Bipolar Check-In #91

I have an appointment with my liver doctor at the hospital in August. And an annual eye exam in August too. See my primary doctor Monday. And I have a 1030 pm MRI at the hospital a week from Monday. More parking Money. It starts at 11:30 but my only other choice was 3 a.m.!

I am getting a hand me down queen size bed at 5 this afternoon. I gave my full size one to N3.

Finished painting the rock painting examples for my class

Cute! My favorite is the rainbow “love”.

Its kind of getting hard to walk but I just took 2 Aleeve. Which isn't good for my stomach but good for knee pain. I used icy hot too. I don't want to go to immediate care today. So I'm hoping it works itself out.

I don't know what is up with my health this year. But its stuff thats visible or shows up on tests so I know I'm not a hypocrondiac.

I cleaned my room this morning but I still feel like I haven't done enough even though next week is full. So I should allow myself to relax today I guess.

I accidently ate 12 chocolate coated cookies in my sleep this morning, but my stomach feels perfectly fine today.

I got more labwork back. My cholestrol is high and my ldl cholestrol is "alarming" high

Idk.

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I'm not caught up on any posts. I had my annual Sister Day with my 2 sisters, just us no kids or husbands. We went to a rainforest aquarium park and had a blast. Also saw their 4D movie about octupuses and an under sea 3D movie film filmed and narrated by the son of Jacques Costeau. Pretty dead on my feet though; it was a ton of walking probably undone by the fact that we stopped at a Crumbl and got some hugely fancy designer cookies. We brought them back to my sister's house and splitted them into fourths then since our husbands were there, one of my nephews, my nieces & daughter we all could get 4 pieces of different types to split. It was a lot of cookie, but I must have walked a lot as I wasn't horribly full afterwards and that's considering we had lunch at a sit down restaurant new to the place and my one sister and I ordered a fancy wrap and elevated BLT with avocado in it (I'm a sucker for avocado!); we each swapped our halves, and I ate nearly all of them and most of my fries too. But I was completely able to let the calorie food guilt not make an impression today; did fantastic even with the giant cookie since it's a one time treat probably only likely to repeat we go down to that park again, and none of us had been in years, I hadn't been in a good decade and my middle sister not since high school. I do feel a bit guilty; my H and daughter were staying at my sister's house to play games and eat a late dinner with everyone else, but I knew I'd had enough stimulation, so I drove home (H & I took separate cars over to my sister's house). I'm also not big into board games with complicated rules while everyone else even my daughter likes these games. She must take after H; he loves gaming.

I hopefully got some good pics; I'll have to go through them and maybe will post a few tomorrrow.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

My original post is about me complaining and whining that I am alone, and I am being ignored. But enough of that, I am a catch and I deserve some really good in my life and I am going to hold out for it after my heart heals.

I had a really good time today with my bestie, we talked more than we were writing, but it was very good! I am really getting to know her and love her more every day. My video call with my friend from Poland was amazing too, she is really a beautiful person with so much love in her heart and she is an amazing penpal.

So today I am smiling in the middle of my heartache, I am smiling in the middle of the depression, I am smiling in me middle of the low self-worth and self-esteem. I know I can get through this!

I got my cirkul today. Its fine. So I may drink more water with it. I slept all day today. Last night, this morning was rough. I'm trying to buy food that my parents will approve of that I can will eat. anything not raw material is considered unhealthy to processed... It's really hard because I don't like touching anything in the kitchen and I'm not allowed to wash dishes. So I'm trying to make my imprint small.

So loving all of you, my online friends! It's great to have you!

It's evening, and i'm tired, and at the moment i feel i will abandon looking for a man. I'm at the end of my life, and for what time i have left i only want to do fun, easy things.

I had my friend M over for a Summer afternoon beer. It's great to get a little high with a friend! We had fun.

I discovered Uber today and am delighted with it. It's about 60% cheaper than taxis. It's so convenient and pleasant and the drivers were extremely polite and considerate of my every comfort. I am so very happy i gave it a try! I'm feeling much better about the future now that i know that when i have to go off main public transit corridors where service is lousy, i can just treat myself to an affordable, pleasant ride in a comfortable, private car with a skilled, caring driver.

Aces!

Had a good day. Painted the rocks. Got more rocks for the class. Also got on the treadmill, cleaned a bit, and read a lot, and meditated. Now I’m just making some stir fried spicy ramen ahead of time for tomorrow.

I’m gonna try to make it to Sunday mass tomorrow if I wake up on time. Also going to see the new I Know What You Did last summer movie in theater tomorrow

My stricture makes breathing difficult when I Iie down. So I'm trying to get comfortable and also deal with my knee pain which seems worse tonight. Pretty much doing anything hurts.

