Bipolar Check-in #81

Nammu · Jul 24, 2024, 11:52 AM

Blueberry. No I love the ambien. I have no side effects from it except it helps me fall asleep and the getting used to it. Technically the recommendation is 5mg for women and 10 mg for men, but I was on 20mg for years. It stopped working for me. And I asked the pdoc to wean me off. He did but I was such a mess and afraid to try any other sleep med so went back on this at 7.5 mg. I quickly got used to that so he put me back on 10mg and added gabapentin at night . It was working for a long time. But then started petering out. I’ve got a great pdoc now. He gets that sleep is very important for my stability. He says it’s not just the latuda but the combination of both that have kept me stable.

I cling to my stability like a wet cat in a bath clinging to an arm. I really don’t want an episode.

I’m so glad I don’t like coffee, but I do have a morning glass of chai latte every morning and usually 1 can of Pepsi during the day. So I do get caffeine but less than what’s in coffee. But mum was an avid drinker. 5-6 cups a day. She did have anxiety but she drank that much all her adult life.

Mountaindewed · Jul 24, 2024, 12:07 PM

I forgot to take my Geodon. I woke up at 5:30 and I took my AM meds then. I thought I had taken my Gedon before I fell asleep at 11. Which is when I normally take it.But I counted and I had an even number. I was starting to feel weird like something was off med wise. So I thought back and realized how quickly I fell asleep. I took it half an hour ago and now I don't feel weird anymore.

Blueberrybook · Jul 24, 2024, 12:22 PM

@Lady_Bird
Glad you are getting some energy back and walking is fantastic for both your exercise and your mood.

What cozy mystery are you reading right now? I love reading mystery, hard-boiled, police procedural, noir, cozy, you name it. Right now I'm reading an Anne Perry mystery and am finally progressing in it since the mania has calmed down quite a bit. I LOVE reading! Hence the "book" part of my name. Not sure about the blueberry part, I mean I like blueberries just fine but it's not like they are my favorite food or anything, just liked the 2 words together, I suppose.

@Nammu
You are SO right about sleep being important to stability. I learned that years ago. If my sleep goes, mania soon follows. The pdoc I had prior to this one stressed sleep a TON and so does my current pdoc. If my sleep heads south, I'm calling the pdoc, and even if his office is closed leaving an urgent message on his mobile to call back because that is how important sleep is to my stability.

Which also may be part of the reason I'm more jittery and anxious today. I had 5.5 hr. of sleep which is better than nothing but it's a lot less than my usual 8-9 hr. My sleep has been a real toss-up lately.

Blue_Bird · Jul 24, 2024, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Lady_Bird
Glad you are getting some energy back and walking is fantastic for both your exercise and your mood.

What cozy mystery are you reading right now? I love reading mystery, hard-boiled, police procedural, noir, cozy, you name it. Right now I'm reading an Anne Perry mystery and am finally progressing in it since the mania has calmed down quite a bit. I LOVE reading! Hence the "book" part of my name. Not sure about the blueberry part, I mean I like blueberries just fine but it's not like they are my favorite food or anything, just liked the 2 words together, I suppose.
.

Oh I’m not reading cozy mystery, cozy fantasy is what I’m reading. Right now I’m reading the charming cove series by Linsey Hall. It’s like light fantasy, romance, comedy and cozy.

I’m also reading the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas. Those aren’t cozy fantasy though those are just straight up fantasy and I love them

reading is a lot of fun. I’ve finally got my ability to focus mostly back. So I’ve been reading a lot

MuddyBoots · Jul 24, 2024, 01:48 PM

Ughh doc I saw last week called, but I didn’t answer because I’m at the library, and she said to call back or wait until she calls back later. Given lab tests just got back today after being taken last Friday, and the “call so we can discuss your test results,” I’d normally say they found something (and also my ex sleeping around and trying to reach out repeatedly),’but a lot of my symptoms aren’t as bad. My immune system is pretty good, I definitely had an infected cut a few weeks ago, and I didn’t get it treated hoping I’d go into septic shock, but the redness and swelling chilled out. We’ll see I guess.

We discussed some reality acceptance in therapy today. I’m pretty good at that. I don’t expect anything good from anyone haha.

Manarinorange · Jul 24, 2024, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Nammu
Sorry about the sleep. Does the ambien make you feel at all weird before falling asleep? I tried it once and just couldn't take it. I found myself fighting sleep terribly and panicking. It was terrifying.

