Bipolar Check-in #81

Well it’s officially the weekend for me now in Australia. I should be excited but I feel like a hamster stuck in a wheel again because I know next week I have to do it all again. It wasn’t easy this week and to think that Wednesday was a curriculum planning day and I didn’t even see students. Man this gig is tough.

The pain is ok today. Not much of an issue. I feel pretty good. Those stress gummies do work decently and they don't have any side effects. I think getting off the vitamin D was a good choice too.

I need to get salads and rice cakes and other **** today. And caramel M&Ms

@WantToShare
I hate those robo calls too, especially when saying "agent" or "representative" doesn't work on them. My H had one that frustrated him so much recently he kept yelling things like "lawsuit" and saying gibberish into the phone. I don't think that approach worked either. It's crazy you can't call and just get a D@MN PERSON on the phone when used to you could call and get a representative/operator who would either answer your question or take down a message for someone or route you directly to the extension you need. It is BEYOND frustrating! I can def. understand your screaming into the phone with it; unfortunately, I don't have a solution for you.

I had my walk/jog this morning, and it's a bti frustrating b/c the end of my road is under construction, and I have to go in the opposite direction and re-route my path, which I do not like at all. Not that it's a bad route; I just don't like the change.

After my shower, I had an appt. with my rheumatologist for fibromyalgia. He gave me a script for prn tizandine b/c sometimes I have muscle spasms and cramping with the fibro. and told me to stay on the gabapentin. Nothing earth-shattering, but the appt. took absolutely FOREVER, tons of waiting, but that's what it is in a lot of the doctors' offices now. Thank God my pdoc is very good about keeping timely appts. since he's the doctor I see most often.

I'm going to the library soon with my daughter. I have to try to get my anxiety under control; my daughter wants to drive (she's still only got a learner's permit), but I swear this girl drives SO close to the right edge of the road, it makes me panicky in the car. I will tell her to ease the car a little left and she will but 5, 10 sec. later she's far right again. Gotta get my nerves under control. I really hate this anxiety about her driving.

@Blueberrybook google it! There are various youtube videos about "how to center your car in the lane" with different tips and techniques. Your daughter is probably just using a guideline that isnt quite working. I sympathize, because my mother always used to drive too far to the left.

Um, yeah, I scream at the robo too. I let out all my anger on them, it, whatever. My daughter thinks it's funny. Lol. I especially hate it when I call CVS and have to talk to a pharmacist because the stupid robotic voice just takes me in circles FOREVER until I'm finally able to speak to a human! Or when I have to call the eye doctor insurance company.... ugh. Those robotic voices PISS ME OFF. I NEVER scream at people the way I scream and abuse them!!!!

Anyway, so you're not alone in your robotic voice frustration. Lol.

Oh, and welcome to the forum! 🫂 ❤️

Ooo I went though the robo call recently with my dentist office. You’d think they’d be especially Ernest to please their customers and not drive them away with robo calls. It was especially frustrating because it told me to press 2 for rescheduling but nothing ever happened, so I pushed 1 for new appointments. But she couldn’t help me!

@WantToShare

Theres a little black box with the words "post reply" above the last or first post? Idk, i list my posts in reverse order so the newst is always first.

I got 2 calls today from an 800 number company that is supposedly a legit debt company. But I don't owe any debt. They didn't leave a message and haven't called again. My mom keeps getting these scam likely calls. Wtf. I"m kinda spooked right now.

Still doing the 24 hour urine collection. Gotta bring it to the lab in the morning. I hope it turns out ok. I’m afraid it will be bad news.

Had a good therapy appointment this morning. 😊 We talked about my appointment with my new POS psychiatrist on Monday and both my therapist and I agreed I should just stay on seroquel, even if it's made me gain fifty pounds since I'm finally in a stable place. I told her I just wanted to keep all my meds the same, since I'm finally happy and doing well (with the exception of my normal mood fluctuations). Hopefully new psychiatrist will just agree to keep everything the same and won't want to change a bunch of stuff. And hopefully she prescribes benzos. I guess I'll just worry about it on Monday. For now I'm fine.

