Bipolar Check-in #85

I’m still super congested but a fraction better than I was yesterday. I’m so sleep deprived though I haven’t gotten a good night of sleep in over a week. Add to that other stressful stuff going on it’s just been a nightmare of a start to 2025 for me. If I don’t get a decent amount of sleep tonight I’m calling my psychiatrist tomorrow and asking if he can do anything

This is how the first week of 2025 went (believe me I know it could be a lot worse but it still sucks)

My therapist cut our session short in the middle of the session and rescheduled. I understand why but it threw me off especially since I wasn’t doing good

I had severe panic attacks and dissociation and then paranoia about my meds poisoning me for 2-3 days

My friend went missing and I was extremely worried about him

There was a fire in the building because of people being irresponsible

I’ve barely been sleeping. Some nights it’s 2-3 hours. On really “good” nights it’s 5-6 hours. And this has been going on over a week

I’m also stressed about some paperwork I need to get taken care of

And I’ve been really sick on top of all that

Blue bird, like my favorite Price Is Right game says, "Thats too much!"

When im sick, i reread either my old favorite childrens books or Jane Austen. Hope you get some good sleep soon.

i have a cold. we to 10 inches of snow and nearly an inch of ice and getting 3-4 more inches of snow friday. i had to take unpiad time off work. ugh. my cousin died suddenly.

2025 can stop

Sorry to all of those having a really tough start to 2025.

@MuddyBoots My roommate's cat will also go to the most remote part of the house and meow-you'd think she'd been left to her own devises for days with how she meows.

Seroquel seems to have started to help already. I had a sense of calm come over me as soon as it hit my system yesterday. And, today I was barely irritable. Today, I did get the evening burst of energy I've been getting though. I'm really glad I only took 12.5 mg though because just that amount gave me pretty good headache (on and off) today, a was a tad dizzy at times, and I felt pretty tired for parts of today. Since this is only meant to be PRN, I'm thinking I'll take 12.5 mg each night through Friday and then try a couple of nights without it to see if things have stabilized. Hopefully, I won't need to try 25 mg-I just worry about the side effects at 25 mg, mainly of fatigue and dizziness. I'll try it if I have to though.

I realized that seroquel makes med number 5 that I am on to treat my bipolar disorder (wellbutrin, risperidone, seroquel, loryna, and lamotrigine). I've also realized I romanticize parts of the version of myself I was when I undiagnosed but, looking back, clearly manic and often wish I could get those traits back-something to reflect on more I suppose.

@HALLIEBETH87 I am so sorry about your cousin. You've had so many losses lately and I'm sure every time words get less meaningful.

Here there’s only a fraction of the tenants that attend and for the most part it’s pretty good. It’s always the same two who complain and re-state the obvious. Most of us abide by the Roger’s rules of order. But tonight’s meeting was so loud. People were complaining about the new rules of HUDs but there’s nothing to do about those. They are decided at a state or federal level.

After the meeting Linda caught me and wanted me to play 500. So I did that.

I am struggling soooo much tonight. Thursday night was the last time I slept more than 5 hours in a night, every night I hear this sound that I swear is some kind of mind control sound sorta like how certain frequencies can manipulate your psyche in a specific way and I'm thinking of my ex and how I'm hardly human at this point and I want to just

but we know that's not going to bring down grocery prices.


Conrad's probably traumatized because I left for a week when he was already showing signs of separation anxiety.


Things don't look right. Trippy.

I might go to the ER. I dont know. I feel worse now and now I have severe diarrhea on top of everything else and can’t keep even water or Gatorade inside me. I don’t want to over react though

Any thoughts on whether I should or not. I don’t have a car or any way to ride to an urgent care place. I don’t want to call an ambulance but idk what to do at this point. My main concern is I’m afraid of my neighbors seeing me get in an ambulance

In the hospital. My sister is also in the hospital from norovirus

Still here, just was busy with a burst of creativity. I've made a four-minute recorded spoken word work of art. It's on the cataclysmic divorce i went thru 35 years ago. Originally i developed it for the stage, open mic night at a comedy club, as it is very funny, and naughty. However, my friend who is doing his Ph.D. suggested that it is more a powerful piece of hope, and triumph. Any ideas on how to share it?

