Bipolar Check-in #81

@HALLIEBETH87 I'm sorry that happened to your friend. My pdoc actually wonders if covid is causing people to develop POTs because he has multiple patients right now with a new POTs diagnosis when, up to this point in his career (30 some years I believe) he had one or two patients total with POTs. I know at least one of his other patients with it got it after covid as well. I had multiple covid tests done when I got sick (at home and by a doctor) but they all came back negative so I guess it was something else.

This afternoon, I messaged my neurologist to ask about a possible alternative medication than the corticosteroid. Sadly, I chickened out and didn't have the guts to say because I'm worried it will trigger bipolar symptoms. I just said, based on side effects I had with other steroids, I'm worried about taking this one. The IV I got yesterday has definitely helped somewhat, but I still got dizzy standing after standing for not that long so, if the IV won't help with those symptoms and there is no medicine alternative, I might give the corticosteroid a try. I'm waiting to see how this week goes symptoms wise before making any final decisions.

I came across a joke that eases my anguish over my weight:

"I'm a compulsive overeater, which is better than an apathetic overeater!"

Tomorrow is meet the substitute therapist day. I'm not looking forward to it. Nothing against her. She's just not someone I know and am comfortable with and it takes me a long time to get comfortable with new people.

Then I have to do a huge grocery shopping and I hate Walmart where I'll get most things.


Kinda stressful day...

@Mountaindewed have you been on carafate for the ulcers? That's what I was given when I had an ulcer and it cleared it up quickly. I seriously doubt it has side effects as it's not much different than chalk. (It's not gross though).

I'm really sorry he dismisses you so much and kind of treats you like a child by wanting your mom in the room with you. That sucks! 😓

I am so sorry you have to deal with that! That must be so difficult! Big hugs!

Today was boring again. My son called asking me for money for an eighth. Then he called back for money for a lighter. I knew he would go through it so fast. I guess the staff told him not to share it like he was and he didn't listen. I doubt he's gone on any outings. He's frustrating.

All of us sisters in the family have health problems. My oldest sister that's still alive and lives in Eugene Oregon is having health problems won't tell us what it is and she is drinking a ton since my other sister died that lived with her. She was the vice president of a insurance company in Salem Oregon.

Then the sister that just had a stroke and is having surgery on the 29th.

Then my other sister who does not drink is having problems with her liver enzymes. She is having a lot of hip pain and they just did an mri on it but she can't take ibuprofen and is completely burnt out. She is also having problems with severe fatigue. They gave her something for it but now that they are trying to figure out what's wrong with her liver she can't take them.

It's just a mess. Then I'm having my health problems. It's unbelievable that all of this is happening at the same time. My sister that I'm really close with has pulled back from me bc I said something about her husband and his political view's. She is like his slave. He can't do anything for himself. She got that ablation surgery where you get your uterine lining burnt off so you don't have periods anymore and the recovery time is very painful. She bought those Costco pre-made dinners and he couldn't be bothered to put it in the oven or take it out and dish himself as plate
It's ridiculous! I really don't like the dude!

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I read an article about the prevalence of POTS diagnosis following COVID illness. its interesting and sad.

I was on it for awhile but couldn't tolerate it for some reason or another. I don't know if it was anxiety or hunger or just some other BS excuse. I know one stomach med gave me insane bad mental health thoughts. But normally Its either hunger or anxiety with these stomach meds. I'm lucky I have a legit psych med combo that works so well without side effects.

At one point I was on 800 ER + 300 IR and Home Depot said no
CM asked if I wanted to add anything else to the authoritarianism. Haldol, hell-dol, but yeah, better than fking around and getting people to shoot me "in self-defense" I don't want to die I just want a stabbing.

Tactile hallucinations are the worst hallucinations.

AGREE!!!!

Thankfully, I haven't had tactile hallucinations, just auditory and visual, but tactile sounds like it would be horrible to deal with.

I'm doing OK today. My mood is still level, my sleep good. I remember dreaming last night and I wanted to remember it when I woke up but I just couldn't. That's how a lot of my dreams are, I just can't remember them once I wake up. This morning, I went for a walk/jog. The moon was still out when I left, a very bright full moon, so that was nice to see.

