Bipolar Check-in #82

Imagine how I feel. I have to have my youngest child- almost 23- drive me to my allergist appointment because it’s in a strange city and hour away and involves highway driving. It’s a 4 hour appointment too. Luckily there’s a starbucks a little ways up the road where he can study.

Does anyone else get the sense Princess Kate is dying?

I'm kinda down right now but I don't know what I want or need. This new Oreo Coke Zero tastes like a cardinal sin.

My new deodedarent is kinda crapping out on me and my therapist mentioned sterioids and cortiosal levels and I know my shots can mess with my cortisol levels and then add in the steroids. And I just want my deodarent to work lol. I've had night sweats a couple times recently.

I cleaned both my bathrooms and that at least took my mind off my anxiety temporarily, but it's climbing back up again. I HATE anxiety & panic disorders! Bipolar disorder too while I'm at it!

I have done a lot of cleaning the past 2 days (well, a lot for me because I hate to clean). My daughter came in this morning when I was cleaning the kitchen, and the first thing she said to me was, "Is something wrong? Uh-oh, are you manic again?" A lot of times when I get manic, I get the cleaning bug, so I always have to wonder too when I start cleaning if I'm just having a good day and getting something accomplished or if I'm starting to get manic.

My concentration for reading has been the pits today, hopefully because of the high anxiety and not because of hypomania.

Had a great violin lesson. She introduced me to her boyfriend who’s a professional drummer. They’re both professional musicians. I learned a lot today and have a lot to work on between now and my next lesson on the 28th

Oooo I’m so upset at my daughter’s insurance company. That cold she had yesterday has turned into something worse, her temperature is between 103-104 she’s taking Tylenol and using cold packs. I told her to call and get advice. But if it doesn’t improve she’ll need to go to ER and not on insurance. They need to sue them for kicking her off.

I had a busy several days, lots of socializing, crowds, driving, food, and late nights.

I managed to stay present and tried not to get overwhelmed by all the activity.

I had to sort of step back from myself and take events one at a time instead of together, all at once, as they happened. It helped, and nobody noticed that I was processing slower. There was a lot going on and everyone around me was distracted.

I got my car serviced today. Thankfully, the service was covered by the extended warranty I got with the car. It took 3 hours and I waited for it, but the time passed quickly.

I had to go shopping on the way home. Anxiety was up, but I managed. I think it helped that I redid that thing where I take things one at a time while I shopped.

Still feeling low, but that's not new. Anxiety is up and down yet I seem to have managed today.

I am enjoying not having year 8 classes to teach. They were upsetting me so much. I'm still in panic mode at work. Flight or fright mode. Too much cortisol from the trauma of my Year 8s is still lingering around in my body. I keep expecting the worst even though my other classes are nowhere near as bad. I'm still waiting to hear from the workers comp if they will accept my claim or not. My gp has me down for depression and anxiety caused by teaching the Year 8s. Man they were rough.

Hope everyone is having a good evening / day.

im irritable as hell. not like me. i was mean to my husband last night and i was validated in being mad but still i was mean. we never fight and i was ready to scream at him. that not like me. what has become of me? i am not euphoric and upbeatanymore

This sounds like you could be the start of hypomania. Or a mixed episode When do you see your pdoc or T next.
bizi

Ive been kinda manic since august 10th-ish. Ive been on extra meds so ive been sleeping but not sound and not enough. m scared im headed to a mixed episode.

i see new pdoc oct 4. saw my last pdoc on friday and all she did was decrease me celexa and say come back in a month.

What does hubby say? @HALLIEBETH87

You can always show up to the hospital if things get worse If you start hurting your self or some one else. I am sorry you are having a mixed episode.

bizi

He doesn’t want me
To switch prescribers but I can’t stand her. and
I’m still
Posed at her for
Not listening to me

I had a quiet day. It passed easily except for a couple hours of boredom and frustration. I had a nice time looking over my Facebook page. I got a 110-point play in Scrabble today. Rare. I'm going to bed early for lack of something better to do.

Oh man, I had to drive this evening on Canada's busiest highway (401) and through a really busy part of the city. It was just about 15 miles, but what a crazy drive!

I took a Klonopin before I left so I could stay calm. It helped.

Now the Klonopin is doing its thing, getting my anxiety really low so maybe sleep will be good tonight.

Everything is going wrong. Best psychiatrist I have ever had is leaving. Watching my nephew but there's so much up in the air. 6 am is not nice to me.

Not to much to report on my end. The weekend was fast, but good. I had some fun moments at school today and, tomorrow, we start an experiment that lasts about a month and a half so that should be fun. A student, in a very kind/truly not mean way, poked fun at me for not knowing how to pronounce something-the way he did it was pretty hilarious!

I'm hoping to fall asleep faster tonight than I have been. Last night was the worst of all. But, I didn't feel overly tired during the day so that was good.

The fleas are eating me alive!!!! They're not biting Husband or Daughter, or the cats anymore. Just me! My legs are covered with flea bites! It's disturbing! I'm so itchy I can't stand it. I've scratched myself so much in some spots I've made myself bleed. I wish they would just DIE. We're cleaning, vacuuming , laundering, fumigating.... on the daily. When will they just DIE!!!! DIE FLEAS!!!!!!!