There's a great TikTok video that says, "I have decided to stop trying to improve myself. I am a beautiful disaster." I like this a lot!

@JaneOnceMore

That's great!

I'm not really sure how to explain what my mood is this evening. Today, I had some things to do which was nice. I got some IV fluids, talked with someone on the phone, and went to the baptism/baptism party of the son of someone I know. I was able to see some people at the party that I haven't seen for awhile so that was nice. But, being around people I'm finding continues to bring up hard things for me so I left feeling the party numb/down (numb to block out other emotions). After the party, to help with this, I went for a drive and listened to music before going home. Now that I've been home for a bit and am just waiting until it's an acceptable time to go to bed, I don't really know what to do with my emotions since I can't really identify them. I do know a lot of it is connected to not feeling like I have any close friendships and not really knowing anyone where I live. I've always struggled to make friends, but I feel like I get worse at is as I get older. It doesn't help that I'm REALLY bad at small talk and so much of life is just that.

Hey, just a thought, but a bunch of Rite Aid's here are closing (maybe some in MA too?) and you can get Ensures and similar nutritional supplements ridiculously cheap (they sell one that is sugar free and I forget the brand but it was disgusting. Maybe because I walked it like a mile home in 100F heat but Idk, it's supposed to be shelf-stable, not sure if that counts being in a plastic bag in that heat though. Still drinkable though, didn't get sick). I know my pdoc has been begging me to get Ensures forever just to add them to my day and increase what I may be skipping, but I was very anti-Ensure until I saw I could get a 6 pack for $5 when normally it's over double that. Stocked up pretty good now.

I think the point I was getting was Rite Aid's are closing and maybe they are in MA so if they are, definitely take advantage and get stuff if it's ridiculously cheap even if you're not totally sure you'll have it. Better to have it (discounted!) than to wish you did in this case.

Heading to Sunday mass soon. In about 45 min I’ll walk to the church. Mass starts @9:30am. First time going to mass in like 6 years. I’m wearing a nice pair of black dress pants and a nice shirt and cardigan. That’s about as dressed up as I get lol

Then later today going to see the movie at the theater. Should be a good day. Hope you’re all well

Just having a cup of tea now and listening to some music. Might switch to my audiobook for a bit. I read both regular books, e books and audiobooks. I find audiobooks are good for when you’re doing other stuff simultaneously like doing chores around the house or on the treadmill.

I slept til 8:00am ~ the latest i have slept since last year! That awful insomnia is GONE!!! No more waking up at 4:00am or earlier. YAY!!!

A little nervous , it’s been so long since I’ve been to mass that I don’t remember the times to stand, sit, or kneel. I guess I’ll sit in the back and try to follow along with what other people are doing

Read most posts, sorry didn't give everyone hugs; I tend to be forgetful at that at the best of times, I do wish everyone hugs nonetheless; just don't feel bad if I forget to hug your thread.

Took a long jog this morning, and I'm off for a curbside grocery pickup. I have to stop at Super Walmart first to get birdseed because the grocery store app said they were out and just removed it (didn't have anything to sub for it). I really hate Walmart, but it's not as bad Sunday mornings.

Hope to post some pics from yesterday later today.

I'm sure they are very forgiving. I have gone to Catholic masses and Episcoplian ones with friends (they kneel too in traditional churches) before even though I grew up Presbyterian and have been going to Baptist churches since meeting H (we haven't been in ages), and Protestant churches stand for some prayers and most if not all hymns though there is no kneeling. Point is, no one seemed bothered at all if I was slow to sit or stand or kneel with everyone else. And there are elderly people and handicapped people who do sit the entire service, and it's entirely fine.

@MuddyBoots I'm bringing carnation instant breakfast high protein but they are always on top of what I'm eating. So I need thinks that are grab and go that I can eat with my dentures.

I slept fine but I can't wake up. I've had coffee. My stomach is fine. My knee is still an issue
My doctor reviewed my tests and said we'll talk about triclycides and I need to lower my refined carb intake.
My mom said I looked good today

I'm not doing anything today but watching TV. But I did alot earlier in the week and I have a lot to do next week. I guess I'm just having trouble/ feeling guilty doing nothing

Thanks blueberry! The mass was very nice. I talked with the priest afterwards and we introduced ourselves to eachother and he showed me the number to call to get registered as a parishioner. He’s very kind and welcoming.

I sat in the back. Just followed along with what everyone else was doing. It went well

I feel that way a lot about feeling guilty when I’m doing nothing. For example I have an extremely busy week coming up so I decided today once I got home from Mass I’m just gonna relax. Though I do constantly feel like I need to be productive and feel guilty when I’m not. Anyway, my point is downtime is good, it’s good to have relaxing days especially when you’re really busy many other days. So enjoy your tv. I’m probably gonna watch some Netflix myself