Bipolar Check-in #85

My tv quit! No warning, no lines or funny noises, just blink, black out. Right in the beginning of the price is right! And on a Thursday when the pbs shows are on! I could go downstairs and hope no one else is using the tv tonight. Midsomer is on.

I’m driving to the city where there’s a target because I don’t trust Walmart electronics. I heard they sell refurbished TVs for new tv prices. Tomorrow my daughter will come and help me get it set up. They gotta hook up the Roku

What a pain, then I gotta take the old one to the dump and pay them to throw it away.

@Blue_Bird I hope you feel better soon!

@Nammu You have to hate when your TV dies and then you need help to set up the new one. It's such a pain.

I'm doing pretty well this morning. It took me a long time to fall asleep last night, but I still got around 7 hr. sleep. I went for a power walk, showered, read with the SAD lamp and finished my book. I spent around 2 hr drawing this morning (sketches in the creative corner forum). Probably going to read today, do some early prep for dinner.

Here is one of my drawings from today:

Oo blueberry I like that drawing, very good!

Yes it’s such a pain. Because of my back I can’t bend to reach the connection and cords in the back of the TVs. And I don’t know how to hook up the Roku they gave me last year.

My dentist found a big piece of tartar in my gums where the pain was. She dug it out and gave me some antibiotic mouth wash to use. She says it looks like my teeth just need a cleaning. That its been awhile. She said she doesn't see any like decay or anything. She said "I love an easy peasy solution." I left having only spent $45 and feeling much better. I go back in Febuarary for a cleaning.

I love that my dentist is honest. I've had some not honest dentists find stuff that wasn't there to get more money from medicare. Supposedly its a legit thing among medicare and medicaid dentist.

But this one doesn't take my insurance so I pay out out of pocket.

Therapy was good too. Now I'm at home.

I don't feel great today. My head doesn't exactly "hurt" but it just doesn't feel good and leave me generally feeling uneasy. I only work 4 hours today but I just want to go home and sleep. I don't want to be here but I have to recuperate as much time as possible for being off for the holidays. Bills are always due.

I just wish I felt better about life.

We lost power this morning. And now we have this deal where if I don't call my team saying I took my night meds, I get a ride in a box with no suspension to the ER. Deleted all social media, blocked everybody,


I should probably take a shower. They're going to torture me, I just have to give in to that.

Having severe paranoia today. I think my meds are poisoning me

If I went to the hospital every time I thought my meds were poisoning me I’d be inpatient forever. I’m trying to avoid it. I’ve been out of the hospital for 8 years. It’s really hard though

I literally should not have had 2 cups of coffee back to back plus chocolate which also has caffeine in it. I’m so stupid. This is what triggered it I think

I’m also lacking sleep. I only slept 6 hours last night

Also smoking weed two days ago was a bad idea I’m sure that plays a part in it

My doctor is probably trying to end me or something. Idk what’s going on

Hey lovelies I’m just waking up with a cup of coffee outside

So my parents, niece and nephew came by for lunch and gifts.

See my therapist tomorrow. Case manager got me a refill on my meds. Don’t see Pdoc till the end of the month!

Just got a shower! Feeling refreshed. Even conditioned my hair and used different body soap so I don’t itch! That’s my hope anyway.

Haven’t done much today. Paid bills. Oh joy.

I hear you. I made the bad decision to have to chais back to back this morning after my second night of 4 hr sleep. I’m paying for it now but more physically than mentally. My eyes are pink rings surrounded by white white areas. I’m not looking good. And no tv, to distract myself with! Oy!

I did drive to the city to get a tv, fortunately target is on the outskirts and I could avoid city traffic. Drove straight there picked up the tv and drove straight back. Took 3 hours but I’ve got a tv! Now I just have to get though the night without watching my pbs shows. Usually I’ve the tv on, on the iPad or phone or reading a book. Fortunately my new books came in the mail so I’ve a new series to start!

I feel a little better. I don’t want to jinx myself but I’m not panicking or quite as paranoid anymore. I pretty much just laid down in my bed and forced myself to stay there for 5 hours while I waited for it to pass.
I might call my psychiatrist tomorrow though because I’ve been struggling a lot with paranoia and in some instances delusions and also severe anxiety and panic. I don’t want med changes though cause I’m afraid of med changes. I never reach out for help though when I need it because I’m afraid of bothering people. So maybe I should leave a message, it can’t hurt.

I might try to hold off till my appointment with him which is next Friday though. I’ll just be careful with caffeine in the meantime.

I have a bad habit of not mentioning anything that’s wrong or any problems I’m having during my appointments. I just keep everything to myself and try to struggle through it all on my own. Which isn’t helpful

I am gonna mention it to him next Friday too. I’ll put a note in my calendar to mention this stuff to him

I’m stuck in a conundrum right now, I think that’s how it’s spelled? Anyway I need to take my meds tonight so I can get sleep because it’ll help me but I’m afraid of taking my meds tonight because I’m afraid they’ll kill me, but if I don’t take my meds I’ll just get worse because I won’t get any sleep at all

That’s usually what I do too, watching something on my tablet, reading or playing a game and having a show or something going on in the background. I need distractions constantly or my thoughts spiral , glad you were able to get the new tv

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I’m stuck in a conundrum right now, I think that’s how it’s spelled? Anyway I need to take my meds tonight so I can get sleep because it’ll help me but I’m afraid of taking my meds tonight because I’m afraid they’ll kill me, but if I don’t take my meds I’ll just get worse because I won’t get any sleep at all

Without the meds, you would probably get even less sleep which would just increase your anxiety, paranoia, etc. so probably best to take them

Also, you should NOT feel ashamed to reach out to your pdoc between appts.
That's what he's there for. I never hesistate to call my pdoc even if it's the day after I JUST had an appt or the day before the next appt and things have spiralled down for me. Sometimes I go several months not having to call between appts though that is rare for me.

Just gotta get though tonight! Target was having a sale on TVs but only the big huge TVs! I can’t believe how big some TVs are! And back in the day we thought the TVs were big, they were just heavy ! That was just at target I imagine at specialty’ stores they are even bigger. It would take up the entire wall of my apartment. This apartment in Minnesota sized and about half the size of my Texas apartment. But it’s perfect for me.

Thank you for the support friends. I think I will call my psychiatrist tomorrow and leave a message for him.

But yeah I just gotta get through tonight. I think I’m gonna order some bacon cheeseburgers, fries and chocolate peanut butter shake from Five Guys tonight. Maybe eating will help too cause I’ve barely eaten the past few days. Love ubereats. It’s so convenient you can just order any kind of takeout so easily.

We have a blasted ice/snow storm coming Sunday and Monday. Ugh. There’ goes my workday

Good idea bluebird. My supper tonight was cheesecake I got from target! Not healthy but oh so good.

I just took my meds half an hour early. Caleb usually calls at 8 but I dunno if I’ll make it that late. I did take a 2 hour nap this afternoon. That was nice.