Bipolar Check-in #81

Saw the Dr this morning which was uncomfortable. It was supposed to be a female but they don’t have any in this speciality. As I thought there’s three options, medication that comes with side effects, surgery which for me is last resort and PT. I said I’d think about it and get back to them.

I’m on enough meds, no more. But ironically my problem got better by drinking more water. I’ve been really pushing the water.

My mom has been on vacation since Sunday. She was thinking she was going to be home yesterday. But then she texted me on Monday and told me she was going to stay until today. Then I got the email from my therapist, 5 minutes after my mom told me she was staying longer, pushing my appointment from Monday to yesterday. So I was a little bit caught off guard from both changes.

Plus I wasn't feeling good or sleeping well. And I'm out of valium. My mom is on her way home now and she is going to get my valium. I would have gone with her if my stomach
wasn't a mess.

Today its mainly just the lack of valium making me feel crappy.

My mom is home and I have my valium. I hope she didn't bring any Covid back. She was staying with 4 family members who live in different states and were already doing traveling.

I saw the pdoc this morning. It was a routine appt., no med changes, come back in 2 weeks again. Pdoc said if I'm still stable in 2 weeks, I can stretch the following appt. to 1 month finally. Ugh! Talk about erring on the side of caution after mania! But he is a good doctor, so I have to assume he knows what he's doing, and I was still a bit speeded up at my last appt.

I've read all the posts, but I just can't focus enough to respond to everyone individually. I swear bipolar affects my ability to focus so much. That is a big part of why I'm such a timid driver and won't ever drive on the freeway unless it's a dire emergency, which is bad b/c I live so close to Houston, freeways are all around. My thoughts are with those of you struggling with depression or manic or mixed symptoms.

Otherwise, I'm pretty boring, stable, sleeping well I plan to spend a good part of the day reading, pretty low-key day.

Got an email that said my book is being delivered today! I hope it is. It’s the newest Willam Kent Kruger book. He’s coming to town for a book reading on Friday. I’d like to have at least part of it read by then. We are so lucky to be a town he regularly enjoys visiting.

I have fallen into depression again. I have been sitting there in the sofa for hours. I wasn't able to find a tool, so I decided to come here and try to move out of the depression online. ....

Well, here are my thoughts: I want to find someone to share my life with, but am afraid to try.OK, I have accepted that maybe this is not the right timing. (How do one date when depressed?)

I think the best I can do is to continue my progress with my CBT and DBT tools and not give up now. I will try to fill the hours until medication time this evening with "things" that doesn't need much energy.

After that I will use Netflix to distract until bedtime.

I will put the alarm to ring at 07:00 tomorrow. I will go through my usual morning routines and then take a short walk to get fresh air, and I will visit a grocery store on the way home.

After that:


- Clean table in living room
- Clean and declutter kitchen.
- Put my self going vacuum cleaner to work.
- Wash floors in living room and kitchen.

If I can do all that, I hopefully will feel that I am on my right path.

I don't know about you, but sometimes it is like an inner door opens inside my head and makes me "fight" against old memories while sitting still, as if it is important to not be seen. In such days, it is important to accept that it happened and then make a plan for the nearest days.

The close friend question? I think that can wait until my life is more stable. Stability first, then the male friend, if I still want that when life is more on track.

Am sending good thoughts to all of you!

Good planing but it’s a lot. Give yourself some smaller steps. Get out for fresh air and do one or two of the items on your list them reward yourself for a good job. Because that’s a lot when you’re depressed.

I know the feeling @Rosi700 - I have been feeling depressed in the mornings since coming off the Lithium BUT pushing myself to do my morning routine has been the driving force to get me through it, specially making my bed so I don't jump back in it! However, (as the case this morning), I found my way to my comfy couch to lay down, lol.

My best friend called me around 10:30am while I was laying there feeling sorry for myself, and I don't know, I just got up while I was talking to her, put on a pretty summer dress, some makeup and got myself out of the house. I went to an amazing AA meeting, and spent some time at my church, (which was completely empty and dark, but I loved it). Really found my peace today.

