Bipolar check in #73

*Beth* · Mar 14, 2023, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I miss my mawmaw so much. I can’t bear to
Think of being buried in the cold
Ground!

Her body was a really good one for as long as she needed it. Now it can rest. Her soul essence is very busy doing its work.

*Beth* · Mar 14, 2023, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Got most of mum’s room packed away. All her clothes are going to the vets, various things we divided up. Mum’s costume jewelry we’ll let everyone pick what they want, then give the rest to my daughter to make art with. Along with 4 bags of my clothes we had about 12 bags for the veterans. Found my dads WW2 metals. Told my sister her husband should have them because he actively served. It will mean something to him. But boy it’s hard going though stuff. I took one of mum’s scarves that she wore so well.

Oh, you have just done one of the hardest jobs there is to do in life. Give yourself a big hug, you made it through.

*Beth* · Mar 14, 2023, 05:22 PM

A tremendous rainstorm and the chores just don't stop. I feel like I can't sit for more than 10 minutes but that something needs to be done. So in the middle of mopping, feeding cats, and doing laundry I did stop, drove a short distance through the slamming rain and got a pedicure. There were no other customers, so the tech did an extra-good job. I have pretty pink toenails

Just before I reached home Freebird came on the radio - my favorite song above all others. So I kept driving to hear it and I saw a great, big field absolutely covered with tall green grass and bright yellow Sorrel flowers. There was a beautiful old tree in the field, and the tree was full of pink blossoms. I made a quick decision to stop the car right next to the field, roll down the window so I could hear Freebird really loudly, and I walked out to the middle of the field in the pouring rain and wind. The tree branches were moving, the grasses and Sorrel were blowing, and everything was dancing. What an experience! It gave me a great energy.

~Christina · Mar 14, 2023, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Felt enormously tired when I woke up. Some mugs of coffee helped and I saw parts of a Bipolar program where some of the focus were one how different we are.

I think it is important to remember THAT and that nobody fits into one sack. For me with my Bipolar NOS it is extremely important to know.

Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in. As a senior I feel that I don't fit in with my younger colleagues. As a family member I feel like they relate to somebody they think is me, not to the real me (who do suffer a great deal). I cannot call one of them saying: "I felt so relaxed when I saw a program about Bipolar Disorder". Any disorder that is not physical is not allowed in my family. When it comes to my Bipolar NOS, I feel that I don't qualify as a real Bipolar! But still I am suffering in my way and that is what this is all about, trying to cope as best one can with ones own sufferings and trying to make the best out of the life one has.

I want to thank you all for being so kind to me here!

For now I am going to dress and go for a walk (after I have "planted" my dinner menu for today into my head. Need to be more clever to make proper meals made at home and not pre-made from the store).

Thank you for the kind words about the itching. It truly is awful.

I wasn’t diagnosed until age 43. I’m 55 now. When my T said “ you realize you have Bipolar right ?” Literally my life flashed in a nano second and I thought. “ Ooo that explains so much”

Well adjusting to my life as someone that has Bipolar has been a struggle. I’m very hard on myself probably much more than I should be. I have supportive family and I’m grateful.

Best advice I have is just be kind to yourself and try not to compare yourself to anyone. In reality we are rock stars because of my friends that don’t have mental illness literally couldn’t handle a day in my life.

Ohhhh the dreaded “ what to make for dinner “ I just hate it ! I feel like I’m stuck with same old same old. I belong to a few Facebook pages that gives me ideas for something different.

Be kind to yourself !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Mar 14, 2023, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I miss my mawmaw so much. I can’t bear to
Think of being buried in the cold
Ground!

I
Keep
Hearing voices outside of my eyesight but no one is there and I keep hearing people
Calling my name
Or talking about me.

I wish I could take all this pain away from you.

I love you

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Mar 14, 2023, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Got most of mum’s room packed away. All her clothes are going to the vets, various things we divided up. Mum’s costume jewelry we’ll let everyone pick what they want, then give the rest to my daughter to make art with. Along with 4 bags of my clothes we had about 12 bags for the veterans. Found my dads WW2 metals. Told my sister her husband should have them because he actively served. It will mean something to him. But boy it’s hard going though stuff. I took one of mum’s scarves that she wore so well.

Going through a loved ones belongings is beyond difficult. Much love hun

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Mar 14, 2023, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

A tremendous rainstorm and the chores just don't stop. I feel like I can't sit for more than 10 minutes but that something needs to be done. So in the middle of mopping, feeding cats, and doing laundry I did stop, drove a short distance through the slamming rain and got a pedicure. There were no other customers, so the tech did an extra-good job. I have pretty pink toenails

Just before I reached home Freebird came on the radio - my favorite song above all others. So I kept driving to hear it and I saw a great, big field absolutely covered with tall green grass and bright yellow Sorrel flowers. There was a beautiful old tree in the field, and the tree was full of pink blossoms. I made a quick decision to stop the car right next to the field, roll down the window so I could hear Freebird really loudly, and I walked out to the middle of the field in the pouring rain and wind. The tree branches were moving, the grasses and Sorrel were blowing, and everything was dancing. What an experience! It gave me a great energy.

