudo-death.

Lol 😂 oh rainbow you’ve got a bunch of good stories from pet setting.

I made pumpkin bread today. Turned out ok but wouldn’t come out of the pan. I guess I should have grease it, but I thought non-stick coating meant you didn’t need to grease it! Has a nice flavor to it, I used extra ginger. I love ginger and clove. I should get some cheese cloth and make mulled wine for the holidays. Half the delightful part is the scent. The problem is that I only know how to make a bunch, for just mum and me that’s too much. Mum only has 1/2 a glass and I only have a glass.

V8 is acidic and can cause some wicked acid reflux

I. Am. So. Far. Behind. On. Here !

Yesterday when we were headed out to my rheumatologist appt we saw a dog rush across the road and into the woods ! On the way back home ( it was dark) we stopped and called for it.. no luck.

Today we found her. Was so worried because last night got down in the 20’s and worried about coyotes. Here she is. Dogs get dumped here all the time. I dunno how anyone can be so cruel !

Hope she’s just lost and we can get her back home. Steve’s falling in love fast

Oooo she’s sooo cute 🥰

Very adorable! I'm no expert on dogs, but she looks like she could be a pure bred black Lab, don't you think? It would seem odd for someone to "dump" one, if she is. Also, she seems in excellent shape, with few (if any) signs of being a stray for long. In any case, if she stays with you, it sounds like you might have Gus on your lap and this new cutie could end up being a "Daddy's Girl".

So eating isn't my thing lately, moving has sucked, my parents basically told me not to visit because the boys are more comfortable here. I hate that. I'm trying to do a month here and a month there so no one gets overwhelmed with us. I can't just not see them. I won't see them for at least 6 months after December. I don't know.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom So eating isn't my thing lately, moving has sucked, my parents basically told me not to visit because the boys are more comfortable here. I hate that. I'm trying to do a month here and a month there so no one gets overwhelmed with us. I can't just not see them. I won't see them for at least 6 months after December. I don't know.

I'm so sorry, Mm. I don't understand why life is so hard for some of us.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Some of you may remember last summer I was pet-sitting for my sister's family while they were on vacation and the cat took a liking to me and kept bringing me dead animals which I had to dispose of. On top of that a bird drowned in the pool filter which turned into a horrible clean-up issue. Well, I'm pet-sitting again, although this time for my mom. I was supposed to feed the fish today and so I did that. One of her fish has been unwell and expected to die to when I didn't see him I checked the tank. Yep, laying on the bottom, folded up, not moving. I called her to find out how she handles dead fish, got the paper towels to wrap the body in, moved a chair so I'd have easy access and reached to move the lid so I could retrieve him. He was swimming all over! I didn't scream but I jumped back about 5 feet and squeaked. Back from the dead....I think I'm done petsitting. Too much death and pseudo-death.

Rainbow....

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Originally Posted by Nammu Lol 😂 oh rainbow you’ve got a bunch of good stories from pet setting. I made pumpkin bread today. Turned out ok but wouldn’t come out of the pan. I guess I should have grease it, but I thought non-stick coating meant you didn’t need to grease it! Has a nice flavor to it, I used extra ginger. I love ginger and clove. I should get some cheese cloth and make mulled wine for the holidays. Half the delightful part is the scent. The problem is that I only know how to make a bunch, for just mum and me that’s too much. Mum only has 1/2 a glass and I only have a glass.

You do so many creative things, Nammu. I used to bake pumpkin bread and divine pumpkin pies when I worked in the cafe, but it's so easy when all the professional restaurant supplies are available. At home it feels like too much to deal with.

Anyway, I really wish I could find some excellent pumpkin bread. So far, I haven't for years.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina I. Am. So. Far. Behind. On. Here ! Yesterday when we were headed out to my rheumatologist appt we saw a dog rush across the road and into the woods ! On the way back home ( it was dark) we stopped and called for it.. no luck. Today we found her. Was so worried because last night got down in the 20’s and worried about coyotes. Here she is. Dogs get dumped here all the time. I dunno how anyone can be so cruel ! Hope she’s just lost and we can get her back home. Steve’s falling in love fast

OMG, she's beautiful.

My sister-friend who died last year lived way out in the country in Texas. People dumped dogs, she rescued so many. Made me sick and furious. WTF is with some sickos.

