Bipolar Check-In #77

Went to the book signing. Got to wear my new fall wardrobe as it’s finally cold enough. Only in the 50’s today feels great. Asked him to sign the book in memory of my mum. She loved his books. This one I’ll keep. I don’t really have room for books any more so there’s only a few.

Ran into several other woman I know from the Y and senior center. Amazes me when I run into people I know. Never know what to say but it all works out!

It was just one of those days. Its going to take more than 2 days for the vitamins to work though. A couple hours ago I felt so lethargic I slept for 1.5 hours and I woke up feeling much better. Food has been weird taste wise lately and I have been eating differently so I'm losing weight. I seem to have only a taste for bland foods. I tried some salted diced tomatoes last night and I couldn't eat them.

Overall besides the food and fatigue stuff and some slight stomach issues, things have been fine today. My anxiety is a lot better then it has has been lately.

If you get to feeling unsafe please call 988

I got my prescription refilled! It took a number of phone calls but it's ok now.

I have set a reminder in my calendar for 2 1/2 months from now to have them request a refill from my doctor.

Feeling relieved that I have my meds now. I've been off Prozac for 6 days, it'll be good to be back on it (I'm starting to have withdrawal side effects).

I can relate. It's good that you have insight into your thoughts and feelings. Hang in there, it'll pass.

Take things an hour at a time if necessary, you got this!

Nice to see you back @~Christina!

Manifest is good! I haven't finished it yet.

Cute pic of your dogs! Try getting down to their level if you can for a future pic, it'll make them look different in a good way. Bring the camera to their eye level and you'll see quite a difference in how your pic comes out.

Make sure RS stays hydrated since he's losing a lot of water. You can make homemade electrolytes really easily, just search for "homemade electrolytes" and you'll find lots of easy recipes. Staying hydrated also helps you feel less awful.

If he can't keep anything down, go to your local emergency so he can get an IV to help rehydrate.

Thank you, scooter. He has been able to keep down water and electrolyte beverages. He felt better around 2pm until now, now he’s back in the bathroom. Probably shouldn’t have tempted fate by eating dinner (homemade chicken rice soup). Last time he was Ill it was about 24 hours so hopefully by tomorrow morning he will feel ok. We have water in the fridge and I have some Gatorade fit waters.

I’m glad this week is over. It wasn’t too bad but there’s been a LOT of adult drama which at first was entertaining but now I find it very annoying. Like basically all the teachers are talking trash about one of the other teachers and it’s become repetitive. I get it, you all hate her because she doesn’t do anything (which is true). Stop talking about it. I mean, it’s only October, we have to coexist until June. Thankfully I am not directly involved and have been staying quiet so no one can bring my name into it should it escalate.

We are supposed to have lunch with my mom this weekend, I’m going to leave it until Sunday so that I can be sure it really is food poisoning and not a virus that RS has. I need to talk to her about another 55+ apartment community I found. They have availability and I’d really like to get her out of the house before winter really sets in. She has no one to help her with snow removal and it could be a snowy winter because of El Niño. RS does snow removal for his job and my brother is estranged, plus he does snow removal for the township so even if they were on speaking terms he still couldn’t help. Plus the siding and windows are so bad. It would be best if she moved ASAP.

The one thing though is she can’t take her cat. He will not be easy to rehome. He does not tolerate other cats, and he will NOT stay inside. He’s been caught terrorizing her neighborhood by sneaking in to neighbors’ cat doors. He’s not very affectionate though he is nice once he gets to know you. He’s always been nice to me when I go feed him. If he was ok with cats I’d take him in but I tried to before and he tried to fight my cat. My cat was confused as to why he was being threatened. Technically the complex allows cats but I don’t think they would allow him specifically. He’s too much of a troublemaker. He would do great on a farm or a more spaced out area so he could roam around outside. I think I’ll have to put him up on pet finder, I can’t think of anything else to do.

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t's better if you start slow with food. There's a really good diet called the BRAT diet... It stands for bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast (no butter, just plan toast).

See how he does with that before getting into other foods.

Here's the Wikipedia article about the diet:

BRAT diet - Wikipedia

I am sorry he has been ill.
rest for him and use the brat diet it is recommend by most.
bizi

@Scooter9. I'm glad you were able to get your prescriptions refilled!

This weekend should be interesting. I feel motivated to get stuff done/want to get stuff done yet I have spend hours the last few days on my phone or the internet to numb out from whatever is going on inside of me emotionally. I've also been listening to a specific band whenever I can to help keep things in order and help me express my mystery emotions a tiny bit. Realizing just how much weight I lost in a little over a week seems to have made it a little easier to eat today. Hopefully, that will stick. My friend has a celebration tomorrow so that should be fun too! I'm grateful to have been invited and for a reason to get out of the house.

I've had a few friends check in on me since my boyfriend broke up with me last weekend so that has been nice and greatly appreciated. I'm really looking forward to Tuesday already because I see both my pdoc and counselor.

To those struggling, I hope you are able to get the rest, help, and/or care you need.

I'm thinking about

I'm trying to take proactive measures here to prevent this depression, but I feel shaky and unstable. Like, right now I'm sitting in front of my light therapy lamp. I feel like my bottom has dropped out and I'm falling, or I just fell out of the boat and am barely clinging onto it. I should have called my therapist today.

