Bipolar Check-in #79

******mit note I have to do this case management shyt

I wonder if I'm just wasting my mental health providers time and other providers time because my mom just told me she has felt the same way I have the last few days. Her stomach has felt off and her sleep has been weird and her appetite is off and she doesn't feel right. So she thinks we might both have that stomach bug going around.

Update: My mom says it does for sure look like we have a bug. She has to babysit today but she said she wants to just sit on the recliner and sleep instead.

I can get really out of sorts when I'm not feeling good.

I took 2 dramamine, a zofran, a valium, 2 tylenol, and my regular meds minus the Geodon and I feel ok just kinda sleepy.

Tart Cherry Jam , I get headaches very often, but migraines I get maybe 1-2 a month. My insurance won't accept the prior authorization until I try 2 triptans, which I've only had the one. So to get Ubrelvy through insurance it would take so coercing. I had samples of Ubrelvy-- it was definitely the better drug of choice for migraine for me!

Yeah, it would be tough with 1-2 attacks per month and before trying Triptans. Which form of Imitrex are you going to use: tabs, nasal spray, injections?

Feeling really low today.

I got up really early and started eating sweet things. I finally stopped eating at about 11 this morning.

I've done the nasal spray, but currently have tablets. Actually, it's frustrating my insurance will only pay for 9 + 1 refill. Isn't that crazy? I have to use them sparingly if I have more migraines than usual in a month.

I just ordered a pizza for delivery. I hope it’s not cold when it gets here. I saw my pdoc’s nurse today after I met my new case manager with my old case manager. We sent in my paperwork for my SSI. I’m glad I just was in the psych hospital. I’m taking propranolol instead.I hope the dry eyes and mouth from cogentin goes away fairly quickly.

No, that is actually justified. Imitrex cannot be used more often than 6 times a month. Otherwise overuse can cause what is called "rebound migraines" or migraine medication overuse attacks.

Even Ubrelvy can currently only used a certain number of times a month. Nurtec which I am on is used every other days as a preventative. I think Ubrelvy may eventually be tested and approved for preventative use, too, but we are not there yet.

Oh wow-- I didn't know that ! Interesting

I saw my new case manager and my old one and the same appointment. I’m unsure of what to do. I thought the propranolol is to replace the cogentin but now I’m not so sure and I threw out the bottle of cogentin! I ordered a pizza for delivery today for lunch/dinner. With tax and fees it was expensive but I have leftovers so I’ll eat the rest tomorrow.

Slept for five hours straight last night. Yay! Had anxiety dreams about being obeeeeese. Like, I was busting out of all my large shirts, literally ripping them, and had to go to XL everything. It was a nightmare!!!!

Editing raspberry coming in:

So much for not abusing my seroquel. Just took 300mg. I feel so helpless! I don't have anyone to talk to! My pdoc is useless, my husband would just freak out, my therapist would just be even more insistent I be med monitored (which doesn't help). Ugh. This is so sucky. I don't know what to do!

I'm feeling better today. Still low, but not as low as yesterday.

Eating healthier today too.

IOP was cancelled today, but besides that pretty uneventful. I had to go to the store to get a few things but my day will be primarily just another boring day. Feelin' good today though!

Found a great wokrbook on stress reduction and relaxation that im gonna do a group on at work. thatll be three groups i do a week. i love doing group theerapy.

having a really hard time with mothers day coming up

no mother to speak of (anymore), and when she was alive all she did was abuse me

hate this time of year. aaaaa. the memories

I'm trying to find a new pdoc but I don't think its going to be very easy. My therapist wants me to do gene testing but my meds are fine. I just need to be back on prescribed lamictal and I'll be good.

Therapy was tough today. Just emotionally. We talked about some tough things. Mainly current events. Plus I only got 5 hours of sleep which didn't help. Besides not sleeping well I feel much better physically then I did these last 3 days. My mom is still feeling off though. My therapist also had a bug last week and this week too. She says its this kooky weather.

I'm getting lab work done in the morning to see if my dose needs to be tweaked.

My new med was just approved by my insurance. It has to come by air mail from a speciailty pharmacy several states away. My insurance denied it multiple times but my doctor finally got it covered.

Best of luck if you decide to. I've been considering switching psychiatrist myself. I mean, essentially the man does what he needs to -- he refills my meds because I rarely need changes anymore.... but I just dont feel comfortable with him. He rubs me the wrong way and has said things to me that just didn't sit well in the past. I just think it's important for me to have a doctor I can communicate well with. I don't know, I contemplate switching but the horror of finding someone else, and that I like, may be even worse.

Is care subpar? It could be if I felt i needed changes, yes. Is driving 2 hours away one way every 3 months annoying? Yes. Does the man do his job well enough for me to get my prescriptions? Yes.

I don't know what or where to go with it. But my point was just to say, I understand the want of switching and fearing it won't be easy.

Almost lost my cool and kicked Victoria out. That's not like me but she's pushing to do nothing. If I even suggest SSI h wants her to live on her own. They have me stuck in a hard spot. I'm just pushing to be happy and healthy. That includes getting up and not sleeping all day. Today she refused to get up. I don't know what to do anymore. It's not like I get up from bed. So it's hard. All she wants to do is talk to her gf and play D&D. I want to cut the Internet but h won't let me do that either. He doesn't want his life harder but complaining about doing stuff for her. I don't want her gone. so I don't know why I almost did that. I thought I had an appointment with pdoc Monday but it's not for 3 weeks so I ordered my meds because I run out soon. I want to change meds because these aren't helping enough. Or they do and I'm seriously ****ed. We'll see. I don't want to end up in the hospital here. It's an unknown thing. I don't do well with unknown. I need to repair my relationship with Victoria but I don't know how. I'm so scared because she refuses to participate in the world. She said when she has money she will but I doubt it.

