Bipolar Check-in #85

That’s how it is for my ER too, when you get discharged, you can’t be in the ER anymore. You can be in the cafe or other areas, but your ride isnt t gonna know you’re there and for example cafe isn’t always open. Gotta live waiting outside at 2am in February hoping your ride shows up after they’ve just drugged you with something you haven’t taken in a while or ever!

That seems like a liabilty issue or some ****. When I was in the ER with possible covid and had to be alone they forced me to stay in my room until I had a desginated person come pick me up.

I don’t really think the “kicking you out the ER” is an issue unless you need to be observed, but if I had a bad reaction to that med and died of hypothermia or the med itself right as I left, yeah, I’m gonna assume that’s a lawsuit.

Yeah unless you have like extremely good insurance, which anyone with really good insurance wouldn’t be at the hospital I was at, you’re gone as soon as you get discharge paperwork. Even if you don’t have transportation and/or came in an ambulance. They just push you right out

Yeah it really sucks I was worried about getting frostbite everything was so numb I felt like an idiot just standing there in my little coat for an hour and 15 minutes while car after car drove by while waiting for the damn ride to finally show up

Yup I’m having coffee right now lol I’ve warmed up now. I put on a super Mario bros sweatshirt and am chilling in bed with my cat

I went back to Marshalls because I realized $20 for Levis was a good deal. Now I'm at home. My Gary slippers came and my cats are scared of them. The news is a lot today. I'm glad I got out for a bit.

I took the non working tv in to the recycling center. I had to go down and get a cart to put it in then park it by the front entrance while I walk out the back and down the hill to get my car. Then pull up in front and wheel the cart out. Such a pain in the neck. But the recycling center has been up graded and you just drive in. The hazards waste is only open on Wednesday but it was an easy drop off. Just pay the $10 and drive out.

Today at 5:30 they are having pizza for all of us tenants for being nice and cooperative with all the work that’s been going on here. So many signed up, so many new faces to see.

I had therapy today. I think we’ve about talked about my dad to the max. I feel like I’m repeating myself. Talked about my psychosis/bipolar history. I want to quit seeing her because she thinks we’re done talking about my dad! That is my whole purpose for therapy- resolving The good dad vs the bad dad! Scott- therapist and retired behavioral pharmacologist and friend of 20 years says “Don’t quit!!!” And says I need a real therapist!

Today was N3s first day of school! Wonder how he did.

Getting a wooden fence replaced is SO noisy! I keep hoping these guys will finish, but it's better they don't just slap it up, willy-nilly, the amount of money we're spending on it. I don't know if they've got a generator, air compressor, maybe both. It is LOUD!

I have just the vauge muscle aches and shyt so I took my blood pressure and it was 144/97. So I waited 15 minutes. Did some relaxation and crap. Now its 137/100. Wtf. I havent even had that much caffeine. I do have some chest pains tbh.

just started me last semster of school. ever. im not going beyond my masters. 3 classes and one more semester at practicum and im done!!

I got my injection! After I settle with the move and the higher dose we may even tackle my anxiety. I may become a real person! Like one that can do things. My dog went to the vet yesterday. More medicine and they want to start monthly librella injections on top of everything. So it'll be a lot every month. Where we're moving it'll be even more. So I don't know she seems fine now. Librella is going to have to wait a little.

I woke up in a bad mood today-I think it was depression. Which, if I'm stabilizing, would make sense because I tend to have a depressive episode after mania/hypomania. I did feel a little manic this afternoon, but it went away after my walk.

I'm really annoyed with my roommate. She invited me to something and then assumed I'd drive-didn't even ask. Driving by myself gives me enough anxiety-driving with someone else in the car, at night, to a place I've never been makes me that much more anxious. Like, I'm tempted to cancel anxious. The normal thing to do would be to just talk with her about it, but neither of us have the skills to have a conversation like that and have things not be horribly awkward for awhile. And, we live in a small place, so that would suck too. Plus, I know she'd bad mouth me to others if I said something. It's situations like this that miss undiagnosed, manic me. Undiagnosed, manic me might have had the courage to say something.

My mom just told me my aunts brother cut off 3.5 fingers with a chainsaw while trying to trim a tree in front of his house.

I’m just plodding along. Starting to feel anxious about going back to work. Went to Kmart today and bought my partner something small for his birthday on Saturday. We don’t normally exchange gifts but my son wants to give him something so we got him boxers. Ahhhh so original! Spent more money than I would have liked on bits and bobs today but such is life. Stocked up on my nicorette so that cost me quite a bit because I bought 3 big boxes on special.

Feel a bit better. Not 100% still but definitely on the way. I finally slept after almost 2 weeks of barely sleeping each night. I got 9 hours last night.

I did some yoga this morning, gonna clean some later

Today is my short day-- I go into work at 1pm and work till 5pm. I'm happy for that. I went to the store today and got gas. I feel productive today. That's a plus. Lately I've barely wanted to get out of bed. I force myself everyday to take at least "one step forward"-- just to not get stagnent or stuck in a rut. It helps me to do that.

Well I did yoga, took out the trash, meditated a bit, took a shower and am fully awake now and feel significantly better compared to how I was the past two weeks. Still have some more cleaning to do later and and gonna practice violin too.

I forgot to mention I got a smart watch. I love it. It’s my first smart watch. Does everything I need it to do. Tracks sleep, stress levels, heart rate, blood pressure, steps/activity/workouts, makes and receive calls, receive texts and app notifications from my phone, has a stop watch, a timer, a period/cycle tracking, reminders to drink water and move, alarms , can control Spotify (it’s a music app) with it so I can change songs playing on my phone or tablet from my watch. Has a calculator which is handy. Has Sp02 oxygen sensor, can find my phone if I can’t find it, tons of cool watch faces to choose from to use can remotely take pics from my phone so if like I have my phone on a tripod I can control the camera with my watch. Also shows me the weather forecast for my area.

I am a watch afficionado, but I switched to a smartwatch (Apple Watch just to go with my tech ecosystem) quite a few years ago and it's my daily watch. I don't go anywhere without it. It's really great. I'm a big proponent of smart watches for their health tracking features and cell phone sync to get messages etc.

They really are great I can’t believe I’ve gone so long without using one

Cool watch!

That sounds like something to which Rocket J Squirrel would blurt out in amazement, "Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle!"

These are truly amazing times.

I've had a good morning. Still cold, so I did pilates. I read an hour with the SAD lamp then drew quite a long time. It was one of those days where drawing felt awesome! My mood has been pretty good lately, stable, even happy instead of flat. My anxiety has been pretty low; thankfully, I have been able to not read the news lately, and that's helped my anxiety quite a bit. I don't think I've read the news since at least mid-December, which is a record long time for me.