Bipolar Check-In #78

I don’t know if I already said this, but the respite center let us stay a couple more nights. I’m fed up with the housing situation here. I can stay one more night, then I have no fking clue where I’m going.

I think Guy has been fronting a lot lately (just a guess, I know it’s not me) because I guess we need to punish ourself for getting into this situation.

I just did an online job interview and I sounded like a complete ****! I was nervous and this amoxiccilian is kicking my ***. It was one where I had to pre record my answers. So idk. But I don't think I did good.

Dewed, don’t be discouraged by the interviews. Practice helps. They say it’s about 20-80 applications to get one interview. I think you said this is your 3rd application. So you’re way ahead of the game getting an interview already.

do you have a lawyer?They can be very useful

I don't know how old you are but it could have been a night sweat from menopause.

Don't be so hard on your self. Punishment sounds like alot of pressure.People who did wrong and get arrested and they are punished for their crimes.
bizi

I find humor so therapeutic. Here's some relevant jokes i found online:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough!

I'm not completely useless. I can serve as a bad example!

@Soupe du jour so glad to see you after so long. I am in this EXACT situation. My sister's now husband is SO controlling and hates me so much. He was the one that looked up my mugshot online and showed her to prove that I was no good and a criminal. He drove a wedge between my sister and our parents and me and my sister haven't spoken in almost a year. She blocked my phone number and even though I leave her a lot of voicemails, I am hurt and broken that I have lost my sister due to this controlling alcoholic. But it is also subjective. My sponsor had mentioned, it could be a possibility that my sister is at fault too. The things she could have told me about the years I tormented her with all my psychotic episodes and all my anger could have fueled his mistrust of me. So, as much as I want to blame him, if she truly loved me as her sister, she would reach out. Because for me, no matter what my husband might have told me, he could never tell me not to contact my family.

As for me altogether, my symptoms are minimal. I am getting through each day as it comes, even today when I cursed out my tax accountant. I need to control my anger, it's the part of my bipolar that I have never been able to deal with. Ended up doing my taxes myself, which I should have done in the first place.

Talked with Caleb for six hours and ten minutes today- straight! I bought a faux leather crossbody bag today for our trip. It was 27$ but there was a coupon on the Amazon page for 30% off so I got it for $17 because I also had free shipping. I got it for our trip. My regular purse doesn’t stay on my shoulder well.

My son is crying because I don’t have $1 000,000,000 in the bank to buy him a real RC Jet 😂

He’s 5 by the way.

Hi LadyShadow. You are right. Ultimately it is our sister's decision. Mine is nearing 60 years old, so I can't say it's her being immature, at this stage. Looking back, my sister was never really supportive of me. She never even asked me how I was doing after any of my 10 psychiatric hospitalizations. I tried in small ways to support her, but she was never that open to it. She and her husband would try to keep me from visiting my nephew at the hospital, though I managed a few times. I remember even at 12 years old fighting her husband when he verbally abused her, but she begged me to "Please don't say anything, Soupe!" So I gave up on that and have said only a little about him abusing her, since. I wouldn't say we've been terribly close, throughout our lives. There is an age difference, plus a significant enough personality and life history one that we relate to each other little. Oh well!

I hope your taxes are soon done. My husband and I just thought about them yesterday.

About 3-4 weeks ago my next door neighbor took his own life. He had a cat and the kitty was still living in the apartment. Maintenance went in and fed it for a few weeks till they could make arrangements for it to be picked up and brought to a rescue or shelter. I offered to adopt her because I had lost Maybelle a few months ago and I felt Mustachio was getting lonely. So I have her now, I named her Mocha. I just got her the day before yesterday. She’s been eating, drinking, using the litterbox, exploring. She’s still very scared but I know she’ll adjust over time and she’s so sweet.

Oh poor kitty. That was very kind of you.

After sleeping on it, I don't think I did as badly as I thought I did on the interview. I'm just not used to talking in general to anyone besides my mom and my therapist and recording myself is something I've never had to do. I stumbled a bit and I said "uh" a lot. But I think I gave some good answers. Plus I have open availibilty and the expierence.

Today I was super cranky when I woke up at 7:15 but then I took a valium around 8:30 and then I felt better and my moods are ok now.

It for sure seemed to have been a sinus infection. I am not blowing blood out of my nose and I am not too congested and I feel pretty good physically.

My pdoc got back to me. He messaged me himself. He said the nausea and throwing up are probably related to the lamictal and to go to my PCP immediatly if it doesn't clear up in 2 days.

I'm glad he validated me and said I was feeling like this because of med withdrawels

So it seems there are a few different things going on but right now things are ok at least. I'm just hanging out today.

Oh bluebird how kind of you. He is adorable. Mocha is a good name.

It's all so... meaningless!

I mean, what's the point?

Our lives are mere flashes in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't even matter what we do! I'm filled with so much despair I want to puke. It's just so pointless.

That was kind of you @Blue_Bird ! Cute kitty and a nice name

I don't feel very good but I don't know why. It could be a varitety of things. I guess mainly right now I just feel like something is going to erupt in my stomach because of how badly it hurts. And I just sneezed twice really intensly my tounge rammed the roof my mouth. So maybe its just the infection going away.

I don't know what a brain zap feels like but lately I've been getting these weird episodes like wind is blowing through my head. So I don't know if thats a brain zap or not.

Idk. I see my pdoc on Monday.

Tommorow I have in person therapy. I don't want to switch it to virtual but if she gets sick herself and calls me to switch first then thats fine. One of those "don't call us we'll call you situations"

I'm not contagious although I don't know if she'd be a baby about me coming in

It's your depression causing thought distortions.

Life has a meaning, somewhere. You have to find it yourself. It could be living for a pet, friend, a hobby, or some other purpose.

True on the grand scheme of things, we are just blips but we can make our blips big ones that make a difference, even if only white we're alive.

Hang in there. Participate in a community - even here... anywhere online or in real life.

Haven't checked in in a while, so I thought I'd make my presence known!

I was getting ready for work, so I left my Smart TV on YouTube, so the videos just kept playing. When I stepped out of the shower... well I think my cat Sophie found her new favorite "show." 🤭🙂

Aurelius - not a very complicated plot! That is just hilarious! Omg! Im glad she is enjoying it!

I got my new bag today. Used it to go to Tim hortons. Tomorrow I’m meeting my Starbucks friend for coffee. It’s supposed to be relatively warm so I may walk. I ordered sardines for my cat. They should arrive Friday.

Thanks, scooter. This is very nice of you. It's hard for me to really see what the point is of, well, anything at the moment. I mean, so what. One hundred years from now no one's gonna remember me anyway.

I won't even be a random/unknown name on a gravestone because I want to be cremated.

There's no point.

We must be doing something right because a therapist wants to clone us and hand us out as replacement parents. Doesn't feel like we're doing anything right. I'm still in bed. We're both having a hard time figuring out our next step with Victoria. One minute I feel we have a handle on it, the next I don't. I want her to find something she loves to do and just get a job in that. We looked at a trailer park, that's a no go. They're all single wide on top of each other with no lawns. So we're better off staying here. We have one other trailer park to look at. If that's a no we have to figure out long term housing as a family.

I'm still on latuda and trintillex I think I'm going to ask for a change because it's not helping me get out of bed. I had hoped because I'm stable just low.

@Aurelius710 We have the same cat. As far as calicos go ours are really similar. I'd post a picture but I don't know how.


I have a DVD that I think is called Cat TV. It's an hour of clips of birds and fish and squirrels and whatever cats like to watch. My girl loves it. I need to get it out for her; it's been a while. It is so funny to watch her get all excited and hiss at the screen .