Has anyone here been diagnosed with the new "Prolonged Grief Disorder" (PGD)? It certainly resonates with me. I think that while the mood instability is the biggest problem in terms of everyday living, i also have PGD going on.

Oh dear. Hope they stop the bad stuff from happening. Keep us posted on you both.

Tempted to misuse meds just so I can get a nap in before therapy. So tired I couldn't drive straight, but I'm not the only one: there was some lady that was pulled over compeltely on the sidewalk. Threw up as son as a got there too and now my tum hurts quite a bit. My new breakfast obsession probably isn't helping (hashbrowns+salsa+sour cream)

I had therapy on Monday, and I see my psychiatrist today. Therapy went surprisingly well (I felt better than I expected after our session), and I hope my psychiatry appointment goes without a hitch. I always get nervous when it comes to the appointment and then the pharmacy. I've had issues in the past and I just get nervous. I feel better once the meds are in my hand... until then I feel like I just wait around for something to happen. I hate appointment days.

Had my dreaded GP appointment and my stupid pap. Didn't talk to her about my hormones, but I did talk to her about the fatigue I've been feeling for the past couple of years and she grew concerned and had me get some labs done. My blood pressure is normal. My weight is the same (still maintaining in my fatness... I guess at least I'm not GAINING). I have to schedule a stupid mammogram. I'll just put my big girl panties on and get my boobs squished I guess. Yay.

I felt better today and also my anxiety was so low I wanted to do in person shopping. Which is rare for me. So I went to Kohls because I had a gift card and I went to Walmart and a couple other places. I didn't have much anxiety except on my way out of a store when some guy said to me "sir? Do you have a quarter?" What can you even do with a quater anyways. Then he asked the people behind me for money too so I just hurried to the car feeling the gender euphoria from being called "Sir" but also feeling anxious.

I'm home now watching the news. My moods are still good but I'm a bit nauaseated.

Back home now. They gave me IV fluids and Imodium and also a prescription for Imodium and I’m home now. Some kind of virus going around. Still very congested

@Blue_Bird - I hope you & your sister feel better soon! It's awful to be so sick

I'm doing pretty well this morning. I did a nice beginner's pilates video to slow down some, also going slow stretches the muscles more. My neck is feeling a lot better after stretching yesterday and today. I've been trying to work on keeping good posture because I know bad posture isn't good for neck & low back issues. I had to pick up prescriptions at the pharmacy and had to drive H's car because we are having our fence replaced today, and the trailer from the fence guys blocked my car in. I hate driving a vehicle I'm not that familiar with. Drawing was a bit rough this morning; only got 2 pics done but the results weren't too horrible.

I stood outside waiting for my ride for an hour and 15 minutes when I was at the ER while it was 16 degrees out with wind and negative degrees wind chill and no gloves or anything protecting my face and only a light coat over a tshirt and sweatpants. I still feel a chill now and I’m home. I was debating trying to walk home though I did t know the way and it would have been a very long walk. I’m glad I waited though cause my ride did eventually show up

Oof, that's brutal. I know here we're probably going to hear about a rollover for wind. The RIVER looks like you can safely walk across it (I wouldn't, but I bet someone would/will/has). A hot beverage should be in your future!

Why did they let you wait outside? They should have had you wait in the waiting room if not in your room.

Everything went well -- my doctor did up my Effexor because he thinks it will help with the depression bouts more. I was on a weird entry level dose, so now I'm on a low 75mg. Everything else stayed the same. I hope it helps. I don't like him tweaking my meds, because i've been through so many... but I'll be hopeful.

they said to wait out by the drop off so that’s what I did then I didn’t want to miss my ride by being inside because it’s a Medicaid ride and they’ll just leave you if they don’t see you. They don’t let people wait for their rides in their rooms at least not here

I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to go back into the lobby so I just staid outside and waited