I hate life right now I have an inspection at 10:30am then a tenants meeting at 12pm. It’s 2am right now and I haven’t slept. And the previous night I only slept 5 hours. So this night I’ve gotten zero and am just gonna have to stay up at this point because I need to be up early and I forgot to take my night meds last night. I was really dizzy for like 30-45 minutes an hour or so ago and laid down cause the world felt like it was spinning. Eventually that went away. But my anxiety is really bad and I feel like crap because I’m so tired

I want to cry. I’m worried my meds are poisoning me. I know that’s unlikely but it’s a thing I sometimes fear

This is the second day when I am not functioning well. I feel numb in some way. Yesterday, I had to fight all day long to resist my urge to take diazepam. But I made it. The same has happened today.

My input here is a cry out .... (I mean visiting here is meant as a "game changer").

I understand that I need to do something: I will do the following. 1) Take shower, 2) go to a restaurant for dinner, 3) shop groceries 4) put the groceries on their place, 5) chose which apparatus to use, the washing machine or the dishwasher.

I'll be back later and tell if I was able to do these things.

Am sending good thoughts to those who suffer for the moment!

Good morning threadies

I’m up early to text my daughter and see if she needs a ride to urgent care. Strange dream s last night, can’t remember them but I woke up several times, thinking what strange dreams these were.

Seems to be a nice day out.

@Nammu
I hope your daughter starts getting better soon. That is awful about her insurance company. I really hate dealing with the insurance company; you continuously get people reading off scripts, transferring you to robo menus without your needs addressed and more people who can't help you and it just goes in circles. It' s a nightmare.

So many of you have posted, I can't keep up! @HALLIEBETH87, I hope you can get the help you need, that could be a mixed episode or your mania getting a lot worse (my last manic episode was NOT fun at all - lots of irritability, strained relationships with my H and daughter, anger, tiredness but no sleep, lack of attention - nothing fun at all about it!)

@Blue_Bird
I am so sorry about your lack of sleep. I don't function well on little sleep either, and I HATE it when I can't sleep. When do you see your pdoc next? Are you on anything to help you sleep?

@victorias'mom
So sorry about your best pdoc leaving. When my best pdoc retired, it was very hard on me. My new pdoc is very good (well he's not that new, I've been seeing him since 2018) but he is still far from being exceptional the way my old pdoc was.

Everyone else is in my thoughts. I hope those of you struggling with sleep are able to nap today or sleep better tonight, and hugs to everyone dealing with depression & anxiety.

My life is pretty boring to report these days - solid 8 hr. sleep last night, morning exercise, shower, breakfast, just finishing my coffee. My anxiety is low right now, and I hope it stays that way. Yesterday I had high anxiety/panic attacks most of the day and couldn't concentrate well to read which really sucked.

Hey guys,

Yesterday was SO horrible. I mean I got incredible news that I am going to be offered a job at a CPA firm I was referred to, and it will change everything for me, BUT the guy who helped me get it is worried about the background check. GOD I am too, am I ever. Guys, I am SO mad. I know I should have forgiveness, but why did I have to carry these horrible charges, (GOD MY CHARGES ARE SO HORRIBLE), and my ex-husband's were dropped? Why did they send him to a psych hospital after jail and me to a rehab? From the hospital they found him incompetent, but you know, I was definitely not in my right mind either when all this happened. I am just SO MAD that all his charges were dropped, and I have to carry all of this - I just had a horrible time yesterday, because this is the first opportunity I have had in a long time to get back the career I once had. I feel so awful.

So, I went and visited my church when it was empty yesterday afternoon, and asked God to help me. I met with my church friend for our first lesson of our faith, and as I am on this journey to join the church officially, I am feeling better about things. Opportunities come and go, and if this was meant for me it will happen, despite all the unfairness attached to it. The good news through all of this is I decided to reach out to my little sister, (who I thought had me blocked but I forgot I have a new number now), and just let her know how much I missed her and loved her. The message came back "read" so I know she got it. Whether or not she answers, I don't care, just happy that I am not blocked, but that might change should her husband find out I reached out, ugh. He hates me.

Other than all that, I am functioning, working on that huge car payment I owe, it just all hurts so much. I hate my ex I do, but I know I can't carry that like I am, but it's so hard not to hate him. My whole life was ruined, and I lost so much. I guess I just have to be grateful for my blessings now, and not let the past destroy my mood in the present.

@Nammu so sorry this is still going on with your daughter. Is it possible for emergency Medicaid or something? @Blue_Bird - so sorry that you have been having a hard time sleeping - I still think you should try the Melatonin, it may relax you. @Blueberrybook - I am sorry the anxiety is so high, don't feel bad about the driving thing, I would feel really bad if I had kids and they wanted to go somewhere at night and I just CAN'T see at night, so I get it. @Rosi700 - I hope you got everything you needed to get done, you are in my prayers. @raspberrytorte - so sorry about all the itchiness and fleas, I wish there was a way they would all just go away. @Crazy Hitch - so sorry about what those 8th graders have been affecting you, I hope you hear back from the work comp or disability people soon. Hugs to those who need it, I'm just trying to stay positive today.

I’m on Thorazine to help me sleep, I didn’t go to sleep last night because I didn’t take my night meds and thought it’d be a good idea to stay up all night only to feel horrible halfway through the night but it being too late to go to sleep regardless of being tired because I have to be up early today and if I went to sleep I wouldn’t wake up so I stayed up

It’s not that I can’t sleep, I can. I just made a stupid decision to skip my meds and stay up