Bipolar Check-in #85

We’re only getting an inch I think. Shouldn’t be too bad. My t appointment isn’t until the afternoon. Nope. Scratch that. Weather app says zero precipitation.

We’re getting 4+ inches of snow and sleet and up to 1/4+ in ice

I took my night meds, I'm so proud of myself because it's so difficult for me to take my meds when I'm in that state but I did it now I can wait for them to kick in and go to sleep and start fresh tomorrow hopefully feeling much better

Cheesecake is the best, one of my favorite desserts

The highlight of my day is one of the dogs at the shelter trusted me enough to let me pet his belly. He is such a sweet dog one-on-one, but the shelter staff says he isn't the greatest around other dogs so I think he'll be a little harder to find a home for. There was a woman there today who had to pass on adopting him because of this.

Irritability and SI still present today, especially this evening. I was trying to get work done for school but stopped when I almost slammed my fist into my laptop because I don't need to have to buy a new one right now. The paper towels ripped weird and I was ready to destroy the kitchen because of this. I'm really at a loss as to how to cope with my bipolar symptoms in a healthy way. I always completely shut down and don't get anything done the rest of the day. But, I return to work soon so that really isn't an option if my meds still aren't working when school resumes.

I'm proud of you blue bird.

The visit was nice they bought KFC and there's a little leftover. I even had a bowl of cereal for dinner. That's great for me. I told h I'm having an uptick in ED symptoms. I haven't told him about the uptick in sh thoughts. I think he knows because of how carefully I handled the scissors. I see t Monday then get my injection on Wednesday. I'm really worried about getting my injection but I know it's best. Hell I asked for it. Today was a good day.

I'm not feeling all that great. Anxiety and paranoia at an all time high. Feel like I'm going to be sick. Sleep has been awful. Waking up three to four times a night. I've been taking melatonin to try and fall back asleep, but it only works about half the time, and my nighttime dose of seroquel only knocks me out three to four hours tops, sometimes only two hours.

This morning the paranoia was particularly bad. Something is inserting bizarre thoughts into my mind, thoughts that are not my own. It's like hearing voices, except internal and not external. I don't feel right. My husband wants me to call my psychiatrist, but she doesn't work on Fridays anyway, and I see my therapist tomorrow morning besides.

Thanks Victoria’smom

I hope you feel better raspberry

That’s so sweet about the dog June08

I ordered some protein powder and protein pancakes. Simple foods to have when I’m too anxious to eat.

I’m also doing a grocery order tomorrow. Getting stuff to make tacos and tons of other stuff. Basically buying most of my groceries for the month in one order

I'm sorry raspberrytorte. I'm paranoid, anxious and not sleeping too. I'm playing music all night to combat negative thoughts and laying in bed. I'd leave a message for you psychiatrist.

I can’t sleep, it’s half past midnight right now. I am pretty sure sleep isn’t happening tonight. My brain is too wired to relax enough to actually fall asleep

It's 5:40 AM and I've slept 90 minutes. This is 2 days of the last 3 that this has happened. I'm going to have to turn down my SAD lamp intensity which means I'm risking depression. But if I don't sleep I'm risking mania.


I just don't understand.....I've been doing well with the light for 2 months and suddenly my body decides it's too much? Bipolar is so confusing.

I fell asleep for a couple hours. Woke up with a really bad sore throat. Between that and yesterday’s gastro issues I’m definitely sick. Not fun.

I hope JaneOnceMore is okay, she hasn’t been on in awhile

I slept a lot yesterday, maybe I'll feel a bit better as today goes on.

In other news, I feel a bit resentful today. My work situation is making me very unhappy -- and it's worse that I'm working for a friend. I've made it clear how I feel about some things-- and my friend is "pushing me" for his own interests, not mine. I find that very concerning. It also concerns me changes get made on "my behalf" as far as hours so because the GM decides I need it, without consulting me..... anyway....

Money matters suck. I make minimum wage and I can't afford anything. I get yelled at constantly by my mom who is very greedy when it comes to money in the first place. She wants every penny I make and its still not enough. I really just want to quit.

I just wanna feel OK again.

I sympathize with everyone having sleep problems lately. My sleep hasn't been the greatest the past couple of nights, I've had trouble falling asleep, and I've had bad dreams every single night. Last night, I lay there 3 hours before I fell asleep. I got 5 or 6 hr of sleep, so not as bad as a lot of you, but I definitely need more sleep than that. And I was so hot, it was uncomfortable even though the thermostat said the temp in the house was what is normally is. Hopefully, not hot flashes, I really don't want to have to deal with that. Maybe I'll be able to nap this afternoon. I am wondering if I need to reduce the amount of time I am using the SAD lamp. My lamp doesn't have different levels of light; it just has 1 setting.

