Bipolar Check-in #80

So I'm not eating meat. I don't know if I ever will again. But I am having trouble figuring out what to eat. We went to the food bank today so we have stuff but it's not like full meals. Victoria's friends come tomorrow.

I took my first dose of Rexulti.

I usually wouldn't post about this but I'm so looking forward to relief from the antipsychotic withdrawals!

I went to the gym today. I did an everything workout so the strain was spread out over a bunch of exercises. My brain was zapping away during the workout. Hopefully that'll stop soon with the Rexulti.

Hugs to those that need them
(((((((((HUGS))))))))
Bizi

I'm in a "life sucks, damned if you do, damned if you don't" mindset tonight. I had a short phone call with my mentor/spiritual director. He said he wants me to either have 3 months of mental health stability/a more consistent prayer life (these two often go hand in had for me) or 3 months of me continuing to be in this "maintain mode" I've been stuck in. The call dropped before I got a chance to say the very reason I wanted to have this conversation is because I'm trying to figure out how to live in a world involving both mental and physical illness. He knows it's been years since I've had stability so why do I have to wait even longer?

It feels like , outside of all of you, only my pdoc truly gets what I'm going through. I feel horribly alone at times because it's hard to always feel misunderstood when with others.

It's just really hard for me to find any meaning or purpose in life when all I get to do these days is battle my mental and physical health. I don't want to do anything to harm myself, I just can't see the point of my life right now.

I don't care what my stupid fukking **** therapist says, I'm calling and talking to a nurse at my psychiatrist's office on Monday. Just to see if there's something going on with me psychologically right now because Husband is one hundred percent positive I'm hypo right now and he knows me better than her and he thinks my primary is a moron too and would just put me on something that would fukk me up even more or tell me to talk to my psychiatrist so the appointment would be completely pointless.

I got really drowsy last night and I fell asleep around 3 for an hour. Then I ate a cup of soup for dinner and watched Wheel Of Fortune and then went to bed.

I woke up at 1AM feeling super anxious and also groggy so I took my Geodon and went back to sleep. Then I woke up at 2 or something and I took the rest of my meds and I ate some Reeses and then I started throwing up half an hour later. I got back to sleep an hour later maybe.

I woke up at 7:11 feeling sick as a dog so I took a zofran and I immediatly started puking again. Things calmed down. At 9 I got drowsy again and I slept for 40 minutes. I decided to get a coffee since I thought it might help. Instead it just caused me to projectile vomit.

Idk whats up with this sudden fatiuge and needing to take cat naps. Right now I feel ok although I still am throwing up a bit.

I don't take the Golo all the time because lately I just haven't been hungry on my own. A combination of being sick, and my own wiilpower.

your life seems so had to handle. I sorry you keep getting sick throwing up and they have not been able to help you with this problem.
I wish for you hope that some one any one will help you.

Our forum seems awfully quiet these days.
I am feeling like we have lost a lot of people.
bizi

This whole site seems like a ghost town now compared to a few years ago.

Well I for one haven’t been checking in.

I wonder what happened 🤔

Social media might be a large part of it. I know a lot of people try to find community there.

I was thinking the same thing.

The, what is it, ten (?) of us will keep it going. Lol.

I think a lot more people were on during covid when things were really stressful in the world and we were all stuck at home.

Good point @Mountaindewed

Today I'm doing better. I threw up this morning but I haven't since around 9 or so. I have eaten pretty light things and I got rid of a whole bunch of unhealthy stuff. I am nauseated and my stomach hurts. But I'm glad not to be yakking so much. And I'm not exhausted today, because I slept good last night for the second night in a row. I finally got used to just one 10mg melatonin, and yeah less is more with melatonin.

I saw a picture of a trans woman holding a Mountain Dew she had found and people were being all transphobic and someone commented "Dew looks like a lady."

That stuff really bugs me. And you can't escape it. Its everywhere these days.

I've been throwing up for about an hour now. Idk why. I ate some organic seaweed and I drank some green tea and I felt nauseated so I took some dramamine and my PM stomach med and immediatly started puking. I just now took some laundry out of the dryer and put some in and bending down like that caused me to throw up some more.

So now everyday chores are a challenge?



I honestly don't know what I did today. I didn't have any soda or coffee or candy. Just green tea and some organic snacks and some peanut butter and 2 little pouches of seaweed. And a couple non dairy Chobani protein yogurt drinks.

I'm doing pretty well. Still feeling pretty level though I've been having some really vivid dreams lately. My sleep has been good though. 8, 8.5 hr.a night, maybe waking briefly once or twice a night, but I'm back to sleep after using the bathroom.

The only bad thing today is that I somehow managed to hurt my right shoulder-blade down in the back. I have no idea what I might have done. It was hurting when I woke up. The only thing I can think of is that I woke up with both my arms raised over my head, lying on my back, if that somehow did something. I was bad an took an NSAID, which I'm supposed to avoid since I had to have surgery for a perforated ulcer in the past. NSAIDs can be a cause of ulcers, especially since I didn't have the bacteria known to cause them at the time. But honestly, Tylenol doesn't nothing for me. Hopefully, it will feel better tomorrow.

Green tea doesn't have as much caffeine as caffeinated soda or coffee per serving, but it still has caffeine, and caffeine can cause stomach upset. If you're having stomach problems, I'd avoid all caffeine and maybe just get you some herbal ginger tea. Ginger is supposed to help soothe the stomach.

Are you eating regular meals? Because really healthy regular meals and good quality high protein snacks is probably a better way to go. Maybe try something like meal replacement shakes, Balance or whatever they're called. You are probably not getting all the vitamins you need if you're just eating snacks all the time.

I get really anxious and paranoid if I go without any caffeine. I'll try to go off slowly. My Chobani yogurt shakes have 20 grams of protein. Today I had 71 grams of protein.

If I eat real meals I get very sick. Which is why I've just been sticking with high protein snacks instead.

I couldn't even finish the 2 eggs and 2 pieces of toast at my gastric scan on Tuesday because I was full and I was worried I was going to throw up and ruin the test.