Bipolar Check-in #82

I don't know. I don't think that's a common food allergy (and I know little about food allergies). I just know that acetic acid is what makes vinegar sour.

Sorry I can't help....

I fell asleep early. I was exhausted. I woke up 4 hours later feeling fine. I slept in the car too. We had to stop at a Starbucks in a not great neighborhood because I had to use the bathroom badly and I know Starbucks have all gender bathrooms. Then when we got home several hours later my bladder was killing me again. I'm just watching TV now and hanging out.

The bathroom at Starbucks was locked and needed a passcode and I was walking in and the barista said "sir? Sir? 1567." And I'm like wtf. I didn't order anything that was $15.67. But she was just telling me the code. I did get a $7 sandwhich though for using the bathroom.

I feel better today. I overslept and am tired, a little sad and depressed, but still in hope! I believe that I will be able to find a solution, work on it, and have fewer setbacks when it comes to finding other solutions when the diazepam urge awakens.

And more: Because my time has been so occupied with my studies, I haven't done my physical exercises in the mornings and have not had time to read through my usual triggers and how to deal with them the last weeks. For me the trigger reading and the repetition on how to cope with each has improved my life a lot.


I will start with both again at this moment!

Hey guys,

Been a while since I posted. Up since 4:30am just worrying and upset. I am really going through it. My emotions are very high, and I have been crying a lot the past few days. I made a big decision to start paying off a $27,000 car that is on my credit. There is so much behind the history of what happened with this car, but the bottom line is, its a car that my ex gave away to someone, I had tried to report it stolen, but it was lost finally when I went to jail and wasn't able to recover it. Suffice to say, I have tried everything to get this resolved for 4 years with no solution other than having to suck it up and pay for it.

It's been really hard on my soul, and my mom and dad are very upset. Trust me if I had options like maybe bankruptcy I would, because this monthly payment is going to hurt me so bad, and I am just making myself sick over it. I don't feel good, and I am under a lot of stress. I am fighting through though, because ultimately, I know this is the right decision.

Just another reason to hate my ex so much, I finally blocked his mother today too - that was another hard decision. I don't care what ever happens to him anymore.

This is all just so hard.

It could be that my semi-dry mouth doesn’t like acidic foods. It didn’t like the sodium Lauryl sulfate in my old toothpaste. Had to get biotene which I have no problems with.

Going to a follow-up up with my regular OBGYN . She was the one that prescribed me the terconazole for my yeast infection that finally worked. I haven’t seen her in months!

My Pdoc agreed that I’ve been hypomanic for over a month yesterday when I saw her.

@LadyShadow Sorry to hear about how it stresses you that you have to pay so much for a car you cannot use!

@LadyShadow
I'm so sorry you're having so much anxiety & stress over the car payments

I've been having a lot of anxiety lately. I know a lot of it is situational b/c my car is due for inspection and won't pass emissions and my mechanic seems to be at a loss about how to get it to pass inspection (the issue is more complicated than the normal reasons a car won't pass). If I can't get a new inspection sticker this month, I don't know what we'll do. We can't afford a new car or even a decent used car. This has me so anxious, I can hardly fall asleep at night, and lately I've been having multiple panic attacks daily

I did see the pdoc this AM but all he did was slightly bump up my buspirone to 7.5 mg twice daily from 5 mg 2x daily. IDK, in the past, I took 30 mg twice daily and I still don't know that that made much difference. Sigh. I now have to see the pdoc again in 2 weeks b/c of the anxiety issues.

Good morning everyone. I slept good again. I walked to the library and picked up a request that was in. Then I stopped at the store to get some cat litter, cat food and other essentials. I also got some more fall/halloween stuff! Family Dollar has really cute stuff for good prices

Good morning

Bah humbug. Ohhh. From yesterday running around and drama I needed a shower but had a headache so told myself I’d do it in the morning. Ugh. I slept so badly it was all I could do to roll out of bed. Despite turning on the AC last night down to 67, I was all sweaty this morning too. I spent the night mostly tossing and turning. In between dreams of frustration. Like being on a big boat with lots of women and these predators that preyed on women with religion and fear. I was trying to protect them but they kept falling for the lies. I know what it means but gosh. It kept waking me up all night.

