Bipolar Check-in #79

Happy Birthday @Moose72 !

Haven't showered since Tuesday. Daughter kept on nagging me this morning about how I needed to take a shower and finally I snapped and yelled, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" Not my best moment. She said, "FINE! I'll leave you alone." And stomped off to her room. I felt TERRIBLE. I felt even WORSE. We've made up since then though, complete with hugs (though she told me again that I needed to take a shower).

I'm supposed to be going go a local metal show with my husband tomorrow night, and just the thought of cleaning the apartment (so our babysitter doesn't think we're slobs) and taking a shower and making myself look presentable and actually going somewhere is exhausting.

Was supposed to see my therapist this morning but she had to cancel unfortunately, but I see my pdoc on Wednesday which is good. Hopefully he doesn't cancel. If he does I'll cry 😭. Was thinking about just stopping the phentermine. It's not giving me energy. It's not decreasing my appetite. It's honestly doing nothing. I haven't lost a single pound. It's like taking a sugar pill. Completely pointless. I'm so disappointed.

Zero creativity. Just the thought of being creative makes me tired.

I'm just a worthless human being right now. I hate this. I have mustered up some excitement over the April issue of the ezine though. Three great stories to publish by wonderful authors. Got back my interview from that author and her answers are interesting and engaging. Can't wait to publish it.

So at least I'm excited about something I guess.

Seventy-two hours since my last Coke Zero!

It turns out I misunderstood my ENT office's instructions about when to stop taking my meds. I was thinking stopping at midnight on Friday meant nothing after 12 am today. But, they called with a reminder to stop all foods and meds on the list by midnight tonight. That feels much more doable. I'll take my Saturday morning meds right before midnight tonight. That just leaves Sunday since my test is Monday morning. I'm still a little anxious, but much less than I was before about having to stop my meds for a bit before my dizziness test.

This may be a dumb question but do any other ADs help your depression without sending you high? I know Wellbutrin is pretty activating.

Hope you feel better soon!

That's cool, @LadyShadow, that you're into astronomy too!

The universe is so amazing, there's always something to learn, new or old.

Happy Birthday, @Moose72!

@BeyondtheRainbow:

Of course that's not a dumb question! All i know is that the last two anti-depressants i've taken, Celexa and Wellbutrin, have sent me sky-high. It's possible that others would have a milder effect, but it's an awful risk to take. Thanks for your concern!

Today was decent I guess. My moods were under control. My anxiety was ok. I still am not feeling great but I'm able to eat small stuff without an issue and I can drink stuff. I had a couple Lunchables and a frozen Atkins meal.

I slept pretty badly though because I felt sick. I kept everything down though. I did call my GI doctor again this afternoon and the lady on the phone said the doctor got my message he has just been busy. I tried refilling an old stomach med I had gone off of last year The pharmacy needs the doctors approvoal but I thought I'd give it a try.

I accidently gave myself my shot on my lower right side near my appendix instead of up higher. I doubt its a big deal.

To be honest though I just feel very sick right now. I'm thinking of just going to the ER in the morning. Its not like I haven't been trying OTC stuff or trying to get into see my doctor all week.

Puked a bit while listening to the song Fast Car. This stomach pain sucks.

My day started off pretty rocky -- problems getting my meds, doctor appointment issue, a friend not returning my call after arranging to hang out.... but it all fell into place, almost instantly each piece all at once. I had a really good day to be honest. I got my medicine (original dosage and all), I saw my doctor finally, and my friend got in contact and we spent the day together. I'm glad I had a productive day!

So we went to the thrift store. Victoria didn't find anything nothing fit. So we got a consult to detangle her hair it's going to be 600+ but she thinks it's worth it. I hope it's just 600 then she's going to get it colored and Balayage which will be another $200+. So she's spending what I make a month on saving her hair. I hope it comes out perfect. She needs new clothes too. I've been out 3x this week!

Mom's going home Monday!! 🎉

Not sure I want to talk about the day’s events yet except to say I was shaking so bad from my anxiety earlier. (Got bad news.).