Tomorrow I see the pdoc and on Thursday the gynecologist. Ugh, I hate having so many doctors' appts. I just saw the rheumatologist last week, and in September, I see the dermatologist. Can't wait to be done seeing all these doctors. Kind of worried about the dermatologist; I have a couple moles I'm suspicious of, and with my coloring, the dermatologist usually finds moles to remove and biopsy.

I asked my therapist this morning if feeling better after she laughed and said "uh. No. Its not. You have ulcers of course your going to feel better after."

I feel ok today. I didn't sleep the greatest. I fell asleep at 11 and I woke up at 5:30. Both me and my therapist were like "yeah when we log off we're gonna go get another coffee." She seemed slightly distracted and kinda off but she doesn't take her personal problems into work so it really wasn't
all that noticeable.

I could use a nap tbh. My moods are fine. I'll be out of valium by tommorow morning and I haven't heard from the pharamacy but I'm not panicking. It said it was under review. Idk if that is bad or not.

Now it says its being processed. I forgot my stress gummies until just now. I didnt take my AM meds until I got up.

A bit on edge again even though I slept really good last night. The CPAP didn't mess up, thank God, but it is so frustrating that my neurologist doesn't answer the phone or emails - I have a message hanging out in their portal from them that's so stupid because I can't get in because my phone number changed. They are just so stupid to send me a message to a portal I can't even get into - so frustrating.

Just agitated, but I think I will get better as the day progresses. Have to do laundry and a few other things while I am working today. Working things out with my boyfriend as the days progress, I think I need to focus on myself more than anything. I hate to say it, but as much as I am overjoyed about stopping the Lithium, my moods have shifted a lot. I seem to be in a very weird headspace I don't really understand.

I hope everyone has a fantastic, productive Tuesday - @BeyondtheRainbow - Walmart is my monthly nemesis too. I hate going there so much, but they literally have everything I need.

Well the pain is tolerable I’m saving my pills for lunchtime in hopes I can eat something or I’ll be drinking ensure again. I certainly wasn’t expecting the surgery yesterday. I thought the appointment was just to check that everything was fine and then schedule the surgery. But I have to say it worked out because I had no opportunity to get anxious about it! So hurrah.

My eating problem has gotten better I’m hoping that means I can cancel the upper scope procedure. I guess it just took time for the meds to work. I’m no longer in pain when I eat.

The other health problem continues. I received a letter from the clinic asking me to call? Why aren’t they using the portal? I hate calling and dealing with the auto robo machines.
But I see I did get a message from them this morning on the portal. So maybe I can schedule though the portal.

Yeah, me three. I don’t like Walmart either but they are the only place I can get my chai, and they usually have everything else so I can get it in one stop. I consider it a necessary evil.

I pushed myself a little too hard today. Didn’t sleep well. Slept about 5 hours according to my Fitbit. I woke up at 5am, at 6am I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Then I facilitated a coffee event in my building. Then I walked to the bus stop and took the bus to my new pharmacy which was stress inducing cause I have never been on that route before and I get nervous doing new things/going new places. Now I feel like my engine is running out and it’s only 1pm.

I’m hoping to take a couple hours to chill then around 3:30 clean my apartment some, practice violin and start cooking dinner. Hopefully my energy comes back after a couple hours relaxing. Like I feel like a wind up toy that ran out of energy. I kind of just want to lay here for the rest of today lol

Tomorrow I have a therapy appointment. I’m doing good for the most part. My anxiety hasn’t been too bad and when I dissociate or get anxious I’m able to use coping skills to deal with it. I started using that 54321 grounding technique.

My mood has been good and stable thanks to my meds and self care. I’ve been exercising most days. I find that helps my mood and anxiety a lot.

I don’t have much going on this coming weekend. Just my volunteer shift with the cat rescue. Other than that just the typical stuff. Exercise, clean, violin, spend time with my boyfriend, spend time with my kitties , and do my other hobbies.

Hope you all are having a good start to the week!

worked my 1o hour shift yesterday and working 10 hr again today. then homework tonight. practicum from 9-5 tomorrow and therapy tomorrow night at 6. i switched to in person not telehealth bc i dont want my husband near by and able to possibly hear.

still mad at my pdoc. ugh. she broke HIPAA!

ive goten so much **** down the last three days!!!!!

then thursday bright and early i leave for louis

I'm kinda frustrated. I slept for an hour which was ok. But I woke up confused. Although I'm 31 so I should just deal with things. I ate a bowl of Lucky Charms. Lol

was it MAGICALLY DELICIOUS??