Did pilates this morning. I tried to draw, but I couldn't really find my groove this morning, my drawings were rough, too impatient to concentrate well I think even though I was able to read my book okay for an hour or so. I feel a bit agitated and on edge. I am also frustrated with my stupid period. I spent a whole WEEK spotting brown, and I thought surely my period was almost over. This morning, I wake, and I'm bleeding red. OMG, is this going to be a 2 week period or something? I don't know that I actually am in perimenopause, but I suspect so. My gynecologist basically said anything goes at that point.

I need to go to the pharmacy & the library as I have a couple of prescriptions and book holds about to expire, but the 2 are in opposite directions, and I don't like that when I do errands. I also want to get my errands over with, but the library doesn't open until 1 PM on Fridays. I really wish I felt better this morning; maybe it's hormones or something, I haven't been so edgy in awhile.

My friend/ my ex that I mentioned the other day about him being manic and psychotic. Apparently he went missing, there was a sighting of him but no one can find him and he’s not answering his phone.

I feel bad cause he asked to call me shortly before this happened and I kind of made an excuse not to talk to him because I didn’t want to deal with his paranoid ranting at the moment and told him I was worried about him because he sounded manic and psychotic then I didn’t hear anything back from him and I just saw on Facebook that he was reported missing

I'm so sorry about your ex, @Blue_Bird. That's a tough situation, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it. When someone is psychotic and manic and off meds, you can't really help them until they either want to be helped or get forced into treatment.

I brought in the mail, and my vet clinic sent a condolence loss card for our cat, Sugarberry. It was really nice; everyone at the clinic we saw wrote personalized messages inside the card; there were 6 or 7 little signed notes; that was very thoughtful of them.

Yeah it surprising the condolences you get when a pet dies.. I got a card from my vets and I got flowers from chewy’s. I had to call them and cancel the auto order of food. He was 20 and I had switched to special food to get him to keep eating, it was only available though chewys. They were so nice. If I do get another cat I’ll definitely use chewys again.

I finally got some sleep last night. Dreams, oh! I didn’t want to wake up the dreams were so interesting. I was in a hospital for mental health but the hospital was in tree houses. And run by a fitness fanatic. My back was fine and I could move again. We were on this course where we had three pineapple rings with flowers in them that we had to hang onto at all costs. The ride went upside down though water. I lost two of my rings but I was still in the running. But I woke up so I don’t know how it turned out.

Chewy is really good. I cancelled an order from there once , it was a big large cactus cat scratcher. Like a really huge heavy one the size of a cat tree. And they ended up still shipping it to me. I told them they accidentally sent it after I cancelled and they told me to keep it and they let me keep the refund from my cancelled order. It was like $60 too

Yeah chewys is run by pet lovers. That’s what I heard anyway. After Sir passed I ordered gold paw print earrings from them to remember Sir with. The earrings were very nice. I wear them all the time. When I was buying my car the sales man asked if I was a cat person or a dog person because of those earrings! Was nice.

I'm doing ok today. I slept well. My stomach just feels like I haven't taken a dump in a week. But my moods and anxiety are fine. I did an online grocery order today. I got Individual healthy meals and protein shakes and yogurt and Perfect bars and pomegrante juice and stuff like that.

Overall I'm doing pretty good.

I’m really worried sick about him. I can’t focus at all since I saw that he was missing earlier today. I hope that he’s found safe and gets the help he needs.

I have this a lot too, more lately, and I’m really curious. How do you explain it to someone—is there a word for it? It’s not really a hallucination, but for me (if I’m understanding you and I are getting the same thing) they’re like internal monologues, but not mine. Previously I was told it’s “intrusive thoughts,” but those feel different—more like non-internal monologued thoughts (I guess that’s a way of explaining it) and images and less foreign. But those “inserted thoughts” are just random. Some times I believe I pick up on others thoughts or conversations out of physical hearing range. It’s weird.

2025 is off to a great start for a lot of us, I see…

Hugs to all struggling. Bluebird I hope your friend is okay, and can the people in the south stop stealing our damn snow? Lol

I got a lower dose of Ritalin this afternoon. I’m at the dentist (mom had an appointment), and had trouble reading my book at first, but got into it with some effort. They’re playing the worst music though. And some of them are breakup songs and that should just be illegal