Well the run of perfect days are over, it’s very cloudy, humid and rainy today. But I’ve no where to go. My big goal for the day is getting into the shower!

i sleep so good on a low dose of zyprexa. (2.5mg). but my t doesnt think shell want me to stay on that. she wanted me to consider clozaril and it freaks me out to be honest!!

i see her tomorrow and my t is gonna cal her today and tell her my history a bit and advocate for me to get back on my risperdal/haldol combo that helped so much

@Rosi700

I'm on 30mg of diazepam, scheduled. I don't abuse it. I'm so used to it that it doesn't really feel like it does anything except keep me from having anxiety and withdrawal. No high. Nothing. Seroquel feels better. Have you ever been on gabapentin? I take that too. It feels quite pleasant. ☺️ And it helped stop my clonazepam withdrawal when I had a POS psychiatrist take me off 4mg in two months. Propranolol is nice too. I also take that.

@HALLIEBETH87

I had an allergic reaction to clozaril. Massive fluid retention, edema in ankles, respiratory problems. The drooling at night was terrible. I had a drool towel! Lol. The lab work every week was a pain in the booty. Never again! Gained like fifty pounds in one month (though about half of that was water!). Still haven't lost the rest of the weight. Never again. If I was you I'd say fck it to clozaril and go back on haldol. I liked haldol. The only side effect I had from haldol was that I didn't have my period for seven years! I just had to go off it because it stopped working.

However, I had a very rare and strange reaction to clozaril. My psychiatrist at the time (who is now retired!) said he'd never seen anything like it, so... I'm probably just weird.

Also my t thinks im stil a little manic as im not sleeping without zyprexa even though im taking a decent dose of risperdal at night.

Picked up the rest of my 2-week supply of Vraylar. Bloodwork on the 12th. Liver function, vitamin b6 prolactin level and kidney function test. Saw my OBGYN. Told her it seems the yeast infection kit she prescribed did the trick.

I counted all the candy corn to put into a jar for the buildings candy corn counting/guessing contest. I counted well over 1,000 pieces so whoever wins it is gonna have candy corn for a long time lol.

Anyway, I’m supposed to be designing a sign for the buildings movie night tonight. The program person is gonna go get the supplies at Walmart then bring it to me to make. So that should be fun.

I’m going to the movie theater tomorrow by myself to see the new beetlejuice movie. Looking forward to it.

I’m dissociating right now so am trying to figure out some way to ground myself

I start EMDR therapy with my therapist next week. Curious how that’s gonna go. Maybe it’ll be helpful

tr taking a warm shower and listening to the awater hitting the back of your ears

Thanks I’ll probably do this after I finish making this sign for the movie night

but then I'm alive still so not like they'd take me seriously. Inertia and such.

Why can't you just keep taking the Zyprexa for sleep/bump it up for the mania? Has that worked in the past if you've tried it?

I took a nap b/c I was tired, and I woke up feeling more tired and very out of sorts. Not just grumpy but ANGRY! This is not me at all. I suppose I hope it's PMS and NOT part of my bipolar, which is really something when you hope you are having PMS!! My period is due today according to my app and no sign of it, and I am usually very regular, but I was a week late last month, IDK if this is perimenopause starting up or what. I am used to cramps, backaches, nausea, sore boobs, fatigue with PMS, even irritability, but NOT anger, and most especially not anger for NO reason at all! Hopefully this is PMS and not bipolar, but I suppose I'll know in a few days. I really hope the anger goes away. I feel like the slightest thing might really set me off and I feel like yelling and punching things!

Still hypomanic! Haven’t had a proper meal. Was kinda hoping N3 would contact me but he’s probably still in class. Been petting the cat. She’s happy I’m home.

Here for the movie they just print off the internet. We have a movie every week.

Say that counting thing sounds fun, I wonder if I should bring it up to the counsel here. We could do it for thanksgiving or Christmas.

Yeah beetle juice sounds like a fun movie. Unfortunately they have winter hours now and don’t start until 4pm. I don’t like being on the interstate during rush hour. The only movie theater is the next town over. Bummer.

yes and in hoping shel let me