I'm excited because Husband and I are going to a last minute concert in Green Bay. Yay! Rock on! 🤘 And it's actually bands that I'm going to like. They're more on the emo side, but whatever. Husband was joking before about how when Daughter gets into middle school I'll be listening to all the same bands as her classmates. I was like, "Hahaha." 😂 Yeah. I know I'm a 42 year old woman. I get all paranoid I don't act my age, like don't dress my age or listen to music my age, etc. But I don't know what 42 year old women are supposed to listen to or how they're supposed to dress! I told Husband I wanted to get a neck tattoo and for some reason he laughed at me. I don't know why. He has two! Then he stopped laughing and commented on how it wasn't like I was going to be working again anyway. I'm not actually getting a neck tattoo. Lol. I'm getting my next tattoo on the inside of my lower left arm. I have some ugly self harm scars I want to cover up. Hopefully I'll have enough money by October!

I experimented with the idea of God today. I listened to the Christian rock radio station. One lyric went, "I try and count my blessings / But i can't count that high!" Haha! I find it comforting to feel that i am not alone. Walking my dog this evening i tried to see God in all the sights, with some success. I don't think i'll like a religious God, but a God of my understanding.

I'm procrastinating on laundry and all that i have clean are my colorful African kaftans from "Summer Hypomania 2022." So i wore one even tho i didn't feel like it. I felt pretty, in my nice outfit and my still-fresh hair. I haven't felt pretty in ages! A nice man who lives in the building and attends my support group stopped to talk to me in the lobby for quite a while and it was very pleasant.

@Blueberrybook:

Your daughter is growing up so fast! I'm amazed that she's driving now. Has meal preparation gotten any easier? I remember one time you said you were having to make three different dinners to suit everyone.

That is the best way to check your kidneys. I hope it comes out fine.
Bizi

I haven't picked up the corticosteroid the neurologist prescribed. I felt the pressure to start taking it this weekend because, if it triggers manic symptoms, I have an upcoming pdoc appointment already in the book-crud, as I type this I realize he's out of the office for a month after my next appointment. My main concerns are the med triggering mania (or hypomania) and weight gain. I also don't want to add yet another prescription med to my list. Man, it's to bad my counseling appointment was the day before my neurologist appointment instead of after. She would have been a good person to process this out loud with. It's easier for me to cope with physical health symptoms than mental health ones, so it's easier to just say "I'll tough it out." But, my physical health is part of my quality of life...

On a different note, the mom of a good friend of mine passed away unexpectedly this morning. This family has taken me in for many holidays so I know my friend and her family, including extended relatives, well. My heart is completely broken for them.

It’s Saturday early evening. I’ve been soooo tired all day which is so weird because I slept fine last night. Only woke up once to go to the toilet. I just have no energy. Tried to sleep on my bed this afternoon but with my 5 year old listening to his iPad and watching the tv it wasn’t going to work. So jealous my partner got to sleep in the spare room for just over an hour. I’m wrecked. Made some tea. Can’t even do a coffee at this time because I’ll never sleep tonight. 12:00pm is my coffee cut off. We were at a cafe and I ordered a latte. But the cafe has changed their coffee beans I didn’t like it. Landed up giving my coffee to my partner so he could drink it. Tried to make a mosaic mirror with my 5 year old this morning. Let’s just say it doesn’t look great. I still have to put the grout on but I don’t feel like it.

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk!

I'm glad that you found something uplifting. I'm agnostic myself but do believe in energies that ppl put off or like being somewhere and feeling darkness there or the opposite

Just so glad for you! 🥰

There are too many posts to go back to
But for those struggling big hugs! And for those that are doing well, very glad for you.

So I'm trying a method to just completely come off doxepin with my pdocs approval. I'm just completely off doxepin and have increased seroquel
He's fine that if that makes me too hungry we can increase trazadone. So that's a relief bc I had told his nurse that I had gotten down to 15 mgs but I was cutting the capsules and she freaked out. I have in the past messed with my meds usually to try to come off of them. I think he was like she's telling me and it will be less meds so that's good.

Went to the wound clinic and it has grown. I asked them about getting in home care and they said the week after next we should be able to. I go next Thursday. My friend put the wrap on way too tight so they said just let the professionals wrap it.

My son came over and got his pipe. He had bought weed. He smoked some here and broke down crying about Tiger his cat. The weed he got was definitely a downer. He ended up feeling better and I got him some panda express. It's his favorite. He asked about a visit. I don't mind in the day visits but I'm weary of overnights. They always end badly. I think we should give it more time.