You and Steve are angels for rescuing her

I'm sitting here crying for no reason and going downhill fast. I skated today and it felt fantastic, but the time comes when I have to take my skates off. In the past when it got toward this point I'd travel. No hesitation, just hit the road or book reservations for a plane. But that's not possible at this time.

I need to sleep and it's getting late again, but I'm afraid to sleep because I want to make myself not wake up. Plus, I also don't want to wake up. This forum is the only place in the world where I feel not hated right now. The pain and terror I feel annoys people, they misunderstand it. Or there are a very few who give me dumb advice. I appreciate their effort, but it also causes me stress, because I have to thank them when I feel like not saying anything. Or saying Please don't say that. You don't have to try to fix me. Also, don't listen to me, because I have nothing to say. I'm just in terrible pain. It won't end. I'm glad you exist, but please just go away and let me sit here and rock and cry.

How are you @Moose72? I feel so bad for abandoning you. Please know that I have been thinking about you. Are you feeling any better?

Heya @Blue_Bird, long time. How're you and the kits doing?

You are cared for here. You can and should cry as much as you need to but don't forget in this tiny bit of the world people care about you.

I'm sorry the depression is so bad. Is topamax good for depression? I take it but it's a long story and I have no idea what it does, just that it does something but I can nly tolerate 25 mg so I never found out what the full effect is.

Maybe you need an AD? I know you are done with SSRIs but there are lots of other choices. When I ran out of choices I started Emsam and that was 13 years ago.

Anyawy just wanted t give you verbal hugs besides the hugs button.

Hey I was feeling somewhat paranoid yesterday (thinking my meds were poisoning me) but I’m doing okay today

It’s been a couple weeks since the Thorazine increase. I’m less impulsive. Less paranoid in the general sense (not sure why I felt that way yesterday, sometimes symptoms can still come through though that’s normal I guess)

I’m just frustrated waiting on people to get their laundry out of the dryers in the laundry room. Theirs has been done for 20 minutes now and no one has come to take their clothes out. My clothes have been finished in the washer for 20 minutes so I’m kind of stuck waiting. We’re supposed to set times so we know when to get our stuff out but some people leave their stuff in for hours

How have you been?

The cats are good, I will post pics in a little bit

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm sorry mm

Beth You're loved here

And... the bottom is giving out with work. Everyone's hours are being cut. It looks like December is going to be a bit of a lean month, hours wise, with next week particularly bad with three days out (two days cut plus the holiday). My boss did go to bat for me and threw me a shift next week at another store so I'm not completely up the creek, but still... She says things will go back to relative normalcy in January, and I'll take her word for it. If it doesn't...

I entered into a writing contest (Well, two of them!) last night! Thought it would be nice to exercise my mind on something that's not work or medical related. One contest ended last night, while the other one ends on Friday.

I do have my concert on Saturday that I still have every intention of attending. I already bought the ticket, so the biggest expense is already taken care of. As far as food and drink go (It's a bar and grill type venue.), I'll just sodas from the bar. No reason to break the bank.

Mixed bag of a day, but what can you do?

I just came back from the dentist. It was $487 for 2 minor cavities. Which didn't seem like minor cavities with how much she was drilling. Luckily she put so much numbing gel on before the novacaine so I didn't feel the large amount of novacaine she shot in me. I didn't feel much pain but I felt a lot of anxiety and semi panic and my boots were shaking a bit. At one point I almost asked them to go get my mom but I knew I'd sound like a weenie if I did that. It took just over an hour to get them done. My mouth is so numb. But what a year its been. One lung inflammation. 3 phelebotomy procedures. One thyroid biopsy. One bout of Covid. And then 2 cavities. Hopefully next year is better health wise. Right now I'm just trying to relax before the novacaine wears off and then the pain starts. Thanksgiving has become sort of a mess so I'm trying not to think about it right now.

@Beth. Ohhh

Hi, it's been a while.


We moved to NW PA this year after deciding we (meaning I) couldn't live with the old neighborhood anymore. We now have four seasons, trees in the backyard, and way more space between us and our neighbors. Even with a bout of COVID and me partially herniating a disc, it's been good. However, I've also uncovered a whole truckload of old traumas to deal with. The latest reared its ugly mug when my husband had a kidney stone he couldn't pass. He had surgery last week and is recovering well, but only now have I shaken off the pity party of being sole responsible person for everything. (Okay, I'm exaggerating. A little.)

I still have telephone visits with my old therapist, and my new psychiatrist is pretty cool. I did find a NAMI group here so I want to visit that soon. I miss talking to people who "get" me.