@moose
Your tongue situation sounds awful and painful. I had a sore on my inside cheek for 3 weeks b/c I had a temporary crown that rubbed against my cheek. Even that made eating painful. I can't imagine having the problem w/ your tongue and entire mouth! I am SO glad I got the permanent crown put in yesterday. It is much more comfortable, and already my cheek is starting to heal.

As for me, I've come to the conclusion that I need to lessen my caffeine intake b/c it is causing manicky symptoms-agitation, doing chores too fast, high anxiety. I woke up and felt fine but after a morning cup of coffee my anxiety was sky high again and I was a bit manicky, dropping things, spilled an entire Yeti cup full of ice water (and the ice in chips) all over the couch and living room floor. I guess at least it was water. Of course, I had also taken my morning meds about 30 min. prior.

I calmed down a bit after my walk but had a 2nd cup of coffee with my breakfast. Now I'm agitated, dropping things, slightly manicky again.

Oh, but I LOVE coffee! May have to buy some decaffeinated and in the meantime drink herbal tea in the morning instead. I like herbal tea with honey but I don't like it as much as I love coffee.

Anyone else here have a problem with caffeine shooting their anxiety sky high and worsening mania? Did you have to stop drinking coffee, soda, tea with caffeine completely to help it?

I also am only 2 weeks into taking Lamictal and my full dose of Seroquel again and I know most meds take 4-6 weeks to fully kick in.

Edit:
I put the kettle on to boil to make some chamomile tea in the hopes that it will calm me down. I feel like I have hypomania right now along with high anxiety and jitteriness

Yes, about the caffeine. I don't drink caffeine at all anymore. I do have 2 coke zeros when I wake up. And then 2 when I take my meds at night. That's when I feel like my old self and I talk to my best friend who works 3rd shift at a gas station in Indiana. I love her I've known her 9 years but we've never met, lol. We met online. We are straight but have a ton in common. Anyway yeah I can't have coffee at all and I used to love it.

Moose72 · Jul 24, 2024, 05:13 PM

The doctor I complained about called me. Called in a compounded mouth rinse that has numbing stuff in it I think. It was $55 for six doses and I had to put it on my credit card because that’s the only way I could pay! Haven’t tried it yet. Pdoc called in Risperdal for the not sleeping and the over spending.

raspberrytorte · Jul 24, 2024, 05:15 PM

I got eight hours of sleep last night!!!! Yippie! Yay! I feel FANTASTIC! 😊

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 24, 2024, 05:19 PM

Pawpaws funeral was beautiful. The army honor guard scared me when they fired the guns. Shocked me. But it is over now. He’s gone. :’(

Crazy Hitch · Jul 24, 2024, 05:22 PM

I'm feeling sluggish. Been up since 3:30am. Just couldn't get back to sleep and it was too late (early?) to take melatonin at that stage so I just lay in bed til 4:00am then got up. Lately I've been restricting myself to 2 cups of coffee a day, max, so it's not that. I have a busy mind but I'm certainly not hypo.

I'm feeling a bit more "settled" - or is it "accepting" - about work. I know my difficult class are always going to be difficult and challenging. And I know that if I just keep documenting and recording the kids will get suspended. Eventually. The way they speak to me is revolting. You should have seen how they treated a sub teacher yesterday who was just here for the day. Running around chasing each other in the classroom and they picked up chairs and barracaded the door so no one could get in. He called me (probably the worst person to call) in the last 5 minutes and asked me to help him. I had to literally stand by the other door to stop students from escaping because they were all trying to go out to lunch early.

On another note, I went to an optometrist 3 weeks ago to finally get my eyes tested. I'd been putting it off but have noticed in the last 3 months when driving I'm battling to see signs from a distance. Turns out to be no suprise that I need glasses but my glasses haven't arrived yet. The optometrist is as annoyed as I am and said he's using a new courier company and doesn't know why it's taking so long. Fingers crossed I get them today. Really want them before the weekend! I want to see what it's like to travel a far distance with the glasses on. They're multifocal so I don't need to take them off when reading because I don't need them for that.

raspberrytorte · Jul 24, 2024, 05:22 PM

@Blueberrybook

I can't drink a lot of coffee. It makes me anxious, but I drink A LOT of ginger lemon green tea, and that doesn't make me anxious. I also have the occasional coke zero, and on Fridays my therapist and I go out for coffee and I always get a sugar free vanilla soy latte. So I have one coffee beverage a week. But that's all.

