Bipolar Check-In #91

I take the cat to the vet for her annual check Monday morning. Then 3 hours later I have my appointment with my primary dr finally!

Thanks blueberry, you look great and your bird painting looks great as well

I’m so happy I’m fetching my 21 year old daughter this morning for brunch. Would be good to catch up. She has bipolar too. Her teenage years were rough. She was diagnosed about 2 years ago. Not sure exactly what meds she’s on. Last I checked it was seroquel only but she has major financial issues and probably can’t afford more than that.

My Starbucks buddy just invited me out to join him at sb. I declined and told him why.

A little piece I did. Because we are all warriors!

Wow hitch that’s very impressive.

Thank you Nammu 😊

Idk why I'm not hungry all of a sudden. I made Bear Creek chili, whole wheat pasta, and yellow rice for the next few days.

I kinda just want to sleep again. But my closet is finally done.

I need to take my cats to the vet tommorow. Its really hard to get them in their crates. We have to close all the doors fast and then Crookshanks gets behind the TV stand in the corner of the room and then flattens himself so you have to reach really hard for him.

I thought it was next Saturday but I guess thats when Gary goes to the groomers. He looks like a pomeranian right now. He runs anytime he sees a brush.

I've been trying to ignore this knee pain I've been having for about a week. But its not getting better.

I found some Tylenol PM and I took a couple. I hope I'm not out of my mind tommorow.

I actually do therapy. Just pet therapy! It's waaaaaaaaay better than any human therapy could be. My dog and i just fall in love more and more every day!

I love how all of our artists have such different styles. @Blueberrybook I love your fruit (and the lollipop so maybe candy?) and @Blue_Bird I love your characters. @crazy Hitch your drawing is amazing.

I wish I had more artistic skills. I never was very good at it and then add shaky hands from meds and trying would be frustrating so I stick to knitting although I've taken a break from that lately. I need to get motivated again. My cat tries to help and I get frustrated but maybe I can train her somehow. She's the most thoroughly trained cat I've ever known so I'm not sure how to break the one bad habit I've not succeeded with so far.

Chicken/dog/fish/house sitting has actually been going fairly well. The only problem was that we went from pouring rain to very hot. So now I need to water the garden and flowers and I get very hot thanks to meds. Then for some reason being hot is a trigger for hot flashes. So I've been taking very cold showers the last few nights. That feels sooooo good. I just have 3 days and my mom is home the night of the 3rd one. I'll be glad. This nausea is hard enough and it's been worse the last few days than it has since I started IbGard. I don't know why.

This week starts 3 big ones medically. I have high risk breast clinic and mammogram Friday. The next week is Pdoc and my swallowing study and the week after that my EGD/colonoscopy.

I hope everyone has the 4th they desire. Myself, I'll be glad to be in my mom's bedroom where no noises can be heard but guilty because my cat will be scared if the neighbors set off fireworks. Usually they do. I haven't heard any this week which is unusual but maybe I've just missed it at my mom's. I'd be boycotting this year even if I normally celebrated so if the cat is ok I'm ok. And she'll just go under my bed.

@Crazy Hitch - Wow! That's impressive! I love seeing your artwork

I forgot that I got some good news yesterday. My town is lacking in pharmacy services and it looked like one was closing which would force most people to go to one pharmacy that was already way overloaded. Yesterday I found out that the pharmacy is not closing and I won't have to go back to the pharmacy that was 10-20 minute wait times just to get to the counter or pick-up window. I am so relieved. It's a small thing but when I went to the overloaded place bc that's what my insurance required I found it so stressful. And now that stress should stay away.

Dude, like the poor are gonna start working for the rich. People who are severely sick are gonna be huffing their way through an 8 hour Target shift while the rich get richer.

This is reality.