I'm afraid I'm a bit manic and twitchy right now. My husband keeps on telling me to SLOW DOWN. I took my afternoon anti-anxiety pills, including 200mg of seroquel, but it hasn't made me tired at all, just a bit woozy feeling. I'm currently laying down trying to rest a bit because I didn't sleep much last night.

I'm going full force on my weight loss goals! Made myself a healthy stir fry for lunch, had a bowl of bland oatmeal for breakfast, did a bit of cardio (plan on doing more later). Going full on vegan again, so no more cheese or yogurt. Which is fine. Won't miss either.

Husband and I bought a bottle of pink (I absolutely INSISTED it be pink!) champagne for our celebratory anniversary getaway on Sunday and some vegan chocolate (it's made with oat milk). Romance time! He owes me like five orgasms, so I hope he's prepared (sorry for the tmi lol). I plan on pouncing on him. I'm so excited for the concert too!!! I can't wait to see all three bands! This is going to be awesome! Our hotel is expensive, so they better have a good breakfast, with toast and jam, or something else vegan friendly.

I'm worried about our cats though while we're gone. I know it's just one night, but they're my babies!

Okay. I think I'm going to try resting my eyes for a bit. Maybe I'll doze off (probably not, but you never know!).

Oh, and the flapping fukks (aka birds) are back, except this year I have headphones so I can't hear their obnoxious chirping. HAHAHAHA. Take that bird fukkers!!!!

I took a Unisom and 2 dramamine last night and they knocked me out. I had some weird nightmares I can't remember but I slept from 7:30 to almost 5. I've been kinda tired today but the weather sucks. I'm on track with all my meds and my hunger has been fine. Besides the fact I had to calculate a venti matcha instead of a grande because I took the first one back because it looked someone had diarrhea in the cup. No joke. Instead of it being green it was dark brown. Some guy came in after us with the same drink and said it tasted awful. Dude why did you even try it in the first place... so they made the correct matchas and gave us ventis instead of grandes. So if you hear on the news about a disgruntled employee shitting in peoples coffee, its my Starbucks.

Anyways I think the wellbutrin is starting to work. I quit zero sugar and diet soda and I'm eating a lot less and the scale has moved 4 pounds. I feel less depressed and my anxiety is ok. I still don't have much energy.

My watch told me my stress level was too high this morning and I needed to relax but all I was doing was watching Awkafina on The Today Show. I was already sitting in bed. Idk how I got so stressed without feeling it.

So I called the pharmacy and it turns out I didn't even need to go through insurance because with insurance its $750. Without its $450 for a 3 month supply. That is still super expensive but better then $750. I hope its works out.

Hi everyone-it's been awhile. I hope you are all hanging in there/doing alright.

Surprisingly, I've been relatively stable. This is saying something because I'm currently on prednisone (a very small dose). We tried an antibiotic first because of how my mind responds to prednisone, but I got sick again as soon as the antibiotic was gone. Increasing my risperidone from .5 mg to 1 mg, along with some key coping strategies, is helping me decently manage the minor fluctuations prednisone is causing.

Things have actually been stable enough I managed to make it the whole month between pdoc appointments without having to call him! But...at my appointment this week I learned he's moving to a neighboring city. And, by Jan. 2025, is looking to be done working earlier in the day than he currently is. All great choices for him, but they might end up making it impossible for me to get to appointments after work now. I should be able to see him through July, but all is up in the air once the 2024-2025 school year starts in August. I absolutely HATE the thought of having to switch pdocs.

At my appointment, I asked my pdoc about what I've read in regards to risperidone/dizziness, light headedness, and low blood pressure since I still don't know what's causing these issues for me. He said he doesn't think that's what it is. I was going to get a dizziness test done but they said I'd have to stop taking all of my psych meds 48 hours before the procedure and that's not an option for how my brain works. Not to mention you aren't supposed to just quit psych meds cold turkey (which the audiologist agreed with when I pointed it out..). I'll sit with this info (just learned today) over the weekend and then go from there. Now, I'm really worried the neurologist I see at the end of the month is going to just blame my meds...

8 days til i say I do! 3 days til we get out apt keys! im stressing. went shopping tonight and tomorrow night im having dinner with some family and freinds for a sort of bachelorette party. idk even know how to change my name once were married next weeknd. lol i better start googling...

Two hours of sleep last night. Had a great dream I'm going to use for a flash fiction later today!! I'm excited! I was busy formatting one of my novels to self publish. Almost finished. I just took a couple of seroquel and thought it would be good for me to try and rest for a bit, even if I don't fall asleep. I don't mind resting and listening to music.

Once I'm done with my restful period I'm going to work on my flash fiction and then get more novel formatting done.

I love springtime, even with the chirping fukks c.outside. I always feel so rejuvenated and creative! I have to start a new novel. Except I have absolutely no idea at the present moment what it would be about. Probably about Becka and Six and Seven and Jasper. Going even darker.

Fudge though. I should probably call my pdoc. He's back from vacation (can't wait to see his man bun! Lol).

I'm just lazy today. I feel fine physically and mentally. I'm just a bit lethargic for some reason. I took 2 naps and ate normally. Theres really not much going on today.

I actually don't eat much if at all with my Geodon and I haven't had an issue and I've been on it since 2007. I know it still works because I feel weird when I skip a dose but I don't have an issue with not eating. Sometimes I'll even dry swallow it when theres no water around and it still is fine. Idk. I'm weird.

Ughhhj I don’t wanna go back to the shelter. I want to stay up all night and find someone who will shove some validation in my mouth. Trying to get a pair of glasses too but exams be expensive so my CMHC is trying to help me out with that somehow.