I hope the chamomile tea helps your anxiety. Do you have any prn seroquel you can take? I can take an extra 100mg and if I'm feeling anxious I cut it in half and take 50mg and it calms me down.

MuddyBoots · Jul 24, 2024, 05:27 PM

I used to be a caffeine fiend. It never really amped me up or made me anxious, but I could actually function after my 3 cups o' Joe in the AM (yeah.........). It wasn't even that I was sleepy and needed to wake up, but the caffeine just sorta helped me straighten my thoughts out more. Stimulants kind of affect me differently though. I fall asleep after taking Adderall.

Doc said my labs were normal (well, with what they tested for). Pretty good. All I want to do is sleep lately (I mean, that's kinda been a thing for a while, but it's been worse this week, and I haven't really been getting out as much as I want). I hope it doesn't lead to a depressive episode. Bipolar has actually been really stable lately. Weird, being off meds. They say meds can make BPD worse though so maybe I was confusing some BPD symptoms with mood episode symptoms. I kinda wonder if I have BP at all, but then again my mom just told me of a story involving first responders I probably shouldn't write about, but it was intense and involved hobbits.

Jeez, @Crazy Hitch. What grade/year do you teach? That's ridiculous.

raspberrytorte · Jul 24, 2024, 05:27 PM

@HALLIEBETH87

I'm sorry to hear about your pawpaw. You have my condolences. 🫂 ❤️

@Crazy Hitch

Your class sucks! I'm sorry they're so terrible and mean! What do you teach again? What grade is it? Is it middle school? I hope you get your glasses soon!

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 24, 2024, 05:58 PM

Yay @raspberrytorte !!!!!!!

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 24, 2024, 06:04 PM

@Blueberrybook I had to stop caffeine completely in 2007 because it not only made me hypo I was using it to make myself hypo. Not really on purpose but I needed something to get me through a work day so I drank a lot of coffee and a lot of Coke. It just kept getting worse until I got manic enough to land on disability for 3 months. I stopped the caffeine cold turkey and haven't intentionally had any since aside from a very rare hot chocolate which seems to be safe because it doesn't have that much caffeine in it compared to coffee. I don't ever try again because I don't want to go down the same path and have to go off it again and I don't trust myself.

That same mania I suddenly wanted to smoke cigarettes. I've never even had one in my life so no way to really crave it but I really, really wanted to smoke. It went away as soon as I got on Seroquel. It was so strange.

Crazy Hitch · Jul 24, 2024, 07:04 PM

@raspberrytorte - I teach middle school (although we don't call it that here in Australia) - Year 7 and 8 Humanities (history/geography)

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 24, 2024, 07:40 PM

idk how to do trigger warning but im starting to think crazy things

LadyShadow · Jul 24, 2024, 07:40 PM

I can't stress to you guys enough the importance of sleep, so I totally understand your concerns @Blueberrybook and @Nammu - in addition to my CPAP, I take 2mg of Risperidone, 25mg of Hydroxyzine and top it all off with 10mg of melatonin - it sounds like a lot and it absolutely is because I feel like some kind of racehorse that needs a tranquilizer to get knocked out for a good night's sleep. But you know, that combination has worked very well for the past two years now.

As for the coffee thing, I don't drink it at all - would you believe I fall right to sleep after a cup? It is the strangest thing! Lol, so I just avoid it because I pass out or have to run to the bathroom! LOL. Not the best at all.

Today was a really good day. Got dressed up and went to an AA meeting. What I realized in all my complaining about not having a purpose is that I have to start helping more people. So, God answered my prayers because a new girl came up to me and asked me to be her sponsor today. I think it's just what I needed to get me out of my thick head. My sponsor was thrilled when I told her about it and gave me some pointers on how to start our first session together.

Galaxy Con in is in one day!! OMG, too excited!!

Scooter9 · Jul 24, 2024, 08:22 PM

I had a break from taking care of my mother today. She wanted to stay home alone today to find out how she would fare on her own.

I saw her in the evening and she had forgotten a number of things and did eat much during the day. So I ordered her favorite seafood even though it possibly had too much salt, but whatever, it's just one meal. She was really happy with it.

I got her a couple of grabbers and showed her how to use them. She liked them very much.

My anxiety is still way up and my mood is still way down. My body is complaining about all the stress so I'm treating the symptoms to make myself feel more comfortable.

Tomorrow is a day of driving and helping. I'm taking my mother to her workplace and picking her up when she's done.

I'm experiencing passive SH thoughts. No plans or anything. Just passing thoughts.

