Bipolar check-in #70

@~Christina. I love that blanket! I’m glad you are hanging in there with the job. Fingers crossed that something better comes up soon.

I think we’re going to finish out the trip with a dip in the hot tub and a few games of pool before turning in. I hope everyone has a peaceful evening and a peaceful Monday. Much love.

Feeling anxious/panicky. Was in my room worrying my meds were poisoning/killing me so I moved out into my living room and am trying to distract myself

Anyway, I’m gonna hopefully try to sleep at some point. Hope everyone has a nice night.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you I just took my Thorazine so hopefully I fall asleep soon and wake up feeling better

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I'm still here. Getting sick of not having an apartment. I may look into going back to school at a competency based school. Miguel has pretty much dropped out of his program and is waiting for the other college to start. He's looking forward to the competency based program. But I don't know what will happen if he doesn't pass these classes. I feel so bad for him. I honestly feel like working maybe to much for him. If he can not go for his MS he'll go for another BS degree and save for his master's degree. We're planning on making big moves because Miguel can take care of himself. I'm hoping to do school full time. H is thinking about it too. We all have goals and projects we want to do but first we need a home and our stuff. We're on a wait list we'll 2. H has to call tomorrow to see what is needed.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Thank you I’ve had 2 headaches throughout the past couple days. That could be from PMS though. Some nausea today but I think that was just from the headache because it went away after my headache went away. So I don’t think those are related to the metformin hopefully. I’ll see how the next couple weeks go That does sound like PMS. I'm pulling for you, for the Metformin to work. xx My kitties move around a lot too, I have a lot of blurry pictures of them from them moving too quickly but I always try to post the best pics of them my phone has over 2,000 pictures on it and most of them are of the cats lol I love autumn type food, pumpkin flavored everything. I might bake some homemade chocolate chip pumpkin bread this coming week Hahahaha! I've never thought of that! I thought they just sat there for you, and wondered how you got them to do so. I love pumpkin. The color, the taste, the way pumpkins look. Ohhhh....chocolate chip pumpkin bread!

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed And now my mom is positive. I'm not sure what medication all these big name polticians are getting where they can stand outside and give a speech about how they have mild symptoms and then they are fine 3 days later. This **** is serious even with vaccines and boosters. I wasn't worried until now. But yeah I appreciate the prayers and thoughts I'm getting for what I'm going through. Obvious sarcasm. Be glad it hasn't come knocking at your door yet. Its still killing 400 people a day.

I am so sorry, Md.

Ack, I just read my last post (my own check-in) & it was...what was it called on Facebook years ago..."vague posting" or something.

Anyway, thank you for your support regarding my sister's dementia. At the rate she's declining I don't expect things to be easy for my family. I'm sure I will learn a lot. It would be nice to learn on my own terms, though. That would be really nice.

Anyway. I've been physically unwell for 2 days because in 40 years I have not (speaking of learning) been able to accept David's behavior toward me, and the extent to which I take it in makes me literally have moderate flu-like symptoms. He has severe OCD, a whopping case of ADHD, and PTSD from combat in Vietnam. Although he's been diagnosed by the VA (vet admin) and they, of course, offer all sorts of fabulous, free assistance, David refuses treatment. No therapy, no medication. Just prayer. Prayer that stubbornly refuses to ease my life.

I am a patient person. Oftentimes in my life it has come to light that I was patient when I would have done better to set a good, clear boundary of No more.

The patience it has taken to be David's wife for 4 decades, well, only love could sustain such endurance. Love- and the need to have the rent paid. Since he refuses to acknowledge his disorders, how can he possibly appreciate a wife who patiently tolerates them? The answer is: he cannot.

In short- that was why I was writing about being tired of being demeaned, etc., etc. whatever else I wrote. Thank you for listening, kids, and have a good night. Easy.

Today was a nice day off. I was able to pick up my mom from the house, take her to church, get some lunch, and just generally be lazy about getting back. It was nice. We chit-chatted, listened to some music, talked about the upcoming operation (It's Thursday.), that sort of thing. After that, I slept until my afternoon nap was interrupted by a gentleman banging on my door. Long story short, a combination of large truck and trailer (almost semi sized), residential street and an attempt to back into the driveway of the house across the (quite small for a semi) street led to my mailbox being sideswiped. Apart from obvious scuff and scratch marks, it didn't look too bad, but he insisted that he would get me another one. He said he would drop it off soon. Well, here's hoping.

One annoyance that turned out all right in the end: the lottery. I attempted to take advantage of a self-serve lottery machine. Spend $10 and if I win, wonderful! If I don't, no water under the bridge for me. The issue: I paid with a card, the machine made a huge show of denying my transaction, but it charged me $10 anyway. I... took a breath, walked back in, made a joke about my state lottery commission just robbing me... and I was introduced to the store manager who spent all of five seconds listening, refused to help and not so subtly implied I should get help for a gambling problem. There's a lot of things I need help with. Gambling is not one of them.