My bipolar is level. I do feel a little over medicated. But I just can't handle anxiety! Hopefully the skills I learn through cbt can help with it and I can get off more meds.

I'm scared of tattoos. In my 20s I wanted a rose tattoo on my ankle. I also wanted a belly ring. I LOVE LOVE music. The only kind I don't like is country. I tend to like woman vocalists. Tori Amos, Alanis Morrisette, Sara Michlaughlan, Natalie Imbruglia. I love green day. My favorite album by them is American idiot. My son and I saw the American idiot play. It was awesome! Right now I'm really into taylor swift. My son likes death metal. Those bands are very popular in the Scandinavian countries. But I just can't take the no melody and growling, lol. Sometimes they will add melodies and it's beautiful. But then they go back to growling. Lol, I just can't take it.

Ugh my phone fell into my bucket. I woke up as soon as it happened so I was able to fish it out quickly and wipe it off. It was working fine but now its going slow. Idk if the rice trick will work or if I'll have to get a new phone. It smells awful though.

Hello all! I posted here for years but slowly became inactive. It’s good to be back.

I attended my daughter’s wedding in April. She was so beautiful. It was a lovely time.

I started getting sick about 2 years ago and my PCP kept saying everything was okay. I finally collapsed and went to the ER by ambulance. It was severe anemia with an internal bleed. It’s been a long recuperation process with bi- weekly iron infusions. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m on Ozempic now and have lost 47 pounds. It’s not a magic pill but it helps. I eat well 98% of the time and exercise on a mini- trampoline, do yoga, Qigong and weights.

I got together with a group of women over 40 who travel together and I’m going to a luxury resort in Panama in May. That motivates me more to get better from my anemia.

Been too sick for my beloved pool this summer.

I hope everyone is well. Hugs to all that need them.

Sorry there are too many posts for me to reply to, but I've read them all. ((((HUGS)))) to everyone struggling.

I woke up tired this morning, but now I feel amped and up. I did have a cup of regular coffee, but that was at 8 AM and it's nearly 11:30 AM now, and usually the caffeine jolt from coffee has worn off by now.

I'm still stable if not a bit amped this morning. I took a walk/jog and went to the grocery store for a few items and I controlled myself and stuck to my mental list of items I needed and did not overspend! And I forgot to write my list down, so it was in my head and I remembered everything, which I had less than 10 items, but still there was a time I couldn't remember a mental list of only 3 items to buy. And it is Saturday so the store was passing out samples: I got to sample chicken mole, a corn salad, banana bread, wine, cheese, watermelon. I practically had a mini meal courtesy of the grocery store My grocery store is pretty awesome.

And once again, I had to stop by the store pharmacy for a prescription, and now not only the head pharmacist but all the workers in the pharmacy recognize me b/c I have to go there so often. I really HATE having to go to the pharmacy so much.

I've been using Olly gummy vitamins. I've been using the melatonin, stress, and metabloism ones. They aren't bad. I've cut down from 30mg of melatonin down to like 6mg and I've just taken 1 valium and a couple stress gummies so far today and I've been fine.

My phone has been fine today. I went out for a bit this morning and it worked fine. Idk how.

I do feel slightly weird but that could just be from lack of valium.

Blueberry my pharmacy recognizes me too but I like it. It means they see me and go get my meds without me having to say anything and they know I’m deaf so if I’m at the drive up window they write things down. It’s a friendly place. We smile and wave.

I’m bored. I’ve two books to finish but I’m not into either of them. My dreams were fantastic and I wish I could do that, make 3D objects and wonder around a bookstore. I’m sort of wishing I lived in the twin cities again. But the twin cities of the past. There was a huge two story bookstore downtown. I could go to the parks. This time of year there’s mimes and clowns there. You can just sit and people watch. I’m antsy.

@Nammu
It sounds like you have awesome dreams! I usually have pretty boring ones. I've got this one stupid recurring dream where though the versions are slightly different, I'm always still in high school and have lost the combination to my locker and get tardy to class. Those are the types of annoying dreams I have and remember. If I have awesome dreams, I don't usually remember them except for one dream I had where I could fly; that was pretty cool.

Flying dreams are awesome. I haven’t had one in a while