Bipolar Check-in #84

Food and marijuana TW



I'm back with my cats now though and I actually don't feel as shytty as usual, so it is a good day. It's also like the first good rain we've had since August today. It should be snow though!! It's snowing South of here somehow (see radar screenshot, system's pretty much heading N). How and why is it snowing in Kentucky at 500' but not NH at 500' above sea level? Even Vermont is mostly rain right now and the snow is only snow because you're at like 2000'. I remember shoveling several feet of snow on Halloween! Where have those days gone?

@Moose72 the kitty in your sig is beautiful! What's his/her name?

i JUST WANT TO PASS this class and ill be happy as a clam over christmas break.

@MuddyBoots

It's snowing here right now, but it's supposed to turn to rain later today. You can have our snow though! I don't want it! I can't do THC. I think the edibles I was taking were triggering paranoia and a bit of psychotic thinking. I can't think of any other reason why I'd suddenly be afraid of reflections again and feel the negative entity, etc., when I've been taking all my meds for a while now. I hope it doesn't make your paranoia worse, but you already know to be careful.


🌶 (non explicit)



I don't even know if I really needed to put that as a trigger warning, but whatever.

Ooo where are they? I had to set my alarm to get up early and be dressed cause workmen are coming though. I heard lots of door slamming early then about an hour ago I heard drills but nothing close to me! I coulda slept in! I sure hope they get here today and I don’t have to get up tomorrow too. Saturday I need to set the alarm cause I have an all day art workshop. Getting up early makes me so cranky.

Her name is Ariel. That was her name when I adopted her and I figured she knows her name so why change it? She’s a very friendly kitty who loves to snuggle and purr! She’s very meowy too!

Yeah, I just don't know what I'll do if it does make my paranoia bad enough I need to totally stop. My CM said it was okay, but I'm interested in what my pdoc'll say (I bet she'll say paranoia is better than starving to death, but if there's a third option????)

About to head down to the wreath making event in the community room

I got my haircut this morning. It looks good. Then I had therapy. It went really well and it was productive. We talked about my mom a bit and then afterwards I asked my mom if she could benefit from therapy. My mom says shes just been preoccupied with the 10th year anniversary of my dads death and she worries about my aunt a lot. Then she told me the holidays in general are hard for her because of all the people who aren't around anymore. Shes glad we moved to be near my sister and bil and the kids and we kinda closed a chapter on our old life.

When I got home they were talking on the news about the holidays being a tough time for people and to check in on them. So I guess I checked in on my mom.

For the rest of the day I'm just watching non news TV and relaxing.

Last night was weird. There was loud banging on my front door 3x with a guy shouting Hellooooo. No way I was going to answer. My partner looked out my window and said there was a car parked outside. So I went to sleep in the spare room I was too scared to sleep by the front door. This morning my partner found a badly scribbled note on the outside of the front door. We’re not going to respond. We think the guy has the wrong place. The note is so illegible it mentions something about the bike guy. We don’t know a bike guy so we definitely think he’s got the wrong place. The other theory my partner had is that the guy ran out of petrol. Idk……guess I never will!

The wreath I made

my liver ultrasound was normal lokoking accoridng to mychart but havent gotten offcial word from dr yet

Beautiful @Blue_Bird

@Blue_Bird I love your wreath!

@MuddyBoots - Careful with your lack of appetite; it doesn't mix well with an ED...You do not want to end up in ED treatment; that is God-awful!

I've had an all right day, I guess. Jogging 3 mile and power walked another 1 mile . Was bad and cut my nightly 300 mg Seroquel down to 150 mg but thank God that gave me less intense disturbing dreams. May be on the speeded up side today, hard to tell. I had a dental appt. at 8:30 (cleaning & x-rays) and then I was told the dentist had a cancellation and could get me in to get started on the work for my crown if I didn't mind wanting a few minutes, so I said go ahead! I requested nitreous even though it mean an extra $30 out of pocket, but I once had a crown without nitreous, and it was AWFUL! So I got the crown setup, have the temp crown in, go back for the permanent crown in 3 weeks. Didn't get home from the dentist until noon! Still had the bed unmade, laundry to do, lunch to make, etc.! Did all that in a hurry. And that crown was $493! Talk about bleeding money. I managed to eat half a sandwhich for lunch with a handful of grapes, but between having a partially numb mouth/tongue and the taste of gross dental remains in my mouth, I wasn't able to eat much. I need to snack later.

Yesterday, our cat Sugarberry went to the vet for shots and microchip. He was going to be neutered but they discovered he already was neutered, so at least we saved a bit of money there. Still had to buy Revolution for all the cats which was like $145 each for 2 boxes of 6 doses!

Still feeling amped up. Some trouble reading these past few days. I've got to get past this!

I'm going to make some chamomile tea, see if that calms me down. Or maybe take 25 mg Seroquel. I'm flying right now I think.

That white bow looks like a gardenia. I loooove gardenias.

Oh, ugh, they never came so I’ll have to get up early tomorrow too! I didn’t see them anywhere today. There’s three of us from this floor in our group and none of us had the workmen in. They need to install the oven vent, then the electrician needs to come by to hook it up.

