Bipolar check in #73

This does not sound good or comfortable. Do what you have to do to get an appointment as soon as possible

I’m
Wheezing and short of air. My Dr called in steroid and inhaler. At least my blood work came
Back good! My thyroid is doing well and my a1c is down to 5.8!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I don't know what to do. I have urinary retention real bad right now. I'm like crossing my legs because I have to go so badly but I then am straining so hard and I can't go. I've put on 3.2 pounds in water weight. I've been trying to go all night. I don't know if its my kidneys or what. Should I go to the ER in the morning or call my kidney doctor or just wait a bit or what.

Urinary retention can be serious and yes, you should contact your doctor's office. If no one gets back to you after a couple of hours call again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosi700 My night was not good! I stayed 4 1/2 hours in bed without sleeping. I have an appointment soon, so I cannot go to bed again ...

Ohh, I'm so sorry. Sleep loss is just terrible.

I'm so sorry @otroo. Parenting adult children is hard. They can be incredibly hurtful.

A short semi-break between storms. There's a sort-of sun, but the wind is picking up and the clouds are moving in. Tonight and tomorrow are supposed to be harsh. I have a routine mammogram appointment tomorrow, but I'm going to change it because I'd rather not drive in such stormy conditions.

I'd love to talk with my kids soon. Grown children suck, haha. I know, I know, they're extremely busy; my daughter is in a Ph.D. program in NYC, is teaching, and has a very full plate. My son is doing his tech job in S.F. (he works very long hours, but I've never understood exactly what it is he does because I'm not tech-savvy). They're both wonderful people and I'm so proud of that. I just miss the days when we hung out together, especially the long, hot summer days when we'd walk to the store for ice cream. Stuff like that.

My sister and her family have a stomach virus and are throwing up a lot. My sister texted my mom this morning to warn her since my niece got it first and my mom was holding her all morning on Saturday. My mom claims me and her and my brother will be fine. I've just felt like crap physically but my mom wouldn't let me switch my therapy session to remote.

Therapy was weird today. I kinda got *****ed at for food restriction and being the opposite of a stress eater and not eating much today. I don't know how today was any different from any other session. Now she wants me to see a dietician and buy 2 $25 workbooks.

My urinary retention has gone away mostly. I'm still straining a bit but I'm going now.

It snowed all day so i just spent the day quietly. I didn't mind as it was a beautiful weekend and i was relatively active. I played Scrabble. I tried to play ANAGRIMS. I figure if an ANAGRAM is bad, it is an ANAGRIM! Haha! The computer wouldn't accept it, of course.

@*Beth*:

Thanks for your kind words. Your weather is unreal! Hope you make it thru intact!

Slept through the night last night for the second time in many months. Had a little bit of a certain herb a few hours before going to bed.


Unblocked my mother's number on my phone, but not ready to advise her. She never emailed as I requested.

She will never, ever admit she's in the wrong, however I hope she will stop gossiping about my finances after this.

I appreciate everyone who offered support.

I’m in a god awful psoriasis flare. Plaques building from chest up. I can’t even explain how brutal the itching and pain is. The joint pain ? It’s impossible to explain that level of hell

Screw my Humana drug coverage for no longer covering Xeljanz that worked perfectly for skin and joints.

Another injection of Skyrizi in 3 weeks then it’s every 3 months. I’m praying it starts working asap.

Sorry for the whine

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Slow day. Stayed in bed after waking up early then took a shower and ran to the dollar store for garbage bags. My older sister is coming over tomorrow and we’re gonna go though mum’s room. Sorting stuff to give and sell.

Tonight I’m making brownies and watching big bang reruns.

SLEEEEP! I actually got a good night's sleep! I feel a million times better now that I'm actually rested and the meds I got from the hospital are working their magic.

Under a bit of a budget for the next couple days, so I'm going to be buying some cheap college kid food to cover until payday, which, thank goodness, is Wednesday!

After that, lazy evening with Amazon and/or my PlayStation!