Nammu · Jul 24, 2024, 09:31 PM

Thanks shadow

Scooter I hope things change for the better soon

I have a question? There’s lots of personalities in this building and people like to confide in me. Things like , did you see so and so do that! Did you know… I use my deafness as a fallback in those cases. I say I didn’t hear that, or no, I didn’t know. Do you think that’s ok? I really don’t want to get caught up in between others drama. What’s funny is that a number of them call themselves Christians loudly and proudly but they’re the ones that talk about other the most. I just don’t want to be in the middle.

bizi · Jul 24, 2024, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Thanks shadow

Scooter I hope things change for the better soon

I have a question? There’s lots of personalities in this building and people like to confide in me. Things like , did you see so and so do that! Did you know… I use my deafness as a fallback in those cases. I say I didn’t hear that, or no, I didn’t know. Do you think that’s ok? I really don’t want to get caught up in between others drama. What’s funny is that a number of them call themselves Christians loudly and proudly but they’re the ones that talk about other the most. I just don’t want to be in the middle.

@Nammu Do what ever you feel like.
It is your life and you don't have to be involved with
the talking of other people.Yes you can use your
deafness as an excuse. Again it is your life and
you get to decide whom to be with and who to ignore.
I know that you will be cautious and nice about it.
Keep us posted.
bizi

JaneOnceMore · Jul 24, 2024, 10:01 PM

I was a bit more active today. I took my dog for a walk and took a shower i was overdue for and ordered groceries. I resolved to be nicer to myself earlier but it's weakening now. I can't be other than i am. It's probably the lousy weather, extreme humidity and i can't get comfortable. I wish i had something to look forward to.

June08 · Jul 24, 2024, 10:03 PM

@Blueberrybook caffeine can occasionally cause me to have hypomanic symptoms. It doesn't happen enough for me to stop drinking coffee, or other sources of caffeine, though. I'm definitely hooked on the stuff, especially since my chronic fatigue kicked in. I'd drink iced coffee all day every day if I could!

Today was a good day. I had an alright counseling session. My counseling schedule is now set up so I see my trauma therapist once a month and one to help me with emotional regulation/more day to day stuff once a month. Once thing I'm going to work on with her is the high level of fear I have around bipolar disorder and what the symptoms might turn into in the future. TBD if I'll keep the trauma therapist in the mix or take a break from trauma therapy all together. It's SO nice to, after 3 years, be in a place where I'm not having to go to counseling once a week. It's tempting to completely stop going. I just don't want to stop cold turkey though and I think going at least once a month is probably good to help keep bipolar symptoms in check.

In preparation for seeing my pdoc on Monday, I'm cutting back to 2 mg of risperdione (instead of 3) to see how that goes. This way, I have the most accurate information about my. dose needs when I see him. As I type this, I'm realizing that maybe this is why my brain feels on fire this evening though. We'll see-could just be a coincidence.

raspberrytorte · Jul 24, 2024, 11:13 PM

@Nammu

It's fine to use your deafness as an excuse. You don't need to be caught up in other people's drama.

@Scooter9

I hope you get relief from your anxiety and depression soon. When do you see your psychiatrist next? I know you were on vraylar and rexulti right but had allergic reactions to both? What are you on now instead? It's good you're taking care of your mom. 😊 I'm happy she's home and okay.

Manarinorange · Jul 25, 2024, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Lady_Bird
Glad you are getting some energy back and walking is fantastic for both your exercise and your mood.

What cozy mystery are you reading right now? I love reading mystery, hard-boiled, police procedural, noir, cozy, you name it. Right now I'm reading an Anne Perry mystery and am finally progressing in it since the mania has calmed down quite a bit. I LOVE reading! Hence the "book" part of my name. Not sure about the blueberry part, I mean I like blueberries just fine but it's not like they are my favorite food or anything, just liked the 2 words together, I suppose.

@Nammu
You are SO right about sleep being important to stability. I learned that years ago. If my sleep goes, mania soon follows. The pdoc I had prior to this one stressed sleep a TON and so does my current pdoc. If my sleep heads south, I'm calling the pdoc, and even if his office is closed leaving an urgent message on his mobile to call back because that is how important sleep is to my stability.

Which also may be part of the reason I'm more jittery and anxious today. I had 5.5 hr. of sleep which is better than nothing but it's a lot less than my usual 8-9 hr. My sleep has been a real toss-up lately.

Sorry for butting in, but you are so lucky to be able to reach your pdoc after hours. If I'm in a crisis after hours my only option is going to the hospital.

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