Bipolar check-in #71

I made some pasta today ahead of time for tomorrow. I have some spicy Italian turkey sausage thawing that I’m gonna make tomorrow and then eat it with the pasta and pasta sauce and also have a piece of Texas toast with it. Should be good. On Friday I’m baking two egg custard pies, one for my sister and one for myself.

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You are one of the most lovely honest people on this forum never doubt you are a good person.

Thank you so much Nammu, that means a lot to me

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My brother in law gave me this melatonin that he got from Amazon and that **** is strong. I took some yesterday before bed and then again when I woke up at midnight. Perhaps a bit too much at midnight. I finally dragged myself out of bed after 8. I normally get out of bed at 5:30. We also got pizza last night which never does my stomach or anxiety good when I eat a lot. I really had to push myself to get to the store but I made it and got fruit and some apple chips and a Barnes And Noble gift card for my sister. But I'm a bit of a physical and mental health mess today. But I mean I bought one more Christmas gift and I have fruit finally so I can get back to my normal eating.

I ended up going back to sleep. I woke up about half an hour ago. I'm not feeling too bad mental healty wise but physically I'm still off. I haven't eaten all day besides a few pieces of fennel. I just now am eating some apple chips but I'm still not hungry.

Now its the fun game of was it meds or am I getting sick

Yes, he did!

Some people say "soda" here but most say "pop".

I grew up with pop, but lived in the south for 25 years and learned to say soda. So now I say soda pop.

Well mum has a limited menu right now but it’s all she wants. The night she came home I didn’t have many healthy soups on hand so gave her bean soup with ham and cheese toast. Then yesterday I ran to the store and got the a few containers of homemade soup, in chicken noodle and chicken with dumplings and chicken rice. And a few varieties of canned soup. So for the next few days dinner is soup and something. But I’m getting the water down her. Every time she’s up I’m offering water. She mostly sleeps though. I remember when I had pneumonia I slept for like a week. But there’s times I stand in the doorway checking to see that she’s breathing. Awrch it’s gotta be hard to be 94! She said today that home doesn’t seem like home, it looks the same but feels different.

I’m doing fine. Completely recovered and sleeping ok. Waking up a lot but able to go back to sleep.

Around here we say “coke” no matter what it really is a convo could go like this

“ want a coke?”
“Sure-what kind do you have?”
“Sprite, Coca-Cola and Mt dew”

I live in a "pop" area but it seems to be transitioning to "soda". I usually say "soda".

Saw pdoc today. She prescribed Cogentin because of my tremors- including the ones my vocal cords have! She and the substitute pdoc were trying to figure out what to do if I have to go off Haldol. They couldn't figure it out since I've had so many contraindications to various psych meds. But I think pdoc said she would think about it and that she would call my primary doctor about it. Then my primary has to figure out whether or not she has to send me to a neurologist.

I'm cold. Aside from pdoc's appointment, I've had a bad day. ( @*Beth* I sent you a PM). I have a bad feeling that I'm getting a sore throat too. I'd love a massage- I need a nice deep tissue massage- but not TOO painful! I hope I'm not getting a cold, or worse, strep throat. I'm cold but I just had a glass of chocolate milk. That reminds me- I need a new thermometer. I have two, but one is bent and the other doesn't always start up. (It's not the battery.) I guess it's time to get into bed. It's way past my bedtime. And I got up relatively early.

I've been depressed and anxious with voices every day. The only thing I have for the voices is 2mg of Haldol once or twice a day- in addition to the 10 I take the rest of the day. The Cogentin pdoc prescribed might give me a dry mouth. That's all I need!

Think it's time for my PRN Haldol...

Saw the place liked it enough. I don't see why we had to see it in person. We spent far to much on a 30 min visit. But that application is moving. So we'll see. My parents make a good point that someone is going to come with money and less hoops and snatch it from us but I can't really think about that. They really want us to keep our car but I highly doubt we'll be able to keep our car my parents don't understand being poor. My mom's mad there's no washer dryer in unit. Ummm, we need medical and I need to fix my teeth we don't have the luxury to ask for a bunch of things. It's not like we're moving for fun. We're from a completely different world then then. It makes me mad. No I can't afford another $45 bill a year let alone a month. But how do you say that without them getting offended and saying something about h working harder. I feel this is going to break my family and I don't know how to be nice about it. We don't even have the money to move registration. I just hate how much pressure they're putting on me.