Made brownies, ohhh they smell so good!

Making two cherry pies and a mandarin orange cake for the after funeral family meal.

Mawmaws favorites.

I want this wheezing to quit already.

When I was on the way home from therapy yesterday my mom said "I never saw your therapist up close before, but she sure is a large women"

All my life my mom would comment on peoples weight in real life and on TV. Like the news people. She'd be like "she looks pregnant" or "she looks like shes put on weight or else her dress is just too tight." My dad made fat jokes all the time.

I wonder if hearing all that stuff growing up contributed to my disordered thinking around my weight and food as an adult.

My experience is that it is difficult for parents to change. It is we who have to change how we relate to them. With time and praxis it goes well, but sometimes it pups up again as a sad bag from deep, deep within until one is able to continue with one's daily life and focus on something else.

I am sorry on your behalf! Itching is one of the worst things I know about.

So thoughtful of you to bake your mawmaws favorites for you mothers after funeral meal. That is a witness to your strength even in the middle of your grief!

May be that was a part of it. Parents have a strong influence on us even when we are grown ups ...

Felt enormously tired when I woke up. Some mugs of coffee helped and I saw parts of a Bipolar program where some of the focus were one how different we are.

I think it is important to remember THAT and that nobody fits into one sack. For me with my Bipolar NOS it is extremely important to know.

Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in. As a senior I feel that I don't fit in with my younger colleagues. As a family member I feel like they relate to somebody they think is me, not to the real me (who do suffer a great deal). I cannot call one of them saying: "I felt so relaxed when I saw a program about Bipolar Disorder". Any disorder that is not physical is not allowed in my family. When it comes to my Bipolar NOS, I feel that I don't qualify as a real Bipolar! But still I am suffering in my way and that is what this is all about, trying to cope as best one can with ones own sufferings and trying to make the best out of the life one has.

I want to thank you all for being so kind to me here!

For now I am going to dress and go for a walk (after I have "planted" my dinner menu for today into my head. Need to be more clever to make proper meals made at home and not pre-made from the store).

100%. Although our whole society in the west has toxic notions about weight, especially in females. Online, women get way more nasty comments about their weight than men do. I've watched videos on Youtube of overweight dancers, and the men get comments like "way to go buddy, you can do it" and the women get comments like "Gross. You should lose 50 lbs before taking up dance." If a women doesn't state that she is actively losing weight, she is accused of fat acceptance. There are many men online who seem to detest all fat women, yet obesity in women is tied to factors like childhood poverty, sexual abuse and harassment, and eating disorders.

I miss my mawmaw so much. I can’t bear to
Think of being buried in the cold
Ground!

I
Keep
Hearing voices outside of my eyesight but no one is there and I keep hearing people
Calling my name
Or talking about me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed When I was on the way home from therapy yesterday my mom said "I never saw your therapist up close before, but she sure is a large women" All my life my mom would comment on peoples weight in real life and on TV. Like the news people. She'd be like "she looks pregnant" or "she looks like shes put on weight or else her dress is just too tight." My dad made fat jokes all the time. I wonder if hearing all that stuff growing up contributed to my disordered thinking around my weight and food as an adult.

It surely did!

Got most of mum’s room packed away. All her clothes are going to the vets, various things we divided up. Mum’s costume jewelry we’ll let everyone pick what they want, then give the rest to my daughter to make art with. Along with 4 bags of my clothes we had about 12 bags for the veterans. Found my dads WW2 metals. Told my sister her husband should have them because he actively served. It will mean something to him. But boy it’s hard going though stuff. I took one of mum’s scarves that she wore so well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosi700 My experience is that it is difficult for parents to change. It is we who have to change how we relate to them. With time and praxis it goes well, but sometimes it pups up again as a sad bag from deep, deep within until one is able to continue with one's daily life and focus on something else.

Parents can change if they are willing to do the work. My mother was not willing, but I'm a parent (to now-grown children) and was in therapy by the time I had children. Through my work in therapy I broke major cycles of abuse.