Anyway, I called the state lottery who agreed to process a refund, which was nice. An even better consolation was winning $25 with the one scratcher I did get, which got me back my money and then some. Safe to say, I quit while I was ahead.

Apart from all that, I've just been watching TV. Caught up on Andor, and I'm going to watch an episode of Lower Decks.

So, in the grand sum of things, not a bad day!

Greetings and salutations everyone! We’ll be leaving in a short while to head home. Well S will head home. I’ll go meet up with M as requested. I’m glad we have separate cars.

Today I’ve got telehealth therapy, my meeting with M, working out at the gym, a late lunch with a friend at Outback and grief class.



I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love. : love:

I hope it doesn’t hit your mum too hard. She’s older so it’s riskier for her so you guys are in my thoughts.

Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better and don’t be too worried about the fact you’re still testing positive - people can still test positive for ages even when all symptoms have gone.

Rest up!

Heading back soon in separate cars. S will come home. I will stop off and meet with M. I have therapy today, late lunch with a friend, a workout and grief class.



I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love.

@Sunflower123, I hope your therapy session is restorative. Let everything you need to get out come out there. Be kind to yourself. I hope the grief counseling is also helpful tonight.

My brother is currently having a cardioversion procedure. I look forward to talking to him after it's done and he feels up to talking.

Sunflower, I hope your therapy session goes well

Soupe, I hope your brothers procedure goes well



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I’m having severe anxiety. Police were in the building for some other person and I keep thinking they’re after me. That’s one of my big paranoias that the police are out to get me. I saw them in the building now I’m having a kind of meltdown which makes zero sense but I always think they’re after me.

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I hope things calm down for you soon Blue Bird. It will be okay. Thinking of you.

I slept all last night. I fell asleep before 6. I woke up for a few minutes at 8. Then I woke up again for a few minutes at 1. Then I slept until 7:30 and I had to really pull myself out of bed. I'm congested and I'm coughing a bit and my nose is running and I'm just worn out. I have a message into my doctor because my portal said if my symptoms do not improve to ask for Paxlovoid. I stopped my cold medicine since it was making my anxiety a lot worse. So my anxiety is ok today and the only meds I've taken are my regular psych meds. My mom is pretty much fine. I wish my sister would be more helpful and would bring over food for us. We did so much for them a few weeks ago.

Thank you, I just took a PRN Klonopin and am hoping that helps, I don't know what else to do. I have a hard time dealing with this type of panic

Just made a loop around town getting errands done. I like going in loops 😜 it makes me feel I’m saving on gas. Took me all of 20 minutes from start to finish. Now I feel like I accomplished something since I didn’t go to fitness classes this am. Brrr much too cold, the idea of getting in water, brrr 🥶. We might tie with record cold high for October. At least the sun is shining. My dreams were so fantastic this morning I wanted more of that feeling, and my bed so warm, and the air so chilly. The perfect storm of stay in bed lethargic energy. But now I feel bad for not getting up. Ahh well, I’ll live.

There once was a man from Nantucket...

He carried a bucket

I don’t feel safe or supported here right now. It’s unfortunate because SAD has hit me hard and I’m attempting everything I can to get out of its clutches. There was a public blow up on the forum. **** happens. Emotions get raw. Misunderstandings occur. Sorry for the show folks.

I don’t know what my future actions will be. How could I possibly considering? My next best step is to go to grief class and let it all go amongst friends. I believe I will do that. I’d better hit the road. I’m calling it close as it is.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I’m having severe anxiety. Police were in the building for some other person and I keep thinking they’re after me. That’s one of my big paranoias that the police are out to get me. I saw them in the building now I’m having a kind of meltdown which makes zero sense but I always think they’re after me.

Ugh, I'm so sorry, Birdie. I also have huge anxiety about cops. I mean, I'll be honest...there have been times in my life when an officer truly helped me out and for that, I am very grateful. That said, my interactions with police have usually been stressful and just plain not good.

The last straw, the one that really caused me to have a serious (and valid) mistrust of cops was when I was "arrested to the hospital." 5 years ago I was having a breakdown, due mostly to my sister's death. I was sui and just plain unglued. I foolishly got on Facebook and posted about how I was feeling. My cousin called 911 (not wise). The cops came and although I was in no way violent or resistant, those two big guys literally jumped on me, shoved me down, and handcuffed me. Pushed me into the small back on their police SUV and took me to the hospital, where I was held for 24 hellish hours.

Since that awful experience all I have to do is see a cop and the terror of that night rushes in at me.

Have you had a specific(s) bad incident with the police that causes you to feel afraid of them?