I'm listening to music to cope. I'm losing insight, I feel I'm not real.I got my injection today so hopefully it helps in a couple of days I'm not real anyway. I'm just taking up space. I cost thousands a month in services. I miss my service dog. I'm not doing well. I go to my parents house in like 15 days. this needs to go away before then. I don't know what to do T wants me to do 5,4,3,2,1 but everything isn't real. I know it's just me so I don't want to tell anyone. I hate that I have to take meds. When will I feel real again? the fireworks is getting to me. I'm trying to keep my self busy but I'm going to wake up that much worse.

I just got home from the movies. People are going crazy with fireworks outside right now. The movie was really good! I enjoyed it a lot

Your artwork is great @Crazy Hitch !

I just wrote my pcp because the gabapentin made me swell.

You have to let me know how the movie was @Blue_Bird ! I am going to see it tomorrow! @Blueberrybook and @Crazy Hitch - your artwork is really amazing! I wish I had some artistic ability. I had a really great night - my ex called and we watched some 4th of July stuff and the movie Annie! I really love that movie, I used to watch it all the time as a kid.

I am feeling better about today - I was feeling like a failure earlier, but that happens - I guess I didn't want to go out there and deal with 4th of July drivers on the road. Looking forward to a good day tomorrow - I want to get my eyebrows done too. This is probably the only chance I will get I think. I haven't been to a meeting in a long time, so I really have to make time to go soon. Next weekend looks like a busy weekend with my Coffee Talk, meeting with my sponsor, seeing Superman, and dinner with the bestie. I have a lot to look forward to, so I shouldn't be so down in the dumps all the time.

Getting back to my regular dose of seroquel has my mood being a bit better today. It amazes me how quickly my brain responds to med changes sometimes. My day has been okay: did some cleaning, ran an errand, and talked with my mom on the phone. I've been feeling a little lonely this evening so, to help me get out of my small space/help with this, I might go to Starbucks tomorrow to work on some things for the upcoming school year. Sometimes, getting out of my apartment, and out of my head a bit, can help when I'm feeling lonely.

I was going to watch fireworks on TV tonight, but they aren't showing them until after midnight because of an MLB game. I don't mind watching baseball so that's what I've had that on in the background while doing some other things. The stadium is going to have fireworks after the game. Maybe, they'll show them on TV?

And we all know despair. We are still warriors!

Well, the thing I dreaded and was finally starting to relax about happened.....something got into the chicken coop. One is missing and one is dead. My brother promised to leave his phone on while my mom was away so I had help if I needed it. He put his phone on voicemail. I just can't deal with the body. And I can't fix however it got in. I haven't gone in to look yet.

The lone remaining chicken is very lost. I feel so bad for her. She is wandering around calling for her friends.

I want my mom....she knows how to handle this kind of thing. I just don't do dead things. I may be a complete baby about this but I just can't. She's on a tour bus thing today so I have no idea when she'll read her messages.\

I feel very alone. I'm also afraid the predator will come back, either today or tonight. I will have a hard time resting. I want to bring the survivor inside but that's silly.

My brother gets 15 minutes then I'm calling again. If I call enough surely I'll catch him. He better do as he promised and come down here.

@Crazy Hitch - Your art is awesome! I really love the warrior theme as well; you are right; dealing with bipolar and other comordities we are all warriors!

@BeyondtheRainbow possible trigger animal death

Rainbow, im so sorry, that is so hard.

I’ve been having chest pain/pressure for three days. Dr thinks the blood thinner isn’t working. Running blood tests. Had X-rays. No pneumonia. Don’t know what they saw in my lung Monday then! Gabapentin is totally drying out my mouth! And I’m NPO! Got iv pain meds- NSAID. Nurse said it’s ok with my blood thinner.

My brother is coming. It will be several hours before he gets here. I am going to try to sleep a little if I can. I was up with the dog at 5:30 and fell back asleep about 6 but was up at 7. Usually I sleep a few more hours after the 7 AM pet care is done but today I've been too upset. I have a bad headache, undoubtedly from stress so hopefully I can sleep it off.

This just sucks.