Bipolar Check-In #77

I’m starting to have a really tough time with strong bouts of SI. I’m determined to live my best life but I’m hurting. No matter what positive spin I put on things, my daughter has taken further steps to widen the gap between us. It’s irreconcilable for the time being and that breaks my heart.

That’s about all I can say.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I’m starting to have a really tough time with strong bouts of SI. I’m determined to live my best life but I’m hurting. No matter what positive spin I put on things, my daughter has taken further steps to widen the gap between us. It’s irreconcilable for the time being and that breaks my heart.

That’s about all I can say.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Please forgive this long post I had an experience with my ex-girlfriend that alarmed me.. What was happening with her I later found out to be a psychotic episode. This took me by surprise, since I have never seen anyone go through this before.

First she told me that she was trying to kill her self by starving herself. I thought if this continued for a couple more weeks, she would end up dead Then came paranoia. She thought that she would end up losing her money and end up homeless on the streets. Nothing I said would calm her down.

Next came some symptoms that I would normally relate to dementia. She accused me of lying to her, and switching her medication on her. She then became suspicious of me while I was doing a bit of research on what was happening. She thought that was telling on her. Also she insisted that I was using her credit card,. She came up to me and try to take my telephone away from me.

Then she became very insecure and needy. She needed to be right next to me When I went to the bathroom, and close the door, she ended up banging on it. During this time, I had a telephone meeting with my pdoc. I explained to him what was going on, and he said that she was experiencing a. psychotic episode. He also said that she was having a nervous breakdown... All of this made it very very stressful time for me.

She she told me that she was not willing to do anything about any of this. So my only recourse was to tell her that I was leaving her. I told her that she needs to get help and when she does to give me a call afterwards, and then we will talk. Within a couple hours she was at the hospital, where she was then transferred to a psychiatric hospital.

So far it has been six weeks and she has not been back to her house. During this time she has not been responding to my messages, and my telephone calls. I'm thinking they must've transferred her to a longer-term facility. I have to find out where the facility is. So this, made for an distressing time for me.

Any suggestions at this point in time would be greatly appreciated. I am still trying to maintain a positive outlook on this.

I’m starting to have a really tough time with strong bouts of SI. I’m determined to live my best life but I’m hurting. No matter what positive spin I put on things, my daughter has taken further steps to widen the gap between us. It’s irreconcilable for the time being and that breaks my heart.

That’s about all I can say.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Please forgive this long post I had an experience with my ex-girlfriend that alarmed me..

[snip]

Any suggestions at this point in time would be greatly appreciated. I am still trying to maintain a positive outlook on this.

I manage to get through the days, but all are nearly worthless, save having my husband. There is no real end in sight. I suppose I'm lucky that my sister is handling all of the estate-related stress on the US end, but I do feel bad she is struggling with it. Of course there are major problems. It seems that in life nothing works out easily. There is a complexity abd required "fight" in it all because of our brothers' estate and my sister's buyout of property from me. I won't even mention what they are. I know that neither our father nor our brother would have thought there would be such a possibility.

A couple weeks ago, my therapist triggered me, royally. Since then I have not written to him or scheduled a next appointment since the day after. That day after, I wrote asking if he knew what triggered me. He didn't seem to know. I confess that I haven't got it in me to work through this given that it seems more a relationship issue, something trumped by all of the far far harder challenges. However, I'm paying for the online therapy, even if it doesn't happen. Cancel? Cool off a bit and try again with him? Or ask for someone else? Frankly, I don't have it in me to decide right now.

Sorry I've not been able to support others, lately. Just barely making it.

I'm gonna go fcking do it.
I'll see all my fellow sinners in Hell.

@MuddyBoots please call your crisis line or pdoc or therapist or someone who can help. . It sounds like you are in an emergency. I’m very worried about you. Please get help.

I apologize for not being more careful in the words that I used about her trying to harm her self. I was afraid that she would "pass on". I also should of used the word SUI in place of the word that I used. Once again, I am sorry.

Still trying to get the temperature adjusted in this apartment. Was 34F last night and I left the window open because it was 73 inside. I haven’t turned on the heat yet, but boy am I close to turning the AC back on. I thought for sure the temperature would go down while I slept, but no, it went up. I was awake before the sun. Oh well got an early start on my trip to my daughter’s. Tuesdays are our fun days to hang out.

Other than trouble sleeping I’m doing good.

@Nammu are you still taking the gabapentin? Or can't you sleep because of the heat? (I think gabapentin is pretty amazing but I suppose heat is one thing it doesn't cure. Is it working for you aside from the heat?