Bipolar Check-In #77

Guys, just keep me and my family in your thoughts. My aunts husband went to the ER for a headache and he ended up being airlifted to a different hospital and now he is in a 2-4 hour surgery. He had a stroke. My aunt has been through a ton and her first husband, the man I called an uncle for 16 years turned out to be a total asshole, and this husband saved her. He's her rock.

Good post.

They want us to be silent here. (not meaning on msf)

your furbaby mustachio remminds me our sweet cat who died from cancer. love the pictures! bizi, hope this doesn't trigger you.

I simply CANNOT handle the side effects of loxapine anymore. I CANNOT wait until the end of November. My primary just told me all my bloodwork and hormone levels are fine and there's nothing wrong with me physically. They blew me off about by weakness and fatigue and told me to talk to my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist told me to stay on my loxapine until my appointment. So he pretty much blew me off too!

I'm tapering my own *** off it. I'm down to 75mg from 150mg.

My hands are shaky. I'm anxious as fluck. This sucks, but it has to be done. No one is taking me seriously.

So BOO HOO.

At least I don't have to go anywhere today. I can wallow in bed.

Oh, and I'm out of prn seroquel. ****! I was taking up to 300mg a day and now can only take 50mg. I'm going to be so nauseous 😫.

Ugh! I'm a mess!

I'm going to buy seroquel off the street! Just kidding.

You can have some of mine haha no I don't have any, my case manager doesn't trust me with any leftovers (probably this is one of the reasons)

Oh seriously cable TV sucks. There’s nothing on. 70 channels and mostly it’s football( American) geez 🙄 there are people who don’t watch football!

Ah well I’ll read then. My daughter and I were talking Friday about bipolar and how neither of us has been manic since starting latuda, but she still struggles with depression. But she has SAD too. She started using the Light therapy but she’s still down. So I sent her flowers this morning. I know it’s just a temporary thing but it did lift her spirits for a bit. I also bought her a tiny smooth pink rock that’s inscribed “hug” that I’m going to give her next time I see her. She’s much less stressed since quitting her job but still SAD doesn’t care. Wish there was more I could do for her.

That is so caring and thoughtful of you. Your daughter is lucky to have such a supportive Mom. And also to be able to talk with you about Bipolar, knowing you truly understand. It's great the Latuda helps you both so much.

@Soupe du jour are you ok? I haven't seen you post in a while and I know you were having a rough time.

Yeah, latuda is our miracle drug. I think it works for both of us because of genetics. I think there’s genetics involved in what meds work or don’t work and what side effects you get from them.

I increased my Lithium today (my psychiatrist knows I'm doing this). He had told me I should probably start tapering off Lithium after I had to go to the ER a couple of weeks ago, even though I don't think it had anything to do with Lithium. I have a heart arrhythmia called SVT, where my heart will randomly start beating incredibly fast, like, 200 beats per minute. It's very alarming when it happens and it makes you feel extremely dizzy and light-headed, and as if you are going to pass out and/or drop dead. Luckily it is usually over quickly (within minutes). It starts randomly and stops randomly. I was diagnosed with this about 5 or 6 years ago. Prior to that I was told I was having panic attacks. I do have panic attacks too, but my heart rate does not reach 200 bpm when I'm having a panic attack and my doctor finally began taking me seriously.

Anyhow, apparently this condition is not that dangerous, even though it certainly feels dangerous when it's happening. I have worked really hard not to react to the episodes of SVT, because if I start panicking on top of it, that's what tends to send me to the ER. There are certain things you can do while it's happening which can bring your heart rate down, so I try and do those things. Otherwise the options are medication (which I can't take for a different reason) or a super invasive catheter ablation procedure. I can't imagine being able to tolerate that (they need you to be awake while they are doing it). So I just try and live with it.

I'm always nervous when I start a new psychiatric medication because, obviously they can affect your heart. I checked in with my cardiologist prior to starting Lithium and he told me I should be fine to take it. But then I had a bad SVT episode about 3 weeks ago and I did end up going to the ER. They didn't need to do anything because by the time I got there my heart rate was back to normal again and my EKG was fine so they just sent me home. But for some reason now both my cardiologist and my psychiatrist said I should probably come off Lithium.

I got quite combative about this because a) they told me Lithium wouldn't cause my heart any problems and b) I genuinely don't think Lithium did cause the episode 3 weeks ago. And c) There's nothing else I'm willing to take besides Lithium at this point, and I do feel like it's helping. Just not enough.