I feel awful @Blue_Bird that you took your parents' terrible dysfunctions into yourself. What a vile, vicious thing to do to a little child. I can't even ...just...no. No.

I struggle to this day with my father having left when I was 6, I adored him and thought he did me; my parents seemed to have a solid marriage, then suddenly he took off with some woman.

Strangely, perhaps because I had 2 sisters who were grown women by the time I could understand what they were saying, I knew quite clearly that "that woman" (my mother) had "something wrong with her." I thought she was beautiful and there were things about her I loved and admired. And then there were those other things, the crazy things. I hated her for those, but I didn't take them personally because she'd done them to my sisters and father, too. So while I hated that part of her I also felt terribly sorry for her. It seemed to me that she must feel miserable to be able to be so cruel. All in all, I felt neutral about her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I like trying all the unique kinds of apples and pears they have. Last time I went I got an asian pear which was tasted like an apple pear combo

I love Asian pears!

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlived We call it “soft drink” here in Australia….

Yes, soft drink is said here, as well as soda. But "pop" That's so funny

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 Around here we say “coke” no matter what it really is a convo could go like this “ want a coke?” “Sure-what kind do you have?” “Sprite, Coca-Cola and Mt dew”

My mom always said that.

I saw my dear, kindly GP today and yay! This painful weirdo infection on my shoulder/back is healing! What an odd ordeal it's been.

Tomorrow is Mary's birthday and wouldn't ya know she's not taking it off, so I have an appointment with her. I found a card for her 2 weeks ago that I felt was perfect, it fit her so well. But by the time I filled it out yesterday my words came out so chilly it was a shame. The words took away from the beauty of the card. But I couldn't warm up.

I don't especially want to go to the appointment tomorrow, however I would go. But, now I have a new problem. After my GP appointment today I was driving away from the clinic and saw that some pos-pos has dumped another poor cat behind the dumpster. The nights are bitter cold now. That kitty was huddled up, no food in sight, certainly nowhere warm.

I called the county animal place, that name I'm afraid to say, but I could only leave a message. I'll call the place again tomorrow. I'm thinking obsessively about the cold and that poor alone little cat. I'm terrified to go back there tomorrow. Last time, during the spring, when I told Mary about the last cat, she barely looked at me and just said, "mm." I felt panicked the whole session, and everything was a mess for 2 months, until I saw that the cat was taken (I really felt it was safer).

Exactly 2 months until pitchers and catchers report (baseball). Then it's spring.

I think I just had a bit too much melatonin. My anxiety was fine after 11 yesterday but I was so tired I couldnt tell if I was getting sick or not. I barely I ate I had less then 1200 calories and I spent the day drifting in and out of sleep. It could also have been a reaction to the increase in my injection too.

But I'm feeling better now and I ate some cotton candy grapes and a Greek yogurt.

My mom doesn't think she got me enough Christmas presents. She got me an ab pillow so working out is easier, a hat, and a book. She got my brother in law and sister $100 gift cards and then something to open. I told her not to worry.

The hat I've been wanting for months and the book is finally out and the ab pillow will really help my workout. And to be honest, I'm kind of glad everyone is getting more then me this year. In past years I've gotten more and I've felt really bad.

To my knowledge, my brother in law is still getting me the jeans. I've bought a ton for everyone.

It should be a decent year. My brother in law is making a turkey and a duck.

I’m from New York state, people around here say soda. I lived in Kentucky for a few years and people called everything Coke there, even if it was a sprite or other type of soda, everything was called Coke.

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Yep!!!! I just posted that. Everything is a coke

In ASL the north mid states it’s “pop” with the greatest fun sign. Down south it’s “coke” sign even if you mean other sodas. The sign is injecting yourself, I dislike it. But no one knows what pop means. Don’t know what the coastal ASL signs are. But ASL is regional too.