My hugs and love to those going through it today - if you can, try to go outside for a bit, I don't know about y'all, but it feels like Fall is almost here! It barely got to 70 degrees today, what a beautiful day!

This yeast infection is driving me bonkers! So sore and itchy! Still waiting for the pharmacy to text saying the anti fungal cream is in!

Pdoc lowered the risperdal from 1.0 back down to 0.5. I called the primary’s office to ask if and when I need to have my prolactin rechecked.

I feel so amped up. Been up since before 6am and not least bit tired! I leave for St. Louis in the am!!

I took my mother's kitty in for a minor procedure today. Everything went well and kitty is fine and has forgiven me for getting her into the cat carrier and taking her to the vet.

I had such a hard time with my hemorrhoids today! I was really uncomfortable for many hours but things are better now that I'm home again.

I had a chance to lower my anxiety for a few minutes today. I'm trying to get my baseline to be a little lower, bit by bit. It's pretty neat how it works, but it makes sense for my situation. It's all related to the trauma I experienced as a child from my father's physical and psychological abuse.

I took 2 valium and 2 dramamine and then slept for 2 hours and I woke up feeling fine. Glad to be back to normal with the meds and stuff.

My T was supposed to at least call after canceling while I’m in fking crisis, but noooooo fk Sammy.

I’m gonna therapy and medicate myself. I can rely on her to be around. As much as that suckkkks she’s awful.

I swear I’m exploding I feel POINTS connected too much and I’m solid.

It's my birthday and i was feeling grim until my neighbor sent me the sweetest text. She's French and she sent a cute little song they sing for birthdays called "Bonne Anniversaire." She's really a lovely person!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday @JaneOnceMore !

Happy birthday @JaneOnceMore!

Happy birthday!!

Happy birthday 🎂 🎁

Pharmacy gave me a 7 day 1% kit instead of the prescribed 3 day 2% kit! Good thing I noticed! Pharmacist called another walgreens who had the right kit in stock so I went there and got it. Now let’s hope it works!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @JaneOnceMore !

I hope your day is super fabulous, whatever you decide to do.

I've got an extra class right now. Fortunately they're all being good and mostly all doing their work giving me a bit of free time up the front on my laptop.

therapy was a **** show. he was upset im not taking my mania seriously and said i have no business working right now. insisted i go to pscyh immediate care. i did. she upped my risperdal and told me to take zyprexaat nightt o get under control..

@Rosi700 and @LadyShadow I'm sorry you have both been feeling depressed in the mornings. I've also been struggling with this. Maybe, because of the passing of my friend's mom who I looked up to? I'm not really sure.

@JaneOnceMore Happy Birthday!

Outside of some morning depression, and feeling overwhelmed somewhat easily, my mood continues to be okay. I tend to wake up feeling down and then feel pretty good in the afternoon/evening. I find myself not wanting to go to bed because I don't want to deal with the morning depression. I'm also always worried about how my physical health will be when I get up.

I was able to get some physical activity in two days in a row for the first time in forever though so that was nice! I used to get in a walk most days of the week (when it wasn't a million degrees outside that is). Oh, and my homeroom really came out of their shells today. It was fun to see them laughing, talking, and smiling together (they are normally more quite).

Happy Birthday, @JaneOnceMore!

Grief often feels like depression! Let it be there. It will become better with time.

Yes, you are right! I woke up in the middle of the night because I needed to go to the bathroom. I always turn the alarm off in such situations. This night, I forgot to put it on again when I entered my bed. I overslept for two hours and I feel like I only want to go to sleep again. My thoughts have been in the deep dark.

Some hours later, I have been able to tell myself that it is OK to not being able to do everything. I have reacted as if feeling depressed is some sort of laziness (and have used a lot of self-blaming thoughts).


Now, when I at last have accepted that depression is depression and not laziness, I feel a bit more calm.

Thank you for reminding me about not planning more than there is capacity for!