We had an excellent movie this afternoon. I don’t recall the title but it was about a 93 yr old woman who was scammed and she set out to find the scammer, it was funny. I don’t usually go to the movies here as they are too religious for my taste but this one was just a regular movie.

got official word that thankfully my liver u/s is normal. whew! i managed to figure out that the reason i am soooo tired this week is because ive been taking celexa in the morning. our pdoc at work told me to take it before bed. my pdoc doesnt care when i take it so im gonna switch to bedtime med.

It was a long day but relatively pleasant. My stomach pain was all gone, so i'm very thankful for that. I watched a new Netflix series with Ted Danson, about him going undercover as a spy in a retirement community to solve a jewelry theft. It was sad about Alzheimer's but otherwise amusing tho very tame.

My ZOOM support group tonight was good, with everyone sharing time nicely. I spoke up a few times, in defense of the solitary lifestyle. And i'm so excited: they're starting a new event, a ZOOM drop-in on Saturday evenings! I so appreciate it because that's a really hard night of the week to get thru.

I got back to exercise today even tho i felt kind of lightheaded and dizzy. But it went okay and i'm glad to be back on schedule.

Hugs to all in need!

Been on a cleaning spree today. I reorganized my whole apartment, cleaned, and also picked out a bunch of things to get rid of and declutter so I have a whole trash bag full of stuff I no longer want/need. I guess I did clean yesterday too. But decluttering and cleaning always feels really good to me. I can’t stand being in an unorganized, cluttered environment. It drives me crazy and makes it hard to relax/focus and makes my anxiety worse. I also did a big load of laundry and put all that away after it was done. I washed clothes, towels and a dish mat and bath mat. I cleaned and changed the litterbox. Swept. Reorganized my books on my shelf. Reorganized my big closet and took a huge box of stuff in there to get rid of. Reorganized the cabinets under my entertainment center and also got rid of some stuff there. And same with my bedside table/drawer/cabinet. I also swept. Yesterday I went through my pantry and got rid of all the expired stuff and in my fridge and freezer too and reorganized everything that was leftover. Looks a ton better. Yesterday I cleaned my bathroom and kitchen. Tomorrow I need to vacuum my living room and bedroom but that’s really it, and probably sweep which I do everyday and wipe down surfaces. And take the trash out.

For a very long time (years) I struggled really hard with cleaning. I’d go months upon months without so much as sweeping, literally, cause I was struggling so bad with motivation. That’s gotten a lot better especially the past few months, it’s become a habit and I feel weird if I don’t do it.

I had to let myself rest tonight. I haven't been able to get a walk in since Monday, but I am trying not to overdue it with the holidays coming. I'm scheduled for an IV this weekend so, hopefully, that will help me feel a little better.

Today was the school play. The kids did an amazing job! Every play, I'm always in awe of the woman who directs everything-her and her team do such a good job prepping the kids for the show.

Did I tell you all I have to see a retina specialist? It's probably nothing, but better safe than sorry to go based on what my eye doctor saw. I'm extremely nearsighted so have a high risk for retinal detachment. I have that appointment after Thanksgiving.

Holiday and borderline abuse

Talked with my primary dr today. She wants me to get bloodwork to see if my pancreas is making me dizzy and nauseated for over a week. We thought it was the gabapentin 300 but it’s still there at 200.

Tonight I had some chest pain with it and shortness of breath and coughing really hard! I thought I was having another blood clot in my lungs! So I got an ambulance- can’t drive when dizzy- and all the hospital did was check me for a heart attack by doing X-rays and ran the D-Dimer test for blood clots. They rarely came into my room and just left me there for 5 hours until they sent me home! None of my kids would pick me up- didn’t ask N3 because he lives 40 minutes away- so I had to ask my mom who lives 2 miles away to take me home (half a mile from the hospital) and all she did was act pissed. I guess I was supposed to walk home alone in the dark???

Now I have to get my blood drawn tomorrow and schedule a ER follow up appointment with my primary doctor.

2:AM. Three hours of sleep. Wide awake. Took a seroquel. Hopefully it knocks me out. Enjoying just laying in the toasty warm darkness of our bedroom listening to music. 🎶 ✨️ It's quite cozy and nice. I made the mistake of taking my first dose of wellbutrin before bed last night. Wooohooo! She even has me on the smallest dose possible. Only 100mg. Definitely taking that shyt in the morning from now on. I was all over the place! Got a lot of stuff done though, which is good. Accepted two stories for the February issue of the ezine, did laundry and dishes. It was great! I've been dragging *** for DAYS. It was nice to have some renewed energy!

Thats messsed up. My siblings and bil and I are in our 30's and 40's and we still get just as much as the 11 8 and 2 year olds when they come over. They do their own thing during the morning then come over in the afteenoon.

Today’s the thanksgiving potluck in my building so I’m going to that later. Looking forward to it. I slept really good.

Part 4 of the new Pokemon series Pokemon Horizons was released on Netflix today so I’m gonna watch some episodes of that today, excited about that.

I got a free month trial to Pandora last night so I’m listening to my favorite songs I put in my playlist on there right now.

I need to practice violin later. But that’s about it for today, should be a really good day.

Tomorrow I have a violin lesson

Just enjoying some coffee and music right now