My mom paid for me to get my hair done today- the one good thing about today. I’ll never get it to look this way myself but it’s nice for a couple days at least.

That's great, @Aurelius710!

Did they figure out what happened? You don't have to share what it was specifically but did they find it?

I got shy high on abilify. Have never taken those meds sorry.
I am sorry I have no advice for you I know that the welbutrin has been the safest med to take for bipolar people.

bizi

In a really good mood today. Don't think it's a bipolar high, but letting go of this relationship has really been the best thing for me. Yes, oh man do I miss him. Last night, I dreamed of his face and a few tears even fell. Even though all of this is final, it doesn't mean the love between us is gone.

Accomplished a lot today. Did all my housework, cleaned my whole bathroom, mopped and swept and did all my laundry. My friend will be here by this evening to spend the night in the new guestroom. I am so excited!

@Scooter9 - I am always learning about the universe, it's been a passion for a very long time. I even watch this link at once-a-day:

HDEV - This is NASA's live feed from The International Space Station

I'm doing ok physically today. I haven't had any major stomach issues. I've been wearing my glasses which is helping a lot.

I just feel stuck and not happy. I feel like I'm in a rut. I spend my days in bed and I don't know who I am anymore. I felt happier before I transtioned if I'm being honest. I felt safer and less paranoid and not like I had to fit some standard. Idk. I'm just really down about it all. And since I've had surgery already I'm stuck.

Coming out and going on hormones and getting surgery in less than a year is a lot.

Four days off Coke Zero. Very little craving, just a powerful thirst, and general crankiness.

H took me to lunch before picking up groceries. He wants to find a way to make money but we can't. My teeth are going to cost 5k because Medicaid doesn't pay for it I guess. So I'm screwed. I can't eat much because of my teeth. H wants me to go back and see a post Dr. Student. I might call Monday.

Going to get together tomorrow with my mom, her husband and 2 of the three N’s - N1 and N3, plus N3’s gf. N2 is on a trip with her bf. Then, I hope to go with N3 to church and record the 5-person choir that N3’s in. Last time, the recordings never saved!

@LadyShadow, yes that's a nice stream to watch!

Hopefully you know about the solar eclipse that's going to happen over North America on Monday April 8. If the weather is good, this is going to be an amazing event.

Here's an article that tells you about its path and when to see it:

Total Solar Eclipse on April 8, 2024 (Great North American Eclipse )

I'm feeling a little better. I was having SH thoughts and even had a plan but I managed to resist the urges. This went on for a couple of weeks.

I also had a few months of teeth grinding.

Both symptoms have improved now, so maybe the Vraylar is starting to work. The urges are not as strong and I noticed that I've almost stopped biting and grinding my teeth.

There are still some other things lingering related to anxiety. Hopefully that'll get better soon too, since I've had that symptom for a long time now.

My sleep still isn't good - still around 5 hours and now I'm tired all day.

I feel better today. I completely shaved my face yesterday. It was just scruffy and coming in patches and the beard growing kit my brother in law gave me wasn't working. Once I did that my dysphroia got a lot better and I felt calmer about things.

Today my moods and anxiety have been under control. My stomach stuff has been fine too and I haven't needed any OTC stuff or Zofran. So I'm not sure what was up earlier this week.

I have to get bloodwork tommorow for my 6 month endocronolgist appointment on the 8th. Theres never really a good time to go when it won't be crowded. So I guess I'll just go in the morning.

Had a nice ham dinner with my sister and mom. We all decided to go for a nice walk at the walking track after we ate. It's been a really great weekend for me. I feel really good that I had some really positive things happen. I'm excited to share them Monday in therapy. I don't usually have many "great/good days"-- just boring, normal, baseline days where nothing changes but nothing is really wrong. I'm feeling pretty optimistic today

Had Easter with family though N1 didn’t feel well so she went home after dinner. N3 had interesting conversations with my mom about family growing up- for all 3 of our generations. Dinner was lamb and asparagus, red potatoes and deviled eggs with fruit cobbler for dessert.