Bipolar Check-in #81

Tactile hallucinations are the worst hallucinations.

AGREE!!!!

Thankfully, I haven't had tactile hallucinations, just auditory and visual, but tactile sounds like it would be horrible to deal with.

I'm doing OK today. My mood is still level, my sleep good. I remember dreaming last night and I wanted to remember it when I woke up but I just couldn't. That's how a lot of my dreams are, I just can't remember them once I wake up. This morning, I went for a walk/jog. The moon was still out when I left, a very bright full moon, so that was nice to see.

Tomorrow I see the pdoc and on Thursday the gynecologist. Ugh, I hate having so many doctors' appts. I just saw the rheumatologist last week, and in September, I see the dermatologist. Can't wait to be done seeing all these doctors. Kind of worried about the dermatologist; I have a couple moles I'm suspicious of, and with my coloring, the dermatologist usually finds moles to remove and biopsy.

I asked my therapist this morning if feeling better after she laughed and said "uh. No. Its not. You have ulcers of course your going to feel better after."

I feel ok today. I didn't sleep the greatest. I fell asleep at 11 and I woke up at 5:30. Both me and my therapist were like "yeah when we log off we're gonna go get another coffee." She seemed slightly distracted and kinda off but she doesn't take her personal problems into work so it really wasn't
all that noticeable.

I could use a nap tbh. My moods are fine. I'll be out of valium by tommorow morning and I haven't heard from the pharamacy but I'm not panicking. It said it was under review. Idk if that is bad or not.

Now it says its being processed. I forgot my stress gummies until just now. I didnt take my AM meds until I got up.

A bit on edge again even though I slept really good last night. The CPAP didn't mess up, thank God, but it is so frustrating that my neurologist doesn't answer the phone or emails - I have a message hanging out in their portal from them that's so stupid because I can't get in because my phone number changed. They are just so stupid to send me a message to a portal I can't even get into - so frustrating.

Just agitated, but I think I will get better as the day progresses. Have to do laundry and a few other things while I am working today. Working things out with my boyfriend as the days progress, I think I need to focus on myself more than anything. I hate to say it, but as much as I am overjoyed about stopping the Lithium, my moods have shifted a lot. I seem to be in a very weird headspace I don't really understand.

I hope everyone has a fantastic, productive Tuesday - @BeyondtheRainbow - Walmart is my monthly nemesis too. I hate going there so much, but they literally have everything I need.

Well the pain is tolerable I’m saving my pills for lunchtime in hopes I can eat something or I’ll be drinking ensure again. I certainly wasn’t expecting the surgery yesterday. I thought the appointment was just to check that everything was fine and then schedule the surgery. But I have to say it worked out because I had no opportunity to get anxious about it! So hurrah.

My eating problem has gotten better I’m hoping that means I can cancel the upper scope procedure. I guess it just took time for the meds to work. I’m no longer in pain when I eat.

The other health problem continues. I received a letter from the clinic asking me to call? Why aren’t they using the portal? I hate calling and dealing with the auto robo machines.
But I see I did get a message from them this morning on the portal. So maybe I can schedule though the portal.

Yeah, me three. I don’t like Walmart either but they are the only place I can get my chai, and they usually have everything else so I can get it in one stop. I consider it a necessary evil.

I pushed myself a little too hard today. Didn’t sleep well. Slept about 5 hours according to my Fitbit. I woke up at 5am, at 6am I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Then I facilitated a coffee event in my building. Then I walked to the bus stop and took the bus to my new pharmacy which was stress inducing cause I have never been on that route before and I get nervous doing new things/going new places. Now I feel like my engine is running out and it’s only 1pm.

I’m hoping to take a couple hours to chill then around 3:30 clean my apartment some, practice violin and start cooking dinner. Hopefully my energy comes back after a couple hours relaxing. Like I feel like a wind up toy that ran out of energy. I kind of just want to lay here for the rest of today lol

Tomorrow I have a therapy appointment. I’m doing good for the most part. My anxiety hasn’t been too bad and when I dissociate or get anxious I’m able to use coping skills to deal with it. I started using that 54321 grounding technique.