Anyhow, after much back and forth, my psychiatrist etc is now saying I can try increasing slowly, so that's what I did today. Of course I've been checking my heart rate obsessively, which is silly because I really don't think Lithium has effected my heart at all so far. I also take an SSRI and if anything, that carries more heart risk.

My Mum arrives next week, knock on wood, and I need to be a lot more stable than I am currently for her visit, so I really hope I tolerate the Lithium increase and that it stabilizes me more.

I am probably a “horrible person”

Nooooo, Fuzzy, you're amazing

Well, my endocrinologist appointment was a waste of time. Didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but when it came time to do the blood tests, no one was there to do them! All of the nurses had gone home for the weekend. I was, apparently, the clinic's last appointment of the day (and the week) at 3pm. They were literally turning off the lights as I finished up the visit. I'd love to have their hours!

I suppose I could have sought out the main hospital and got the labs done there, but I was dog tired and just plain annoyed at that point!

Anyhow, I'm seriously debating rescheduling my colonoscopy tomorrow. Not only is it supposed to be cold and rainy the next few days, but it's supposed to cold and rainy and below freezing. I'll have to make a decision soon.

That sounds incredibly frustrating. I'm really sorry. Good luck on Monday if you decide to keep the colonoscopy appointment. My husband has had one and he said the prep was significantly worse than the actual colonoscopy (sorry, I don't know if you've already had one or if this is your first. At any rate, good luck!)

My aunts hushand survived the 4 hour brain surgery but hasn't waken up from the anethesisa yet. My mom got the last update at 1AM.

So we're still just waiting to see what happens. It doesn't look too good right now, but hopefully things will be ok.

Hoping everything turns out as best as they can for your family. Keep the updates coming

I fell asleep around 9 last night so I woke up around midnight. My mom thought I had left the house because I got dressed, and she wants me gone by Nov. 1. I'm gonna face it : I've had tactile hallucinations that caused me to pick at my skin like crazy, my physical health is shyt because of whatever I did to my body with the past substances and active eating disorder (will get blood test results by tomorrow night), at times I'm super talkative and hyper, other times I'm passed out on the couch, so right now it does seem like I spent the past few nights using. It's fine haha, I got a free ride lying and hiding for years; this is my time to soak in the repentance.

Another plus is I'm up to 20mg on the Abilify and 100mg Lamictal, and I'm noticing a lot less anger/impulsivity/"ecstasy or despair" emotions/dissociation. I look like absolute doggy doo but I'm actually doing pretty well.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed in a big way. I’ve been irritated, cynical and totally fed up with this world and my life. I was left thinking this world is no fun for me and is nothing but a struggle. Oddly, it’s in these states that I’m most a danger to myself. I’m glad this only happens rarely. I took 3 Klonopin hoping that would zen me out. Going to get ice cream with mom and sit at the park watching the water. That should help.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

No improvement in anxiety and depression; motivation continues to be low.

I guess the ketamine isn't working yet.

The next infusion is on Wednesday.

My aunts husband is awake to an extent but hes super agitated and out of it so he is restrained and there gonna put a stent in to alleviate the pressure in his brain and then they will do another CT scan. So we'll see.

My increase in Prestiq is messing with my stomach and I'm not feeling hungry but thats those are the only side effects I'm having. I'm not really sure what to expect from this increase.

I see my therapist tommrow and she doesn't know anything about what happened. I hope she is glad I handled things on my own instead of thinking I'm pissed at her or something. When honestly this past week has just been super exhausting with PT, a Pdoc appointment, a painter here all week, my niece here twice, a b-day party, a med change and now a family emergency. I'll discuss it all tommrow with her.

Not odd at all, you exactly described when I feel I'm most a danger to myself too, but if it's rare for you that's great! Keep that in mind and take care of yourself. Enjoy that ice cream!

I hope your next infusion helps

I’m still in shock about Matthew Perry …

In other news I’ve woken up with a bad head cold. Got it from my son. Taking today off work. Need to try see a gp and organise for someone to come over to fix the dishwasher. The door won’t open

I'm getting marker storage tomorrow. Now I just have to label and organize everything. I might be getting a coloring class just to get me back at it. I'm going to wait till the 15th on that though. I'm realizing how much anxiety I have throughout the day. I also need scheduled meals. I get hungry and there's no communicating with me I just need to eat now. I'm reallying on delivery to much. I want to just be able to function.