What a wonderful day ! It’s funny how sometimes things just falls into place to give us the lift we need at just the right time

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Mar 14, 2023, 05:39 PM

M. I. S. E. R. A. B. L. E.

Love to anyone dealing with this terrible weather from coast to coast.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sunflower123 · Mar 14, 2023, 05:52 PM

I’ve been down with illness for 5-6 weeks now. I appreciate the kind words and well wishes. I went back to the doctor yesterday and he did every test possible that could determine why I can’t shake the pneumonia and I feel so blah. I’ll be 56 in May and I’m stooped over and shuffling weakly along like I’m 150. Not sure what the answer is.

I hope everyone is doing okay with this crazy weather everywhere. I thought we got away with the rough winds last week but noticed it took out the whole side of our fence line to the left of the house.

Haven’t seen my daughter in forever it seems. We plan and I relapse. Will get there eventually.

I hope everybody has a peaceful evening. Much love

Mar 14, 2023, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123

I’ve been down with illness for 5-6 weeks now. I appreciate the kind words and well wishes. I went back to the doctor yesterday and he did every test possible that could determine why I can’t shake the pneumonia and I feel so blah. I’ll be 56 in May and I’m stooped over and shuffling weakly along like I’m 150. Not sure what the answer is.

I hope everyone is doing okay with this crazy weather everywhere. I thought we got away with the rough winds last week but noticed it took out the whole side of our fence line to the left of the house.

Haven’t seen my daughter in forever it seems. We plan and I relapse. Will get there eventually.

I hope everybody has a peaceful evening. Much love

I hope you feel better soon, sunflower

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 14, 2023, 06:48 PM

I just can’t quit crying. I’m selfish. I want mawmaw here for one more talk. One more hug. I can’t bare to see her tomorrow. It’ll be too real. My therapist was so helpful tonight though. He’s truly thr best. He validated so much of my emotions. I told him
How I’m hearing voices and feelings bugs. I see my pdoc Thursday via zoom. I’m
Still so sick with an upper respiratory infection that I can’t handle all this right now.

Nammu · Mar 14, 2023, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I just can’t quit crying. I’m selfish. I want mawmaw here for one more talk. One more hug. I can’t bare to see her tomorrow. It’ll be too real. My therapist was so helpful tonight though. He’s truly thr best. He validated so much of my emotions. I told him
How I’m hearing voices and feelings bugs. I see my pdoc Thursday via zoom. I’m
Still so sick with an upper respiratory infection that I can’t handle all this right now.

*Beth* · Mar 14, 2023, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samicat

100%. Although our whole society in the west has toxic notions about weight, especially in females. Online, women get way more nasty comments about their weight than men do. I've watched videos on Youtube of overweight dancers, and the men get comments like "way to go buddy, you can do it" and the women get comments like "Gross. You should lose 50 lbs before taking up dance." If a women doesn't state that she is actively losing weight, she is accused of fat acceptance. There are many men online who seem to detest all fat women, yet obesity in women is tied to factors like childhood poverty, sexual abuse and harassment, and eating disorders.

Thank you for pointing this out. Spot on.

cool09 · Mar 14, 2023, 08:48 PM

Dr. in the hospital last mth told me I wasn't bipolar.

JaneOnceMore · Mar 14, 2023, 10:28 PM

I didn't get out for my walk til 10:30pm, but i did get out! That's something!

@Sunflower123:

I'm 56 too! My birthday is in August so for a few months we will be the same age. I had my hair dyed turquoise last Summer and got told i looked 40!

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 14, 2023, 10:52 PM

My kitty climbed in bed with me. His purring helps me feel calmer. Idk how I’ll be by this time tomorrow night.

Rosi700 · Mar 15, 2023, 03:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Parents can change if they are willing to do the work. My mother was not willing, but I'm a parent (to now-grown children) and was in therapy by the time I had children. Through my work in therapy I broke major cycles of abuse.

"if they are willing" are the important words here. I think that when one has told a parent time after time after time, that one doesn't like to be treated this or that way, it is wise to give up the hope about change (since they continues the same way) and work on how to cope with them the way they are. That gives more peace in the soul.

Everybody can change if they want too ...

Rosi700 · Mar 15, 2023, 04:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thank you for the kind words about the itching. It truly is awful.