Work was... stressful yesterday. Had a pair of customers come in with a situation I found out later that they put themselves in! One was OK, but the other one was, to put it charitably, strung out, anxious , obnoxiously loud and not so subtly racist when he thought no one was looking. The manager at the Wally World I worked at let me know he was a stone's throw from being kicked out if he kept it up.

After about 40 minutes of this crap, he decides to drop the bombshell that he had a service card all along! The entire source of his "irritation" was the fact that his service had lapsed "too early" (it had in fact lapsed right on time) and he refused to buy a service plan out of "principle" because he believed he was owed a free service plan, which the promise was on a letter the company sent, but the company wasn't going to honor it for lapsed service. I say "principle" rather than principle because holding that necessary item back speaks to trying to use me to get phone service he was ambivalent about in the first place.

Bit of poetic justice: He used his "newly found" service card, to activate service and we quickly found out the SIM card was shot. I tried it on three phones and the card wouldn't read on either one. It was like the SIM didn't exist and because the SIM is what has the phone number and the cell service info, the customer was right back where he started. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. At that point, there was nothing I could do. Any solution I had for an immediate fix would require at least $30 spent and since they were that miserly over a service card, that wasn't happening.

They were there for a good two hours and I was only so happy to leave. I was also happy to know people would have my back if a situation like that arises again. Hopefully, I won't have to test it for a while.

On a non-work related note, I shuffled around my streaming services. I got rid of two and added Netflix. I figured I'd give it a go after 4 movies and series piqued my interest! I'm diving into 1899, which at this point is a moody mystery surrounding a ghost ship that was found by it's sister ship drifting in the middle of the Atlantic. All of the characters are shown to be running from something or someone and two of them have a direct connection to someone who was a passenger on the ghost ship. Looking forward to episode 2!!

Hopefully work will be less stressful!

We have a big winter storm coming today, 9-18 inches expected with some areas getting upwards of 24 inches and very high wind gusts

I wasn't even aware this was going to happen until now, so glad I got to the store earlier today to do my weekly stock up on cat litter

Wow bluebird that’s a lot. We’re expecting 2-4 inches over the next 24 hours, not bad at all. 9-18 wow, that’s a lot.

I’m in a miserable mood today. Just trying not to react. My inclination is to lash out, so I’ve been withdrawn today to keep myself calm. Very bad night with dreams of being homeless again.

My mom has been getting flooded with scam calls since yesterday. I just found it out today. It was happening every few minutes. Today on our way to Starbucks it happened at least twice. It really rattled me since I thought someone was stalking us. The only one who could possibly have a grudge agasint me is my old therapist I helped get fired. I finally googled it and it seems to be a pretty common recent thing and a common thing among my phone carrier. It said picking it up will just make them come in more. My mom has picked up a couple. They do seem to be slowing down though. So I'm guessing? Its nothing to worry about. But I've been sort of spooked all day from it. I did make it to Target without anxiety and I got a pair of jeans that fit and a pack of tank tops. I also got a workout in this morning too. Food wise I've eaten but quality wise it has majorly majorly sucked. I just forget when I have things on my mind and when I'm out of the house. Going to Target in the afternoon even without it being the holidays is kind of a big deal for me. It was crowded but I wasn't really all that anxious.

My mom found an 8' platform stepriser workout thing from 5 Below. That will certainly help my work outs. I've used chairs in the past but they are way too hard to do a lot.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Wow bluebird that’s a lot. We’re expecting 2-4 inches over the next 24 hours, not bad at all. 9-18 wow, that’s a lot. I’m in a miserable mood today. Just trying not to react. My inclination is to lash out, so I’ve been withdrawn today to keep myself calm. Very bad night with dreams of being homeless again.

I'm sorry, Nammu.

Thanks Beth. I ate lunch and had a small eggnog and feel better now. But ohhhh do I want winter solstice to come already. Sooo sooo tired of dark dreary days.