My mood has been good and stable thanks to my meds and self care. I’ve been exercising most days. I find that helps my mood and anxiety a lot.

I don’t have much going on this coming weekend. Just my volunteer shift with the cat rescue. Other than that just the typical stuff. Exercise, clean, violin, spend time with my boyfriend, spend time with my kitties , and do my other hobbies.

Hope you all are having a good start to the week!

worked my 1o hour shift yesterday and working 10 hr again today. then homework tonight. practicum from 9-5 tomorrow and therapy tomorrow night at 6. i switched to in person not telehealth bc i dont want my husband near by and able to possibly hear.

still mad at my pdoc. ugh. she broke HIPAA!

ive goten so much **** down the last three days!!!!!

then thursday bright and early i leave for louis

I'm kinda frustrated. I slept for an hour which was ok. But I woke up confused. Although I'm 31 so I should just deal with things. I ate a bowl of Lucky Charms. Lol

was it MAGICALLY DELICIOUS??

Not really. It wasn't magically delicous enough to get rid of this bad anxiety.

Well I took my last valium. Now I'm out and I can't get any until tommorow. I was just spiraling real bad and it was either get relief tonight and be out until tommorow or be a complete mess tonight.



But my therapist being weird is just messing with my mind. Especially our email exchange after.

I took an extra 20mg Geodon. I'm wondering if its just my stomach and not anxiety. I've taken a lot for my anxiety to still not be under control.

well damn. that sucks. if i coudl trasnfer some of my magical energy and productivity to you i would!

I ended up having to go out again and walk to the library because they called to tell me I won the adult summer reading challenge at my branch. I wasn’t really expecting to win but I participated to challenge myself to read more. Anyway I won an indoor/outdoor blanket , a book, and a $50 gift card to a really good Italian bakery near here so that’s exciting! Now I’m in for the night now and not going anywhere else. I’m probably not cooking today either. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I did today.

Oh that is so cool blue bird 🐦 I’m sorry you’re overwhelmed tho. Take care and enjoy the bakery goodies.

@Blue_Bird
That's awesome! Enjoy your goodies!

5 hours later and the pain pill is just wearing off now. I’m not sure it’s worth it. I don’t like that weird heady feeling the pills give me. I know that’s why people abuse them, they want that, but I don’t like it. Now I remember why I had so many pills leftover from the first surgery. It’s the same reason I disliked benzos. It disorientates me. The pain isn’t really that bad this time.

one hour til im free from wooooooooorrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!! then i can go home and do homework! these 10 hr shifts arent bad

I was hypomanic for about two months and have been stable for about four weeks now, and my brain feels like mush! All I can do is sleep and listen to music I swear. I can't even read. It's really frustrating. I mean, the audiobook version of my book is finally done, so I have no excuse not to start my next project, but whenever I look down at a blank page it's like my brain is melting.

I know I just need to give my brain some time to heal after my episode, but seriously, it's been four weeks man. Come on, brain! Heal already!

Is anyone else like this after an episode?

All day today I've just been lying in bed listening to music too. I don't even know if I'm repeating songs. I just feel like total crap both mental health wise and physically. I hope you feel better @raspberrytorte

sorry yall are feelign rough. i was depressed for a good month til last week when suddenly i WASNT tired 24/7 and felt pretty productive! now im zooming

I feel like I'm sprialing and I don't know what to do right now. I've taken melatonin. I'm listening to music and I'm lying down. I'm just like freaking out for no reason

I know I shouldn;t be but I'm anxiously waiting for my phone to ring, hoping a principal from a primary school I applied to will ring me. But I know the chances are slim because my application examples are all high school based. Ughhhh. Maybe these coming holidays in September I'll work on making my key selection responses more suited to primary school, specific for primary school jobs I might be applying to.

I know my classes might be difficult today. I have my worst 2 classes Period 1 and then Period 2 today. Wish me luck I feel like I need it

gooooooood luuuuuuckkkkk!!!! You got this!

THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU ............ so nervous I tell you!