I wasn’t diagnosed until age 43. I’m 55 now. When my T said “ you realize you have Bipolar right ?” Literally my life flashed in a nano second and I thought. “ Ooo that explains so much”

Well adjusting to my life as someone that has Bipolar has been a struggle. I’m very hard on myself probably much more than I should be. I have supportive family and I’m grateful.

Best advice I have is just be kind to yourself and try not to compare yourself to anyone. In reality we are rock stars because of my friends that don’t have mental illness literally couldn’t handle a day in my life.

Ohhhh the dreaded “ what to make for dinner “ I just hate it ! I feel like I’m stuck with same old same old. I belong to a few Facebook pages that gives me ideas for something different.

Be kind to yourself !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you so much for reminding me of being kind to myself!

Rosi700 · Mar 15, 2023, 05:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I just can’t quit crying. I’m selfish. I want mawmaw here for one more talk. One more hug. I can’t bare to see her tomorrow. It’ll be too real. My therapist was so helpful tonight though. He’s truly thr best. He validated so much of my emotions. I told him
How I’m hearing voices and feelings bugs. I see my pdoc Thursday via zoom. I’m
Still so sick with an upper respiratory infection that I can’t handle all this right now.

You are in my thoughts!

Rosi700 · Mar 15, 2023, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cool09

Dr. in the hospital last mth told me I wasn't bipolar.

Hope he gave you reasons for that!

Rosi700 · Mar 15, 2023, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneOnceMore

I didn't get out for my walk til 10:30pm, but i did get out! That's something!

Be sure it is!

Rosi700 · Mar 15, 2023, 05:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

My kitty climbed in bed with me. His purring helps me feel calmer. Idk how I’ll be by this time tomorrow night.

Glad something helps you to feel calm for some moments!

Rosi700 · Mar 15, 2023, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosi700

(...) I saw parts of a Bipolar program where some of the focus were one how different we are.

I think it is important to remember THAT and that nobody fits into one sack. For me with my Bipolar NOS it is extremely important to know.

(...)

When it comes to my Bipolar NOS, I feel that I don't qualify as a real Bipolar! But still I am suffering in my way and that is what this is all about, trying to cope as best one can with ones own sufferings and trying to make the best out of the life one has.

.

I have quoted myself because this is very important to me. I have thought a lot since my last input. All of us need a flock (a herd) to belong to. In reality we belong to different flocks to some degree (family, work, hobbies and so on). I have come to the conclusion that I do belong to the bipolar flock as well. I mean I am good enough for you. I do not fulfill the four day criteria for hypomania (that is about the NOS), but my "highs" are there. I cannot run away from them. I have to plan my life in accordance with what to expect and learn how to use the best psychological tools I know about just like others who have this disorder or a some sort of a similar one. We all know ourselves best. We are all unique and nobody is a copy of another.

May be I have the tendencies to feel not good enough, because I felt that I was never seen (the real me) by my mother.

I will work on not devaluing myself compared to others. I mean it and I have done a lot of the work already over years.

Sunflower123 · Mar 15, 2023, 09:15 AM

I have an appointment today with my NP who is a nasty piece of work. I had one last week but just wasn’t up to her lectures, sermons and snide comments. Today I think I can swing it. One example is when I wear makeup versus when I don’t. She pipes in that wearing makeup everyday is good self care and I’ll feel better. How is that her business? That’s a small example. Her whole personality is holier than thou and communication skills poor.

My therapist says life is too short and to find somebody else (not easy in my town) and my mom said to bite my tongue and stay because I get a lot of benefit out of this office and she did catch that my kidney function was declining. I’ve decided to stay but be entirely business like. I try to be friendly with everybody but I’m done trying with her. Business and yes and no answers only. No attitude - just nothing extra. That’s not my nature normally.

Great news - starting to move around again in a semi-normal way and don’t feel sick today. Corner turned. Now to catch up on things. I’ll pace myself.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

Nammu · Mar 15, 2023, 09:53 AM

A few weeks ago I lost power for only a bit but it took my caption phone down. I emailed the company and followed what they said but it wouldn’t work. So they sent me a new phone. It works as a phone but doesn’t caption what people are saying, so still useless. Meanwhile I’ve been worried about Sir. Nothing I can definitely point at and say this is wrong. I know he’s 19 so it might just be his age or it might be that he misses mum. But his behavior has changed.. he doesn’t play with his mice, he doesn’t chase after the rabbits and squirrels or get excited about the birds. He seems to be bumping into things and his eyes are dilated a lot. He can’t retract his claws. And he seems to act lost. But he eats well, especially after I bought new food. Drinks. Uses his litter box. Doesn’t seem in pain. He’s just off. So last night I was looking up his vet and they had an email option. I explained that and said my caption phone isn’t working. But they gave me a slot at 2pm on Friday. I hope it’s nothing!

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