@raspberrytorte Could this be from starting the hydroxyzine? Maybe it doesn't agree with you? I would think the side effect from starting it would be sleepiness so other things popping up right after you started it would make me question the new med, if it were me.

I survived my first night alone with my partner overseas. Sob.

I don't know. That's a good question. I took a couple of them and took a nap and woke up feeling better, but then I started feeling bad again. Maybe it IS the hydroxyzine not agreeing with me. I'll have to call my pdoc on Monday.

They gave me benadryl IP once to calm me down because I couldn't stop pacing while waiting for a pdoc on the weekend (of course). They gave me several doses before realizing that it was making me much more agitated and that I just don't process benadryl normally. When I was agitated my suicidal symptoms went way up and my mood swings were endless and out of control. They kept trying to find things for me to keep busy and eventually put me on `1:1 for a shift or two to try to distract me into sitting still. Then I finally got a huge dose of gabapentin, slept for a long time and felt much less scary. No more benadryl for me.

So finally told my crush that I care for him and feel emotionally bonded with him. He responded positively- said our close friendship is a good thing!

Tomorrow is the combined birthday party for my 3 kids. We’re having it at my mom’s. The kids requested a chai cake with cream cheese frosting. Hopefully it turns out ok! We’re also having pizza. My mom was going to make her famous taco salad but decided she’d just order out.

Oh and my Starbucks friend- the one who never answered my texts about six weeks ago- showed up at Starbucks. He was just about to leave and he caught a glimpse of me sitting at a table and said hi. I said I was glad to see him and that I’d tried texting him but he never responded. He said the number I had is his land line which of course doesn’t accept texts. He gave me his cell number and I said I’d contact him so that we could plan to get together some time. I thought he was a lost friend!

Speaking of Starbucks friends, the guy that keeps professing his love for me- I called him today. He got mad at me and said I’d deceived him! You see, the other night I told him about my Fwb. He says I did that out of spite. What really happened was that we were on FaceTime and my phone notification sounded and he asked why my phone went off. I said, “it’s my friend with benefits…”. He wanted to know how often we’d been getting together and for how long. He disconnected out chat when I told him we’d known each other for 18 years. This sounds terrible except that he told ME many times including fairly recently that he’d fallen in love with me years ago but I always made it perfectly clear to him that all I wanted was friendship! And today he conveniently forgets this. Of course! So at the end of today’s call he told me he never wants to talk with me again. Prior to this he had alternately been professing his undying love for me and saying he’s moved on. Sheesh.

Hello friends, I’ve been around. Just been distracted. Work is going well. I worked last night from 7:30pm to 11:30pm. They asked if I could come in today and pick up a shift from 8:45am to 12:45pm. So I’m heading out to that in a couple hours. Running on no sleep because I didn’t get home till around midnight after last nights shift and I have a hard time winding down after work. I hate back to back shifts. They’re hard. But I figured I’d take this because I called in on Sunday since I wasn’t feeling well. I’m hoping they don’t ask me in again for Sunday or Monday. I’m not technically scheduled for those days but sometimes they ask and I usually say yes because I want the experience even if it does suck and is difficult. I’m officially the talent captain now. So I’m addition to cashiering,
12 hours a week will be spent doing my talent captain job there, interviewing potential employees choosing which ones to pass on to the hiring manager to be hired and doing orientation for new employees and helping them fill out their paperwork , i9 s and help them with the training videos and and giving them their work IDs etc.

I’m tired. I want to sleep. I was looking forward to a three day weekend but I agreed to pick up the shift today so I’m gonna just get it over with and then come home and relax.

My apartment is kinda messy. I’m having a hard time learning to balance work and my household chores. Like the time I’m not working (on my days off) I don’t feel like doing anything or I feel like just relaxing. So I don’t get anything done. And on the days I’m working I’m too exhausted physically and mentally to do anything. So I’m still trying to find balance with that. Same thing for practicing violin. I’m hoping to get some cleaning done today when I get home. And throughout the rest of the weekend. I work again the upcoming Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and sunday. I have an hour long violin lesson tomorrow. I need to start practicing more , it’s just hard to motivate myself. I really need to declutter and clean and make my living area nice then I can probably focus better.

Anyway, I’m just drinking a pumpkin spice coffee and trying to decide what to eat for breakfast later.

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Well it’s nearly 5:30 and all I’ve done is toss and turn. Mostly I couldn’t find a sleeping position where my cpap wasn’t leaking. now I feel like I may as well stay up or risk sleeping through the party later.

That sounds like it was an agonizing experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Benadryl doesn't make me tired. It just makes me high feeling.

Has anybody heard from @*Beth* ? Been a long time!

It has been brought to my attention that I've began to have sleep epilepsy. Have had a mild seizure once that I remember, 4 years ago. It sounds as though I am doing it in my sleep recently. Any insight would be appreciated via message as I don't want this to hijack the thread

Not at all.

It’s a beautiful fall day here. I’ve been out to grab a bite to eat with the sunroof open and singing to the radio. I’m determined to have a fantastic day despite the sadness that tries to creep in.

I’m missing my daughter today. Most days I do pretty well but today is tough. I won’t sit and give into the pain though. I intend to keep moving forward.

I’ve been going to the local ymca and floating after class. Very peaceful. I’m taking Tai chi, qigong and yoga as well as aquatics. Working on regulating my nervous system. So far so good. I’m healing and getting stronger day by day.

Mom and I postponed our trip until Monday. The weather will be better then as it turned out raining yesterday.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day