Bipolar Check-In #91

Excellent drawing @Blueberrybook

@Blue_Bird - I have problems with impulsivity too. If you have a good relationship with your T and trust her, I'd listen to her regarding the job. Still, it's not bad to treat yourself with some wardrobe updates. I'm bad about that too, more I just hate going into stores and dealing with going back and forth to the dressing room, changing clothes constantly.

I tweaked the lollipop a little but I don't think it's too noticeable. There is definitely a reason this one was classified as hard difficulty in the workbook!

Thank you Blueberry, I do trust her. She’s been a great therapist. I will just stick to my volunteer job with the rescue kitties since I do good with that. Yeah I hate dressing rooms too. That’s why I ordered my jeans and pants online. Would rather not spend time trying on a bunch of stuff.

Your lollipop looks fantastic. Your stuff has been looking photorealistic lately it’s really good!

Nice! Any plans for your time off?

Nammu thanks i'll try again! But its really a story of how i lucked out! 2 mri's - one knee, one head - same place. They asked me if i was claustrophobic, i was like yep! So both times im on a gurney and theyre like, okay now we are just going thru this little side door here - honestly i half-expected to see chandler and monica in there kissin! - and THAT WAS IT! No entering a cone, a cave, nothing - just complete darkness. And nothing touching me, which probably woulda completely freaked me out, feeling STUCK at all.

I don't want to go to the ER because I'm not sure whats wrong. I'm just lacking energy and I don't have an appetite and I'm a bit moody. But my GI stuff is fine. I'm kinda achy especially in my left hand and arm but I just feel like crap mainly.

I took a couple valium and they didnt do much but take me out of crisis. I still feel blah.

I ordered this pair of shoes and they were too big and so I'm returning them to get a mens 6 lol. But I feel disapointed the first pair didnt fit. But idk why because I ordered the same ones different size and they are coming on Saturday. So I'm not sure what my issue is.

I ordered a fidget hoodie from Walmart and a pair of shorts from Kohls. The hoodie was $14 and I had Kohls cash for the shorts

Food stuff

Unfortunately yes. Here's my list

• Get a smoke detector installed
  Fix the leaking tap - plumber
  My son needs to visit the dentist
  I need to see the gp for a referral to my psychiatrist
  My son needs to see the gp for an updated referral to his paediatrician
  I need to see my gp a second appointment for a psychologist

I just had a car accident. Everyone is ok

@Blueberrybook your drawing reminds me of a Dum Dum sucker. Those have great memories for me!

@Crazy Hitch ah the life of a teacher-getting everything done over a break that can be hard to get done when school is in session. I hope you get some time to enjoy yourself over your break too!

Oh no @HALLIEBETH87! I'm glad everyone is okay. Sorry you had to go through an accident though.

I've noticed my mood has been a little lower the last couple of days. This could be situational, but it could also be because of the lower dose of seroquel I'm trying out. Even with a lower does of seroquel, I'm physically exhausted so I might have been wrong about my fatigue-it could be POTs causing it. Or, I'm just really sensitive to seroquel. Last night, it took me forever to fall asleep because, even though I was physically tired, I was mentally wide awake. I have one more 6.25 mg piece of seroquel to take then I might go back to 12.5 mg. We'll see-in part, it depends on how my mood is tomorrow.

My grandma is doing a little better. She will still need to be in the hospital for a bit, but progress is progress! Thanks for praying for her @LadyShadow.

I’m just sitting here crying. I have hardly any friends. I have zero family members. I had just my sister left but had to cut her out due to toxicity. The only people who care are people who are paid to superficially “care” like therapists. I’m completely alone in the world now. I feel like no one in my life would even notice if I disappeared

So not true, blue bird.

I just posted under weight loss and exercise.

Maybe you have to give up unrequited love too. Because you just got a message of love from your boss, didnt you?

And from all of us, who while we didnt want to push or contradict you, are verrrrry glad you decided to return to posting.

Thanks Unaluna, I just feel like a burden. Which makes me want to cut everyone and everything out of my life and completely isolate myself from anyone

My therapist could barely focus in session today and our 45 min scheduled session lasted 25 minutes. I know it wasn’t her fault but it just made me feel like oh she’s paid to give a **** but she can’t even do that

Aw blue bird, you’re having an awful day. I’m sorry your T wasn’t able to be present today. I was glad too when you decided to come back.

Sorry you're having a rough night @Blue_Bird. We're glad you're here!

Since my last post, I've decided lowering my seroquel dose is not going to work out. I'm gaining more and more mental distress as the night passes so I went back to 12.5 mg tonight. It was worth a shot.

One of the biggest things they are SUPPOSED to do is consistency.

I was with my last t over ten years. After the first few years, i said to him, in all innocence, You know, i love taking the bus. They never change their their schedule, they always show up...

And he goes like, and what am i, chopped liver?

I could attach to the bus authority, but not to him?! Did not even occur to me. So messed up

@Blue_Bird

*hugs* We all love you here.

Went to fireworks tonight.



I really don't feel particularly patriotic. I just feel scared and frustrated.

I’m so relieved that I can finally say I’m officially on holiday!

I feel a lot better today
.

.I'm guessing my sister is coming over later. I hope it isnt too much trouble but it probably will be. With the kids being all over the place and my bil freaking out about dinner.

People are shooting off fireworks right now.

My mom is really accepting of me. I'll ask her how my packer looks and she'll tell me if it looks like I have a boner or not. Lol.

Thank you @June08 @Nammu , @unaluna , and @raspberrytorte

I know it wasn’t my therapists fault, I was just having a bad day to begin with mentally due to feeling alone and then to add on a crappy therapy session on top of it set me over the edge.

She’s normally very good. This has only happened one other time when I was seeing her.

I’ve just been thinking a lot about how I’m alone in life and how that sucks. I wish I at least had one family member I was close with. There’s only my sister. My Grandparents died before I was born. Mom died when I was 22. Father never in the picture so that eliminates that side of potential family. And my two brothers I haven’t spoken to in well over 10 years. My sister I finally had to stop talking to because it was a toxic relationship so I cut her out. I tried to maintain a relationship with her but it was always one sided with me making the effort and her just not putting any effort into anything or caring really. Now I’m left with literally no family

I know this should be obvious and I’m complaining but I don’t feel good! Woke up and still feel like crap! . Per the cardiologist I saw yesterday, I’m supposed to do nothing this weekend! With tachycardia and high blood pressure! Then I see my primary Monday.

Scrambling to find resources for family today to give options for them school wise. My nurse came and I got my injection.

Dreams were very dystopian. People from the Middle East over took our country. Woman were required to cover up and men forced to do manual labor. We were in a huge marble mall with baths and other exotic places for the ultra rich. I was a food laborer I brought raw food from the farm truck to the kitchen when an earthquake struck.

Guess reality entered my dreams?

Today I have to go pick up lettuce 🥬 and watermelon for the turtle. Drive over to my daughter’s house and water the flowers and feed the turtle. They are camping out this weekend with relatives of my son-in laws side. Every year they have a big Fourth of July celebration on a farm.

I don’t really want to drive today! I always think others a drunk or distracted drivers but especially on holidays. But I’ll do it.