Bipolar Check-In #78

Best eggnog I have ever made!

It just made me revved up and enhanced my anxiety...

(But at this time I was also off diazepam cold turkey, so it could have been because of that...)

It didn't calm me down at all! It did the EXACT OPPOSITE. I LOATHED IT.

****K PROLIXIN!!!!

Yeah. SSDI isn't affected by your spouse's income. I'm on SSDI and married, and it's not affected by how much my husband makes.

Is it bad to crunch up Doritos and just eat a few crumbs of them to get full? I feel like my therapist would freak out if she knew I was doing that.

I finally got my gift card to work. I think I just got locked out for a day from putting in too many wrong numbers. Thoses 4 look like 9

I ordered a bamboo shower chair. I'm freaked out about taking showers because I get dizzy and stepping in and out of the tub is hard. The bamboo one doesn't look like a medical one or one for the elderly either.

So I hope taking showers gets easier.

Merry christmas 🎄

its christmas day!

Merry Christmas Crazy Hitch!

I just took a shower and got dressed- what a project!- and am feeling smothered by the state of my apartment. Everything needs cleaned!

@Moose72

I understand the feeling. Everything in our apartment needs to be picked up/cleaned AGAIN. Boohoo!

I’m feeling freaking bugs crawl all over my face.

I’m about to go to church candlelight service so of course Satan is atttackig me

Merry Christmas 🎁

Had a fantastic time at my daughter’s house. My granddaughter loved her gifts. My grandson is harder to read but my daughter assured me he loved them. I was so glad I kept the one thing I almost sent back because I wasn’t sure about it but that was the biggest hit! It was a copy of his first card. My granddaughter wants me to come babysit her. I guess I’m just so fun! 🤩

But tomorrow I’m staying home. Not going to drive in the rain and dark two nights in a row. My heart was in my throat the whole way.

It’s so unusual for Christmas in Minnesota to be this warm. I think we set a record today. Got the windows wide open.

You must be. We are with your granddaughter on it

Merry Christmas!

My anxiety is way up. I'm anxious about doing the smallest things like getting something from another room, getting dressed, showering, it feels like every little thing.

I think I've figured out exactly what intrusive thoughts are for me. I thought I didn't have them but it looks like I do, and they happen pretty often. I just thought they were part of my stream of consciousness but they're actually intrusive.

I've been reading a lot of poetry, classics as well as more recent ones. I tried to read the older poems, but the English and rhymes are too distracting for me. I seem to prefer the free verse style of American poets.

Intrusive thoughts- ugh!

We are watching The Philadelphia Story- Jimmy Stuart, Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. These old movies rely on dialogue rather than sex and blowing things up.

We are supposed to have Mickey Mouse waffles for lunch but I don’t think it will be for many hours.

Miracle of miracles! My mom came over yesterday and we did the dishes together and an hour later my place was tidy and my mom left with some laundry which she is washing right now.

I dont have the tools of resilience to deal with this stupid holiday any longer. It's been a s#!tshow since I woke up. I just want to go back to bed. I don't want to deal with the b!tching and waiting on people who have no consideration for anyone else. I don't know why I thought I would have a good day.

Still hungry. K is on the phone so he’s not cooking! I’m starving.

I left and went upstairs because they were talking about “scary” politics- Ks word- and I abhor politics!

he’s cooking now. Finally!

Now watching Christmas in Connecticut.

What a wonderful Christmas. Enjoying Boxing Day now with the family. Hope you all had a great day!

Long boring day. The TV is all messed up with the holiday. Sports are of course playing on a bunch of channels. I looked for a Yule log channel but didn’t find any. Tried Christmas music but changed it to 60’s protest songs. Not feeling bad or sad just bored.

My son in law helped me yesterday set up my new phone but it’s hard to navigate and I can’t get my contacts set up. I think also it’s not hooked up to version. I think I got it working last night by hooking it up to my Wi-Fi. So tomorrow I’m asking a friend to connect me with the guy here who knows phones. Totally hopeless I am with phones.

My son in law is also coming to hook up the Roku they bought me for Christmas. Then I’ll be able to watch the new Star Trek shows!

Took a really long nap. Feel less weird

Christmas went fine. Everyone loved their gifts. I didn't realize how far out I went on everyone. I just got my meta oculus VR from my mom and my brother and a meta gift card from my sisters family. Its been a bit of a stresser trying to set up the meta thing. I got my account all set up and then it ran out of power. Then the headache began. I finally found out you can't use it in the dark and it really was out of power. I had been looking at the other side. Hopefully after it fully charges it will work and I can get some games on it.

Dinner went fine. I didnt eat much. Just a couple scoops of mashed potatoes and a roll. That was pretty much all the vegeterian options. Not a big deal though.

It was just a regular Christmas pretty much. My 7 year old nephew got really excited at his Harry Potter Lego set. He had gotten a couple set from his folks for Christmas. I'm glad I didn't buy the same one. My niece wasn't really interestered in her stuffed Oscar The Grouch though.

I had A Christmas Story on all day. I muted it after awhile and
then I finally just got sick of having it on in general that I turned it off before the last airing

I still want pancakes. I wonder how bad the pancake house will be tommrow. Since the 26th is another really busy shopping day.

Christmas was a weird experience. I was on my own for most of it. I went shopping, went to lunch and went to mass all by myself on Christmas Eve and I couldn't stop the tears. It's been really hard, because I was feeling haunted, especially the other night.

There was a breakthrough this morning where my husband's message sounded more accepting of the situation, basically thanking me for everything and to call him some time, and he didn't call back. That helped a lot, because it has been starting to hurt less.

Despite two of my friends ditching me today, today was a good day. I got dressed up went to see my parents and had a nice evening on the phone with one of my best friends. We watched Fred Claus together.

My life is full of riches, and I am going to be more appreciative. These ups and downs are sort of nuisance really, but hopefully with a good sleep again tonight like last night, I can get through it. I am thankful I haven't been manic or really depressed.

We had 7 people over, so including my wife and I it was a total of 9 people. We all had a nice late lunch which went on for hours. We then opened presents (secret Santa) and just chilled together. My mother was in the group too.

It was a nice day but my anxiety was really high. I was so nervous throughout but I managed. I saw that I wasn't relaxed in the photos. There was lots of good food and chatting.

I took a Klonopin in the late afternoon to help calm down. We watched a movie in the evening and the Klonopin helped me relax.

Tomorrow is clean up morning and then we have to go pick up a visitor from the airport, then we make dinner and plans for several days. It's gonna be a busy week.

I feel
Super
Depressed. And i
Know it’s Satan attacking my mind since church was so amazing

Went to see my primary doctor. She agreed with me that it was smart to not start the perphenazine. “That’s like eating a honey crisp instead of a red delicious,” she said. “They’re both apples.” I got the catheter out AND I can pee on my own! I may have a yeast infection from the catheter. Dr took a swab. Waiting on the results. She is contacting my psych nurse practitioner who hasn’t contacted me since this all went down with the fluphenazine on Thursday.

I stood on the scale. I rather wish I hadn’t. I had no idea my weight had crept up so high in the past month. It is the festive season but still it’s more than is warranted for this time of year. No wonder my fiance has been saying WE need to lose weight in the new year. I’ve been considering going back on keto but it’s a lot of planning. I did it during COVID lockdown because it was easy to do then. Oh lord help me this is a lot to lose without a gym membership! I don’t have time for the gym.