Bipolar Check-in #81

IDK what immediate care can do other than suggest pain relief oTC and say folllow up with PCP. at least thats all mine usually say abotu pain. maybe call PCP??

Mine has an xray machine

One of my cats

I'm gonna have to go in the morning. I can barely move my entire arm now. I took a shower and I tried doing almost everything with one hand. Idk whats wrong but its just getting worse.

I have this weird bump thing on my head like a mosquito bite. I noticed it a few days ago. Idk if I shoulc be worried

Dr office called. I have group b strep. Dunno if it’s a uti. My white blood cells are high. Kidney function levels are off. I see the doctor tomorrow. Negative for yeast.

I feel miserable. Like I just want to cry all day. I could use a hug. Please 🫂

I didn't go to that French group. I spent the whole day laying around here at home. I just don't have any energy or hope.

@Crazy Hitch:

I just can’t cry

Me either. I hate it.

I’m afraid once I start I won’t stop. It will be a big ugly cry. And I’m so scared it’s going to happen at work!

I had to buy new glasses in my old frame some weeks ago, more than 600 dollars for the glasses only.

I was able to do everything on my plan yesterday, not one thing left to do.

This morning I felt very sleepy, but made it out of the bed to use the Sun-lamp. I have prayed as well. I still feel sleepy. Will go to bed and hopefully sleep a couple of hours.

My plans for this day, are to go for a walk and to study. Will be busy all day. It is good to feel that I manage.


Be well all!

3rd night in a row only sleeping 3-4 hours then waking up wide awake for the rest of the day. I just want to sleep, I hate insomnia. If this continues I might have to see if my psychiatrist can increase my Thorazine back to the dose it was at before

I'm here, doing fine but just feeling quiet. I'm reading all the posts but IDK it's hard to respond. ((((HUGS)))) to all struggling.

I think a percentage of women do carry group B strep in their vagina and usually it's not a problem, but if you're positive for it during pregnancy, it may cause issues and then if not, the doctor still gives the mother antibiotics for delivery b/c it can affect the baby.

Well! I woke way too early. Was dreaming about spreadsheets and my sister and I were taking care of mum on a train. Then she passed and I was teaching my sister what to do with all the extra time we had. I had a book of examples. Funny, in the dream I could read them, now, barely remember them. Odd! Sort of nostalgic.

Today might be stormy tho, so not sure if I’ll go to my daughter’s house. The kind of storms with hail.

I’m so sorry for everyone having a hard time. Hugs to all of you.

I did not fall asleep when I went to bed after breakfast. So I used a lot of time reading papers and found it reasonable to not go for the walk. I studied for one hour and found myself filled with "inner anger" and tense muscles. The good feeling from yesterday was gone. Instead, I felt as if I wanted to knock myself down .... I have pain all over my body and even in my face. (I didn't self harm).


It is only two days since I wrote:
I have started to use the tool STOP (and the acronym the letters stands for). It made me more calm and the only thing I could think about was that I need a break.


Acceptance is that as well: To accept that every day is not so good as one wishes, and that pauses are parts of taking good care of one's health. I will take good care of myself. (I do understand why I feel this way - Anger is always about not being treated fair, and yes I can remember that there have been many moments in my life when I was not treated fairly. That is why I need to comfort myself today. And more; beneath anger there can be fear. I'll find out what the fear is about).


Sorry for ranting!

I am so sorry for those of you who are having a hard time, I know it's hard to cry sometimes, I find crying so therapeutic after the good cry, but getting to the big cry itself is usually scary, uncomfortable, and unnerving - once that release comes though, it helps so much with my mood.

Hugs to you all - you will definitely be in my thoughts today.

@Nammu I definitely hate traveling in bad storms, sometimes between Raleigh and my town there are HUGE downpours where I see people pull over that I push through, but it is so scary. I haven't experienced hail since I left New York, but I imagine that to be scarier!! Oh, yes, I will also look into the glasses, but I think they said they need to measure me for the Progressives, so I'll have to see what that's all about. @Rosi700 omgoodness, $600 sounds crazy for glasses!!

Almost missed my pdoc this morning at 8:30am because I didn't set my alarm, but I made it and she wants to track my progress in 6 weeks. Was honest with her about how dropping the Lithium has been affecting me but reassured her that the good days outweigh the bad and that I am going to fight through it; she is very proud of me.

Totally in workmode this morning - going to try and make as much as I can today, and push through the day - ended up bowing out and spending the afternoon on my couch yesterday, but it was much needed because I needed that time to be with God. Met with my church friend last night, and she agreed to help me through the conversion process because there is a lot that she needs to learn too. She is so nice, such a good mom, and am so happy I met her. So thankful she literally lives 5 minutes away from my house too. Hope everyone has a good day today, remember I am always rooting for you.

My shoulder feels decent today. Better then yesterday. I'm going to wait it out a bit and hopefully it will be fine. I have a lidacaine patch on and I took some Tylenol. I took a zofran last night and got anxious out of my mind. I turned on Peter Paul and Mary and slept from 10:30 until 7 and now I feel fine anxiety wise and I took my pantropaloze with bread which helped so I don't feel nauseated today.

So I feel pretty ok at the moment.

The cool thing about (being transferred over to) ACT is that I have a nurse bothering me about meds every day. I guess she/they want me to take my PRN Haldol (both of them) every day. I got **** this morning for not doing that yesterday, and they've said "well, that's ok," like it was a bad thing the past few days if I've had one (yesterday was the first day I didn't take any). Fk that. I've gotten through struggles without Haldol before, I can go through them until I get to the point I'm crying for it again.

I mean, sure, I probably don't take them when I should, but I think having BPD makes things wayyy harder to decide if I truly need a PRN because I'm questioning "am I going to be better in five minutes before it even has a chance to kick in, or in a couple hours am I going to be hallucinating my brains out?"

I love BPD too. It's all about that yelling out "I want to die I want to die" and instantly coming up with a detailed--and frankly abusive to people who have "done me wrong"--but then an hour later be as ok as I can be.

But I did take my stupid Haldol (and Seroquel) this morning. Maybe I should do that more often?

@Crazy Hitch, *hugs**hugs*hugs* I get the ugly cry dread, too. It'd be okay if I was alone (better than getting violent/self harming), but, boy, if I did it in front of specific people (uh-hem, seed planter)....that was different.

@HALLIEBETH87 Do you do any mood (combo of emotions & energy levels) journaling? Maybe it's a good idea, write some notes if you feel necessary, and take that to your pdoc?

I managed to get an additional 4 hours of sleep. So I got a total of 8 hours. So I’m happy about that. I’m facilitating the bingo game in my apartment building today

@Nammu, it is stormy here as well. The trees are bending, but no hail.

I calmed it with two Valiums, but that is a short term solution. I am still very confused about what to do in the long run. It is clear that only a few days of Autumn weather, has been enough to trigger my SAD.


For the moment, it feels intolerable!